Other Parents of Only Children?

[RandiB]

I would never dream of telling someone with 3 children that it's too many

You're so right. I would never say that to someone.

We went out last night with my DH's bosses. Both of their wives are great.

Both of them basically told me I should have another one because we have such a good family, and a strong foundation. I guess I was flattered, but I don't think we would be a great multiple child family.

I honestly think that foundation would be weakened by another child. DH and I don't have the patience. I guess if having extra money and being able to spend out time with DD is selfish, then that is what we are.

Some people are able to it, but I don't have it in me.

Happy Turkey Day!

I am going to finish up my projects for school then chill with the DD til dinner. No cooking for me.

I will say I am kind of annoyed by the martyrdom some people have about having multiple children. My SIL is a great person and she works very hard. She also went to college while working full time, like me. But I feel like everything I do isn’t the same, because I only have one child. If I say I took a nap with Amelia, she will say “I haven’t taken a nap since 1990.”

I love naps, they make me a better person. I sneak them in sometimes on my lunch at work. My DH and DD are both nappers as well, so it works for us.
My life is easier with one child, but other people choose to have more, they usually aren’t forced on you. I don’t think anyone with children has an easy life, whether they work and/or go to school or not. We all face different challenges. I don’t know how most women do it.

I am blessed with a husband that helps out a lot. He is an awesome father and husband. I went into marriage kind of blind about what I was doing (I loved him, I’d figure it out later) and got really lucky. But he doesn’t ever want to change another diaper, and I can live with that.
The fact that I have a husband who changed half the diapers says a lot.

Anyway, I drank last night and I’ve been up doing homework for awhile. I am rambling.

 

[RandiB]

I have a question for you other parents of onlies (by choice) -- have you done anything permanent in the way of birth control? If so, what? If not, what do you use? We haven't made any permanent moves in this area and I'm trying to decide if we should. I'd like to hear ideas/opinions. Thanks!

Actually the reason I started thinking about only children is because I had my annual a couple of weeks ago.

My doctor is great. She has three kids, but totally understands our decision. We had a talk about our options.

DH is leaning towards the big V. My doctor told me about essure, but DH read up on it and isn't sure. I wish I had put more money in our health care reimbursement account for 2009. I don't see us waiting until 2010 though for a more permanent method. Our insurance will pay half, but I am not sure how much half is.

His mom ended up in the hospital after an IUD, but that was thirty years ago. My doctor says they are different now.

We didn't get DD very easily, but that doesn't mean a second one couldn't come easily. I used to think I would be excited, but we had a scare a few months ago, and I knew after my reaction that we were going to be only parents.

 

[MaryJPixie]

Great thread.....BTW Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
It just kind of happened that way.....DH and I met in high school, got married at 24 and focused on our careers and waited 10 years before we had DD

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
Spending quality "girl time": with DD, she loves art, dance, shopping, bookstore, etc....

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
Seeing that she loves babies and talks about her cousins all the time (my brother and his wife have FIVE!!!!!!! )

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
EVERYTHING!!!! DD loves everything Disney, especially the princesses!

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
NOTHING

 

[labdogs42]

We didn't get DD very easily, but that doesn't mean a second one couldn't come easily. I used to think I would be excited, but we had a scare a few months ago, and I knew after my reaction that we were going to be only parents.

I have had one of those scares, too. Really made me realize I only want one! I'm just not sure if I want DH to get the big V yet or not. But, IUD's kind of scare me, so for now I'm back on the pill. I need to figure out a more long term solution eventually.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I will say I am kind of annoyed by the martyrdom some people have about having multiple children. My SIL is a great person and she works very hard. She also went to college while working full time, like me. But I feel like everything I do isn’t the same, because I only have one child. If I say I took a nap with Amelia, she will say “I haven’t taken a nap since 1990.”

You're so right. I have a friend like this...I get tired of the "poor me, I have 3 kids". You chose to have 3 kids. I'm sure you love them all tremendously, but did you honestly think having 3 kids is 5 years would be easy? I chose to have one so that I wouldn't sound like that. I often say almost everyone I know that has more than one child tells me I need to have more than one child, then in the next breath complains about having more than one child because it's so much harder.

 

[mom2aredhead]

And HAPPY TURKEY DAY Everyone!!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I have been using Depo Provera injections since DS was a year old. (He is almost 13.) I LOVE them! I had a horrible time with side effects from BC pills. The injections are perfect for me. And I haven't had a period in over a decade. It is a little bit of an inconvenience to go to the Dr. every 3 months, but I just switched to a GYN closer to home to make things easier.

 

[mejkjj97]

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!

I would also never tell anyone 3 is too many. I have a lot of friends who have 3 children and they all think I am crazy for only having 1.

When I say we could not afford another child in daycare, they say that should NOT be a factor in deciding. But they have family who help out or they are so far in debt they will never get out. That is not how I operate, but this is only part of the reason why we only have 1.

I was so sick after I miscarried a second child, I don't think I could emotionally go through that again. I think if I had not had such complicatons I would not even have any questions on having a second.

 

[labdogs42]

I have been using Depo Provera injections since DS was a year old. (He is almost 13.) I LOVE them! I had a horrible time with side effects from BC pills. The injections are perfect for me. And I haven't had a period in over a decade. It is a little bit of an inconvenience to go to the Dr. every 3 months, but I just switched to a GYN closer to home to make things easier.

I was on the shot in college, but I thought now they recommended that you not stay on them more than 5 year for some reason? I'd love to go on the shot again. I'll have to ask about that. Thanks for the reminder and Happy Turkey Day!

 

[reginaastralis]

I am the momma to an only, but I think I want more. LOL, I don't know. However, I'm single ... and well, I can NOT afford another on my own.

My daughter will be four in Jan, and she is begging for siblings. Specifically twin sisters. I don't know how in the world she thinks she's getting twin sisters, but she wants them. I LOVE being with Juliette. We're a really good team, and I think it would be completely different if I had fallen in love with a man who wanted to be a father and not a child himself, because I always wanted a big family. However, life gives you a path that you don't always see ... so maybe someday there will be more in the future. My brother and I are 2.5 years apart, but my sister is 14 years younger, so I know I have plenty of time.

We live close enough to go to Disney often. I honestly think we have a great time together. It's always just the two of us, but sometimes we go with my parents and sister and it makes me want to scream. Trying to appease that many people makes me batty. When it's Juliette and I, we can go at the pace we want, do our favorites and not worry about offending anyone else in the family. Our only problem has been being in a line and needing to go to the potty NOW, but I'm sure even with a husband or, goodness, another child, that would be a problem. Juliette just got tall enough to ride Splash and Big Thunder, so I'm getting able to go on some of my favorites, but I still haven't made it on Soarin'. That irks me, but we just haven't made it back to EPCOT in the last couple of months.

I don't know, I'm sure there are things that can be looked down on having an only ... but seriously, it's our only choice right now. I love it when strangers ask when I'm having another one. I get that a lot at the store. It cracks me up. I always ask if they're willing to come and cook/clean/work for me so I can have the baby. I haven't gotten a yes yet.

 

[bwatlas]

I don't know, I'm sure there are things that can be looked down on having an only ... but seriously, it's our only choice right now. I love it when strangers ask when I'm having another one. I get that a lot at the store. It cracks me up. I always ask if they're willing to come and cook/clean/work for me so I can have the baby. I haven't gotten a yes yet.

Single child is/was my only choice, but it's what fits me, as a single mom.
But I do belive... yes, you take what you are handed.. If you're given one (the one I wasn't supposed to have to being with), then you deal the hand your're delt, right?
She's my world, I LOVE being a single mom, I mean, after all, if I can't mess her life up well enough on my own, being a single mom and all (livnig in a two income family now days), then what kind of mom am I?
I do believe, a higher power above does decide what we are delt, and how we handle it, he helps, but choices are tough, so what do you do?
I'm happy (VERY) where I am in my life right now, today.
So, yes, I do think you are delt a hand, put on a ride, and how you handle/deal with it, that's all about life's journey...

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I was on the shot in college, but I thought now they recommended that you not stay on them more than 5 year for some reason? I'd love to go on the shot again. I'll have to ask about that. Thanks for the reminder and Happy Turkey Day!

There is some concern about bone density loss. My former OB/GYN never said I should stop the shots, but she DID suggest a bone density scan. My new OB/GYN says the bone loss is completely reversible and I do NOT need a bone density scan and I do NOT need to stop the shots.

I get the generic one - the medication costs about $40 at the pharmacy, and then I pay for a "nurse" visit to have it injected. Our insurance doesn't cover any sort of birth control.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Have not read the whole thread (will when I have more time.) But for now, just answering the OP's questions:

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
Partly when I was pregnant with DS. - My doctors discovered a medical issue that would likely get worse with each pregnancy. But to be honest, it might have turned out that way anyway. It sorts of just fits us personality-wise.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
I love all the time I can spend with DS. Money is less of a worry. And most importantly, I never have to choose what's right for one at the expense of another.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
Not just doing everything for him because it's easier/quicker.

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
You can really follow the his or her magic.

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
Someone has to sit alone on 2-seater rides.

 

[thewesterberg]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?

Since we first met we thought we'd either have one or two. After having our DS we felt like we were probably done and we felt at peace with that decision as the years went on. It made sense to who DH and I are.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?

We don't have to move!! Our house is on the smaller side, perfect for the 3 of us, but it would be pretty tight fitting anymore in! I love that we're able to more easily do things together as a family, things that if our family was larger would be difficult financially for us to do.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?

Not being a helicopter parent. i think we're doing pretty good, but there's times I catch myself. He's also been asking about having brothers/sisters lately and i feel a twinge of guilt, but it goes away quick! The other part that is hard is being asked all the time when we're having more. It absolutely drives me nuts. I usually am pretty "Minnesota Nice" when asked, but there was one time this lady went on and on about "how could I only have one child? She never could..." I sorta snapped and said that was fine and dandy that she had chose to have more than one, but I didn't find it any of her business why my DH and I were only having one. She's usually a pretty in your face person (obviously) but that got her to stop!

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

We're going to get to go more! Also, we can make the trip be more about him (not all about him, gotta keep mom & dad happy too!)

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

Can't think of anything!

 

[RMulieri]

I would never dream of telling someone that x number of kids is too many, and I guess that is why I don't understand why the same said people think it is ok to call parents of onlys selfish.

 

[Aurora in blue]

I am a 40 (yikes) year old only child. I am blessed to have a strong bond with my parents. I was lucky to have cousins who are my age. I consider them my best friends and sisters. I have two children of my own a son and daughter.

When I was younger I sometimes wished for a brother..I wanted an older one.
I dont think my parents chose to have an only it just happened that way.
You should never ever feel bad about having an only. Your love and attention to your child make all the difference in the world. Dont listen to the negative comments just live out the positive ones.

 

[leanan]

My daughter was an only for nearly 10 years. I thought my now second husband was sterile since he was a childhood cancer survivor. Mother Nature got the last laugh on that one. I got pregnant pretty quickly with our son. Now she is having an even better laugh and I am currently pregnant with twins. I am still shocked and amazed.

I really do not recommend the whole starting over when they are 10 thing. She liked being an only child better. It is quite a shock for her mentally to now have a sibling with two more on the way.

I say if having one kid makes you happier then so be it. After all of these changes in my life I would not have done anything differently but I know that for 10 years I was happy with Nyssa as an only child. I do not regret that decision one bit. Someone just had other plans for me.

 

[sandynd]

Our Singleton is a six-year-old princess I originally wanted four, but we decided she was going to be a single very shortly after she was born - we thought we didn't have the money to raise more than one after we went through multiple job losses in her first year.

She's not very independent, but we love her to death. This last year, we signed up to be foster parents, and had a sibling group of three placed with us (all special needs, natch, which we didn't know when we accepted the placement.) That was the hardest year of our life, and thinking about taking them all on our May 2009 trip to WDW made me want to cry for my daughter. Fortunately the crew has moved on to a better family situation, and we have our princess back - she changed a lot and not for the better during this past year with special needs siblings. But within a few days of "just us", she is back to being her adorable self.

I kind of liked the cachet of having four kids - mostly people looking at me with fear and respect, when inside I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the day without murdering at least one of them. But I like the FEELING of being back to our family of three. AND we get to do our first Disney trip all by ourselves!

 

[Kristineamb]

 

[labdogs42]

Our Singleton is a six-year-old princess I originally wanted four, but we decided she was going to be a single very shortly after she was born - we thought we didn't have the money to raise more than one after we went through multiple job losses in her first year.

She's not very independent, but we love her to death. This last year, we signed up to be foster parents, and had a sibling group of three placed with us (all special needs, natch, which we didn't know when we accepted the placement.) That was the hardest year of our life, and thinking about taking them all on our May 2009 trip to WDW made me want to cry for my daughter. Fortunately the crew has moved on to a better family situation, and we have our princess back - she changed a lot and not for the better during this past year with special needs siblings. But within a few days of "just us", she is back to being her adorable self.

I kind of liked the cachet of having four kids - mostly people looking at me with fear and respect, when inside I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the day without murdering at least one of them. But I like the FEELING of being back to our family of three. AND we get to do our first Disney trip all by ourselves!

Good for you for taking on THREE extra kids for a year! I can't imagine. I still can't imagine having even one more, so that's just how I know I'm done with one!