Parenting trends you dislike?

[DLgal]

Bonding aside, it's a non-negotiable scientific fact that breastmilk is much healthier for babies than formula.

No it isn't.

At the end of the day, individual genetic makeup is responsible for WAY more aspects of a person's health than what they ate for the first 12 months of their life.

I can tell you for an "absolute fact" in my household, my formula fed son has been far healthier overall than his breast fed brother. Oldest is almost 18, is smarter, slimmer/stronger and literally has never needed to take antibiotics in his entire life. He gets sick maybe once a year with a cold, that's it. My breast fed son was sicker more often, is borderline overweight at age 16, and has some intellectual deficits.

Genetics plays a far larger role than whether babies drank breastmilk or chemically identical formula.

Almost all moms at least TRY to breastfeed or they pump at least initially. The colostrum and initial breastfeeding is all a baby needs to establish a healthy gut flora and receive an immunity boost. After that, it literally doesn't make a difference.

 

[Cheburashka]

No it isn't.

At the end of the day, individual genetic makeup is responsible for WAY more aspects of a person's health than what they ate for the first 12 months of their life.

I can tell you for an "absolute fact" in my household, my formula fed son has been far healthier overall than his breast fed brother. Oldest is almost 18, is smarter, slimmer/stronger and literally has never needed to take antibiotics in his entire life. He gets sick maybe once a year with a cold, that's it. My breast fed son was sicker more often, is borderline overweight at age 16, and has some intellectual deficits.

Genetics plays a far larger role than whether babies drank breastmilk or chemically identical formula.

Almost all moms at least TRY to breastfeed or they pump at least initially. The colostrum and initial breastfeeding is all a baby needs to establish a healthy gut flora and receive an immunity boost. After that, it literally doesn't make a difference.

There is a lot of denial, pseudoscience and rationalization among the formula feeders on this thread. The American Academy of Pediatrics, American Medical Association, World Health Organization, etc., know what they're talking about in their recommendations on breastfeeding. These recommendations are based on scientific studies, health data, etc. They aren't based on personal opinions, lifestyle choices, or emotion.

Signing off of this thread, as I've already made and substantiated my point. Some people who prefer bottle feeding are never going to look at the scientific data impartially, so there is no point in me continuing to state scientific facts to them.

 

[Disney.Dreamin.Dee]

Breast is best. Sorry if the truth hurts but it's a scientific fact. The "fed is best" movement is harmful because it encourages mothers to think of breastmilk and formula as equal and therefore choose based on convenience, when medically, they are far from equal.

Sorry but scientifically "fed is best" when the alternative would have been DEATH.
That's a fact that almost happened to me.

 

[disneyseniors]

I have to say that whomever wrote that article had to have been high or at the very least had run out of anything intelligent to say, so they came up with the dumbest sentence ever published.

If they are still using a "sippy" cup at age 5 or younger when they have their motor skills maybe a problem will exist. The sippy cup is made more for the benefit of the parent then the kid. It is primarily to buy some time for those skills to develop so parents don't have to spend half their lives cleaning up spills.

I still use a sippy cup and I am 70; it's called a Yeti, LOL!
(just trying for a little humor here)

 

[Disney.Dreamin.Dee]

I still use a sippy cup and I am 70; it's called a Yeti, LOL!
(just trying for a little humor here)

Ain't that the truth. When you think about it a great number of people myself included drink out of a bottle or sippy cup for convenience of it being portable, keeping things hot/cold, and not spilling on our computer etc.

 

[MillauFr]

Exactly. The expectation are completely unreasonable around here. My daughter didn't make it to Calculus and college Physics until senior year of high school. Not good enough to get into the University of Washington. Plenty of high school students with 4.0 GPAs in Washington that are rejected for admission to UW. Attitude at the high school was maybe math and science aren't for her. We sent her out of state to a liberal arts school.

From a Seattle Times article a few years back.......

Among the students rejected: Brandon Stover, a valedictorian at Chief Sealth High School, who has a 4.0 grade-point average. “It was just a shock,” Stover said. “I don’t know exactly what the UW is looking for.” Stover, who wants to go to the UW’s Foster School of Business, took a few rigorous International Baccalaureate classes at Sealth, but focused his efforts on the school’s Academy of Finance because those classes most closely dovetailed with his goal to major in business administration.​

So just because some kid doesn't completely fill his schedule with AP or IB classes our public University rejects him? Completely outrageous. The value system in our part of the country is seriously screwed up.

 

[mjkacmom]

From a Seattle Times article a few years back.......

Among the students rejected: Brandon Stover, a valedictorian at Chief Sealth High School, who has a 4.0 grade-point average. “It was just a shock,” Stover said. “I don’t know exactly what the UW is looking for.” Stover, who wants to go to the UW’s Foster School of Business, took a few rigorous International Baccalaureate classes at Sealth, but focused his efforts on the school’s Academy of Finance because those classes most closely dovetailed with his goal to major in business administration.​

So just because some kid doesn't completely fill his schedule with AP or IB classes our public University rejects him? Completely outrageous. The value system in our part of the country is seriously screwed up.

It’s not a value system, it’s just that more competitive. When you have students with 4.0’s, 1600 SAT’s, 12 AP classes, and there aren’t enough room for all of them, kids get rejected.

 

[Sinder]

Breastfeeding and formula are not equal options, and most mothers can breastfeed. That's what I mean about "fed is best" being harmful. It's discouraging breastfeeding because it tells mothers that the options are an equal choice, when medically they are far from equal. That isn't in the best interest of the child's health.

So what exactly is harmful about feeding your baby formula?

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

There is a lot of denial, pseudoscience and rationalization among the formula feeders on this thread. The American Academy of Pediatrics, American Medical Association, World Health Organization, etc., know what they're talking about in their recommendations on breastfeeding. These recommendations are based on scientific studies, health data, etc. They aren't based on personal opinions, lifestyle choices, or emotion.

Signing off of this thread, as I've already made and substantiated my point. Some people who prefer bottle feeding are never going to look at the scientific data impartially, so there is no point in me continuing to state scientific facts to them.

It’s this kind of conversation though that IS the problem. You perpetuate the mom wars

Saw this TikTok this morning from a group of pediatricians. I think it says it best.

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdk9eQ74/

 

[Southernmiss]

I still use a sippy cup and I am 70; it's called a Yeti, LOL!
(just trying for a little humor here)

Exactly. I spilled a can of Sprite yesterday on the floor at a conference I was at yesterday.

I am so clumsy and use a yeti style drinking vessel at all times for this reason.

 

[Lilsia]

Not a particular trend, but the concept that there is any "one way" to raise a child vs. reading your child's cues, learning about them as they learn about the world and adapting your parenting to fit their needs.

I'll use myself as an example. When I had my first, I truly believed that a fussy baby needed to be soothed by rocking, bouncing, walking, singing, etc. Until we had our make-or-break moment when she just wouldn't stop crying and I was exhausted, and I finally put her in her bed and walked away... and she fell asleep within minutes of being left alone. The lightbulb turned on and I realized I was overstimulating that baby. Our fussy periods went much better after I learned to just lay her down and wait out the few minutes of crying vs torturing us both.

But, there is so much "information" today telling parents they must do this or that, must feed on this or that schedule, must put a toddler down to sleep at xyz time.... and none of it is 100% concrete fact, because children are not all the same. Be open to new ideas, don't panic if the baby isn't eating a certain number of oz or your 3yo wants to eat more than the experts recommend (just make sure it isn't all junk, lol). And this goes for all ages and stages... milestones and averages are helpful, but allow for our inherent differences.

This is the exact situation that I talk about with others. The fact that many new parents will take the advice of online "experts" over their own parents or grandparents, basically people who have already figured this stuff out. There is this trend in thinking that all parents that came before are so "outdated" and if you do anything that they say that the child will die. It is ridiculous. There is something to be said for experience. If someone where to tell you to just let your baby cry for a bit, you would think that was child abuse. But your situation shows exactly what people mean by this. I wish that new parents would understand that this stuff has already all been tested and figured out many, many years ago. Some things are just tried and true. And you are right, there are different ways to approach different children. Trust your mom instincts.

 

[Lilsia]

Since you opened this box, it reminds me of another annoyance…..

SAHMs judging working moms and working moms judging SAHMs.

I’m a proud working mom and my girls went to daycare. I had and still have several SAHMs as friends. No judgements about each other - we made our decisions about what’s right for ourselves and our family.

For anyone to make a parent feel like less of a parent because they work or stay home is shameful. Some opinions need to stay in the box with it closed tightly.

Don't forget us working moms that worked the opposite shift of our husbands so that we did not have to put the kids in daycare. So we are basically both SAHM and working moms.

 

[tcufrog]

This is the exact situation that I talk about with others. The fact that many new parents will take the advice of online "experts" over their own parents or grandparents, basically people who have already figured this stuff out. There is this trend in thinking that all parents that came before are so "outdated" and if you do anything that they say that the child will die. It is ridiculous. There is something to be said for experience. If someone where to tell you to just let your baby cry for a bit, you would think that was child abuse. But your situation shows exactly what people mean by this. I wish that new parents would understand that this stuff has already all been tested and figured out many, many years ago. Some things are just tried and true. And you are right, there are different ways to approach different children. Trust your mom instincts.

I don't think what the previous generation did is best, nor do I think what people these days insist on is always best. I, for one, am glad that car seats are much safer than they used to be. I did use a drop-side crib I got from my cousins for both kids and had no regrets. I did use bumpers but purchased breathable mesh bumpers that crushed down if a kid tried to stand on it.

We are learning new things all the time about what is or isn't best. I'm sure we will discover decades from now that things we consider best really best, aren't and/or we will develop better options.

 

[Lilsia]

It isn't ridiculous or a "belief". It is a scientific fact that it is the best nutrition, provides the best immunity, the best bonding, etc. It isn't an opinion.

I never said formula was junk food, but it isn't the same quality as breastfeeding.

I understand what you are saying. Of course breast milk is the absolutely best thing for your baby and if it is possible, that you should breast feed your baby, especially as a new born. There are circumstances where it is not possible and so formula is the next best thing and babies do fine on it. I think what you are saying is that some people are interpreting "fed is best" as meaning that formula is exactly the same as nursing and that it does not matter just as long as the baby is fed. Which I am sure, that some people are seeing it as that way. But I think it means that you do what you have to do and if it is not possible to nurse, then formula is the next best thing and parent's should not be made to feel that they failed in some way. There was a whole generation raised on formula because of the propaganda that nursing was for "lower class" woman. Sad really.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I'm surprised I'm even a functioning adult - my mom didn't breastfeed me, I went to to a babysitters starting at 4 wks old because my Mom had to go back to work, I got gifts for Valentine's Day and Easter, I drank out of a sippy cup - geez - I'm surprised I'm even still alive after all that.

 

[DLgal]

Signing off of this thread, as I've already made and substantiated my point. Some people who prefer bottle feeding are never going to look at the scientific data impartially, so there is no point in me continuing to state scientific facts to them.

And some babies just will NOT breastfeed no matter what, and not every mom can produce enough milk to feed their child. Not every mom/baby is successful at breastfeeding and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that and formula feeding is RARELY a matter of "preference."

Your judgment riddled attitude about it is the actual problem here.

 

[Sinder]

I understand what you are saying. Of course breast milk is the absolutely best thing for your baby and if it is possible, that you should breast feed your baby, especially as a new born. There are circumstances where it is not possible and so formula is the next best thing and babies do fine on it. I think what you are saying is that some people are interpreting "fed is best" as meaning that formula is exactly the same as nursing and that it does not matter just as long as the baby is fed. Which I am sure, that some people are seeing it as that way. But I think it means that you do what you have to do and if it is not possible to nurse, then formula is the next best thing and parent's should not be made to feel that they failed in some way. There was a whole generation raised on formula because of the propaganda that nursing was for "lower class" woman. Sad really.

She said “fed is best” is harmful, that’s just plain wrong.

 

[Lilsia]

I don't think what the previous generation did is best, nor do I think what people these days insist on is always best. I, for one, am glad that car seats are much safer than they used to be. I did use a drop-side crib I got from my cousins for both kids and had no regrets. I did use bumpers but purchased breathable mesh bumpers that crushed down if a kid tried to stand on it.

We are learning new things all the time about what is or isn't best. I'm sure we will discover decades from now that things we consider best really best, aren't and/or we will develop better options.

There is a difference in improving technology, like you are saying, and basic baby facts. Like the person that I quoted, overstimulating the baby that is trying to sleep. We know that can happen. You are talking about 2 different things.

 

[Lilsia]

She said “fed is best” is harmful, that’s just plain wrong.

I think it depends on the way that you are looking at it. It seems that there are two opposing view points. Breast milk is technically the best food for babies, especially newborns. That is not in dispute. Just look at baby poop from a nursing baby and a formula fed one. Formula comes as close as possible but it most definitely is not the same. But, formula raised babies will be just fine. We need to take the parental judgement aspect out of it and look at it scientifically. If you look at it that way, then no one can deny that breast milk is the better of the two. Which is what I think she is saying. It is best to encourage and help new moms to nurse if they can, especially the first few days where they get the important anti bodies. But we all know that is not possible and that formula is the next best thing. I don't think that judgement should come into this. Everyone does what they can. I am more concerned for the kids when they get to toddler age and are fed only chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. That does more harm to them in the long run then formula does. No one cares about that though.

 

[luvsvacation]

And some babies just will NOT breastfeed no matter what, and not every mom can produce enough milk to feed their child. Not every mom/baby is successful at breastfeeding and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that and formula feeding is RARELY a matter of "preference."

Your judgment riddled attitude about it is the actual problem here.

I agree with what you said here, but I think that is a sad reality. We’ve made it seem to mothers that choosing to formula feed should only be out of necessity. Feeding your baby should totally be out of preference and nothing else. Babies thrive on breast milk and formula and you shouldn’t feel obligated to try and fail at one in order for the other to be acceptable. Formula feeding by choice should be normalized.

I had quite a bit of baby/childcare experience before having my first child. I worked both in the infant room of a daycare and as a nanny to a newborn. I had quite a bit of experience bottle feeding formula. I was very comfortable with it and I liked being able to know exactly how much had been consumed. My mind works in a very mathematical way. I always loved math classes and hated English. For me being very schedule orientated and having exact measurements with formula we’re things that made me feel calm. I would have felt very overwhelmed and anxious if I tried to parent using attachment parenting or on demand feeding. I needed structure. Other mothers have a more easy going, relaxed, go with the flow personality. For them trying to keep a schedule and do things the way I did would cause them anxiety and stress. You need to know yourself and figure out which kind of parenting will give YOU a sense of calm and peace. That will then transition over to your baby. Don’t try to change yourself and jam your square peg self into a round hole because that’s what your friends or social media is telling you. Do what is right for YOU! Your baby will be just fine. I was very fortunate that with all my childcare experience I went into motherhood already knowing myself well enough to feel confident in the approach I was taking even when others criticized. Many mothers haven’t had much experience with babies and are just going by what is popular and listening to the mommy shamers and are stressing themselves out trying to parent completely against their own personality. Figure out who you are and what causes you stress and then figure out your parenting based on that.