Overcoming the Anti-Disney Spouse - What about our wedding vows ?

[5stljayhawks]

So, over the past 10 years I have heard from spouses(wifes and husbands) that the other hates Disney, never wants to take the kids cause they won't remember. For the sake of THIS argument, money is not an issue, the family takes other vacations and time off is not a problem. Isn't marriage about for better and worse, give and take, blah blah blah....?

The kids won't remember excuse - When did remembering something become a requirement for execution of something fun that may cost . I have been to way to many concerts or sporting event that lasted only 2, maybe 3 hours and cost more than 1 day ticket at Disney that I don't remember. Same can be said for the golf I play or the chartered fishing trip, what about the trip to the casino, we all have our indulgences..... Maybe for other spouses its the $150 for hair, the coach/kate spade hand bag and $100 shoes that are worn 3 times, $700 flat screen, $1000 laptop or new riding lawn mower. You get the idea...

What gives on why these people who take this experience from their kids and family?

 

[Klayfish]

This sounds a bit more like a relationship issue. However, generally speaking if someone doesn't like WDW, it's going to be hard to convince them they should. They either are willing to go for the sake of their family, or they aren't.

 

[Hikergirl]

My marriage is a partnership so if I have a spouse that hates Disney and never wants to go then we find something we both want to do.

I dont see the issue if people want to wait until kids are older, there is no rule that you have to take them at a certain age. I would rather wait until my kids can do everything that WDW has to offer them than bring them along so that I can enjoy WDW with them. If you dont understand the difference thats OK, you can do whatever you want with your kids.

 

[powellrj]

My oldest DS hates WDW and has since he was in high school. We took him often as a child, but he never wanted to go back at about 15. Now we go as an extended family renting a condo. He visits army buddies and his wife and kids do the parks with us.

I know many people would never do a trip like this, but it works for them.

 

[loves to dive]

My honey hates travel, hates crowds and can't go longer than half hour without a smoke so doesn't even go to the movies. My son and I love to travel so we go on vacations and honey stays at home a takes care of the dogs. Works for us. He gets his alone time without me to do whatever he wants and my son and I get our time together. When my son can't travel (adult) I go solo.

 

[Elle23]

My marriage is a partnership so if I have a spouse that hates Disney and never wants to go then we find something we both want to do.

Our marriage is a partnership, but we don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7. We respect each other's wants and desires. I went with just 2 of my kids to WDW, and we survived just fine (married 26 years this month).

 

[Hikergirl]

Our marriage is a partnership, but we don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7. We respect each other's wants and desires. I went with just 2 of my kids to WDW, and we survived just fine (married 26 years next month).

Lol, we arent joined at the hip but we do take family vacations together as a family. We also go where we want without eachother, or without the kids, or without one or more of the kids. Those arent family vacations though.
We just celebrated 20 years of marriage last summer so we are surviving just fine too

 

[Nayan]

There are those who dislike travel in general, those who will never camp or cruise and those who dislike theme parks. I disagree that they are taking away the experience of Disney. Why would you want to go somewhere you really don't want to go? I know many who have never set foot in the parks and the kids turned out alright.

 

[greentea]

If my spouse hated a vacation destination, I wouldn't want to go there with them. Why would I want to make them miserable for a week? I'd just go with a friend or other relative if I really wanted to do it. Just like I wouldn't go camping if my partner was into that, no matter how much they loved it. I don't do well in the outdoors and in nature, too many bugs, health problems, and allergies. They could go with people who do enjoy it and I wouldn't feel like I was bringing down the vacation.

Some people don't do well with heat and humidity, crowds, or theme parks in general. There's no comparison to a laptop or expensive shoes. If my partner wants to buy something I don't care about, okay, but I'm not expected to spend my time using it. Not the same as losing your time off of work to do a thing that stresses you out or that you find super unpleasant.

I guess I don't see the appeal in dragging along a sulky vacation partner.

 

[Klayfish]

Lol, we arent joined at the hip but we do take family vacations together as a family. We also go where we want without eachother, or without the kids, or without one or more of the kids. Those arent family vacations though.
We just celebrated 20 years of marriage last summer so we are surviving just fine too

Yep, I'm with you. DW and I have been married 17+ years, we're not joined at the hip. However, I would never dream of taking a "family" vacation without her. No way. Doesn't mean it's wrong to do, but to me that wouldn't be a family vacation.

 

[wilkeliza]

I get what you are saying OP. We don't have that problem with Disney but it has come up with other things. One big one is baseball. We have different favorite teams but his favorite is my local team so I go to as many games as he wants to every season. My team doesn't often play near us so last year when they did I asked to go for my birthday. He moaned and groaned about how he doesn't want to go to that stadium he hates the team they are play blah blah blah. I reminded him how many games I've sat through at his asking and how I appreciate if he could sit through 1 for me to show that my likes and dislikes are just as important and his. It takes a lot for some people to realize that them saying no is actually hurtful to the other party. As you put it there are all the yes's the asking party has been giving when they don't want to do something or don't understand the want but go with it anyways that when money and time aren't a factor the no is very hurtful.

 

[Sundowner2]

I wonder if part of it is until you go, all some may imagine is heat, crowds, kids rides, etc. Once they go, and realize its a total experience, it might change their minds.

A little off topic, but for me, an anti disney spouse is less shocking than the parents who leave a kid behind . Im not judging, my sister in law is that sort, and her reason is she says she cant enjoy a trip if she has children with her, but for me, the children bring so much enjoyment into the trip. And I know others say they would be too young to enjoy it (so back on topic!) But that just completely shocks me to my core. I dread the days my 2 boys 9 and almost 5 are too big to hang out with mom, or are in college, so I take every chance I get to snuggle them or go places with them, especially Disney, which is an ecvery 2-3 years for us

 

[mjkacmom]

I wonder if part of it is until you go, all some may imagine is heat, crowds, kids rides, etc. Once they go, and realize its a total experience, it might change their minds.

A little off topic, but for me, an anti disney spouse is less shocking than the parents who leave a kid behind . Im not judging, my sister in law is that sort, and her reason is she says she cant enjoy a trip if she has children with her, but for me, the children bring so much enjoyment into the trip. And I know others say they would be too young to enjoy it (so back on topic!) But that just completely shocks me to my core. I dread the days my 2 boys 9 and almost 5 are too big to hang out with mom, or are in college, so I take every chance I get to snuggle them or go places with them, especially Disney, which is an ecvery 2-3 years for us

Eh, I have 2 in college, 1 in HS, 2 in JH, it goes by quick and I'm sad our family vacation days are numbered (our upcoming cruise could be the last). However, I have no regrets leaving diapered kids at home with the grandparent on some vacations!

My oldest goes on an annual camping trip with my SIL, DH wants to go with our whole family. If they decide to go, I'll be enjoying an empty house for a week (rough camping, no running water, no electricity, no thank you).

 

[2disneyboys]

To me, if my spouse (or even one of my kids) didn't want to go to (Say Disney) but I did, I would have no problem going without that person (Maybe with other adults or just kids and I), but I wouldn't allow that trip to detract from our "family vacation", as family vacation means we all pick and we all attend (where possible)
I would just look for super deals for the "side trip" I wanted but they didn't. We've been on solo, 1 parent 2 kid trips, and 2 parent no kid trips, to various places, for various reasons over the years. Its all good

 

[westie55]

My husband is not anti-Disney, but he doesn't love it the way I do. He was not raised going there. He dislikes crowds and lines and the touristy aspect of Disney. He doesn't like buses. While he will go from time to time, I want to go more often so I do! I take DS with either my sister and/or my parents and while we miss my husband, we have a great time enjoying ourselves without worrying that he isn't having as much fun or skipping any rides because he doesn't think the line is worth waiting in. This works very well for my family. I think it's possible for a husband and wife to enjoy things together and separately.

 

[Vijoge]

Overcoming the Anti-Disney Spouse - What about our wedding vows ?

Maybe you should have included Disney vacations in your vows (I'm assuming you didn't) or at least in a pre-nup if it's that important. Or at least discussed your love of Disney and your vacation expectations beforehand.

 

[Branflakes]

My husband loves Dianey like I do. We were married there.
However, my ex husband was so cheap ONLY with Disney. He whined and complained about Disney. The kids loved Disney and still do as adults.
I used to shlep happily to The Masters in Augusta $$$$$$ ,and to the Open in Pinehurst $$$$$$ and watch, yawn, golf. I don't golf. And I didn't then. But I went had a good attitude and was supportive. The tents with cocktails and socializing helped A LOT.
Sometimes we just see the value in our likes differently. But I feel like go together or not, if one spouse has likes the other one doesnt, there should always be an equivalency where the funds are concerned.

 

[Hikergirl]

Maybe you should have included Disney vacations in your vows (I'm assuming you didn't) or at least in a pre-nup if it's that important. Or at least discussed your love of Disney and your vacation expectations beforehand.

Somehow I didnt realize that the for better or worse part meant that I may have to overcome a non disney loving spouse

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I wonder if part of it is until you go, all some may imagine is heat, crowds, kids rides, etc. Once they go, and realize its a total experience, it might change their minds.

A little off topic, but for me, an anti disney spouse is less shocking than the parents who leave a kid behind . Im not judging, my sister in law is that sort, and her reason is she says she cant enjoy a trip if she has children with her, but for me, the children bring so much enjoyment into the trip. And I know others say they would be too young to enjoy it (so back on topic!) But that just completely shocks me to my core. I dread the days my 2 boys 9 and almost 5 are too big to hang out with mom, or are in college, so I take every chance I get to snuggle them or go places with them, especially Disney, which is an ecvery 2-3 years for us

I agree with every bit of this. My DH has never been to Disney and is not too thrilled that we are going in August. He definitely feels like it will be an over crowded carnival where he does nothing but walk all day in 100 degree heat. I'm hoping he will go and realize that it's nothing like what he is expecting. Sure there will be heat and crowds, but there's so much more than that.

I too find it strange when parents go to Disney without their kids. If it works for then, then great, but I just don't get it. So many people have told me that I should wait until DS is older (hes 1.5 now and DD is 7) so he can remember it and be able o ride everything. That isn't important to me. He will still have a blast and I will have those memories watching him enjoy himself. Plus, there's definitely something magical about viewing the world through the eyes of someone so young. I will definitely take him again when he's older too, but I think our trip will be so much more special seeing how he views things at this age.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I totally understand and agree with your perspective. Kids grow up so fast that I just couldn't imagine myself leaving my kids behind for a Disney trip.

 

[Klayfish]

My husband loves Dianey like I do. We were married there.

I used to shlep happily to The Masters in Augusta $$$$$$ ,and to the Open in Pinehurst $$$$$$ and watch, yawn, golf. I don't golf. And I didn't then. But I went had a good attitude and was supportive. The tents with cocktails and socializing helped A LOT.

First of all, awesome for you that you were married there!! We took a 10th anniversary trip there, but didn't get married there.

I keep trying to tell DW that in some respects, she's lucky. Unlike most guys, I hate golf. I honestly have never been on a course in my life (except miniature golf), never watched it on TV...even once... and have zero desire to play. I also don't hunt, don't even get the concept of a "man cave" or any of that other stuff. My drug of choice is auto racing, it's not a cheap hobby. But to your point about money, I ask her permission each and every time I want to do something related to my racing.

Thankfully when it comes to vacations, we have the same interests for the most part, so it's rarely an issue.