parents, what would you do!

[Tigger&Belle]

The ironic thing is that I can only imagine what a manipulative mother she is with her own son. She needs to put her energy into raising him and not trying to destroy your family.

 

[MorganLeFey]

Journals are great but may be considered hearsay.

I think you need to get wired! Seriously! Get a mini recorder or two and maybe have one in your purse, on your DH or another in a jacket pocket. Call MIL and ask to meet with her and SIL. Tell them straight out they will no longer be allowed to take your children anywhere. Tell MIL (only if you want to) she can visit the children in your home only when you know your DH will be home. Meaning MIL will need to call ahead of time. Tell SIL she is no longer allowed near your children. I've no doubt they'll yell and scream and make threats but just let them blow off. When/If things get really nasty simply leave and check the recordings once you're home. Call the state investigator that SIL sicced on you before and let them document everything on the tapes. Document the tapes in your legal papers and deposit them into a bank's safety deposit box with the key possibly given to your mom. And don't mention the tapes to MIL and SIL!

in some states...maryland comes to mind..it is illegal to record anyone without their consent. I don't know the law in Illinois. but I'd find out before I made any recordings, especially with these people.

as for the journal...shoulld the OP ever need to prove the allegations against the MIL or SIL in court, the journal would be a useful tool to support the OP's testimony. the OP's testimony about what happened is not hearsay and neither are her contemporaneous records of what happened. the journal couldn't be offered as evidence without the OP's testimony, but adds credibility to her testimony.

 

[Quinn222]

Get a mini recorder or two and maybe have one in your purse, on your DH or another in a jacket pocket. ... Call the state investigator that SIL sicced on you before and let them document everything on the tapes. Document the tapes in your legal papers and deposit them into a bank's safety deposit box with the key possibly given to your mom. And don't mention the tapes to MIL and SIL!

You rule. Great idea.

 

[MorganLeFey]

I believe she will try to call the state on me again for the simple fact that she did this to her other brother's wife, she called the state on the other SIL like 3 times after she had her son to try to get her son from her, if you have a Robertson baby you can bet that DH's sister will be there to try to take it away to keep it in thier little family. The other SIL moved to Kansas and that was the 3rd time DH's sister called the state on her to try to keep the child from going, but it didn't work.

you see what kind of aggravation you're in for.

you don't want these people poisoning your children against you. you don't want to live in fear of what they'll do.

I don'[t know that what they've done would be considered grounds for a restraining order, but I'd look into that.

 

[Quinn222]

in some states...maryland comes to mind..it is illegal to record anyone without their consent.

Okay, if a recorder is out could she do the meeting as an official thing with a family services member present and perhaps her lawyer?

 

[MorganLeFey]

yes, if they know the recording is being made, that would work.

 

[zaja]

I think they have done more than enough to warrant a restraining order. If this is exactly how everything has happened - you need to, not only cut them out of your life, but follow through with that will. Don't second guess, don't hesitate. You and your husband need to go above and beyond your parental duty and cut them out, and now!! My children are far to precious to me let something like this even have a chance of going any farther. I'm sure you feel the same. Who else do they have to protect them, to make sure people like this are not in a position to 'hurt' them. You need to take care of this now!

 

[2sweetangels]

you see what kind of aggravation you're in for.

you don't want these people poisoning your children against you. you don't want to live in fear of what they'll do.

I don'[t know that what they've done would be considered grounds for a restraining order, but I'd look into that.

after all this stuff happened with SIL I was so naieve (I thinks that its spelled that way) I let DD go to MIL house once a week thinking MIL would be better after she saw what happened to SIL and how we cut her out of our lives for good, but now I know that MIL wanted DD just to let SIL come to her house and visit with her. I should of known something was up when DD always came home yelling and screaming at me. DD would for no reason come up to me point her finger at me and say something in a mean tone of voice (not sure of what her words meant, can't understand her fully yet) and when I found out yesterday that she has been around SIL I can't help to think that she got it from her. I may be wrong, but after all that has happened with SIL who can blame me for thinking that way. I can't believe I let my good come out and try to trust MIL.

 

[2sweetangels]

I haven't made it through all the replies, but I do have some thoughts.

First of all, I agree with the other posters that you should get out of Dodge. I would not live anywhere near these people. If it means that your mom visits, so be it. Move to a place where she is more likely to visit. Yep, Florida sounds good.

Document everything that has happened, been said, etc, with dates.

Make your mom the guardian in case something happens to you and your DH.

I don't know if there is a sliver of truth in anything that your SIL has said, but if so, there are wonderful parenting classes. I not saying that there is any truth to it, just that parenting is the hardest job in the world and if there are things to work on, there's nothing wrong with a class. It's not admitting failure, just working on some skills. Not that I'd tell your SIL and MIL about a class...

LOL, class they have none

 

[sha_lyn]

I checked the law and according to this site
http://members.rtnda.org/resources/hiddencamera/allstates.html
Illinois is one of the states that requires that all parties be notified if a conversation is being recorded.

Just recently I was watching an episode of either Judge Judy or peoples court where someone brought in a recording they had made. They did tell the person they were being recorded, but not until the end of the conversation. If done legally, the recording would have won the case for them. However since it was not done legally, the judge could not consider it in the decision. She also told the person that they might get arrested once they returned to their state.

 

[KristiKelly]

Wow, I have not read through all of the responses but have skimmed somewhat. It sounds to me like your inlaws are certifiably NUTS!!! I would not want my children anywhere near them. I would be worried that DD's might go for a visit to MIL and then MIL & SIL load up the car and leave with DD's. It might sound extreme but they sound extremely crazy. I would not allow MIL around them as long as she is agreeing with SIL. What they did was wrong and I would seek the advice of an attorney to see what course of action to take. Please don't let your DD's see them anymore, I would say that MIL has even lost rights of visiting at your house. They sound like complete LOSERS and you don't want their influence on your children. Good luck.

 

[RUDisney]

OK, so you WERE naive. Now you're NOT anymore.

Contact an attorney on Monday and follow the advice you are given. Seek a restraining order and ask you other SIL to write something up that you can keep on file that documents what transpired with her being taken to children and youth services 3X for no good reason. It shows a pattern.

Good luck and God Bless!

 

[2sweetangels]

I currently have 2 pages open on my computre, 1 page with the DIS because you guys are all so great and I can never rip myself away from the DIS (thanks mom you got me hooked ) and the 2nd page opened is IL laws and what I can do to help protect the girl's more.

I also have decided not to let DD go to MIL's house anymore no matter how nice MIL acts to my face because I feel now it was all a game the way she acted nice to me after SIL called the state. MIL hated me from day 1 because I wouldn't let her do what she wanted with my kid's. MIL never came to any of Katelyn's birthday parties (even though she only had 2 parties) and they didn't want to come to Katelyn's Christening just because my mom and family were gonna be there, MIL actually told us she wasn't coming because she won't be able to have Katelyn to herself.

I also want to write up the will stateing that my mom will get all legal rights to my girl's if something ever did happen to DH and I, MIL brought up once that she will fight for my girl's and take them and my mom will only get visitation rights when MIL says so, so I am definately putting my mom down as the sole gaurdian.

 

[S. C.]

If you ever leave your children at any type of daycare or school make sure the school has strict instructions that your SIL and MIL can not pick up your children. I would explain the situation to the school so they would understand these family members could potentially try to take your kids without your permission. The school should have a system in place where they have a list of people with permission to pick up your child but you want the school to also know the in-laws are FORBIDDEN from taking the children. Your MIL or SIL could trick an overly friendly employee into giving the kids to a family member. Having an alert on the girls records could help prevent this.

Very good advice. I know someone who had to do this, his ex MIL tried to pick up his son from school and even had a paper saying she had temporary power of attorney over his son. (Dad had already told the school the grandmother was not to pick his son up since she had done it in the past without dads permission and always getting him in the middle of the school day causing him to miss school. and she didn't care when dad told her not to do this). The school called and said she showed that paper and as long as she had it they could not stop her from picking his DS up. The mother of the children took off for 2 yrs and gave her mother power over her other 2 younger kids but claimed not this one that the dad had that someone added the name after the fact (different dad for the younger 2). He ended up going to a lawyer and served ex MIL with a court paper that she had no legal rights to his son and also gave the school a copy of the court paper with orders that this grandmother was not to pick up her GS from school.

The mother of the child had custody up to this point. After this happen dad took her to court and got custody.

 

[roseprincess]

Hi Amy,
I just saw your thread now. I am so sorry about what you are going thru with your MIL and SIL. I didn't read the pages of responses, just hte first page and this page. Is your SIL the same one you babysit her son from time-to time? If that is the same family, I would stop sitting for her son (your nephew), if you haven't already. The way you describe your in-laws, of course a bad relationship between MIL, SIL and you and your dh. You and your dh sound like you are supporting each other and are together in the battle against his mother and sister, which is a good thing, that you and dh are together on this!
You and dh need to stop all ties with SIL and MIL, no phone calls. don't take any phone calls from them, no exchanging emails with them, etc. The restraining order you need to get is very good advice, so is the Will, having your mom be sole guardian if something happens to you and dh. Your mom has a good head on her shoulders as well as you!

I do hope things get better. You don't need all this stress in your life.
You are a great mom, Amy!!!


Rosemarie

 

[2sweetangels]

Hi Amy,
I just saw your thread now. I am so sorry about what you are going thru with your MIL and SIL. I didn't read the pages of responses, just hte first page and this page. Is your SIL the same one you babysit her son from time-to time? If that is the same family, I would stop sitting for her son (your nephew), if you haven't already. The way you describe your in-laws, of course a bad relationship between MIL, SIL and you and your dh. You and your dh sound like you are supporting each other and are together in the battle against his mother and sister, which is a good thing, that you and dh are together on this!
You and dh need to stop all ties with SIL and MIL, no phone calls. don't take any phone calls from them, no exchanging emails with them, etc. The restraining order you need to get is very good advice, so is the Will, having your mom be sole guardian if something happens to you and dh. Your mom has a good head on her shoulders as well as you!

I do hope things get better. You don't need all this stress in your life.
You are a great mom, Amy!!!


Rosemarie

thank you very much Rosemarie. The little boy I was sitting for was my cousin, my mom's brother's son so my mom's nephew. So they are from our side of the family, the sane people

 

[Caradana]

I am going to take a little teeny guess here.
Are your in-laws paying any of your bills?
You're at home, he's "on the road," two kids, Chicago isn't cheap ... are they subsidizing you guys? That might partly explain the hesitance in cutting things off.

Keep telling us the rest of the story. I am digging it. This is better than the Young and the Restless. All of this calling the state ... it's better than Trailer Park Bingo.

 

[2sweetangels]

I am going to take a little teeny guess here.
Are your in-laws paying any of your bills?
You're at home, he's "on the road," two kids, Chicago isn't cheap ... are they subsidizing you guys? That might partly explain the hesitance in cutting things off.

Keep telling us the rest of the story. I am digging it. This is better than the Young and the Restless. All of this calling the state ... it's better than Trailer Park Bingo.

OH NO NO NO! My husband pays all his own bills LOL. DH actually was giving her $ for her medication, MIL dosn't work.

LOL I know I was just thinking about the whole situation is just like a soap opera. SIL is the evil witch who will do anything to destroy her enemies life's and we are the kind hearted family trying to survive off of love from each other, LOL

 

[RUDisney]

My SIL never went as far as your's did. She never called the state on us. BUT, she did make our lives miserable for about 2 years. She wanted to take our DD home from her christening because she was her aunt and "should be able to do that." Our DD was 5 then. She was in this country for 6 weeks and still only spoke Russian. My SIL had proven to be psycho by then so even if she wasn't wearing a vintage white dress (my communion dress), wasn't tired from a long day, and didn't have school the next day, she wasn't going home with my SIL.

Luckily, she calmed down and our life is better with MIL and the rest of DH's side of the family now. SIL's first child resolved a lot. Suddenly, I wasn't the overly concerned parent, she was in the game, too.

Anyway, what I'd also like to suggest is that you block their numbers from calling you through your phone service. We never blocked MIL's number because DH wouldn't hear of that, but we did block his sister's home number and cell number. Boy, did we hear that she was angry when she couldn't call to harass us anymore.

I don't know if that is an issue for you, but that service from the phone company works great!

 

[mommytotwo]

Since they know of the past and you did tell them straight out that your SIL is not able to see your kids, I would seperate your family from theres. If your MIL still wants to see her grandkids, then have her come to your house while you are still there to interact with them or go on outtings together where you can see if your SIL will be around or not.
They may be testing you to see if you were really serious and if you let it continue, then they may walk all over you and never take you seriously again.