Parents of the High School Class of 2017/College 2021

[robinb]

We retained an advisor/consultant and regardless of the outcome I believe it was worth it. She is a retired college administrator with an excellent reputation and is not part of a commercial business. She works out of her home in our neighborhood.

Our son wanted to apply to several top schools and we felt that she could provide guidance as well as an honest assessment of his chances. I met with her (along with him) the first time and after that have not been a part of any discussions. They dealt with essays, deadlines, applications and our only decision was whether to agree to pay certain application fees. They would meet at her house and often met via Skype on Sunday mornings.

He work is now complete and depending on acceptances/rejections/finances we will make the final decision.

In retrospect, hiring a consultant like that might have been the way to go for my DD. I had no idea that such a service was even available! I think that advise from a third party is always easier for kids to hear than from their parents who are a bunch of know-nothings. It would have been less stressful for all of us to simply hire someone to walk my DD through the process and keep her on point.

 

[Poohforyou]

I hired someone to help dd refine her essays and tweak her common app. She helped with dd's choices as well. I think having a more neutral party is a good way for me to handle things with dd. Typically they just reinforce what I've already suggested.

My dd could have applied ivy or the like as a reach (big reach but still possible). However, she doesn't want her college experience to be only about studying. I get that.

Also, i know too many kids that get into schools at that level and can't go because of cost (they don'tgive merit aid). Dd picked target schools and a safety. I think it'll help with merit scholarships. It has so far.

 

[sk!mom]

We retained an advisor/consultant and regardless of the outcome I believe it was worth it. She is a retired college administrator with an excellent reputation and is not part of a commercial business. She works out of her home in our neighborhood.

Our son wanted to apply to several top schools and we felt that she could provide guidance as well as an honest assessment of his chances. I met with her (along with him) the first time and after that have not been a part of any discussions. They dealt with essays, deadlines, applications and our only decision was whether to agree to pay certain application fees. They would meet at her house and often met via Skype on Sunday mornings.

He work is now complete and depending on acceptances/rejections/finances we will make the final decision.

The consultant I'm familiar with is the same. A retired educator who works out of her home and not affiliated with any company- it's just her. My sister's experience mirrored yours. An initial meeting with kid and parents to set expectations and then most communication was between my nephew and the consultant. My sister did have her available for questions, though.

In retrospect, hiring a consultant like that might have been the way to go for my DD. I had no idea that such a service was even available! I think that advise from a third party is always easier for kids to hear than from their parents who are a bunch of know-nothings. It would have been less stressful for all of us to simply hire someone to walk my DD through the process and keep her on point.

It was a pretty easy process with my DD but if I had it to do over, I'd use the consultant. Our kids just sometimes seem to think that our advice is just "mom trying to run my life again."

 

[mamacatnv]

My dd could have applied ivy or the like as a reach (big reach but still possible). However, she doesn't want her college experience to be only about studying. I get that.

My DD said the same "I don't want to work that hard" and like you, I totally got it. She has been the same in high school. She is lucky, she is smart and a really good test taker, she also has amazing recall but she is lazy.

 

[Poohforyou]

My DD said the same "I don't want to work that hard" and like you, I totally got it. She has been the same in high school. She is lucky, she is smart and a really good test taker, she also has amazing recall but she is lazy.

That sounds like my daughter!

 

[AustinTink]

My DD said the same "I don't want to work that hard" and like you, I totally got it. She has been the same in high school. She is lucky, she is smart and a really good test taker, she also has amazing recall but she is lazy.

Same here with my kid. He has a super smart group of friends he has been keeping up with since kindergarten. He's ready for a break. And, yes, he is smart and lazy. He's the first to admit to the laziness.

 

[bethbuchall]

I'm so sorry to hear about the rejections and wait listings. It's so hard when it feels like your entire life hinges on this one decision. Even though we've learned through experience that it doesn't, it sure feels that way to them right now and can be such a heart-rending blow.

 

[AustinTink]

It's so hard when it feels like your entire life hinges on this one decision.

It does feel that way. My entire family is going to have the best night's sleep in a few weeks when DS's top pick finally lets us know one way or another. Either way it goes, knowing will make all the difference. This limbo is the worst.

 

[aprilgail]

I'm in a bad mood! Just got a letter from a school saying they didn't get all the info they needed for financial aid. Niece has apparently been getting emails from them about it for several weeks and neglected to tell me. She said "I thought we filed everything". Yes, but they want additional information. I swear!!!!

OH that stinks! We created a email account just to use for college apps that we both have the password to- so while I am at work during the day and have nothing to do I check the account and take care of anything additional they need. Though some colleges don't even send email with missing things- I ended up calling every college she applied to (over 10!) and talked first to all admission offices then to each financial aid office to make sure they had everything and I found out at a few we needed to send additional things. A bunch need mid year grades by feb. 15- four of them need copies of my 2016 income taxes by feb 15! I just rushed to get them done yesterday so I can get them back this week and submitted! I swear this is like a full time job lol.

 

[aprilgail]

I'm so sorry to hear about the rejections and wait listings. It's so hard when it feels like your entire life hinges on this one decision. Even though we've learned through experience that it doesn't, it sure feels that way to them right now and can be such a heart-rending blow.

So far all colleges that my daughter applied to have been yeses and have all been the bottom choices. But I am DREADING when the others start coming the end of March/april 1st because I know the water works will be starting!! When they go from the top of their class to just one of many kids all in the top of their classes and many much higher it's a bitter pill to swallow!

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

Last night was kind of a rough night. I heard DD talking to a friend very seriously at around 9:00 PM. I stopped by her room to ask what was going on, and she filled me in. There was some girl drama going on over a big 25 girl group chat that DD and 3 of her friends started and then were kicked out of. DD spoke with the girls in the chat and got things straightened out (it was all over 1 girl leaking group chat stuff about boys to the boys, and the girls all thought it was one of DD's 3 close friends but it wasn't). DD was over the whole thing, but her 3 close friends went off on the group chat girls...thus the drama.

Now the serious part...
One of the 3 close friends is very emotionally fragile. DD has known this girl for a couple of years through softball but just got close to her this year. The girl is struggling with step family issues, a recent autoimmune disorder diagnosis, getting fired from her part time job (totally her fault), the suicide of her father when she was 5. DD told me last night that she was hospitalized for emotional issues/depression over the summer. The girl drama sent her over the edge. While the girl was at work, she texted my daughter that she couldn't do it anymore, she loved her and goodbye. DD read me the text, and it definitely sounded like a suicide note. We called the girl's mother to tell her our concerns. The mom was in tears, and she was afraid if she went to her daughter's work, they would fight, the girl would know my DD ratted her out and it would spiral down from there. She asked my DD to meet her daughter at work and make sure she got home. I do want my DD to be a good friend, but this is an awful lot to put on a 17 year old kid, and it made me uncomfortable to say the least. I did let DD go to her friend's work because I would have never forgiven myself if the girl hurt herself. DD waited in the parking lot for her friend to get off work (texting me the whole time). When the friend came out and saw DD, she collapsed. DD just held her and told her she cared about her and didn't want anything bad to happen to her. DD then followed the girl home to make sure she got there. The girl told DD that she saved her life.

I hope the young lady gets some help. I don't know her well at all, so I don't know if this was a true cry for help or just attention seeking. At any rate, I am glad that my DD was such a good friend to her last night. On the other hand, I don't want DD to be used as a crutch to prop this poor kid up all year long or to feel responsible for her mental health either. Have any of you been in this situation? How did you handle it? I am worried not only about the girl but about how this tense emotional situation will affect my DD.

 

[mom2rtk]

Last night was kind of a rough night. I heard DD talking to a friend very seriously at around 9:00 PM. I stopped by her room to ask what was going on, and she filled me in. There was some girl drama going on over a big 25 girl group chat that DD and 3 of her friends started and then were kicked out of. DD spoke with the girls in the chat and got things straightened out (it was all over 1 girl leaking group chat stuff about boys to the boys, and the girls all thought it was one of DD's 3 close friends but it wasn't). DD was over the whole thing, but her 3 close friends went off on the group chat girls...thus the drama.

Now the serious part...
One of the 3 close friends is very emotionally fragile. DD has known this girl for a couple of years through softball but just got close to her this year. The girl is struggling with step family issues, a recent autoimmune disorder diagnosis, getting fired from her part time job (totally her fault), the suicide of her father when she was 5. DD told me last night that she was hospitalized for emotional issues/depression over the summer. The girl drama sent her over the edge. While the girl was at work, she texted my daughter that she couldn't do it anymore, she loved her and goodbye. DD read me the text, and it definitely sounded like a suicide note. We called the girl's mother to tell her our concerns. The mom was afraid is she went to the girls work, they would fight, the girl would know my DD ratted her out and it would spiral down from there. She asked my DD to meet her daughter at work and make sure she got home. I do want my DD to be a good friend, but this is an awful lot to put on a 17 year old kid, and it made me uncomfortable to say the least. I did let DD go to her friend's work because I would have never forgiven myself if the girl hurt herself. DD waited in the parking lot for her friend to get off work (texting me the whole time). When the friend came out and saw DD, she collapsed. DD just held her and told her she cared about her and didn't want anything bad to happen to her. DD then followed the girl home to make sure she got there. The girl told DD that she saved her life.

I hope the young lady gets some help. I don't know her well at all, so I don't know if this was a true cry for help or just attention seeking. At any rate, I am glad that my DD was such a good friend to her last night. On the other hand, I don't want DD to be used a a crutch to prop this poor kid up all year long or to feel responsible for her mental health either. Have any of you been in this situation? How did you handle it? I am worried not only about the girl but about how this tense emotional situation will affect my DD.

That's a lot to deal with at 17. At least the mom knows and she can get her more help.

 

[sksjasams]

When the friend came out and saw DD, she collapsed. DD just held her and told her she cared about her and didn't want anything bad to happen to her. DD then followed the girl home to make sure she got there. The girl told DD that she saved her life..

Oh my, this just makes me cry. Your DD was very brave to go there and help. No advice, sorry, just hugs to you and your DD and prayers for the other young woman...

This sort of thing can really put things into perspective. HEALTHY, HAPPY, SAFE #goals

 

[robinb]

I did let DD go to her friend's work because I would have never forgiven myself if the girl hurt herself. DD waited in the parking lot for her friend to get off work (texting me the whole time). When the friend came out and saw DD, she collapsed. DD just held her and told her she cared about her and didn't want anything bad to happen to her. DD then followed the girl home to make sure she got there. The girl told DD that she saved her life.

I hope the young lady gets some help. I don't know her well at all, so I don't know if this was a true cry for help or just attention seeking. At any rate, I am glad that my DD was such a good friend to her last night. On the other hand, I don't want DD to be used as a crutch to prop this poor kid up all year long or to feel responsible for her mental health either. Have any of you been in this situation? How did you handle it? I am worried not only about the girl but about how this tense emotional situation will affect my DD.

This made me cry too. I'm so happy that your DD was there for her friend and that YOU were there for both of them. I understand your concerns for your DD's future relationship with the other girl. I hope that her mom will be able to get her some help.

 

[robinb]

Is anyone familiar with the area surrounding Illinois Institute of Technology? My DS got in there, with a good scholarship. We are, however a little concerned with the amount of violence that seems to be rampant in Chicago. He went to the barber the other day and the barber mentioned to him that it might not be a great choice because of the area. We haven't visited yet.

Sorry, I meant to respond to this earlier.

IIT is in the Bronzeville neighborhood and in the Douglas Community Area: http://crime.chicagotribune.com/chicago/community/douglas. It's not the safest area in Chicago, but not the worst area either. Most of the violent crime is on the west side of the city and farther south. IIT has been there for a very long time (an ex-BF graduated from there in the 70's) and they have had to deal with a less than optimal neighborhood the whole time. It's a school in the middle of a big city. There will be some crime but I think that IIT has procedures in place to keep their students safe.

 

[mamacatnv]

That sounds like my daughter!

Same here with my kid. He has a super smart group of friends he has been keeping up with since kindergarten. He's ready for a break. And, yes, he is smart and lazy. He's the first to admit to the laziness.

I am glad my kid recognizes and admits this trait. I think it will serve them well down the road

It does feel that way. My entire family is going to have the best night's sleep in a few weeks when DS's top pick finally lets us know one way or another. Either way it goes, knowing will make all the difference. This limbo is the worst.

I know this feeling!

Hawaii came in last night with a yes and $2100 in merit - DD looked at the bottom line, $50K and said, "Nope, scratch that one" whew.......
Hofstra came back with an additional $4K award - they are now at $30K with a $35K balance due - the "options":
Parent Plus Loan
Payment Plan - this one made me snort
Private Loans
$3K in work study

Still waiting to see what UMinn offers up and of course still waiting on Berkeley (that is the one y'all are waiting on as well, right?)

Sorry, I meant to respond to this earlier.

IIT is in the Bronzeville neighborhood and in the Douglas Community Area: http://crime.chicagotribune.com/chicago/community/douglas. It's not the safest area in Chicago, but not the worst area either. Most of the violent crime is on the west side of the city and farther south. IIT has been there for a very long time (an ex-BF graduated from there in the 70's) and they have had to deal with a less than optimal neighborhood the whole time. It's a school in the middle of a big city. There will be some crime but I think that IIT has procedures in place to keep their students safe.

It's like USC - that school is elite and expensive and smackdab in the middle of Compton (The hood of Los Angeles) USC has gone to great strides to keep their student population safe and secure in a very unsavory surrounding.

 

[sksjasams]

Sorry, I meant to respond to this earlier.

IIT is in the Bronzeville neighborhood and in the Douglas Community Area: http://crime.chicagotribune.com/chicago/community/douglas. It's not the safest area in Chicago, but not the worst area either. Most of the violent crime is on the west side of the city and farther south. IIT has been there for a very long time (an ex-BF graduated from there in the 70's) and they have had to deal with a less than optimal neighborhood the whole time. It's a school in the middle of a big city. There will be some crime but I think that IIT has procedures in place to keep their students safe.

It's like USC - that school is elite and expensive and smackdab in the middle of Compton (The hood of Los Angeles) USC has gone to great strides to keep their student population safe and secure in a very unsavory surrounding.

I will add, it also sounds like Marquette!

 

[mamacatnv]

Last night was kind of a rough night. I heard DD talking to a friend very seriously at around 9:00 PM. I stopped by her room to ask what was going on, and she filled me in. There was some girl drama going on over a big 25 girl group chat that DD and 3 of her friends started and then were kicked out of. DD spoke with the girls in the chat and got things straightened out (it was all over 1 girl leaking group chat stuff about boys to the boys, and the girls all thought it was one of DD's 3 close friends but it wasn't). DD was over the whole thing, but her 3 close friends went off on the group chat girls...thus the drama.

Now the serious part...
One of the 3 close friends is very emotionally fragile. DD has known this girl for a couple of years through softball but just got close to her this year. The girl is struggling with step family issues, a recent autoimmune disorder diagnosis, getting fired from her part time job (totally her fault), the suicide of her father when she was 5. DD told me last night that she was hospitalized for emotional issues/depression over the summer. The girl drama sent her over the edge. While the girl was at work, she texted my daughter that she couldn't do it anymore, she loved her and goodbye. DD read me the text, and it definitely sounded like a suicide note. We called the girl's mother to tell her our concerns. The mom was in tears, and she was afraid if she went to her daughter's work, they would fight, the girl would know my DD ratted her out and it would spiral down from there. She asked my DD to meet her daughter at work and make sure she got home. I do want my DD to be a good friend, but this is an awful lot to put on a 17 year old kid, and it made me uncomfortable to say the least. I did let DD go to her friend's work because I would have never forgiven myself if the girl hurt herself. DD waited in the parking lot for her friend to get off work (texting me the whole time). When the friend came out and saw DD, she collapsed. DD just held her and told her she cared about her and didn't want anything bad to happen to her. DD then followed the girl home to make sure she got there. The girl told DD that she saved her life.

I hope the young lady gets some help. I don't know her well at all, so I don't know if this was a true cry for help or just attention seeking. At any rate, I am glad that my DD was such a good friend to her last night. On the other hand, I don't want DD to be used as a crutch to prop this poor kid up all year long or to feel responsible for her mental health either. Have any of you been in this situation? How did you handle it? I am worried not only about the girl but about how this tense emotional situation will affect my DD.

Wow, your DD really stepped up, good for her.
Its so hard with teens, they are drama prone, full of swinging emotions and then there are the ones that are a true danger to themselves. I pray this young woman gets some help. I hope her family is paying enough attention to make sure they step in for her. You should be very proud of your DD, she showed a great deal of compassion as well as maturity.

DD's BFF is unstable, it makes me crazy. While her parents are very engaged and paying attention, this child sucks the emotional resources out of my DD. Its a constant struggle to find a balance and to hope that DD will eventually "see" the issues. The BFF was not capable of handling high school and is home schooling, she is on track to graduate on time. So, now the girls are looking at colleges and I know that my DD is looking at proximity to where the BFF wants to go because my DD feels like the BFF "needs" her. I want them to go as far apart from each other as possible but you all know how that goes, its a very slippery slope with what we dare say or they do the exact opposite just to spite or to show us we are wrong.
My DD has alarms set on her phone so that she reminds her BFF to take her meds! Ughh........

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

Wow, your DD really stepped up, good for her.
Its so hard with teens, they are drama prone, full of swinging emotions and then there are the ones that are a true danger to themselves. I pray this young woman gets some help. I hope her family is paying enough attention to make sure they step in for her. You should be very proud of your DD, she showed a great deal of compassion as well as maturity.

DD's BFF is unstable, it makes me crazy. While her parents are very engaged and paying attention, this child sucks the emotional resources out of my DD. Its a constant struggle to find a balance and to hope that DD will eventually "see" the issues. The BFF was not capable of handling high school and is home schooling, she is on track to graduate on time. So, now the girls are looking at colleges and I know that my DD is looking at proximity to where the BFF wants to go because my DD feels like the BFF "needs" her. I want them to go as far apart from each other as possible but you all know how that goes, its a very slippery slope with what we dare say or they do the exact opposite just to spite or to show us we are wrong.
My DD has alarms set on her phone so that she reminds her BFF to take her meds! Ughh........

I totally get where you are coming from mamacatnv. You want your daughter to be in a school where her peers help her soar, not where they hold her down. If she does get away, I bet she will eventually feel a sense of relief once she no longer feels responsible for her BFF.

I asked DD why all her close friends seem to be needy/unstable or high drama people when she is the exact opposite of that. She told me she took an online quiz, and the results said she attracts unstable people. Not sure how to fix this!

 

[mamacatnv]

I totally get where you are coming from mamacatnv. You want your daughter to be in a school where her peers help her soar, not where they hold her down. If she does get away, I bet she will eventually feel a sense of relief once she no longer feels responsible for her BFF.

I asked DD why all her close friends seem to be needy/unstable or high drama people when she is the exact opposite of that. She told me she took an online quiz, and the results said she attracts unstable people. Not sure how to fix this!

Tell her not to believe everything she reads on the internet
I too think that getting away from this friend will provide relief and allow her to like you said, soar with her peers. This girl is high maintenance, needy etc and DD just caters to her, it really worries me. It also worries me that the parents seem to pull DD into the drama as well. When there is a crisis (frequently) they call/text DD - I stay out of it because it would be useless to try and regulate. I'm not a controlling parent and my DD is 18 years old but it is something I do watch.
Personally I think the BFF needs to stay close to home, I do not think she can handle college, heck, she can't handle high school. I have no idea why someone thinks her going thousands of miles away to college could be a good thing