Parenting trends you dislike?

[Lilsia]

I think when you're in the thick of parenting young kids, it's easy for that to happen because they need so much from you. You need to be intentional to make sure it doesn't happen. One of the things that really helped me was forming a book club when my older son was young with many of my friends from my mom's club. We decided early on that we wouldn't read parenting, self-help, or relationship advice books for book club. We scheduled our monthly meetings at times when we wouldn't have little ones under foot and made the club a priority. While we do talk some about our kids, they aren't the focus of our meetings. We understand that we are all busy so we don't get upset if everyone hasn't had time to finish the book. The book club has been going for more than a decade and during some crazy times it's what helped me keep my sanity.

I think that we are talking about 2 different things. There is the fact that being a parent to small kids takes a lot of your time, and then there is where a person makes their whole life about their child. Yes, little kids take work, but many parents are still able to do things for themselves. After those first couple of months after birth, kid's are really not that hard. At least they weren't to me. Not saying that it didn't take work, but I most definitely found time to do what I like to do in addition to spending time with my children. As they grew and got more independent, I did more and more for myself. I don't think that I have ever had a conversation with someone where I mentioned my child's name more then once. We would say something about our kids and then move on to other subjects, like most adults do. But I have met people where they are incapable of doing that. That is what I am talking about.

 

[nicolita3]

I am talking about parents that are incapable of having a conversation that does not revolve around their kids. While my kids where growing up, they got what they needed from us, love, attention, we would do things, etc but I also kept up with what was going on, I still had my own hobbies and interests that I stayed involved with. I had a co worker that worked part time that could not hold a conversation about anything other then what her child was doing. No matter what news story I brought up or current events happening, she was clueless because she completely focused on her child when not at work. By what you are saying, it seems that you think that parents are incapable of doing anything other then focusing on their child which is ludicrous. Plenty of people have jobs, hobbies, and other responsibilities but manage to raise children at the same time. So now you are the one judging those who don't put 100% of their focus on their child. God forbid you have a hobby while you have children.

I completely agree with this. I have had coworkers that no matter what you talk about it goes back to their kids. We'll talk about a current TV show and it'll be "oh I don't watch that because little Suzy"... We'll talk about a new restaurant "oh we don't go out to eat because Johnny is only 2".. the conversation just always goes back to the kid and they can't talk about anything but the kids.

 

[tzolkin]

But apparently you were actually talking about people who have their Facebook open to the world to read with absolutely no privacy settings??

I truly don't know a single person who does that. Sure, I know people who have 500+ friends, but have a privacy setting so people who aren't their friends can't see their posts.

Kind of veering off topic, but I think usually the privacy setting most people use is "friends of friends" so if one of those 500+ friends commented on their post all of that person's friends would be able to see it as well.

 

[luvsvacation]

On the topic of your life revolving around you kids…my oldest is almost 20 and I would say for the past 20 years my life has been all about my kids. All I wanted was to be a stay at home mom. I studied early childhood education in college prepping for my future. While waiting for my husband to graduate I worked in a daycare and then as a nanny. I spent about 4-5 years prepping for having kids, to say it was my entire life would be an understatement. HOWEVER my kids never thought the world revolves around them. I considered part of being a good parent to be teaching them important things like waiting, patience and that it wasn’t all about them. I spent those early days reading to them, playing games with them, but also giving them alone time so they learned to entertain themselves and I got done things I needed to do.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Kind of veering off topic, but I think usually the privacy setting most people use is "friends of friends" so if one of those 500+ friends commented on their post all of that person's friends would be able to see it as well.

Interesting you said that and now you have me thinking. I know that years ago, I was constantly seeing posts of people I didn't know because a friend of mine had commented on it. Exactly as you describe above. But, for me, I haven't seen that in like 5-6 years. I never, ever have friends of friend's posts come up on my wall anymore. Wonder if that changed? Now, I'm so curious. But, I know my own Facebook is locked down. Thanks for sharing.

 

[lisaviolet]

have no dog in this fight as I am not a parent and I certianly can't speak toward how to feed a baby, etc. but this thread is very symptomatic of the extreme polarization on so many issues that has become the norm in our society. Everyone is expected to pick a side and be a hard-liner about it. The other side is deemed to be absolutely.

I liked your post and understood it.

But I do not have this in my life. I have plenty of conversations where cognitive dissonance is alive and well. Not all of course, but plenty.

So all is not bleak.

On the topic of your life revolving around you kids…my oldest is almost 20 and I would say for the past 20 years my life has been all about my kids. All I wanted was to be a stay at home mom. I studied early childhood education in college prepping for my future. While waiting for my husband to graduate I worked in a daycare and then as a nanny. I spent about 4-5 years prepping for having kids, to say it was my entire life would be an understatement.

Totally off topic. And I loved your entire post. And your point made in the second half.

But just wanted to say from someone who is unfortunately not a mother, your words were pure joy to read. Am very happy for you. It is lovely when people are happy in what they pursued and/or their passion in life.