Other Parents of Only Children?

[HLDisney]

I'm another only child with an only child. I adopted my DD6 from China as a single mom and China is now closed to single parent adoptions so barring very unforeseen circumstances, my DD is going to remain an only child. I do feel bad that my DD doesn't have a sibling, especially since she keeps asking for one and since she doesn't have any cousins, either, (other than my cousin's children, whom we're not that close to)...but at this point, I'm actually content with our little family as it is. I like that I can leave the house now without a big diaper bag or backpack full of stuff. I really enjoyed our Disney trip last week.....our first without a stroller! I do wonder what we're going to do in the future when she's ready for the big rollercoasters at Disney (I'm not a coaster person!) but maybe we'll find some more daring friends to go with

The hardest part of an only is that she constantly wants me to play with her and as much as I do try to spend time playing with her (because I feel bad she doesn't have a sibling to play with), I just can't realistically do it all the time.

Helen

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I am a mom of an only. Now that I am no longer married, I doubt that I will have any more children. We have a close extended family but right now I am loving being a duo. I can't wait for DS's first trip to WDW next year. It will be quite a Mommy and Me adventure.

 

[jezebella]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child? After I had her and the doctor told me I couldn't and not to even try.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child? More money less chaos (I stole that from someone, but it's true)

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child? Nobody to play with her on the weekends when her friends are out of town or busy and mommy has other stuff to do. I worry about when she becomes an adult and doesn't have a sibling to be there for her most of her life.


What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child? We can clean the house on Saturday mornings (she's an amazing help) and then drop everything and run over to a park in the afternoon. Since we live here, we alternate weekends on who gets to choose which park. DH works there on the weekends too, so we go visit him sometimes.

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child? I don't really think I have one. We have so much fun when it's just the two of us, or the three of us, or my parents and her. She's the only grandchild and will be for quite a while and she's nearing 8 now. We're just happy to have one kid around at least!
__________________

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

We have an only he's 10 and the joy of my life. I decided he would be an only when I was pregnant with him...I threw up for 7 months (I had morning, noon and night sickness, it was awful!) and then was put on bed rest for 8 weeks because of premature labor with an hour of "parole" a week (including taking a shower!). Needless to say, I was not a happy pregnant woman! But I was happy to have "stayed" pregnant after having multipe miscarriages.

After our son was born, I got pregnant one last time (it was not planned) but miscarried again. That confirmed it for me; he was destined to be an only.

What do I enjoy the most about him being an only -- just about everything, especially the fact that we travel a lot with him.

What's my favorite thing to do at Disney with an only -- again, everything. Now that he's 10, we've taken a few of his friends along with us and that's been a special experience in many ways.

What's my least favorite thing to do at Disney with an only -- (sigh) I'll never have anyone to ride Rock 'n Roll Roller Coaster with since DS has said NO WAY (but I've convinced his best friend to go with me and it's his favorite ride now!).

I think whatever your family size, only you can decide if it "fits" your family. For us....1 child works!

 

[TxRabbit]

I am another only child. I mostly loved being an only. Like most, I still have a great relationship with my parents. They are among my closest friends. I talk to my Mom virtually everyday. Thank God for cell phones! They live in a different state and I don't see them often. The hardest thing about being an only was breaking away when it was time to develop myself. I felt so that my parents were such a part of my life, I needed to understand that I could be on my own.

And I am the mother of an only. I needed the time alone with DS to really give him my all. It's that perfectionistic, only child syndrome. I just knew that I couldn't be as good a mom to two as I could be to one. One was exhausting enough. I honestly couldn't imagine two. That has been my favorite thing about being the parent of an only.

Now that DS is almost 8 and in second grade, I think about having another child. I admit that the close relationship I share with my mom makes me wish that I had a daughter. Don't misunderstand. I LOVE my son. But girls and boys are different, and I would like to have a daughter.

I am almost 37, and while there are many women of my aquaintance that have had children in their late 30s, the idea does worry me a bit. Mainly because I am not in the best physical shape. I would say then that I have never been unhappy with an only child, but a part of me has never fully decided that he is an only, which for me has been the hardest thing about being the parent of an only.

I love going to WDW with my family. We have been twice. The hardest thing about going to WDW with an only is that sometimes he thinks that because he is the only, it is all about him. He can forget that his parents have things that they want to do too! The best thing is that because we are such a small group, we generally experience it together, so the whole of the vacation is a shared experience.

Reading this thread has been therapeutic. I have never experienced the scorn accompanied by people opinions about having only one child. My mom, of course, as the mother of an only, has been totally supportive. But because of my own doubts, sometimes I get sad. [I should also mention that I've had two miscarriages since DS.] When DS is really itching for a playmate, I am plagued by what if thoughts. Reading everyone basically give their testimony about their family of 3 has really helped to renew my own gratefulness for being able to focus so much on my own sweet DS and still maintain my sanity on the journey of trying to raise a child. (at least, I think I still have it. )

Thanks all.

 

[ScrapperBelle]

DH and I are both the oldest of 2. He already had 2 children when we met, so I'm not exactly the parent of only 1, but he and I only have 1 together.

Even if he had not had 2, I would have only wanted 1. My reasons are mainly economical. I want to be able to provide what he needs (not everything he wants, but definitely everything he needs), I want to be able to buy him a decent vehicle when he starts driving (next year, yikes! ), I want to fully pay for his college so he doesn't start out in debt, and hopefully I'll be able to help him get started in life (with a down payment on a house).

I had a difficult pregnancy and horrible delivery, so that would have convinced me even if I hadn't already had my mind made up.

DS has been lucky because he actually has had a brother and sister growing up, but most of the time he's an only child.

We have always taken all of the kids to Disney, so I can't really answer the questions about that. Now that everyone is grown and DS is the only one "at home", he still doesn't want to go to WDW with just me and dad!

We have taken a few smaller trips just the three of us and I have really enjoyed it. It is definitely easier and not better, just really good in a different sort of way.

My favorite thing about having an only child has been the great one-on-one time we've had. Both of my stepchildren came to live with us at different times (daughter for 7 mos. and son for 4 yrs.) and I did enjoy having them, but our family dynamic changed and it took lots of adjustment on everyone's part. I can tell you that it makes a huge difference with just having one around the house or having 2 or more.

 

[RandiB]

Thanks again for the replies. I have to say, I don't know if I ever started a thread that had two pages, let alone five.

DD has been a brat all week. I think it's because we told her about Disney. Chistmas and her birthday don't help. I can't imagine dealing with double trouble.

UGH! I have so much to do. Thanks again. I can't tell you how interesting it has been to read your stories. I also am glad posters with other view points, on being an only child, or thinking you were going to be the parent of an only child, had a chance to post.

 

[labdogs42]

I'm kind of hoping that this thread can keep on going as a little parents of onlies chat kind of thread. I like having a little support group right here on the DIS!

 

[KandiB47]

Hi everybody I am the parent of an only child too. My DS is almost three. I can't say that I will never want another one but, at this time, I am happy with just DS.

Before having a child I used to think I wanted three. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. DS was my second pregnancy. After he was born I have never desired another child. I can't really explain it but I feel like we are a complete family. DH and I work different shifts and work full-time. I'm a nurse and I enjoy working (as much as you can enjoy work ). I do have some guilt about DS being in daycare but we are able to keep that at a minimum due to working different shifts.

If I were to have another child I wouldn't be doing it for myself. I get pressure from family and co-workers about having another. I worry that DS could become a stereotypical spoiled brat. If I listened to some people I would think that all only children are maladjusted brats

The main selfish thing I love about having an only child is (like someone else said) having more money for vacation. I am obsessed with Disney World and we visit about once a year. Money would be tighter with another child. Also, I felt a lot of strain on my marriage when DS was a baby and that has lightened now that he is older.

I've analyzed this to death internally for about two years.

 

[DiznEeyore]

I worry that DS could become a stereotypical spoiled brat. If I listened to some people I would think that all only children are maladjusted brats

My take on this is that if you're worried about it, then you're thinking about it, and it's not gonna happen. My aunt and uncle always thought my (only child) cousin could do no wrong, and wow, was he an ungrateful, maladjusted pain! In fact, so much so, that everyone in the family cautioned dh and I that by only having one, we were adding another one of my cousin to the family!

Obviously being an only, our ds has more (materially) than a lot of his friends whose parents have to divide the extra between their kids. And of course he has his moments of selfishness. But overall, we've always gotten compliments on how well-adjusted, self-confident, and pleasant to be around ds is. He has lots of friends (and girlfriends ), so I think that also speaks to him not being an obnoxious kid.

My best friend OTOH, has two kiddoes, and while I love them dearly, those kids are the most obnoxious, spoiled, BRATTY kids you could ever meet. Their parents have never given them limits and it SHOWS! My friend prays for weekends to go by quickly so she can go back to work on Monday.

So, I guess my point is, it's not the number of kids you have; it's how you raise 'em.

 

[KandiB47]

So, I guess my point is, it's not the number of kids you have; it's how you raise 'em.

Well said

 

[MaryJPixie]

I'm kind of hoping that this thread can keep on going as a little parents of onlies chat kind of thread. I like having a little support group right here on the DIS!

Excellent idea.....I agree! Great responses on this thread......

 

[labdogs42]

I hear you about it isn't how many kids, it is how you raise them. I also hear you about people looking at your kid's stuff and assuming that stuff makes them spoiled brats! I hate that! Just because I like to buy my son toys and books, doesn't make me a bad parent. I buy those things so we can play with them together, something I wouldn't have as much time for if I had more kids. I truly love being the parent of an only child, I just wish other people would keep their opinions to themselves!

 

[mom2aredhead]

I'm kind of hoping that this thread can keep on going as a little parents of onlies chat kind of thread. I like having a little support group right here on the DIS!

Me too. We all have to remember to give it a bump every once in a while if it looks buried...

Hi everybody

If I were to have another child I wouldn't be doing it for myself. I get pressure from family and co-workers about having another. I worry that DS could become a stereotypical spoiled brat. If I listened to some people I would think that all only children are maladjusted brats

I've analyzed this to death internally for about two years.

Well...feel free to analyze it right here now!

My best and only advice is don't listen to other people - if you want to have another one, do it because YOU and YOUR SPOUSE want to...not because someone in the family thinks you should for completely random (and usually ridiculous) reason.

As far as the "spoiled brat" thing...(I say it often I've never seen an only child on Super Nanny or Nanny 911...so we must be doing something right!

And if anyone wants a quick chuckle, take a look at this site
http://bestparentever.com/
And you'll find out all of the other things you're doing (or not doing) that will ruin your child forever besides being an only...
Like me - I fed my son jarred baby food and formula in a non-Swedish high chair, pushed him around in a Graco not a Bugaboo, he did not go to designer pre-school, and I sent him to a public school kindergarten before he turned 5. So sibling or not, he's already ruined for life

 

[mejkjj97]

So, I guess my point is, it's not the number of kids you have; it's how you raise 'em.

I agree with this 100%. My cousin and I were having this converstation today. She is an only child and she asked me if I wanted more. I said I don't think so. My DH does, he would really like a son. My issue, which I said in my 1st post is two fold: 1- Health issue and - Economic.

My cousin is like my sister. She said at times she wished she had a sibling but know feels like it doesn't matter. my sister and I are like sisters to her and she has many friends. As she said, "you can have a sibling and not even be close to them. sometimes you end up being closer to friends or cousins then your own brother or sister." She is so well adjusted, mature and loving. She is what I hope my DD grows up to be like.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I don't think anyone should be pressured or "guilted" into having more children!

I am always shocked when parents say they are having a baby because their preschooler wants one. EXCUSE ME? What the preschooler wants is a playmate, NOT a newborn! Preschoolers say that they want LOTS of things, like a unicorn or a rocket ship or a bag of marshmallows for dinner. I have never met a preschooler who literally wanted a newborn to come into the family and alter every dynamic that existed up to that point. Preschoolers want a same age peer who will appear and disappear on demand, not a baby that will take a lot of the resources that are currently allotted JUST to said preschoolers.

 

[RMulieri]

I don't think anyone should be pressured or "guilted" into having more children!

I am always shocked when parents say they are having a baby because their preschooler wants one. EXCUSE ME? What the preschooler wants is a playmate, NOT a newborn! Preschoolers say that they want LOTS of things, like a unicorn or a rocket ship or a bag of marshmallows for dinner. I have never met a preschooler who literally wanted a newborn to come into the family and alter every dynamic that existed up to that point. Preschoolers want a same age peer who will appear and disappear on demand, not a baby that will take a lot of the resources that are currently allotted JUST to said preschoolers.

AMEN I have to admit i am getting sick to my stomach though...Our family Christmas Party is in 2 weeks, and I know I am goin to have to listen to how selfish we are BLAH BLAH. This past Thanksgiving, one of our dear relations had the gonads to say to my daughter (who is soon to be 5)" Tell your Mommy and daddy they are mean not to give you a baby brother or sister" , I was LIVID !, since you all know that when you tell a 4 yr old something ( like why Mommy can't have another baby), you may have to remind them over and over and over again why .Since then I have had to answer my daughter at least 2x a day why we are not having a brother or sister for her.I am seriously going to go atomic at this party if i have to endure it again.

 

[acm563]

Wow, an interesting post and I hope you dont mind if I chime in . I am 45 and the youngest of 6 kids, but since there is such an age difference between us I sometimes felt like an only child. My son , who is 26, is an only child..(not by choice, but by Gods design, and in retrospect it was for the best, altho I didnt see it at the time)
Noone should ever let anyone else dictate to them how many children they should have. I admire the people who only want one child or no children and can stand up for that decision!

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child? As stated above, it wasnt a conscious decision on my part, just Gods plan.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?Being able to afford to give him many luxuries in life that I would not have been able to give him if he had siblings. (I have temporary custody of my 9 yr old great niece and when the 2 of them are together I now realize the advantages I was able to give my son being the only, compared to when I go out with both of them)

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
I had so many people tell me all the social negative issues I was bring ing on my son by not giving him a sibling, and there were moments when I worried about that and believed I was doing him harm but he is now 26 and well adjusted so I guess those "experts" were wrong

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?With him being an only child we have been able to do Disney more often than we could have ever did it if he had siblings, due to the cost factor. There is no arguing over what rides to ride etc etc..( I get that issue when we take great niece and son together so I can only imagine how it would have been if I had 2 younger children arguing because one wanted to ride one ride and the other didnt...I see that with my friends children all the time)

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child? I honestly have no least favorite things in any way over my son being an only child. Now that I have raised him and he is grown it was a good decision. I have wondered many times would he ever say I wish I had a brother or sister, and I have even asked him that and his answer was always no. I do worry as I get older that there will be noone here to help him when something happens to me, but I know that the closeness he and my great niece share will be there throughout their lifetimes (she too is an only child, and hopefully will remain an only due to her MOms situation) so I think it all worked out in the end...

 

[mom2aredhead]

I don't think anyone should be pressured or "guilted" into having more children!

I am always shocked when parents say they are having a baby because their preschooler wants one. EXCUSE ME? What the preschooler wants is a playmate, NOT a newborn! Preschoolers say that they want LOTS of things, like a unicorn or a rocket ship or a bag of marshmallows for dinner.

So true!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

Ok, here's a selfish benefit to having an only -- I only have to look at one child's homework each night, and I only have to be in one grade (again) at a time (5th grade book reports are killing me!)

I can't imagine trying to juggle or go through more than we have each night. DH and I tag team the homework, and it's still painful. My ds is an excellent student, it's just they have alot to get through.

Oh! And I think it would be really hard if you had one child that was a good student and another that wasn't. Our neighbor has twins -- one got into an advanced school and the other didn't. She elected not to send the one who got in, to keep the girls together. I do understand that, but I would feel so torn as a parent. I am really glad I will never have to make choices like that!

Maria