Parenting trends you dislike?

[Pea-n-Me]

People need to figure out what works for them and then do it. They shouldn’t be pressured or shamed to do things any certain way. Sure, if they want help trying to figure things out, that’s great. But there seems to be some “must do it this way” at play here. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. A calm, relaxed mother is probably more beneficial to a newborn than a stressed out, crying, exhausted one. I also agree with @luvsavacation that bottle feeding can be a preference, just as well as a need. Geez, I thought as women we were supposed to be supportive of eachother!

 

[JLTraveling]

To me the most harmful is the constant praise! Parents that tell their kids that everything they do is top of the line. That no one was ever more clever and everything they do is perfection. Kids aren't stupid. They know when they were less than perfect and although they might feel a little better, there never is a reason to work harder and improve. Fortunately many kids are self motivating, but other are insecure do to the fact that no one cared enough to critique their actions.

One of my daughters mentioned to me that she didn't always like to hear me say anything negative but that she always knew that I was going to tell them (nicely) when they were not living up to their abilities. In other words they could trust me to tell them not what they wanted to hear, but that I would tell them what they needed to hear.

So much this! My dad and I are both actors (community theater and some background work, not professional), and I used to have so much trouble with auditions. At the end of every one, he'd say something like, "it was okay, but you didn't sparkle." And invariably he was right, and I either wouldn't get cast or I'd end up in the chorus. It really motivated me to work hard on my audition techniques, and finally I felt it all click. That audition just felt awesome. And as soon as it was over, Dad grinned. "Congratulations, you sparkled!" Sure enough, I got the lead in that show, and the one after that and the one after that. It wasn't pleasant to hear that I didn't sparkle, but if Dad had just told me I was spectacular every time, I'd have been stuck in the chorus for eternity trying to figure out why the director hated my spectacular self lol.

The biggest trend I hate is helicoptering. It's like parents think that kids are suddenly going to turn into full-fledged capable adults at 18 (or 25 or 30), if they've had everything done for them until then. I believe kids need progressive, age-appropriate responsibilities and freedoms as they grow up, so that they develop the skills they need for adulthood.

 

[mefordis]

I agree with her that Breast is Best. However, those messages need to be modified so that those who can't breast feed for various reasons aren't shamed or meant to feel guilty. My wife tried and tried but it never worked. She just pumped instead and fed from a bottle. Unfortunately, she still felt a bit guilty about it.

I dried up as soon as I went back to work with my first. I was a stay at home mom with my second and nursed her until age 2, she never had a bottle. Both ways work. I do believe that nursing is the best but I have to admit my exclusively nursed one did get sicker and more often. Not sure what that was about.

Any way people can get through the child rearing and still raise a happy, at peace child is good in my book.

 

[fhtpdw20]

Parents that don't know or don't care that there 12-15 year olds are out running the streets and getting into trouble at 2:30 am. What ever happened to curfews?

 

[JLTraveling]

Parents that don't know or don't care that there 12-15 year olds are out running the streets and getting into trouble at 2:30 am. What ever happened to curfews?

Not sure this is a new thing. We didn't have a lot of money when I was little, and my mom told me about the "toddler gang" in our neighborhood. Bunch of kids from barely walking to maybe 4 or 5 years old running the streets at all hours, and the older ones were pretty good thieves. Apparently Mom called the cops once, and their response was basically, what do you want us to do? Throw a bunch of babies in jail?

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I think it depends on the way that you are looking at it. It seems that there are two opposing view points. Breast milk is technically the best food for babies, especially newborns. That is not in dispute. Just look at baby poop from a nursing baby and a formula fed one. Formula comes as close as possible but it most definitely is not the same. But, formula raised babies will be just fine. We need to take the parental judgement aspect out of it and look at it scientifically. If you look at it that way, then no one can deny that breast milk is the better of the two. Which is what I think she is saying. It is best to encourage and help new moms to nurse if they can, especially the first few days where they get the important anti bodies. But we all know that is not possible and that formula is the next best thing. I don't think that judgement should come into this. Everyone does what they can. I am more concerned for the kids when they get to toddler age and are fed only chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. That does more harm to them in the long run then formula does. No one cares about that though.

If they WANT. The mental health of the mother is way more important than how a baby is fed.

I think it was said elsewhere, but it’s something that was said to me by our pediatrician. “A happy, healthy mom is more important than a breastfed baby”.

The problem people are having with this conversation is not that breast milk is nutritionally better (although it is not chasms away from formula, like certain posters would like you to believe). It’s the follow up comments about how it’s better for bonding, etc. That is NOT scientifically true.

 

[Sinder]

I think it depends on the way that you are looking at it. It seems that there are two opposing view points. Breast milk is technically the best food for babies, especially newborns. That is not in dispute. Just look at baby poop from a nursing baby and a formula fed one. Formula comes as close as possible but it most definitely is not the same. But, formula raised babies will be just fine. We need to take the parental judgement aspect out of it and look at it scientifically. If you look at it that way, then no one can deny that breast milk is the better of the two. Which is what I think she is saying. It is best to encourage and help new moms to nurse if they can, especially the first few days where they get the important anti bodies. But we all know that is not possible and that formula is the next best thing. I don't think that judgement should come into this. Everyone does what they can. I am more concerned for the kids when they get to toddler age and are fed only chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. That does more harm to them in the long run then formula does. No one cares about that though.

Except she specifically says fed is best is harmful.
That goes beyond saying breast milk is better of the two, because the reality is that while breast milk is best, formula is a healthy option for your baby. It is nowhere near harmful to your child.
Since she isn't going to come back to clarify I will take her at her word of what she is saying that thinking of feeding your child any other way than breast milk is "harmful". That is just plain ridiculous, and I'm saying that as a mom who breast fed all my babies.

 

[JLong06]

Parents that judge other parents. Do what’s best using your intuition and what’s best for your children. Don’t like that my kid has a tablet or doesn’t wear a coat outside? Cool, keep your thoughts to yourself.

 

[FigmentFinder]

No, there were all kinds of gift items beyond the candy aspect. stuffed animals, games, clothing, toys and so on over and above normal inventories. When I was a kid, candy was it.

Both me and my daughter rarely eat candy. We eat a small bit the day it's received and the rest usually get forgotten and trashed. So she will get a small cute stuffed animal for Valentines Day and Easter, with maybe a pack of mini M&Ms. A whole chocolate bunny would be a waste. Just one toy though, its not Christmas the second.

 

[Planogirl]

The only things that come to mind for me are letting kids run wild and also taking them everywhere. Do kids really need to run around the bar areas of restaurants?

 

[Lilsia]

Except she specifically says fed is best is harmful.
That goes beyond saying breast milk is better of the two, because the reality is that while breast milk is best, formula is a healthy option for your baby. It is nowhere near harmful to your child.
Since she isn't going to come back to clarify I will take her at her word of what she is saying that thinking of feeding your child any other way than breast milk is "harmful". That is just plain ridiculous, and I'm saying that as a mom who breast fed all my babies.

I don't think that formula is harmful. It is not as beneficial, but that is not the same as harmful. We can only do so much in a lab to recreate what nature has perfected. Of course the most important thing is that the baby is fed, but they still need proper nutrients. A few years ago there was a story of an 8month old baby who's parents thought it was OK to feed him only almond milk. No breast milk or formula. The baby has scurvy from malnutrition. Proper education is key because it is easy for new, inexperienced parents to read stupid stuff on the internet and harm their kids. That is where the harm of "fed is best" can come in. Just because some of us have common sense, does not mean that everyone does.

 

[slo]

Don't forget us working moms that worked the opposite shift of our husbands so that we did not have to put the kids in daycare. So we are basically both SAHM and working moms.

Without a doubt….moms like you are awesome!

 

[Lilsia]

Parents that judge other parents. Do what’s best using your intuition and what’s best for your children. Don’t like that my kid has a tablet or doesn’t wear a coat outside? Cool, keep your thoughts to yourself.

And that is how kids go for years being abused and neglected because too many "mind their own business". SMH

 

[VandVsmama]

Parenting trends I dislike include:

• Getting your kid involved in a sport and then taking all of the fun out of it for the kid by turning it into a part time job with the expectation that the kid gets a college scholarship in the sport.
• Getting worked up over breast feeding. If you did it, great...here's a medal for you. If you couldn't for whatever reason, that's totally fine. Your kid will turn out a-ok. When kiddo graduates from high school, Junior doesn't get a special sticker on his/her diploma that says, "I was breastfed."
• the whole stay at home parent debate that's been going on for decades is stupid.
• Giving every kid a trophy just for showing up.
• Giving your kid everything with no consequences & expecting them to auto-magically know how to adult when they hit 18.
• Being a butthole towards other parents because you are insecure about your own family's parenting choices on whatever your favorite parenting topic is of the moment.
• Getting worked up over what type of diaper other people's children use. Guess what? When Junior is 18, nobody cares.
• Telling your kids that if they don't go to a Top 25 college, they'll be failures in life.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I dislike the parents that let their kids roam at restaurants without any clue that they are disturbing others including the waitstaff. Little Johnny is not the cutest in the restaurant and needs to learn the word no and how to sit still at a meal.

My biggest dislike at the moment is the breastfeeding topic. I delivered twin PREEMIES when I was extremely sick and instantly put on medication once they arrived and couldn't feed them. Somehow my twins thrived on formula but to some these days it was practically a crime that I needed medical help and didn't breastfeed. I would not have been any good to my girls had I put off my care for the sake of breast milk. Come on. We can be better than judge others on how they choose to feed their babies. No one knows the circumstances of others. Thank goodness this wasn't an issue when I delivered.

 

[JLong06]

And that is how kids go for years being abused and neglected because too many "mind their own business". SMH

That’s a bit dramatic and off base from my statement and I’m pretty sure you know that. If you don’t, get a clue.

Knowing and recognizing signs of child abuse and neglect is far from the social media warrior parents that criticize everything another parent does.

 

[Sinder]

I don't think that formula is harmful. It is not as beneficial, but that is not the same as harmful. We can only do so much in a lab to recreate what nature has perfected. Of course the most important thing is that the baby is fed, but they still need proper nutrients. A few years ago there was a story of an 8month old baby who's parents thought it was OK to feed him only almond milk. No breast milk or formula. The baby has scurvy from malnutrition. Proper education is key because it is easy for new, inexperienced parents to read stupid stuff on the internet and harm their kids. That is where the harm of "fed is best" can come in. Just because some of us have common sense, does not mean that everyone does.

Except the pp IS talking about formula (see below), not almond milk.
Maybe you shouldn't continue speaking for her since what you are saying isn't what she is.

Breast is best. Sorry if the truth hurts but it's a scientific fact. The "fed is best" movement is harmful because it encourages mothers to think of breastmilk and formula as equal and therefore choose based on convenience, when medically, they are far from equal.

 

[Lilsia]

That’s a bit dramatic and off base from my statement and I’m pretty sure you know that. If you don’t, get a clue.

Knowing and recognizing signs of child abuse and neglect is far from the social media warrior parents that criticize everything another parent does.

You never specified online "judging", just judging in general so I assumed that meant what you see in person around you. There is a big difference between "different parenting styles" and a parent doing something that is considered abuse. But the issue is this trend of accepting everything other people do to the point of turning a blind eye on serious issues. You would be surprised at how many people don't report abuse and neglect because people like you scream at them to "not judge".

 

[Lilsia]

Except the pp IS talking about formula (see below), not almond milk.
Maybe you shouldn't continue speaking for her since what you are saying isn't what she is.

But she is not wrong. You might not agree with what she is saying, but that does not mean that she isn't technically right. You are equating your emotional beliefs to scientific fact. We FEEL that everyone should have a choice, and that is true, but I can see the other side of it where some moms might not realize that there is a nutritional difference between the 2. The fed is best movement was in response to people getting the word out to new moms that breast milk is what is best for your child. It comes from not a medical standpoint, but an emotional one. Listen, I think that babies should be fed, and if formula is the only route, it is great that we have it. But you are talking over each other on your points.

 

[JLong06]

You never specified online "judging", just judging in general so I assumed that meant what you see in person around you. There is a big difference between "different parenting styles" and a parent doing something that is considered abuse. But the issue is this trend of accepting everything other people do to the point of turning a blind eye on serious issues. You would be surprised at how many people don't report abuse and neglect because people like you scream at them to "not judge".

Lol ok then.