Parenting question - inappropriate computer use

[Curious Mickey]

Yes I'm going under another screen name. I'm embarrassed by this.

I just found out my teenage son, 14 years old, is looking at *inappropriate* sites on the internet. He is at home by himself for one hour every day after school. The computer is in the family room. I have now installed a password to block future access but I don't know what I should say to him. Should I be mad? Should I chalk it up to being a teenager with raging hormones? Should I punish him? I don't want to be judged, I'm looking for some helpful suggestions to deal with this.

TIA

 

[Buckalew11]

I don't think I'd be mad at him but I'd probably let him know I knew and we or his dad would have a talk with him. It is easy to access on a computer and kids are curious. But I am one who thinks (& I'm in the minority here) that porn is addictive and is a negative in one's life.

just my .02. You'll get plenty of differing views.

 

[ducklite]

I would not get all freaked out by it. Kids are curious. Let him know you know what he's been doing, and you don't approve, and it's you computer/internet service/house and he is not to surf porn sites (or whatever sites he's been going to) while under your roof.

Keep an eye, and if it continues, just take the mouse to work with you every day LOL!

Anne

 

[disykat]

I caught my son as well. He was only 12 and was having "supervised" time on the computer. Our computers are in the main room and I've always been close by when they use them to avoid these issues. Apparently I wasn't supervising as well as I thought. I was only out of the room long enough to go to the bathroom, but discovered later that night he'd evidently checked out two websites in my absence. Since he only clicked on the opening page of each site, at first I thought he'd clicked on a pop-up, but found out he was given the addresses on the playground.

Anyway, I talked to him and so did dh. We talked about how it was normal to be curious, etc but went on to the negatives. He was actually feeling confused by his feelings at that time so it was a good time to recap the whole birds and bees thing. We have continued to talk about using good judgement on the internet, he knows we track his usage, and we remove the cable when we are gone now that he spends time home alone.

I have a feeling this is something we'll have to be watchful of for many years - little brother isn't far behind. UGH! I'm still looking for a good "nanny" program if anyone has any suggestions.

 

[graygables]

First thing I'd do is get you a keylogger. It records everything and gives you a record of it. Then I'd add some kind of blocking, netnanny or the like. Third, there needs to be some kind of conversation about what he is doing. "It doesn't hurt anyone" is the biggest lie the porn industry has. It DOES hurt. It hurts the girl who may be drugged into doing it, it hurts his future GF/DW by creating attitudes in him that he will carry into the relationships. It hurts him by being addictive and can lead to some really scary stuff (i.e. kiddy porn...ask offenders where they started). BTDT. My ex started with Playboy and ended up molesting his own (and my) daughter when she was just 4yo. Once those images are in the brain, they are there forever, just like storing them in the computer. It hurts people and he needs to know that. He also needs to know that if he does it again, there will be SERIOUS consequences. This is NOT a "boys will be boys" slap on the back kind of thing.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I wouldn't come down on him hard, but I'd sure let him know that you are aware and don't approve. A short talk about why you don't approve is valid, but I wouldn't make a huge issue of it. It's normal for kids to be curious and they need to hear why you think porn isn't accetable. Usually just letting a kid know that you are aware of what he's looking at will be enough to end it.

 

[Pamlur]

I have a close friend whose son (about that same age) was checking out "that kind" of site with his buddies, and they were emailing pictures around. She happened to sign on under his ID (on AOL) and caught him; she emailed all of his buddies to say "you have been reported" and changed her kid's ID to something he didn't know. He got a computer rest for quite a while.

We called him PK (for Porn Kid) for several months and embarassed the heck out of him. He's 21 now, and as good a guy as you could meet.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

Well, we caught our DD (age 14) in an explicit chat with a boy who she had never met. She lost her internet privileges for everything unless we're in the room watching her.

She will not ever chat again while under our roof. After she's grown, she can do whatever she wants, but until then...sorry. You don't get a second chance to be young, so she won't be wasting her youth trying to act like an adult with strangers on the computer.

 

[Lil_Tink]

I wouldnt be mad... Just explain to him why he cant do it.And I am a 14dd....

Kids are curious believe me...My guy friends have told me to much.

 

[eeyore kelly]

My Ds did this. We passworded the computer, and I told him, "I know what trash you have been look at on the computer, and I hope it embarrasses you that Your mother has seen the filth." He was appalled. I bought net nanny that day.

 

[ducklite]

FYI--NetNanny can only catch the sites it knows about--there are thousands it doesn't. It doesn't replace parental supervision of your kids while they are on the 'Net.

Anne

 

[Serena]

I don't think it has to be a big deal, not yet at least. Tell him you know where he's been and he isn't allowed to do that.

 

[eeyore kelly]

FYI--NetNanny can only catch the sites it knows about--there are thousands it doesn't. It doesn't replace parental supervision of your kids while they are on the 'Net.

That's true. I forgot to mention it. That is why the computer is passworded

 

[WDWFAN9]

We had this problem at our house a couple of years ago. On the weekends my son, stepson and nephew often stayed up after I went to bed playing video games. My DH noticed a few porn sites popped up in our history and questioned the boys. None of them admitted to anything, so my husband informed them all that he installed BigBrother (I think that is what it is called), and miraculously none of those bad sites ever popped up in history again.