Parents driving students for field trips-UPDATE pg 6

[HopperFan]

Every school/district will be different in how they handle things so I am not surprised at the procedural differences. Some (like ours) avoid situations that could get very litigious. I think we all have to make decisions based on what we feel is best for our child's safety. As I said, if this was allowed in our district, my child would stay home. At this point in time our district doesn't even let parents go on field trips at all. Having experienced a bad situation and heard other stories ... I think this is best.

I hate that folks are jumping on OP and making assumptions about parenting.

I was HIGHLY involved in PTA for ten years then shifted to HIGHLY involved with the HS athletics booster association for next eight years. Neither of these really had anything to do with the classroom. I RARELY ever worked on a project where I was in proximity to the parents of the children my child was in class with, and you figure each year the class changed. I worked in library for 6 years, saw lots of kids, no parents. Went to PTA meetings - all at night because there was no space during day; meeting began and as soon as over everyone left. But with hundreds of adults in room how was I to know who they were in relation to kids anyway? When I was in the classroom there were no other parents, we each had different days so we didn't overwhelm the classroom.

Elementary 800 students, Middle School 1400 students, High School 2200 students. And these were not direct feeders so each level they made new friends. My kids rode school bus that picked up in the neighborhood. My kids went to school all day, a few extra curricular activities after school, sports on Saturday and Sundays were family day. I knew the parents on their sports teams but the kids went to lots of different schools so difficult to meet up. My kids tended to play or hang with the kids on the street and of course I knew those parents, but they were all different ages and classrooms.

My kids did not go to many birthday parties. They were invited but I wasn't going to set aside a huge chunk of change for presents for kids they likely wouldn't see after that year. I also was not comfortable with in home parties with strangers. They knew they could go to two parties each year so pick wisely. They never had friend parties until 5th grade (they did have extended family parties). DS had a huge party, DD decided she'd rather have the money to go shopping. They each had a handful of good friends and that didn't happen until middle and high school, I knew the parents but there wasn't the concerns there was when they were smaller.

My kids are very social, very rounded and outgoing. No harm done by less birthday parties and sleepovers. They had very full and active childhoods with cousins, neighbors, team mates during sports time, class mates while at school and a small circle of good friends.

I think the school district's legal team is wrong. They are doing nothing to screen the parent drivers for driving record or criminal backgrounds. They are responsible for the safety of the students and likely won't avoid liability if a parent drives and there is an incident. As long as a school district is busing kids to school, they should bus them to field trips. If they don't bus the kids to school, they should screen all parent volunteers to make sure they are properly licensed and insured and have no driving or criminal violations. I also think parents should know exactly who is driving their kids in advance of the event so they can make other arrangements if they have a problem with that person for any reason.

I agree that as long as the trip is school sanctioned during school hours then the school will be fully liable for anything that might go wrong. It is the school that arranged the parent transportation, picked the drivers and their cars and made the decision to not do anything proactive to protect the children. They will have the deepest pockets and be the first one on a lawsuit in the event of an accident. I think they are trying to blow smoke.

BUT if a school owns no school buses then they should be arranging for coach buses with professional drivers, fully insured and the children will be together in groups with the teachers, not away from their teachers with random parents. In our district even on buses there must be a certified teacher, and that doesn't count the assistant teachers or para-pros.

The legal responsibility of schools and associated groups is wide and seems this district needs to go back to school and learn. Our sports teams often had parents hosting big dinners for the athletes prior to competitions. For our cross country team, a parent would offer their home and other parents would provide all the food for the team to gather for pasta parties. A minor issued happened with a sport so the school/district lawyers did their due process and legal investigation into responsibility ................ uh oh. Private home, food provided by parents, kids transported themselves, after school hours. Seems like a regular party right? Because it was only the team, because the parents were part of the team's booster club, because it was happening because it was a high school team ..... not only were those parents legally responsible, so was the Athletic Booster Club and the School. And because the school had relinquished control to an off property site it was even worse. The events were all cancelled. We were able to bring ours back by hosting it at school after our Friday practice with coaches there. Point is .... school responsibility is far reaching.

 

[Hikergirl]

If I wasn't able to drive, and wasn't able to send my child with a parent I knew then my child would not be going.
I don't see that as any different than letting my child get in to a car with any person off the street.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Our schools always used buses for field trips, and chaperones went on the bus too, with the kids and teachers.

OP, I’d ask the teacher if you are allowed to drive your child to and from the location. If not, I’d keep her home that day. She wouldn’t be missing much anyway. Bowling is a fun activity but not exactly an educational trip, and something you can easily do on your own with family/friends. Is it even an all day event?

That said, I would contact the principal and address your concerns about this situation, since it will be a recurring issue going forward. It’s likely other parents have the same concerns, and it’s possible the school may consider re-evaluating their new policy if enough of you speak up (and/or field trip attendance drops).

 

[GreatLakes]

I have never heard of parents driving kids on field trips and I've gone to both public and private school. Like some others have said I can't believe the liability is worth whatever cost savings there is with not having buses. Even going with a private bus company that is fully insured is a better option if using the city buses isn't.

I don't care what the waiver says, if a kid is hurt or killed because the school didn't handle the transportation there will be lawsuits. Even if they ultimately win the lawsuit, which I wouldn't wager on, the cost of the defense is more than the bus would have cost in the first place.

 

[dotfurio]

It's a shame your PTA and school don't allow you to get more involved. I'm president of my school's PTA, and we have a teacher representative, plus two of our board members are teachers who have kids at the school. We meet at 7 am to allow parents who work outside the home to attend the meeting, and children are allowed and encouraged to attend.

Have you spoken to the board president to request that the meetings be changed so that working parents can attend? That is how I got ours changed - back when my kids started school I sent a request to the current president to ask them to consider choosing a time to allow working parents to attend (they used to meet at 3:30 pm). Once I became president of the board (I'm finishing up my second year now) I kept the 7 am meeting time because it really does help our working parents.

I seriously doubt anything would change as SAH parents running things have been working out fine, and no teachers need to come early or stay late for voluntary meetings. ODD is a senior next year and it's been this way at all our schools as long as she's been going. They'll happily take my money and let me volunteer at school carnivals, though

 

[Disneylover99]

I agree that sometimes splitting up is necessary but it sounds like not all teachers do as you do and provide some instructions as to what the volunteers should cover with their groups. It should be standard practice that each volunteer be provided with a basic lesson plan so every student has a similar experience and know what the expectations are (and sitting by talking on a cell phone is not a part of that). If the kids are old enough, these discussions can be student led.

For sure. Not all teachers or parents are created equally. There are just so many variables as to why splitting up on a class trip might be a good idea...separating students due to behaviours, class size, etc....Hopefully in the OP’s situation, the teacher was alerted to the fact that the parent volunteer was on her phone all day and basically ignoring the students, so the teacher can address it for next time.

 

[gotomu212]

While I've never done this before, I can understand why parents might want to do it in some circumstances. Slightly off topic, but it does seem like field trips at DD's school aren't particularly well planned and rely WAY too much on parent volunteers. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand why parents are needed for extra supervision and it's a great way to interact and volunteer with your kid's class. I do think it's a bit weird though to send one parent off alone with a couple of kids for a few hours expecting them to provide the learning aspect of the trip. DD experienced this at a science museum trip in kindergarten and came home disappointed that other kids learned about and played with cool exhibits on light and tornadoes and stuff, but the adult she was with just took them to a toddler play area in the building and sat on her phone. After that, I decided I would go on any field trips that seemed like they'd be parent-led, as I don't want her to miss out on an enriching experience because the chaperone she's with can't or won't engage the kids. If the school decided to limit volunteers and I didn't make the cut, depending on the circumstances and after talking to the teacher, taking her myself might be an option I'd consider.

All that aside, this particular trip is bowling so the parent supervision and learning aspect isn't really a concern except for the transportation issue. I am definitely going to speak with her teacher and/or the principal. All of the responses here have been very helpful and giving me insight on how to approach this. While responses have been varied, overall, it does seem like in public school if there are parent drivers for field trips in public schools, there's usually some sort of driving screening done. Perhaps there is something additional being done at DD's school that I just don't know about, so I do think I need to get clarification on that before I make my decision.

For all of you who have given advice or comments on the ways to and benefits of meeting other parents, I do appreciate the advice. I do have a lot of social anxiety which makes it challenging to strike up conversations with strangers, women especially, and it seems most volunteers are other women. From the parents I have seen when I've volunteered on trips, they all seem to be a fair bit older than me (mid to late 30s and up, I'm 28) and I've gotten the vibe a few times like they are judging me because of that or because I'm wearing jeans and a baggy t shirt rather than the ubiquitous leggings and flowy top that most women wear in my town. Sometimes it just feels like being around high school cliques and I just want to run, run away and never return.

In all seriousness though, I would like to work on my anxiety stuff and did tell DD she can give my cell number to a couple of friends (to give to their parents) on the last day of school so she can maybe have a couple playdates this summer. She plays with our neighbor too, but the little girl doesn't go to her school and the parents don't speak English so I don't interact a whole lot with them. Thankfully, DD is incredibly outgoing and makes friends everywhere.

I completely understand how awkward it is to go up to parents and strike up a conversation. Just the other day I was with a group talking about how hard it is to make friends as an adult when you can’t just run up and say hi my name is Jane wanna go down the slide and instant best friend. While there are those clique moms, in my experience most aren’t and are similar to you- feeling a little awkward and trying to fit in until they figure out who is who. If it helps at all know that most of them aren’t judging you are would be so happy to talk with you about whatever. I know I said it before, but I was shocked at how much they really helped, especially as the kids got older, it was so nice to have parents to call for carpools or for the kids to get together, and I felt like they were great resources when you go through the “wait is it normal that my kid is doing x or y”.

If you never become comfortable that’s fine too, but just know that deep down we’re all kind of a mess

 

[pweyl36]

The kids are all in the 7-8 yr range. My state requires booster seat for kids until they turn 8 or reach 4'9", whichever comes first. The school is requesting that the booster seat be sent to school that day for the kids that require one. DD is 8 and doesn't use or need one, so that part isn't an issue for me.

I'd like to think that other parents would be responsible drivers with kids in the car, but seeing how they drive in the school pick up/drop off line shows me otherwise. I routinely see parents on phones while driving, pulling away before the kid has even closed the door so certainly before they've put their seat belt on, stopping on top of the crosswalk, not stopping for kids trying to cross with a crossing guard directing traffic, cutting people off and almost wrecking-- all while on school grounds. It is concerning to think about how they drive off school property.

The biggest thing to me is just that the school is doing nothing to ensure that transportation will be in a safe vehicle or by someone who even has a license for that matter.

I can't volunteer that day as I don't have anyone that can stay with my toddler. I also don't want her to have to miss out on a fun field trip with her friends and be stuck doing work sheets at school (what happens when kids don't go on the field trip). If I can't come up with anything else, I may see if I can drop her off and pick her up where the field trip is, because I could just bring my toddler with me for that. Not sure if they'd let me drive her though since I'm not volunteering as a chaperone.

Just keep her home and do something fun

 

[Southernmiss]

I completely understand how awkward it is to go up to parents and strike up a conversation. Just the other day I was with a group talking about how hard it is to make friends as an adult when you can’t just run up and say hi my name is Jane wanna go down the slide and instant best friend. While there are those clique moms, in my experience most aren’t and are similar to you- feeling a little awkward and trying to fit in until they figure out who is who. If it helps at all know that most of them aren’t judging you are would be so happy to talk with you about whatever. I know I said it before, but I was shocked at how much they really helped, especially as the kids got older, it was so nice to have parents to call for carpools or for the kids to get together, and I felt like they were great resources when you go through the “wait is it normal that my kid is doing x or y”.

If you never become comfortable that’s fine too, but just know that deep down we’re all kind of a mess

Very true.

It's not that you are looking for a new BFF, but you are looking for people that you might feel comfortable with your child being around for a carpool or an afternoon, etc.

Often I have found that if my kids "clicked" with a child, then I would "click" with the parents. So, if I heard that my child played on the playground with John or Joe or Betty, then I would look out for them when at parent meetings or other times when parents and students were together. Usually, the kids would say hi to each other and that would present an opportunity to say "Hi Bobby tells me that he and John like playing catch together on the playground." That then opens the door to begin a little small talk and after a few times of that, I could get a sense of if that was a family that I might feel comfortable doing carpool, etc. with.

In my area, the kids feed into the same middle and high schools, so connecting with a few families early, can pay off through the years. Even as they grow older and need a study session with a group of kids or help with homework from a friend.

My last of 4 is 16 and she and her "nerd squad" frequently connect for group projects, which means meeting at someone's house or Barnes and Noble. Having known these kids from early on, has made me more comfortable with her meeting up with them wherever they gather.

It is a proud moment to watch all of these kids that I watched grow up together graduate high school and then hear about their life after high school.

 

[GreatLakes]

I completely understand how awkward it is to go up to parents and strike up a conversation. Just the other day I was with a group talking about how hard it is to make friends as an adult when you can’t just run up and say hi my name is Jane wanna go down the slide and instant best friend. While there are those clique moms, in my experience most aren’t and are similar to you- feeling a little awkward and trying to fit in until they figure out who is who. If it helps at all know that most of them aren’t judging you are would be so happy to talk with you about whatever. I know I said it before, but I was shocked at how much they really helped, especially as the kids got older, it was so nice to have parents to call for carpools or for the kids to get together, and I felt like they were great resources when you go through the “wait is it normal that my kid is doing x or y”.

If you never become comfortable that’s fine too, but just know that deep down we’re all kind of a mess

Really? I find it pretty easy to talk to other parents at the playground and settings like that. I generally find it easy to strike up conversations with strangers anyway but with kids around the same age it is a built in common topic of discussion.

 

[DopeyDame]

I'm struck by the fact that it's a bowling field trip.
That seems like a stretch to make it legitimately educational. I wonder if that's part of the problem.
Maybe this didn't pass approval at the district level for a "real" educational field trip, and that's why they don't have the buses, and instead of cancelling they're trying to sort of make it happen under the radar.
That would stress me out.

My kid was teeny tiny and was still in a high back booster in second grade, and I know he hated it, but when he was in our car it wasn't a big deal. He'd have been mortified to have to bring his booster into school, and I'd be annoyed at the logistics of it.
The whole situation seems a little weird.

 

[Southernmiss]

I'm struck by the fact that it's a bowling field trip.
That seems like a stretch to make it legitimately educational. I wonder if that's part of the problem.
Maybe this didn't pass approval at the district level for a "real" educational field trip, and that's why they don't have the buses, and instead of cancelling they're trying to sort of make it happen under the radar.
That would stress me out.

My kid was teeny tiny and was still in a high back booster in second grade, and I know he hated it, but when he was in our car it wasn't a big deal. He'd have been mortified to have to bring his booster into school, and I'd be annoyed at the logistics of it.
The whole situation seems a little weird.

Our schools do end of year fun trips for good behavior/grades, etc. I could see a trip like this this time of year.

But our district does use school buses and does not rely on parental drivers.

 

[Southernmiss]

Really? I find it pretty easy to talk to other parents at the playground and settings like that. I generally find it easy to strike up conversations with strangers anyway but with kids around the same age it is a built in common topic of discussion.

And for some of us this is WORK! LOL I have greatly grown in my ability to step out of myself after raising a very extroverted child and then 3 mostly introverted children.

Oldest DS taught me that extroverts don't usually think before they speak and can just blurt stuff out. Us introverts need to "warm up" or practice what we'll say before we say it in uncomfortable situations. I have been aware of this and learned to model for my younger introverts the necessary conversations that would help them to open up and speak appropriately when they are uncomfortable. We would practice conversations in certain situations appropriate for our child's maturity level. Need to talk to the teacher about grades--here's what you say. Need to make a doctor appointment-here's what you say. Need to go to the auto repair shop-tell them the car is doing xyz. We'll do a mock interview if they are going on a job interview.

May sound silly to some, but it does help them to be able to appropriately answer questions and discuss the topic on the fly.

DH is also an introvert, and can make small talk, but it now does come easier to me than it does to him.

 

[Floridaman999]

Isn't physical education still considered an important aspect of education? If it's not, maybe it should be.

 

[Hikergirl]

Our schools do end of year fun trips for good behavior/grades, etc. I could see a trip like this this time of year.

But our district does use school buses and does not rely on parental drivers.

It isn't uncommon for schools to have fun field trips, I remember taking a few way back when I was in school.
My kids have been to 6flags, Medieval Times, various plays, local sports club for games and swimming, small local water park (they even have "school days". I'm sure I'm missing some in there. We have never done bowling except as an after school thing, where the kids were still transported by buses.

 

[maddiel]

Every school/district will be different in how they handle things so I am not surprised at the procedural differences. Some (like ours) avoid situations that could get very litigious. I think we all have to make decisions based on what we feel is best for our child's safety. As I said, if this was allowed in our district, my child would stay home. At this point in time our district doesn't even let parents go on field trips at all. Having experienced a bad situation and heard other stories ... I think this is best.

Interesting - who does go then? Just the classroom teacher? Other school staff? Our board requires lower chaperone:student ratios for trips out side the school so some additional adults need to go on any trip. It would add to the cost of the trip to have to have additional paid staff accompany the classroom teachers and that would have the adverse effect making trips more expensive and thus prohibitive to plan. My kids went to schools that were very economically diverse, so the cost of trips was carefully considered - is that less of an issue in your district?

I was HIGHLY involved in PTA for ten years then shifted to HIGHLY involved with the HS athletics booster association for next eight years. Neither of these really had anything to do with the classroom. I RARELY ever worked on a project where I was in proximity to the parents of the children my child was in class with, and you figure each year the class changed. I worked in library for 6 years, saw lots of kids, no parents. Went to PTA meetings - all at night because there was no space during day; meeting began and as soon as over everyone left. But with hundreds of adults in room how was I to know who they were in relation to kids anyway? When I was in the classroom there were no other parents, we each had different days so we didn't overwhelm the classroom.

I was highly involved in the PTA at the elementary level. I'm pretty sure I would have fainted from shock if we ever had hundreds of people show up for a meeting ;-p A good meeting (and they were held in the evening) would have been 12-20 people. The school had between 300-500 students while my girls were going there.

I agree that as long as the trip is school sanctioned during school hours then the school will be fully liable for anything that might go wrong. It is the school that arranged the parent transportation, picked the drivers and their cars and made the decision to not do anything proactive to protect the children. They will have the deepest pockets and be the first one on a lawsuit in the event of an accident. I think they are trying to blow smoke.

BUT if a school owns no school buses then they should be arranging for coach buses with professional drivers, fully insured and the children will be together in groups with the teachers, not away from their teachers with random parents. In our district even on buses there must be a certified teacher, and that doesn't count the assistant teachers or para-pros.

I was involved for several years in creating school board policies. (After my youngest finished elementary, I became a school board member.) I also live in Canada which tends to have a litigious attitude. Our guidelines for policies such as this were that the school/Board liability needs to take reasonable precautions in setting policy and procedures and that those procedures had to be followed. Are parent drivers a reasonable alternative to professional bus drivers? In my area we thought they were, as long as they provided the proper paperwork - your district may set their policies different from others because of local laws/precedent. We also required that all extracurricular trips required the supervision of a licensed teacher employee, although that teacher could supervise volunteers who in turn chaperoned the students.

The legal responsibility of schools and associated groups is wide and seems this district needs to go back to school and learn. Our sports teams often had parents hosting big dinners for the athletes prior to competitions. For our cross country team, a parent would offer their home and other parents would provide all the food for the team to gather for pasta parties. A minor issued happened with a sport so the school/district lawyers did their due process and legal investigation into responsibility ................ uh oh. Private home, food provided by parents, kids transported themselves, after school hours. Seems like a regular party right? Because it was only the team, because the parents were part of the team's booster club, because it was happening because it was a high school team ..... not only were those parents legally responsible, so was the Athletic Booster Club and the School. And because the school had relinquished control to an off property site it was even worse. The events were all cancelled. We were able to bring ours back by hosting it at school after our Friday practice with coaches there. Point is .... school responsibility is far reaching.

That sounds like a failure of messaging to me. My daughter just ended a her rugby season. The girls on her team are having a party with a BBQ at someone's house. The team is agoing out for an end of year meal at a restaurant. The school has no responsibility for the first event, but they could for the second.



M.

 

[mel2014]

DD's 2nd grade class will be going on a field trip where parent chaperones will be driving all the students. This will be her 8th field trip at that school and we've never encountered this before. Bus transportation was always provided for students, and parents were expressly prohibited from driving other students (and often even their own kid) to/from field trips. I'm not thrilled with the idea of my kid riding in a vehicle with a complete stranger, especially given that the school seems to be doing virtually nothing to screen these volunteer drivers.

The permission slip states that the district's legal team has ruled that the school is not liable for any injury to students that may result from riding in a private vehicle. The school does require a background check consent form to be on file for volunteers, though they are routinely turned in when people show up to chaperone, so I know the background check is not always even performed prior to someone volunteering. Even if it were were always performed, the background check only includes criminal convictions for our state only (nothing committed in other states) and the district's only disqualifier for volunteering is if someone has been convicted of a felony or misdemeanor sexual offense. The background check does not include driving records. The school is doing no additional screening for parent drivers, doesn't require DL#, proof of registration or insurance, no safety checks or even questions are asked to ensure vehicles are in proper working condition, no requirements of a clean driving record, or stipulations against cell phone, drug, or alcohol usage while driving students. The volunteer form only requests you to list how many students you can provide seatbelts for, asks you not to smoke with kids in the vehicle, and recommends that kids under 13 not be placed in the front seat. For the record, this is a regular public school and I do not know any other parents at the school.

I'd like to get some feedback from other parents of kids in public schools.
1) Does your kid(s)' school ever utilize parent drivers for field trip transportation of students?
2) If so, what screening or requirements does the school have for parent drivers?
3) How do you feel about parents driving other students for field trips and have/would you be comfortable with your kid being driven by another parent (who you don't know) to a field trip?

(1) At our school, almost all of the field trips are PTA funded and buses are expensive (since they have to pay the driver for the downtime while waiting), so they try to avoid them when possible. Kinders and First Graders all do bus field trips, since many of them are still in 5-point harness seats. In second grade they start doing parent drivers, with everyone under 8 (or who have anal parents like me) bringing their booster along. Third grade has been a mix of buses and parent drivers, and tomorrow they're taking a trip on light rail.

(2) To be able to chaperone on a field trip, you have to be both background checked and fingerprinted with Live Scan. To drive on a field trip, you have to submit a copy of your driver's license and your insurance declaration page, as well as sign a form agreeing to obey all laws, attest that the vehicle is in safe condition, and not drive anyone other than students and other chaperones. There's no liability waiver for parents. The district makes the teachers submit the chaperone lists well in advance so they can verify that all of the requirements are met (that said, I don't think the teacher would blink an eye at a last-minute chaperone substitution on a bus field trip; I doubt they would let a driver who hasn't been cleared through the district drive)

(3) I've been able to chaperone on several field trips. We tend to have a lot of repeat chaperones (the people with flexible schedules), so I've gotten to know them and generally trust them. Since their own kids are always in the car with them, I have to assume they have a vested interest in driving safely, although I agree with you that I've seen some terrible driving behavior around the school at drop off and pick up and having the distraction of 4 or 5 shrieking kids can't help. I'd prefer that they didn't have to rely on parent drivers, but the alternative is fewer field trips for everyone.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

It’s a shame that your daughter had a parent volunteer like this. I hope you mentioned it to her teacher.

I teach kindergarten. Every time we go on a trip we make a judgement call. Do we travel as one big group? Do we separate and meet up for lunch? Last year, we went to the Science Centre. I had 28 students ranging in age from 4-6 years old. We made the decision to split up. It would have been too chaotic to stay together and the students would have spent a lot of time waiting their turn at an exhibit. It would have slowed us down to the point where we would not have been able to cover much ground. It was a good decision for us. Each volunteer had 3 or 4 students to supervise and a list of exhibits to get to in any order they chose.

I just wanted to comment on why we sometimes split up since you thought it was a bit weird.

I did mention it to the teacher and was told that the kids weren't supposed to be in the playroom and parents aren't supposed to be on their phones, but that sometimes parents decide to lead their group in different ways. Since they had to rely on parents to help out on the field trip, I had to understand the experiences would be different for each kid, depending on how the chaperone led it.

I do understand why it can be advantageous to split up, though I'm still not a huge fan of kids going off alone with an adult I've never met who is not employed at the school. I don't like that often parents are relied on to be teaching the kids. From the field trips I've volunteered on, there is no parent briefing on safety, explanation of roles of chaperones, description of what you're supposed to be helping the kids learn... This may sound harsh on some parents, but not everyone has the education and skills to be teaching kids about some things and everyone has different standards on what they consider acceptable supervision, behavior, etc. In a school-sponsored environment, I would like the teaching to be done by the teachers and guidelines announced and followed on chaperone roles.

I agree that sometimes splitting up is necessary but it sounds like not all teachers do as you do and provide some instructions as to what the volunteers should cover with their groups. It should be standard practice that each volunteer be provided with a basic lesson plan so every student has a similar experience and know what the expectations are (and sitting by talking on a cell phone is not a part of that). If the kids are old enough, these discussions can be student led.

Exactly this.

That's also crazy. 4 field trips per year? 2.67 if you include kindergarten?

3 in Kindergarten, 3 in 1st, and this will be the 2nd in 2nd grade.

High five on jeans and a tee. I'm a little older than you (34) but I could never get into the pyramid scheme leggings everyone and their sister seems to be wearing and the work-out tops (but they're never working out...?!). I was also socially awkward back in the day when I was in school and I immediately get high school flashbacks where everyone was staring at me in my Beatles t-shirt and retreating into my walkman music (now it's phones I guess). So I can relate. It's hard to be an introvert mom.

BUT I have found a couple moms that I can relate to. It just takes a little time -- and even with the moms you don't relate to, you just frame it out as setting up a play date for your kid... my oldest is now 8, so she will have friends that get dropped off at our house to play for a few hours and then get picked up, so there's really not much interaction -- I don't have to entertain them with coffee. So it's really here nor there if we don't "click". And then the couple of moms I feel I kind of relate to and like to chat with, I'll ask them to stay and have coffee. So it's a case by case kind of thing.

Does your school have a student/parent contact directory? At my kids' school, at the beginning of the year you fill out a form with your contact info -- you can check off what you want shown in the directory (like if you want everything including your address shown, or just phone, or just email, or nothing) -- then they send home a packet listed by class. That's how I contact most parents, if there's a number I usually try texting first because phone calls give me heart palpitations. If they don't have contact info in the directory I will write a note and ask my daughter to give it to her friend to pass to the parents with my contact info. There's only 1 kid's parents that I never got a response from -- everyone else was happy to reach out back. Again, doesn't need to be a chummy situation, just setting something up for the kids.

As for the actual main topic -- my kids are still young so I don't have several years of experiences yet but so far, only buses for field trips. My 2 older kids are in public school and my preschooler is in Catholic school (will be in public in the fall) and they use a bus for PreK field trips too. They ask that any parents that want to attend besides the 2 pre-selected chaperones meet them at the destination, but their kids still need to ride the bus.

Thanks for sharing your experiences being an introvert. It's reassuring to hear that I'm not alone and gives me some ideas for how to break out of my shell more.

We have a directory, but it's only available to PTA members. I really don't want to join the PTA at this school as I don't like how it's run. They have mandatory fees and participation requirements, with members being voluntold to raise money for or run different events. I don't agree with being told I have to do something for the school if I don't want to or can't for whatever reason and don't want to feel pressured into it either.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

Every school/district will be different in how they handle things so I am not surprised at the procedural differences. Some (like ours) avoid situations that could get very litigious. I think we all have to make decisions based on what we feel is best for our child's safety. As I said, if this was allowed in our district, my child would stay home. At this point in time our district doesn't even let parents go on field trips at all. Having experienced a bad situation and heard other stories ... I think this is best.

I hate that folks are jumping on OP and making assumptions about parenting.

I was HIGHLY involved in PTA for ten years then shifted to HIGHLY involved with the HS athletics booster association for next eight years. Neither of these really had anything to do with the classroom. I RARELY ever worked on a project where I was in proximity to the parents of the children my child was in class with, and you figure each year the class changed. I worked in library for 6 years, saw lots of kids, no parents. Went to PTA meetings - all at night because there was no space during day; meeting began and as soon as over everyone left. But with hundreds of adults in room how was I to know who they were in relation to kids anyway? When I was in the classroom there were no other parents, we each had different days so we didn't overwhelm the classroom.

Elementary 800 students, Middle School 1400 students, High School 2200 students. And these were not direct feeders so each level they made new friends. My kids rode school bus that picked up in the neighborhood. My kids went to school all day, a few extra curricular activities after school, sports on Saturday and Sundays were family day. I knew the parents on their sports teams but the kids went to lots of different schools so difficult to meet up. My kids tended to play or hang with the kids on the street and of course I knew those parents, but they were all different ages and classrooms.

My kids did not go to many birthday parties. They were invited but I wasn't going to set aside a huge chunk of change for presents for kids they likely wouldn't see after that year. I also was not comfortable with in home parties with strangers. They knew they could go to two parties each year so pick wisely. They never had friend parties until 5th grade (they did have extended family parties). DS had a huge party, DD decided she'd rather have the money to go shopping. They each had a handful of good friends and that didn't happen until middle and high school, I knew the parents but there wasn't the concerns there was when they were smaller.

My kids are very social, very rounded and outgoing. No harm done by less birthday parties and sleepovers. They had very full and active childhoods with cousins, neighbors, team mates during sports time, class mates while at school and a small circle of good friends.



I agree that as long as the trip is school sanctioned during school hours then the school will be fully liable for anything that might go wrong. It is the school that arranged the parent transportation, picked the drivers and their cars and made the decision to not do anything proactive to protect the children. They will have the deepest pockets and be the first one on a lawsuit in the event of an accident. I think they are trying to blow smoke.

BUT if a school owns no school buses then they should be arranging for coach buses with professional drivers, fully insured and the children will be together in groups with the teachers, not away from their teachers with random parents. In our district even on buses there must be a certified teacher, and that doesn't count the assistant teachers or para-pros.

The legal responsibility of schools and associated groups is wide and seems this district needs to go back to school and learn. Our sports teams often had parents hosting big dinners for the athletes prior to competitions. For our cross country team, a parent would offer their home and other parents would provide all the food for the team to gather for pasta parties. A minor issued happened with a sport so the school/district lawyers did their due process and legal investigation into responsibility ................ uh oh. Private home, food provided by parents, kids transported themselves, after school hours. Seems like a regular party right? Because it was only the team, because the parents were part of the team's booster club, because it was happening because it was a high school team ..... not only were those parents legally responsible, so was the Athletic Booster Club and the School. And because the school had relinquished control to an off property site it was even worse. The events were all cancelled. We were able to bring ours back by hosting it at school after our Friday practice with coaches there. Point is .... school responsibility is far reaching.

Thanks for sharing your experiences! I'm glad to know that from a legal standpoint, they would still likely be liable for anything that happens. I'm totally with you on the bday party thing. She's never been invited to any close friends parties, just random classmates and I don't really want to be shelling out $20 for a bday present for some random classmates every couple weeks when I know we won't even be living here in a couple years. Is the bad incident you referenced with field trips both upthread and early in this response the cross country incident you talked about or something else? If you don't mind sharing, I would be interested in knowing more, even if it's through PM.

Our schools always used buses for field trips, and chaperones went on the bus too, with the kids and teachers.

OP, I’d ask the teacher if you are allowed to drive your child to and from the location. If not, I’d keep her home that day. She wouldn’t be missing much anyway. Bowling is a fun activity but not exactly an educational trip, and something you can easily do on your own with family/friends. Is it even an all day event?

That said, I would contact the principal and address your concerns about this situation, since it will be a recurring issue going forward. It’s likely other parents have the same concerns, and it’s possible the school may consider re-evaluating their new policy if enough of you speak up (and/or field trip attendance drops).

It's not an all day event, only 2 hours, though it hasn't been made clear if that includes the transportation time or not. When I was in elementary school, we had a bowling field trip and they connected it to what we were learning in math. We had to keep our own score. I'm not sure if they will be doing that for this trip, but it did say it was to build on math. When we went though, bus transportation was included.

I completely understand how awkward it is to go up to parents and strike up a conversation. Just the other day I was with a group talking about how hard it is to make friends as an adult when you can’t just run up and say hi my name is Jane wanna go down the slide and instant best friend. While there are those clique moms, in my experience most aren’t and are similar to you- feeling a little awkward and trying to fit in until they figure out who is who. If it helps at all know that most of them aren’t judging you are would be so happy to talk with you about whatever. I know I said it before, but I was shocked at how much they really helped, especially as the kids got older, it was so nice to have parents to call for carpools or for the kids to get together, and I felt like they were great resources when you go through the “wait is it normal that my kid is doing x or y”.

If you never become comfortable that’s fine too, but just know that deep down we’re all kind of a mess

Thanks for understanding!

I'm struck by the fact that it's a bowling field trip.
That seems like a stretch to make it legitimately educational. I wonder if that's part of the problem.
Maybe this didn't pass approval at the district level for a "real" educational field trip, and that's why they don't have the buses, and instead of cancelling they're trying to sort of make it happen under the radar.
That would stress me out.

My kid was teeny tiny and was still in a high back booster in second grade, and I know he hated it, but when he was in our car it wasn't a big deal. He'd have been mortified to have to bring his booster into school, and I'd be annoyed at the logistics of it.
The whole situation seems a little weird.

The trip is still partially PTA-funded and supposedly will tie in with what they are learning in math. The cost is pretty low, and I would imagine if they had to pay for buses, the cost of the field trip would still be reasonable for parents to pay. Even though DD will not be in a booster, I did think about how awkward it might be for kids to be around their friends with some in boosters and others not and the logistics of relying on parents to properly install different kinds of boosters.

And for some of us this is WORK! LOL I have greatly grown in my ability to step out of myself after raising a very extroverted child and then 3 mostly introverted children.

Oldest DS taught me that extroverts don't usually think before they speak and can just blurt stuff out. Us introverts need to "warm up" or practice what we'll say before we say it in uncomfortable situations. I have been aware of this and learned to model for my younger introverts the necessary conversations that would help them to open up and speak appropriately when they are uncomfortable. We would practice conversations in certain situations appropriate for our child's maturity level. Need to talk to the teacher about grades--here's what you say. Need to make a doctor appointment-here's what you say. Need to go to the auto repair shop-tell them the car is doing xyz. We'll do a mock interview if they are going on a job interview.

May sound silly to some, but it does help them to be able to appropriately answer questions and discuss the topic on the fly.

DH is also an introvert, and can make small talk, but it now does come easier to me than it does to him.

I definitely understand the "warming up" to conversation aspect. I have an annoying tendency to overanalyze what I'm going to say (a product of being raised by someone who always twisted words out of context, so I always had to (still do) think about whether I should say something differently or not at all). Part of the problem with this is by the time I've figured out what I'm going to say, I've lost the moment to interject in the conversation because they've moved on to discussing something else. Then I think of what to say about the new conversation and it starts all over again!

When it comes to talking to teachers, doctors, mechanics, etc, I don't really have that problem. I don't have any problem asserting myself when I need to in most situations, if I have something to say. It's when situations are purely social that I can't think of anything to say, overanalyze, and become tongue tied. It becomes easier once I get to know people as then we usually have some sort of common interest or connection or something to discuss. My brain just locks up when it comes to speaking when I don't really have something of importance to say, ie social chit chat.

 

[Imzadi]

Sounds like the school is out of budget for more trips or the rates to hire a good, reputable bus company went up, after that horrific school bus crash in NJ, a couple weeks ago, where the whole top section of the school bus was completely ripped off the undercarriage after a dump truck couldn't stop in time when the school bus driver made an illegal U-turn, and the OP's school can't make up the difference in price, and is deciding to use parents as drivers instead. That school bus accident was one of the worst vehicular accidents I've ever seen, forget school bus accidents. It made national news and some of NJ cancelled bus field trips after. NJ is now in the process of changing certain laws. The bus driver had previously had his driver's license suspended 14 times. The Board of Ed had even known about the current suspension and told the Superintendent NOT to hire him. But, over the school break, he got his license reinstated, so the Superintendent rehired him for the tragic trip.

So possibly, this school has been impacted by news of this accident, cancelled funding current bus trips for the time being, till they review their own procedures and vetting of bus companies. Yet the school is seeing if they can make the trip work with parents driving instead and stating if parents allow their kids to go, the school is not liable, just like if a parent had planned a trip on their own and allowed another parent to drive their kids? People get into cars all the time with other people driving where it hasn't been researched what is the current status of their driver's license or what their driving history is: for work carpools, school carpools, trips to sporting events, trips to the mall, to the movies, on dates, etc. Most trips end up fine. The school may be hoping for that. Also, since it's not an educational trip but a fun event trip, it is totally on the parents if they allow their kid to go?