Our Seemingly Silly Semi-Illogical Four Day Whirlwind Trip

[akrake]

more more more...
i stumbled upon your tr yesterday....I love it!!

akrake

 

[TigerKat]

You and Lowell are a hoot! I'd love to have dinner with you two.

 

[SunKat]

Salad Man !

Your reports are too funny. Love all the details. OK, I feel deprived, I've yet to have a Mickey shaped cucumber on my salad plate. I also never noticed alligators on that ride, is that something new? It's not good to not notice alligators, is it?

 

[Kay7979]

Salad Man !

Your reports are too funny. Love all the details. OK, I feel deprived, I've yet to have a Mickey shaped cucumber on my salad plate. I also never noticed alligators on that ride, is that something new? It's not good to not notice alligators, is it?

SunKat: Maybe you've been so hungry you've eaten them without noticing! I would be happy to donate to you any cucumbers we get, Mickey shaped or otherwise. I don't remember either fish or alligators the last time we rode Living with the Land, which was probably still the Listen to the Land version, it was so long ago. Maybe someone can jump in and tell us whether A) you Lowell and I are really unobservant or B) we're senile and losing our memories or C) the fish and the alligators are something new in the last few years.

DisneyMomOK: Hello! Another new name. I love seeing new people stop in and say Hi. I see the count of how many people have read my latest installments and wonder whether its my few faithful people reading it 42 times to make me feel good, or whether there are a bunch of people out there I haven't "met" yet.

KangaFan: I have to thank you officially for being my line editor. KangaFan called to my attention that I needed to add three or four words to correct the false impression that Lowell was wearing the cucumber eyes rather than the plate. Yikes! don't give that man any more zany ideas. He might try it your way, next!

akrake: Welcome, welcome! Another new reader. Now my faithful few only have to reread my latest posts 40 times each to make me feel good!

TigerKat: You're welcome to have dinner with us anytime. Apparently you don't get embarrassed easily It's odd, Lowell is fairly quiet and not nearly as zany as me, so when he comes up with this off-the-wall stuff, it's all the funnier.

 

[kisobel]

ok, i'm guilty of lurking more than posting. but your trip report is deserving of comments. first hello from syracuse can you believe our weather? i love doctor who and your TARDIS reference was great. i can't wait to hear more about the whirling.

keep going

kate

 

[Kay7979]

ok, i'm guilty of lurking more than posting. but your trip report is deserving of comments. first hello from syracuse can you believe our weather? i love doctor who and your TARDIS reference was great. i can't wait to hear more about the whirling.

keep going

kate

Welcome and thanks for coming out of Lurkdom. It's good to hear from a local person. You're only about 1.5 hours away from us so I consider that local.

I'm glad to hear someone "got" the Doctor Who reference. It's a more obscure science fiction series than Star Trek or even Star Gate, but it's been around for a couple decades on and off, and it's a fun show. I'm glad it's being remade again for a new generation to enjoy.

 

[mom2my3kids]

Love the trip report..

 

[bigsis1970]

Awesome TR so far.. Thanks for entertaining us.. Michelle

 

[Kay7979]

PART ELEVEN AND ONE HALF:

We interrupt this trip report for breaking news! Disney Free Dining Plan to be revamped!

Disney plans to introduce a modified version of the Free Dining plan. The new plan is awaiting final approval from Disney board members, but is said to solve a number of flaws in the current program and is likely to win approval.

Most consumer complaints involved the difficulty of eating a large lunch, snacks, and an evening meal that typically includes an appetizer and dessert. Respondents participating in a marketing survey told Disney representatives that this was, “Just too much food.”

The main flaw in the original plan from Disney’s standpoint was that there was a tendency for customers to select the most expensive offerings on the menu in order to maximize the benefits of the Free Dining plan. This posed challenges in keeping the plan economically viable. A Disney spokesperson who requested that his name not be divulged lamented, “There is a group on the internet known as The DIS that encouraged their membership to study the menus, and with the aide of calculators and spreadsheets, determine the highest dollar value that can be achieved with the Free Dining program.”

Compromises that Disney found unavoidable in order to save the Free Dining plan from extinction included the elimination of many menu items, and a more standardized Bill of Fare among the various participating restaurants. These changes, however, were only a temporary solution according to Disney. Broad and sweeping changes were necessary.

Although the proposed changes have not yet been officially approved, the basic outline of a new more equitable Free Dining plan renamed, “Meal of Fortune,” is as follows:

Guests participating in the Meal of Fortune plan will be able to choose any restaurant participating in the plan, but they will not be able to choose a specific menu item. Upon checking in with a confirmed reservation at the hostess station, a Cast Member on duty will lead the guests to the Meal of Fortune Wheel. There, each person dining will spin to determine the meal they will be served. If on the first spin the pointer lands on a Bonus or Wild Card Space, the diner will be awarded either an appetizer or a dessert, in addition to their meal, and will get a second spin to determine their meal prize. When the pointer lands on a Prize Space, the meal shown on that space will be awarded.

Meals fall into three color categories, Gold, Silver or Bronze. Gold meal spaces will feature a dinner such as New York Strip Steak or Grilled Pork Tenderloin. Silver meal spaces feature lighter fare such as Beef Stew, or Fish and Chips. Bronze meal space awards consist of meals such as yesterday’s leftover Soup d’Jour with Fried Bologna and Rutabaga Sandwich, or Creamed Beets with Fricassee of Woodchuck.

The Meal of Fortune wheel also contains Penalty Spaces. Penalty Spaces will entitle the diner to a Free Spin to obtain a meal award, but the diner will be required after diner to bus tables for one hour as the Penalty. There is also a space on the wheel noted Bankrupt. When the pointer lands on this space, the diner does not receive a second spin for a dinner award, and is required to buy dinner for the all the members of the last family that was seated in the restaurant. Standard menu prices will apply, reimbursable immediately to Disney. Children under the age of seven are exempt from the Bankrupt Space penalty.

The unnamed Disney spokesperson admitted that the new Meal of Fortune plan eliminates the ability to chose one’s own meal, but in his words, “Beggars can’t be choosers. At least you’re getting a free meal so that ought to count for something. And even the Value Meals like the Woodchuck Fricassee are served piping hot with a sprig of parsley garnish. First Class all the way.”

The new Meal of Fortune plan is rumored to be available by summer of 2007 if approved by Disney’s board of directors. Final details of the plan will be officially released by Disney as soon as they are available.

 

[SunKat]

Don't be surprised if Disney steals your idea.

With my luck, I'd end up with the fried bologna and rutabaga sandwich every night, bussing tables and paying for other families meals. Hey, guess we can't complain at least the meals are served piping hot with a sprig of parsley!

Thanks for keeping us laughing!!!

Oh, regarding your report on the Land. I do seem to remember the fish at the end of the ride (catfish? trout?). I'm wondering if the alligators are tiny ones and are in the tank opposite the fish? I'm picturing 8 foot long gators though, walking amongst the vegetables.

Looking forward to your next report!

 

[dizneydonna]

I Love It! You're imagination is really beginning to scare me. Are you sure that you don't write for a living, lady?

Mutant Vegetables, Calorie-Free Dining, Cucumber Man, Meal of Fortune..........all I can say is.....my mouse ears just fell off from laughing so hard !

 

[Maine-iac]

I haven't been on that ride in the Land for years and really do not remember any of it. Looks like I will try to ride it this trip.
I can see my now standing at the wheel spinning to see what I will eat. I am a very picky eater. I would be hoping for the one or two things on the wheel that I like.

 

[Kay7979]

Maine-iac: The Meal of Fortune plan works well if there are multiple people in your party so you can switch meals if your "meal award" is not to your liking. Of course with a big party you do run the risk of hitting the Bankrupt space and having to buy meals for a table of six!

SunKat: Oh dear, no! There are no full grown gators roaming through the vegetables! Please don't be afraid to go on the ride. They are safely confined in tanks and as I recall they aren't very large yet. As for the fish, I know there are several varieties, but Talapia sticks out in my mind because I like that kind. YUM!

bigsis1970: Thanks for joining me. It means so much to me when new readers (or old lurkers) take the time to write and say they are enjoying my report. Otherwise it's sort of like being a stand-up comic and telling jokes to an audience that doesn't laugh.

mom2my3kids: Yes! Another new name. Thanks so much for stopping by and pleased stay tuned for more.

 

[Kay7979]

I Love It! You're imagination is really beginning to scare me. Are you sure that you don't write for a living, lady?

Mutant Vegetables, Calorie-Free Dining, Cucumber Man, Meal of Fortune..........all I can say is.....my mouse ears just fell off from laughing so hard !

I can honestly say that you are largely to blame/credit for my bizarre sense of humor coming to the foreground. When I started this report, my object was to be clever, amusing, and entertaining. I did not particularly aspire to be funny. But then you wrote and thought I was so funny, and you loved my writing, so from there on I couldn't let you down. You expected me to, gasp, be FUNNY! The pressure is on!!!!

I do have a nack, I think, for finding a humorous angle on things. I watch a lot of the TV commercials that strive to be funny, and in so many cases I think, "Gee, I could do better than that. It's funny, but if they did XXXXXX it would be SO much funnier."

I really like to write the dry humor kind of new release spoofs. It seems that whenever I write things in that style, I can say the most ridiculous things, and people believe it right up to the end unless I make it so absolutely flat-out silly that they know it has to be a joke. A couple of the spoofs I posted here have made the rounds on the Community board, and it was so funny to see how many people made it to the end before discovering I was pulling their legs! On the Magic My Way Tickets, a couple people actually called home to tell their spouses about the new plan!

There are certain people who especially bring out the nutty side in me. For instance there is a trip report writer currently, Nebo, who has a very stand-up comic style and he just cracks me up. My warped sense of humor goes into overdrive after reading his material. For instance, he has bad vision, doesn't see well in the dark and has a number of ailments that require pain medicine. The poor dear is always falling down, running into things or otherwise having accidents so I posted this on his thread:

****
"I spoke with some of my contacts at Disney today and they’re working on a special Nebo-ized version of Pal Mickey. It’s called a Seeing Eye Mickey. It will have GPS so you won’t get lost in restaurants or theatres, radar to keep you from bumping into tables or other guests, and L.E.D.s in the bow tie so you can read menus and restroom signs in low light conditions. Press his hand once to dispense a pain pill, twice for a cold remedy. Pressing his tummy activates preprogrammed apologies for anyone whose prosthetic limb you may have ripped off while attempting to save yourself from falling, or whose lap you may have inadvertently sat on while attempting to find your chair.

They say they’ll have Seeing Eye Mickey ready before your next trip. Oh, and it’s free. They hope it will prevent some of the personal injury suits that roll in after your visits."

*****

I think he half-believed me.

His last post was about watching a grown man standing in a restaurant puking all over himself. I got to the end of the segment and I was so speechless I couldn't even think of a reply! But then this morning the funny angle hit me so I posted this:

******

"You were mistaken about the vomiting man. This was a Disney animatronic. The Imagineers have been working on animatronics that are capable of more realistic human actions than merely hand, arm, and head motions. Apparently this Next-Gen male unit, The Puking Dad model, was very realistic since it convinced even you. I suspect that after you fled, leaving your uneaten meals on your trays, a Cast Member retrieved your trays and resold the meals to unsuspecting customers. Imagine the profit margin in being able to repeatedly reheat and resell a large number of abandoned meals. After completing this performance at Columbia Harbour House, the animatronic “Puking Dad” model probably walked down to Pecos Bill’s and repeated the scene there, and then finished the day at Cosmic Ray’s. Next time, Nebo, at least take your food with you when you run away!"

*******

So, thanks dizneydonna for making me aspire to high levels of lunacy, because I am enjoying writing these reports and entertaining you all while I am entertaining myself!

 

[nebo]

Once again, I am a latecomer. Your hubby is totally correct. Silly people have more fun. And I totally understand the "underdog" feeling staying at the WL. To me POR is the height of luxury. When we stayed at WL last may, I would stand in the bus line, "HI, were staying at the Lodge. Are you staying there too or just visiting?." Special K, you're doing a terrific job writing, gonna have to work on catching up.

 

[Jake & Crew]

Just "found" you and read through all 8 pages.

Looking forward to your next installment funny lady

Can not believe only on day 1.5 of 4 days ......and wish you had gone for 7 so the TR never ends.........

 

[Kay7979]

PART TWELVE:


We stand gawking at the stream of people pouring into the Land pavilion, most on their way to see Soarin.’ We’re out of the flow of traffic, near the exit from Living with the Land, but we can’t stay here. We need to go back upstairs to watch The Circle of Life and that means fighting our way through the crowd. Crowd is not the right word. The term, pack of wild animals, comes to mind.

I take Lowell’s arm. “Don’t just stand there, throw some raw meat at them or something; create a diversion.”

“We’ll just have to make a break for it,” he says and grabs my hand in a death-grip. Shoulder-to-shoulder we head to the stairs. If I let go of his hand I may be swept helplessly away to see Soarin’ again.

We make it to the top with a minimum of broken ribs and crushed toes and escape from the crowd as we aim for the theatre. A sign says there is a ten minute wait. Finally I relax.

“What did you say this show is called?” Lowell asks me as we walk into the pre-show area.

“Circle of Life. Disney calls it a cute lesson in environmental responsibility. It’s a twenty minute film.”

“Environmental responsibility,” Lowell repeats warily.

I nod, reading his mind. We’re not tree-hugger types. Although we have plenty of them. Trees, that is.

Probably more than the Wilderness Lodge. Which is pretty funny, considering I booked a “woods view room.”

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re in favor of air pollution or acid rain, we just get nervous and twitchy around people who are rabid environmentalists, or worse, people who are militant about animal rights. You see, Lowell has a thing about woodchucks. Woodchucks are Arch Enemy # 1 and he has been known to shoot quite a few. Out the bathroom window. I was worried for awhile that shooting woodchucks out the bathroom window might qualify us for redneck status, but a self-acclaimed redneck assured us, “Heck, no. Only if you eat them.”

I try to convince Lowell that he will like the movie.

“This film stars the Lion King's Simba, Timon and Pumbaa. You know, the guys on the shirt you were wearing yesterday. So it should be in good taste. Nothing too extremist. If you can’t trust a warthog to be fair and balanced, who can you trust?”

Lowell is speechless in the face of this irrefutable logic.

We stand and watch pre-show facts and trivia on a screen waiting for the theatre doors to open. Disney creates the illusion that you’re reading educational facts and statistics but I’m pretty sure that along with the trivia they’re really flashing subliminal messages like: Buy annual passes today. You need more souvenirs. Only losers stay off-site.

There isn’t a big crowd, since most people don’t race to see Circle of Life in the beginning of their day at Epcot. This is more of a “we’re tired and need to take a break” attraction. I would be tempted to forego the show altogether so we can get over to The Living Seas sooner, but I figure we’re doomed to stand in line wherever we go now that regular hours have started, so there’s no point hurrying. When the doors finally swing open there is no need to stampede into the theatre but most people do anyway by force of habit. We pause to see if a new record will be set for how many people can wedge through a doorway at once. One of these days I expect to see a big clot of people stuck between the door jambs, arms and legs flailing. A Cast Member will have to come with a can of WD-40 and spray the whole group to loosen them.

We saunter into the theatre and assess our options. Just as I thought, there are plenty of open seats. We indulge in the sinful luxury of picking seats a third of the way from the front. Even more decadent, we walk only as far as the center of the row before sitting. And get away with it. Try this at Disney when the theatre is crowded if you happen to have a death wish and see how long you last. You’ll be dead before the lights dim. The survival rate is higher for an octogenarian with a heart condition on the orange side of Mission Space.

So while we wait for the film to start, there is time to reflect on such knotty non-environmental issues as, just what is Timon, anyway? I know a lion when I see one, and although not commonly seen, even the warthog is identifiable, but what the heck is Timon? Neither of us has seen the Lion King movie or cartoons, except for enough bits and pieces to recognize the characters and sing along with the songs. It is only later that I learn that Timon is a meerkat, a member of the mongoose family. Whatever he is Lowell and I like cute furry animals. As long as they’re not woodchucks or something else trying to eat our garden.

The show starts and it’s a pretty good plot. The characters deal with real life issues such as balancing the need for residential and resort development with preserving nature. They show that damming up the water supply and hogging natural resources is harmful to the land itself as well as to others who are dependent on those resources. Nothing offensive or extreme here. It’s all very upbeat, and you can’t listen to the music and come away feeling gloomy, so when the show ends we feel rested and cheerful. The show’s narration by the animal characters reminds me of our own Animal Character at home. If you have pets and hate to leave them, you know how I feel. Fretting about them can spoil your vacation if you let it. I’ll feel better if I call and check to make sure Tornado isn’t living up to his name. He’s not used to being indoors all day, and that doesn’t bode well for the upholstery. Before we left I had planned to throw an old quilt over the loveseat he tries to use as a scratching post. Our loveseat may be only an arm chair by the time we get home. I can only hope Tornado is channeling all that excess energy into something useful. He had better be reducing the mouse population and not sleeping with the enemy.

We make our way outside. I call and find out that Tornado is OK and being his usual crazy self:

And yes, he is earning his room and board.

Sorry if the sight of a mouse bothers you. But wait, silly me, this is the DIS Board, Mouse Central, so surely none of you are bothered by a photo of a mouse. I promise I won’t post any more unless they’re Mickey or Minnie. You can climb off your office chair now and sit down.

Lowell and I are used to mice of all kinds, both the big clothed variety that talk, and the little naked ones that squeak, since country + woods + new house not completely finished = mice. Tornado catches quite or few. Or maybe he just catches the same mouse over and over and over, which is quite likely. He would much rather play with a mouse than eat one.

We walk toward the Living Seas, ready to try the new Nemo ride and Turtle Talk with Crush. My feet are feeling better now that I gave them a break. We have a lot more walking to do today so I need to keep going even if I’m limping on both legs . . . which aside from being tough to do is not a pretty sight.

Walking is not a problem if it weren’t for the blisters. Thanks to the 10,000 Steps a Day challenge at work, I’m used to walking a minimum of two or three miles a day, although that is still far less than the 10K steps goal. Racking up steps has become a habit. Scratch that. Obsession. I read in the program literature that the number of steps per mile is determined by the length of one’s stride. That’s when the light went on in my head. I could walk a lot more miles with a million tiny steps than with my normal loping stride. And so was born “tap dance-jogging,” my feet moving in such a flurry of rapid tiny steps that they are visible to the naked eye only as a blur. I tap-jog as I wait for coffee in the microwave, fold laundry, talk on the phone, carry food to the table. I tap-jog in my home office while waiting for files to download, and even while reading the DIS.

I have a shot today at hitting at least 20,000 steps. By the time we finish Nemo and Crush it will be time to head over to the World Showcase, which is a pretty long walk in itself. We’ll do a couple of the rides over there, such as El Rio del Tiempo, and of course the ride that is alternately praised and maligned: Maelstrom. By then we should be hungry enough to graze our way through the Food & Wine festival booths. I’ve read the menus on All Ears and a few reports on the DIS. I know which foods people liked best. Then there’s the plum wine that the lady at Bell Services at ASMu was raving about. We have to try it. Preferably before she gets here, or there may not be any left.

We won’t have time to shop our way through all the countries and see the displays there, if we hope to check in early at the Wilderness Lodge, but we can come back later, browse a bit, and catch IllumiNations. My target for check-in is around 1:00 – 1:30. I suddenly have a sinking feeling we won’t be ready to leave World Showcase that soon. At a minimum, we need to get through El Rio del Tiempo and Maelstrom as well as sample food from a few of the Food & Wine booths before we go, and I don’t want to feel rushed. On pain of death, however, we must be at the Lodge no later than 3:00 since that’s when our luggage is due to arrive, and I want to verify with my own eyes that it was actually transferred as promised. After that we can relax and enjoy the rest of our day. Arriving at 3:00 barely qualifies as “early” and probably won’t help snag an upgrade, but I remind myself that no matter how early we check in, there’s no guarantee of a better room.

Actually, the more I think about it, maybe it doesn’t matter where they put us with the exception of the dreaded Dumpster View. It would be nice to glimpse Wishes at night, or hang out on the balcony and see the lake and the pool, but we only have three days and two nights at the Lodge and we’ll be gone both evenings anyway, tonight at Epcot until closing and tomorrow at Hoop-De-Doo-Revue. I resign myself to a woods view room. We’ll get to the Lodge by 3:00 and let fate take its course.

I think back on our conversation with Bell Services and wonder if our bags will remain in the room until 1:00, or if a bell boy has already picked them up and stored them in the baggage room at ASMu waiting for someone to drive them to the Lodge. The suitcase contains mostly clothing. The small tweed bag is more important. I repacked it last night to contain the most important items such as swimsuits, sun block, snack food, and perhaps the most valuable item of all: freshly ground coffee to use in our room’s coffee maker. If our French Roast gets lost we’ll be drinking Nescafe. My French is really rusty, but shouldn’t their name be spelled N’est café pas? Is not coffee?

There is one more item in that tweed bag which is valuable if only to me, but I dare not mention what it is aloud. In fact, once you finish this paragraph forget I even mentioned it. This item must be discretely smuggled up to our room. Later, if I am feeling very daring we may risk shocked gasps and horrified looks and bring it out into the open.

We walk into the Living Seas pavilion and find it nearly as bustling as The Land. I’m most interested in Turtle Talk, but we see the line for the Nemo ride first so decide to start with that.

Will we like it or think it’s a waste of time? And will you care one way or the other what we think? These and other matters of dubious entertainment value and little real importance will be revealed in the next episode . . .

 

[nebo]

Thanks, all, for reading. I hope you are enjoying the report. While I can't boast a string of TRGs (Trip Report Groupies)

Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me.

 

[DiznEeyore]

I've been reading your TR out loud to my husband -- we're both loving it, and anxiously waiting for the next installment!

 

[SunKat]

Tell us what's in the tweed bag, woman!! Is it a woodchuck? A refillable mug that you're going to smuggle in to the WL?

Thanks for more laughs!!