Parenting Advice for letting teens ride with friends

[msce2]

I think that you need to stick to your rules. It's a small thing when you're facing the possibility of them not having the rest of their lives. There's a good reason why teens are so expensive to insure. Statistically they have the highest accident rates. A little over a year ago there was a very bad accident here where a very popular high school football player was killed, and his 2 friends critically injured. We're not talking as my Ddad calls them "vanilla" decisions. These are the serious ones. Life or death decisions. I have 3 kids, and I absolutely dread this. I'm seriously thinking about not allowing DS until he is 18.

One thing you might be able to do to explain to your kids is do a search online in your local area about teens being seriously injured or killed in car accidents. Print them out and sit down and discuss with them why you have your rules. I'd be happy to send you the links of the car crashes in our area.

 

[summermac]

The only fear I have about not letting my child start driving until age 18 is that when my child turns 18, he/she will be leaving for college shortly after that birthday. I'm not so sure I want my child to have that freedom + a new found driver's license all at the same time.

 

[tam626]

For me, I make my dd who is 17, insist on doing the driving. She is an excellent driver. Now my older son is very reckless & I won't ride with him, so he's better off to ride with anyone else.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

We have two teenagers, one with his license already. We have never let our kids ride with a friend of theirs and we wouldn't let them drive a friend around either. I'm pretty lenient with my kids (DH is a bit stricter), but not on this issue. I'd rather they be unpopular than dead. The area we live in is quite built up and there are a lot of distractions with construction, traffic, aggressive drivers, etc. Kids tend to get a bit stupid when their friends are in the car with them anyway. My DD & DS haven't been social outcasts as a result of our rules. Do what you feel is best, even if it makes you unpopular with your kids for a while.

 

[ilovejack02]

This isnt anything we ever really had to deal with. I have a 19 yr old and we bought him a car when he got his license at 16. A clunker.. nothing fancy and he was lucky if it got up to 50 mph lol ; ) It was really out of necessity . His bio mom and her family lived about 30 mins from us and the private school was just as far. He lived with us and with a new baby in the house I no longer could shuffle him back and forth. Our main rule.. was NO OTHER PASSENGERS!!! He knew that if he was caught.. car would be taken away and he would have to attend our local public high and lose his after school job.
Thank goodness it all worked out ok!
Now he is on his own and has purchased his 2ND motorcycle!! Whole new ball game for me to FREAK out about!! I really wish we could go back to the clunker car days, DARN IT for teaching him responsibility and about saving money and paying bills.. if it werent for that he would have never been able to get the bike!!! ; )

Good luck.. raising teenagers can be stressful!!!!

 

[InnerTink]

Keep the advice coming girls(and Dads) it makes me feel stronger hearing I'm not alone.

 

[MichelleVW]

I can't believe how many people don't let their kids ride in the car with their friends. My oldest has has her license for almost 2 years and has had her own car most of that time. She drives her friends places all the time and I don't believe any of her her friends parents have had issues with it.

I always rode in the car with my friends when I was growing up, I don't see that it should be different for my girls.

Edited to say that a 16 year old girl was killed here when she rolled her truck Tuesday morning on the way to school. So yes, it does scare the snot out of me when they take the car out, but I can't keep them in a bubble forever so I let them go.

 

[dis-happy]

I can't believe how many people don't let their kids ride in the car with their friends. My oldest has has her license for almost 2 years and has had her own car most of that time. She drives her friends places all the time and I don't believe any of her her friends parents have had issues with it.

I always rode in the car with my friends when I was growing up, I don't see that it should be different for my girls.

Edited to say that a 16 year old girl was killed here when she rolled her truck Tuesday morning on the way to school. So yes, it does scare the snot out of me when they take the car out, but I can't keep them in a bubble forever so I let them go.

Part of the reason I didn't allow passengers (other than the statistics that show more accidents happen when more teens are in the car) is the liability if there were an accident. If a passenger gets hurt, you, the parent, would be liable. My parents used to mention this to me growing up and it went over my head, until I met a girl whose parents had to sell their family home in a similar case. Wow. We also have a 2 million dollar umbrella policy, just in case.

 

[nessz79]

I can't believe how many people don't let their kids ride in the car with their friends. My oldest has has her license for almost 2 years and has had her own car most of that time. She drives her friends places all the time and I don't believe any of her her friends parents have had issues with it.

I always rode in the car with my friends when I was growing up, I don't see that it should be different for my girls.

Edited to say that a 16 year old girl was killed here when she rolled her truck Tuesday morning on the way to school. So yes, it does scare the snot out of me when they take the car out, but I can't keep them in a bubble forever so I let them go.

I'm rather surprised, too. Where we live, I've never really heard of so many parents having these rules. I'm not bashing anyone- to each their own, but it is strange for me to see so many, also.

 

[DVCLiz]

I have to add that, at a certain point (and it was well before my daughter turned 18) I became comfortable with the general level of experience the teens had, and then it became a non-issue. By the time my daughter got her license, most of her friends had been driving for six months or more. Once she had her own license and had the restrictions taken off (which would have put her in the second semester of her junior year) I stopped monitoring who she was driving with and it became more of a general "she's still out so I want to make sure she gets home safely" though process than a worry about teen driving.

For the record, I would never make my daughters wait until they were 18 to ride with other teens or to have other passengers. Like a previous poster said, I would MUCH rather make sure those lessons were learned while still on "home ground" and not in some distant city on a college campus.

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm rather surprised, too. Where we live, I've never really heard of so many parents having these rules. I'm not bashing anyone- to each their own, but it is strange for me to see so many, also.

Same here, not bashing just find it different than what I am used too and since my DD has been 16 we lived in NC, ND, and Texas and rareley encountered this.

There has been the occasional child that wasn't allowed to ride in the car with their friends, and honestly they were left out of things.

For the record, I would never make my daughters wait until they were 18 to ride with other teens or to have other passengers. Like a previous poster said, I would MUCH rather make sure those lessons were learned while still on "home ground" and not in some distant city on a college campus.

Exactly, especially since my DD will not be taking her car to college so I want her to drive as much as she can now.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

For those of you who don't have issues with your kids riding/driving with friends, I have to assume your states do not have the graduated licensing programs where they limit/restrict that anyway?

 

[MichelleVW]

For those of you who don't have issues with your kids riding/driving with friends, I have to assume your states do not have the graduated licensing programs where they limit/restrict that anyway?

We did have that for 6 months in North Carolina, but then we moved to North Dakota and her license went unrestricted. During the restricted period she had to follow the "only one other person under 21" rule, but after that it was and is fair game. (But she has a Jeep Wrangler so it's not like she can fit that many people in her car anyway!! )

 

[nessz79]

For those of you who don't have issues with your kids riding/driving with friends, I have to assume your states do not have the graduated licensing programs where they limit/restrict that anyway?

Not sure exactly what you mean, but FL has learning permits at 15. They must have an adult of 21 or over in the car with them at all times. When they are 16, they can have an actual license. I found this about the regular license for youth:

NonCommercial Driver Licenses

CLASS E: Any non-commercial motor vehicles with Gross Vehicle Weight Rating (GVWR) less than 26,001 pounds, including passenger cars, 15 passenger vans including the driver, trucks or recreational vehicles and two or three wheel motor vehicles 50 cc or less, such as mopeds or small scooters. (see below). Farmers and drivers of authorized emergency vehicles who are exempt from obtaining a commercial driver license must obtain a Class E license.
A resident who holds a valid Florida operator license may continue to operate vehicles for which a CLASS E driver license is required, until the operator license expires.
16 year olds cannot drive from 11 PM to 6 AM unless accompanied by 21 year old licensed driver or driving to and from work.
17 year olds cannot drive from 1 AM to 5 AM unless accompanied by 21 year old licensed driver or driving to and from work.
CLASS E-Learner: Motor vehicles less than 8,000 LBS.

A resident who holds a valid Florida learner license may continue to operate vehicles for which a CLASS E learner license is required, until the license expires.
Learner license has the following conditions:
May operate a vehicle only between the hours of 6 AM and 7 PM. After three months from issuance, drivers with a learner's license may operate a vehicle from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. with a licensed driver, 21 years or older occupying the closest seat to right of the driver.
At least 21 year old accompanying licensed driver occupying the closest seat to right of the driver.
Does not allow for the operation of a motorcycle.

However, I don't think our local police regularly enforce the driving curfew.

So I guess I don't have so much of a problem with teenagers riding with licensed teenagers because so many of our 15 year olds get their learner's permit and have an entire year to practice. I would also enforce a curfew so that my kids wouldn't be out driving with friends late at night. But again, my kids are not there yet.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

NJ has the following limits for those under 21 with a drivers license: (they allow permits at 16 here)

Provisional driver license restrictions
No driving between 12:01 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.
Passengers must be from your household. Only one additional person from outside your household is allowed in the vehicle
If you are at least 21 years old, there are no passenger or hour restrictions
You can't use cell phones, hand held video games or any other hand held electronic device

Since it only allows for ONE person outside your household to be in your vehicle anyway, this pretty much cuts out the kids here from riding with each other. I guess that is another reason it really is a non-issue for us.

There are further restrictions here on drivers under 18, but I don't think they are too much different from the under 21 guidelines, except that you then need to drive with someone who is licensed and over 21 in the car.

 

[MichelleVW]

NJ has the following limits for those under 21 with a drivers license: (they allow permits at 16 here)

Provisional driver license restrictions
No driving between 12:01 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.
Passengers must be from your household. Only one additional person from outside your household is allowed in the vehicle
If you are at least 21 years old, there are no passenger or hour restrictions
You can't use cell phones, hand held video games or any other hand held electronic device

Since it only allows for ONE person outside your household to be in your vehicle anyway, this pretty much cuts out the kids here from riding with each other. I guess that is another reason it really is a non-issue for us.

There are further restrictions here on drivers under 18, but I don't think they are too much different from the under 21 guidelines, except that you then need to drive with someone who is licensed and over 21 in the car.

Omg they have restrictions on adults 18-21!! That (IMHO) is crazy, you can go fight and die for your country at 18 but you can't drive with more than one other person in the car with you!!

 

[SharkyGoddess]

My oldest is 14 and fast approaching the age where he will be asking to go places with driving friends. I'll want to meet these friends, naturally, but other than the demands of him answering my texts/calls, I will more than likely allow him to go. I was a 16yo driver and always had a car full and never had so much as a scratch.

My opinion has always been, there is no difference between someone talking on their cell phone (although I think the bluetooth IS safer) and carrying on a conversation with a passenger; OR if your hand is occupied with a cell, it's no different than a smoker fiddling with their cigarette; AND around here the elderly cause far more accidents than our teens. All you have to do is read the weekly accident reports which lists the ages of the drivers and see that practically 98% of them are OVER the age of 55 (yes, I know 55 is not elderly).

I'm all for safer roads, but saying teens are the most dangerous drivers while ignoring our aging population who are failing in coordination and response times is equally irresponsible. Not to mention the medications some people are on while driving now

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Omg they have restrictions on adults 18-21!! That (IMHO) is crazy, you can go fight and die for your country at 18 but you can't drive with more than one other person in the car with you!!

I know, its is crazy! Then again, the area we live in was farmland 40 years ago and now we are a major city, so the times are a changing and the driving is certainly much more challenging then when I got my license decades ago. Many deaths and accidents on the road in NJ (involving kids under 21) prompted them to change the laws regarding licensing for those under 21. Not sure if it is good or bad, but we just go with it.

 

[InnerTink]

Wanted to clarify. My son is 15, his friends are 16 with a fresh license he is only a sophmore. He has his permit and drives with me often and will have a full year experience of driving before being on his own. We do have the rules here about passengers but it is not enforced except by SOME parents I have found alot of them are unaware even that it is a law.
My rule is not to ride with sophmores and juniors this puts him only riding with 17 or 18 year old Seniors that have more experience. I will most likely allow him passengers as the law states that gives him 2 years to ease into it before going to college.