Parents..How did you teach your kids about stranger danger?

[Johnnie Fedora]

A tear rolled down my cheek when I heard the news this morning.

How do you teach "stranger danger" with out robbing your kids of their innocence or scarring them unecesssarily. I'm looking for book and video suggestions as well, especially ones that encourage kids to make lots of noise, run and fight back.

 

[SugarBear]

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/4146010/

Scroll down to the free video of the interview of Ken Wooden. I watched it twice this morning and found it very helpful.
__________
Long before Ken Wooden was known as a child safety expert, he was heralded as a champion for children. During his years as investigative reporter for network television, Ken's work consistently revolved around issues affecting children, particularly sexual exploitation. Feeling frustrated after years of just reporting on the problem, Ken decided it was time to search for solutions.

A published author with a background in education, he devised a plan to interview convicted sex offenders and abductors. During hundreds of such interviews, Ken uncovered the diverse and imaginative strategies used by sexual predators to lure victims. These "lures," coupled with Ken's proven prevention techniques, are the foundation of all Child Lures prevention materials.

Ken is a familiar face on the news magazine and morning show circuit, and Oprah Winfrey has touted her program featuring Ken Wooden and Child Lures as her most important ever. Ken works tirelessly to make his vision of a safer world for children a reality.
_____________

Here is the Child Lures Prevention website...
http://www.childlures.com

Here is where you can order the Child Lures Parent Guide...
http://www.childlures.com/parents/guide.asp

 

[dvcfamily41801]

This is what I have been thinking about all day. Actually starting Tuesday when the story first aired. My 4 year old and I were watching it. I breifly talked to him about it, but told my husband that this weekend when we are all home I wanted the 3 of us to talk about it.

I thought about going to the bookstore tonight to see if they have any books I could pick up.

This is just so awful for that family

 

[tkd lisa]

My DD has always been very outgoing, and not afraid of anyone. We got the berenstein bears book and video on the subject. I think it's approporiate for kids from 4-8 or so. Tough subject, I know. DD's almost 12 now, and we do occasionally talk about the subject, cause she's still not the most careful about strangers.

Her friend and her are animal crazy. I work with her dad, and we've kind of talked about having someone we know approach them to see what they'd do. Something along the lines of "I've lost my dog, here's his picture, can you help me find him." We're pretty sure both girls would go along with it. We'd then have the stern talking to along the lines of "you didn't know that this guy was okay. You did exactly what we told you not to do." It's a pretty drastic step, so we haven't done it yet, but things like this story do worry me.

 

[Lewski709]

A few weeks ago, I was in the shower and a man came to the front door. My DS 4.75 cam to get me to tell me a stranger was at the door. He didn't open the door, because we taught him about strangers. He wasn't scared at all. After I didn't even open the door and asked if I could help him and he left, my DS turned to me and said "mommy, that was a stranger, wasn't it? I did a good job and didn't open the door." I grabbed and hugged him and said yes, with tears in my eyes.

The guy was looking for someone???? I didn't know him or the person he was looking for and we have lived in our house for over 7yrs. He looked harmless, but you never do know.

It is VERY important to talk to your kids about strangers and safety and we started when he was 2. We test him, make it a game. I tell him, you haven't seen me before and I say hey little boy, want some candy. What would you do? Hey, can you help me find my puppy? Set scenarios about these types of things. I guess he understood, because he did GREAT.

 

[melk]

We have rented "Too Smart For Strangers" a video, from the library. It's a Pooh Bear video (not Disney) aimed at younger children. It doesn't scare them at all but informs them. Just this morning when I heard the news I thought I should go borrow this again.

I've told my kids who the only people are that can pick them up from school and that I would never ever have someone they don't know pick them up. I've also told them to do ANYTHING to get away from a stranger. I've told them it's okay in that situation to be disrespectful to an adult, kick, bite, scream, whatever. It scared them a little bit to talk about it but I explained that most likely this will NEVER happen, but just in case, they need to know.

 

[Ellester]

Here's what our local news is saying:
What every parent should tell their kids

09:04 AM EST on Friday, February 6, 2004


By ANN SHERIDAN / 6NEWS



There are new concerns about children and kidnapping Friday morning after the body of a Florida girl was discovered in a church parking lot overnight.


Also online

Florida girl's body found
6NEWS talked to parents about what they tell their children to try and prevent an abduction from happening to their children.

With the Florida case, the kidnapper might have gotten away, but a surveillance camera caught it all on tape.

Ellen Rubel won’t let her daughter Amanda out of her sight.

Amanda is 11-years-old, the same age as Carlie Brucia, the Sarasota girl who had been missing since Sunday.

"You pray to God it doesn't happen," she says.

Doug Rubel is Amanda's dad. He has three daughters.

"We do tell them to be aware of your surroundings," he says. "I'll say, ‘if someone grabs you or takes your hand just start to scream and yell and run.’"

6NEWS Personal Safety Specialist Dan Starks says the first thing you have to do is talk to your kids. He says kids should run and fight and make it obvious to others that help is needed.

Starks says kids in danger should be taught and told to bite, kick and scratch.

"The most volatile place on a person is the eyes,” he says. “Go for the eyes. Go for the throat.”

It’s a tough message for kids and a tougher reality for parents.

"It leads me to say you can't trust anyone,” says Starks. “You want to trust as many people as you can. It's unfortunate what happened but it doesn't surprise me."

One more piece of advice he offers: Even if an attacker has a gun or knife tell your child to fight as hard as he can. Dan says you never want to let an attacker take you away.


My dds are 2 and 5. I've talked with the 5 year old some. Last summer I asked her what she would do if a stranger came up to her (they had talked about "Stranger Danger" in preschool) and she said she would run away. Then I said, what if a stranger asked you to help him find his puppy, would you go with him? She said, yes! So, we had to expand a little. She is still too young to be alone much, but you can't be too careful. I know I need to reinforce some things, but I don't want to be afraid of every person she doesn't know.

I lived in South Florida when Adam Walsh was taken in the 80's. We used to shop at the Sears where he was abducted. I remember finding out they found his head when my stepgrandmother told my stepmom when we got back from a vacation. It is a sad, sad world we live in.

~Ellen

 

[palmtreegirl]

This is from John Walsh's website.

http://www.johnwalsh.tv/cgi-bin/safetytips/index.cgi?id=34

FIGHTING OFF A KIDNAPPER

Children need to know how to protect and defend themselves from possible abductors. Bob Stuber, who joined us on the show a few months ago, is an anti-kidnapping expert and the founder of Escape School, which offers free safety workshops for children and parents across the country. He provides important safety tips that all parents need to know to protect their children from abduction and demonstrates some lifesaving tools children can use to protect themselves in the studio in this week’sKeeping Children Safe segment.

Self-Defense Safety Tips for Children from Bob Stuber:

The Velcro Technique – Run to another adult in the immediate area and hold on tight! By doing this, you will certainly get their attention and they will be more willing to listen to you and help.

The Windmill Move – If a stranger grabs your arm, rotate your arm like a windmill and run. The stranger will lose their grip on your arm as you rotate it, giving you enough time to get away.

Bicycle Tip - If a stranger tries to remove you from a bicycle, MAKE NOISE! Scream, make sure others around you know this adult is NOT your parent. Get off the bike on the opposite side as the person trying to grab you, and hold onto your bike as tightly as you can. An adult can’t abduct a child with a bicycle in their arms – too big and bulky to fit into a car.

An additional tip - If a stranger enters your bedroom, MAKE NOISE! Scream, knock over a piece of furniture or a lamp, or throw something out the window if you have to – do anything that will make a lot of noise and attract attention.

Additional Safety Tips for Parents from Bob Stuber:

Have your child photographed at least once a year.

Get your child a passport so nobody else can get one for him/her.
Set up a family codeword – if an adult is trying to lure your child and doesn’t know the codeword, your child will know that that adult isn’t a friend of the family. Never allow your child to accept a ride from anyone who doesn’t know the family codeword.

Tell your children never to tell a caller that they are home alone.

Teach your children to be street smart – if they are approached or even physically taken by a stranger, of course they will be scared, but if you help them come up with a plan of what to do, they will be more likely to keep a cool head. Open up the lines of communication and tell your children what they need to know – knowledge is power!

Get to know your neighbors, and make sure your children know your neighbors too. It’s important that children know there is a safe place to go in the neighborhood besides their home if they encounter danger.

Teach your children to look out for bad or strange actions, not “bad” people.

Child abductors don’t necessarily look scary or mean, so how somebody looks is not a reliable indicator.

Do not hire male babysitters to watch your children – there are many more male child molesters than female ones.

Make sure your children know that adults should ask OTHER ADULTS for help, directions, etc. A strange adult should NOT be asking your children for any kind of help.

For more information on Escape School, founded by Bob Stuber, please visit the following website:
www.escapeschool.com - Escape School by Bob Stub

 

[browneyes]

1. Mommy will only let someone pick you up that you know, and she will tell you who is picking you up. If I don't tell you anything about that, don't go with them.

2. I will never ever send a stranger to take you anywhere.

3. If someone tries to take you anywhere, scream, cause a scene.

4. If someone threatens me or anyone else know that this person is mean and they're not threatening me, they are threatening you. If they were threatening me, just remember mommy when she's in a bad mood and you'll know that person is in more trouble than mommy would be (they nod their heads emphatically at that). To not listen to them at all, to run and scream. I've heard/read that predators use threats of harming family members to coerce his/her victims.

5. Know that mommy loves them, that mommy would do everything she can to protect her babies.

 

[Cindyluwho]

The sad reality is that most people overlook the fact that stranger danger is very rare. Here in the US there's just a few cases every year but every day children are abducted/abused by someone they know. We remember these stranger cases and take note because it scares us at our very core. In reality, about 95+% of the time the abductor/abuser is known by the child and their family. Teaching children to trust their intuition is the key. Remember that every day your child sees you talking to strangers. In the check-out line at the store, etc and then we ask them not to do it. It's an impossible rule. Have your child practice talking to strangers then ask them questions afterward. "
"how did you feel when you talked to them", etc You'll be amazed how intuitive kids are. Creepy adults will creep out children wayyyy faster than they will creep out an adult. Why? Because we've taught ourselves that we shouldn't make rush judgments. To heck with that. Make rush judgements. If someone makes you uncomfortable, get the heck away. I highly reccomend two books by Gavin DeBecker - "The Gift of Fear" and "Protecting the Gift".

 

[PamOKW]

Yesterday I heard that this animal was someone that they may have been at least recognizable to Carla. She was walking home from her relative's house and a man in that house was acquainted with this guy. They didn't go into specifics how he knew them. It might have even been just that he used that garage. That might explain why she stopped at all. He wasn't a complete stranger -- and that's even scarier to work around.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How do I teach my girls? I keep trying!

12yodd knows how to get out of that arm hold that the abductor put on Carlie. "The Windmill". Very effective. Has come in handy for middle school. (nothing serious, just kids horsing around)

Now 7yodd is another matter. I asked her what a stranger looked like and she says quote..."mysterious, with their head covered"
I try to explain that a stranger is someone you don't know. I think I need a better word for a stranger.
Stranger has "strange" in it and it confuses kids.

I guess if you really want to be proactive you have to sit down and have them practice the techniques for getting out of situations.

Anyway I told 12yodd that if someone grabs your arm that is a signal to break free and escape. She understood that.

 

[mrsv98]

I have already had to talk to DD, 3 1/2 yo, about this because she used to be a runner. Anytime we were out, she would try and run ahead, run off, hide, etc. I hated to have to scare her, but I told her that if she ran off from Mama, someone would "pick her up". She hates being picked up or even touched by people outside the family (this is good) so the threat to her was real. She is much better now and stays with us but we still talk to her about not going by strangers. The other day in Office Depot, a worker who we were speaking to offered her a penny and she wouldn't take it from him. We praised her a bunch for that.

Really, the ones I worry about most at this point in time are my nieces, 17, 15, 10 and 10. They are old enough to know better, one would think, but then so was Carlie. I was IMing with my 17 yo DNc and told her never to be afraid to create a scene.

When I was teaching in England, I found this book,

Stranger Danger?

I really like it because it shows different situations and emphasizes to children to use their own common sense. It wasn't too scary and can open up good conversations. I plan to read it with DD when she is older, probably five or so, it is more of a school-age book.

Man do I hate having to think about this kind of stuff.

 

[beattyfamily]

In light of that poor little girl, Carlie's sad story this week and having JUST found out yesterday in a letter from my 2 DDs school that we have a Level 3 child molester living very near the middle school, this subject is very important to me!

I just had a talk with my 7 year old yesterday about strangers. I even showed her the house the molester lives in. The school provided his address but stressed not to bother him. Good thing we don't live next door to him because my DH would be picketing his house daily till he moved away! I wanted my DD to know because her bus goes right past his house and she'll be in that school next year! My DH even called the police to ask why he's able to live so close to a school and the police said they can't do anything about where he chooses to live. My DH said that's like an alcoholic living above a bar or next to a liquor store! They then proceeded to tell my DH that we also have two Level 2 molesters in town as well! They said my DH could come to the police station to get info and pictures of them if he wanted to. My DH is going there after work tonight. Level 3 is the worst of the worst...repeat offender and likely to offend again. I can't believe it. What timing too.

I keep stressing to my DD that you don't talk to any strangers even if they say they need help. You don't let them have a chance to take you away. Do whatever you have to do to get away. Sometimes I think I might be tramatizing her but this is the world we live in. When my 4 year old is a little older I'll be having the same talks with her.

I don't think my DDs will be in a situation where they'd be alone or would be able to talk to a stranger any time soon cause I'm going to be very over protective! I can't imagine letting them walk home from a friend's house at at any age right now! I don't let them go to restrooms alone and don't know at what age I ever will. In stores, I don't let them out of my sight. I even have the baby monitor in their room still so I can hear them at night. After the Smart case, I decided I'd just leave it there until my 2 DDs make a big stink about it!

Both my DH and I are guilty of making our DDs say hi or thank you and talk with strangers at the grocery store and other public places and then we turn around and say don't talk to strangers. It's a tough one because you want your kids to be polite but you also want them to fear strangers when you are not around.

As my DDs get older, older enough to be home alone, I think I'll be doing practice runs with them. I'll practice leaving and then coming back and ringing the door bell and see if they answer the door. Or I'll call the house and see if they answer. I want to make it perfectly clear they do NOT answer the door or phone under any circumstances!

I just don't know why there are such evil people in the world. I don't know how to tell my DDs why either....

I pray for poor Carlie and her family. I pray they get the justice they deserve and that someday her family will find peace.

Please stop playing that videotape!

 

[Robinrs]

I didn't grow up in a safe, sweet world. I grew up where child molestation, murder and hate were the norm so I grew up knowing how to protect myself.

My son is growing up in Georgia, a whole different ballgame. No matter, I taught him how to handle himself the same way I was, only he is a BIG boy and I was a tiny girl.

Training your child to be the one they NEVER want to mess with is a big help. I was that kid growing up, now I intend to make mine just like that. No one is immune.

 

[olena]

My parents put me in karate classes. Along with self-discipline and sparring skills, we were also taught how to fend off strangers from different positions.

 

[Olaf]

Oprah did a show on this a few years. Sadly all of the children went with the decoy, despite being warned/coached by parents. I'm afraid if someone wants to grab an unattended child, there isn't much to keep them from succeeding.

On the bright side, stranger abduction is very rare and actually going down.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I took my kids to one of Bob Stuber's self-defense workshops. It was VERY good. He had kids come up and practice the techniques. And he presents it in a straightforward, non-frightening way. I believe they said he has videos.

One thing he said that I thought was interesting. You want to be careful about stressing the "stranger danger" angle. Not all strangers are dangerous, and if your child is kidnapped, they need to know that it's smart to reach out to a "stranger" if they have the chance.