Other Parents of Only Children?

[LIBLULA]

We only have one DD8. My husband and I have been together for over 15 years. We never really had the desire to have children until I turned 28. Our DD8 was born 2 years later. I can't imagine my life without her, but I have no desire to have anymore. My mom tried to make me feel guilty--the whole selfish thing--She has realized we are only having one and doesn't say anything anymore.

When did we decide to have only one child?
When she was born, it just felt like our family was compete.

Our favorite thing about only having one:
We get to travel a lot, less expensive, lots of time together

Favorite thing about Disney with only one:
I surprised my daughter in September with a mom/daughter trip to Disney.
We had such a great time!!!!

 

[princessmom29]

We have one DD5 and if I have my way she will be an only. I had areally tough pregnancy with her and she had severe colic. I just don't know if I can handle the 12 hour screaming fits agian. Yes she literally screamed for twelve solid hours without sleeping. The only time she was quiet was when I could get her to eat. I was an only untill I was 6 1/2. I had colic issues and mom had a really tough delivery with me. My sister and I fought like cats and dogs growing up. We are only now getting closer. I am happy as we are and DD doesn't have to compete with anyone for my attention. She will get to go to private school. I don't have to debate how to divide up the christmas money.

 

[MissouriPrincess]

I'm a mother of an only who will be 11 next month. I divorced my first husband when she was 3. By the time I remarried, she was 8. My husband and I currently aren't preventing pregnancy, but I haven't been on birth control for two years and nothing's happened. I've been ok either way--whatever happens...happens. My husband doesn't have any biological children, but he is an awesome stepdad. We've always said we wouldn't go into any treatments for infertility if that was the case.

My daughter's had sensitivity issues her whole life, so sometimes things are a challenge. She really wouldn't care if she ever went to Disney, probably. I would like to take her someday, but she just isn't ready. We had some interesting over-sensory moments in a museum this summer. . .

She is older, and she started middle school this year, so she is a lot more independent. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to start all over again with an infant. Either way, we will accept whatever happens.

 

[MomToARedhead]

DD is still an infant, so I can't really answer the questions, other than I knew when she was about 2-3 months old that she was it.

I hated being pregnant and I hated the newborn phase. After experiencing the worst year of my life between the two, I've decided that I'm done. Call me selfish, I honestly do not care. It's no one's choice or decision but mine and my DH's.

I was an only child myself and I didn't have anyone my age in my extended family or nearby to even play with. Still, I am somehow a normal, functioning adult.

DD will be a military brat and there are times when I feel guilty knowing I won't be providing her a sibling, so when she goes to all of the new schools after every move, there won't be a familiar face. Then I think of all of the opportunities she will have because we'll only have 1 child vs. 2 and money being tighter. We'll be able to afford her extracurriculars and be able to take her on the vacations we have come to know and love. I am willing to bet that either of her cousins that are her age will be happy to come on vacation with us so that she has someone her own age to play with.

My thoughts in this post are kind of all over the place and not well structured, but that is the short and sweet of how I had one and I'm done. My DD is the absolute sunshine of my life and she's all I need.

 

[Dsnymouse]

Princessmommy29 - I two dealt with colic, another reason we only had one. Think I would hang myself to do that all over again. Screaming and no sleep on baby and mom doesn't make for a happy house.

I really do feel blessed to have one - do we all realize how many people can't have children or spend thousands on medical intervention to have ONE! They don't call those family's selfish do they??

 

[kgle]

Adventure Woman-

Actually, my mom's large family of siblings is one of the reasons I decided on one child. They are a huge cause of stress in each other's lives.

It usually seems like one child has to carry the burden in most families, so unfortunately I've decided for my daughter who it's going to be.

I probably need to plan for a future in a nursing home. What do childless couples do?
I am really asking. I have no idea. My DH helps with his aunt who nevered married. I have a close relationship with my nieces and nephews, so I think they would be there for DD.

I can kind of relate to you...I didn't come from a large family...just one sister (and a stepbrother and stepsister for the past almost 10 years). I have always been the black sheep of the immediate family with my younger sister being babied all the time. I have a not so good relationship with my mom and a lot of things she has done makes me feel terrible sometimes. I just never want to be that parent to my son or ever have a "favorite". I know its probably irrational, but it really killed my mother daughter relationship and I have a big void in my life because of it.

 

[mom1browneyedboy]

I too am the mom of an only.
The doctors weren't sure if I could even have children and I always knew that I would have to have a hysterectomy at an early age due to problems, so when I did get pregnant it was a suprise. My pregnancy was very easy even though I got HUGE and delivered a 9lb12oz baby. But ds had colic and has always been a very hard child, but when he was 2 he started having seizures (no cause was ever found and he hasn't had one in 21/2 years) so for us the choice was not to have anymore so that we could focus all our energy and time on this one and with all his health issues we felt it would not have been fair to have another one because we felt we would not have been able to give it all the attention it would have needed.
Does that make me a horrible person? No.
Do I sometimes wish I would have had another one....Yes....especially a daughter as I am a very girly girl and it would have been fun to have someone to get into the whole princess thing with.
Everything happens for a reason and I'm very thankful for the one that I have. One I think is easier as far as doing things with, my sister has 4 and it's crazy to have to try and plan something with that many.
I to wonder about the whole sibling having no one thing, but I know lots of families with multiple children who might as well be only children, so it all works out in the end.

 

[melancholywings]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?

We had wanted two - and I really wanted a little girl more than anything in this world, but when DD was born I had some health problems. Then as we got older, and we both continued working we realized that we could maintain the lifestyle we wanted to raise our child in if we only had the one. It has helped that DD has never been one of those children who wants a sibling, and has told us that she likes being an only child.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?

3 is a magic number is one of my favorite songs. It's just the perfect fit for our family. Everywhere we go DD is between my husband and I.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?

Having a sibling teaches you how to look out for yourself, argue and fight with other children. DD doesn't know how to do that, and when a kid is mean or picks on her she doesn't know how to engage them back.

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

Cuddling on the curb for a parade while daddy goes and gets popcorn or churros.

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

Having to ride by myself on a 2 person ride

 

[RandiB]

DD will be a military brat and there are times when I feel guilty knowing I won't be providing her a sibling, so when she goes to all of the new schools after every move, there won't be a familiar face.
My thoughts in this post are kind of all over the place and not well structured, but that is the short and sweet of how I had one and I'm done. My DD is the absolute sunshine of my life and she's all I need.

Thanks for that. My brothers are both in the military as well as my BIL. From what I've seem you develop some pretty strong bonds and kids are in and out of everyone's house.

My brother needed me to babysit one night when I was visiting him. My nephew kept trying to push the boundaries by having kids over and just walking into everyone's house.

Apparently that isn't pushing the boundaries, it's just how things work. My brother thought it was funny that I was giving the kid a hard time.

I know people alwyas tell me I would have room to love another, but I honestly cannot imagine loving anyone this much.

We are in the same boat with private school. It's either that or I have to be very involved with her education. I worked as a substitute teacher for a year and it opened my eyes to a lot of things about the education system in this country that I don't like. The system as a whole, not teachers in general. Specific teachers maybe, but not all.

The only reason I am thinking about public school is because maybe I can make a difference. I have a feeling changes are going to come soon. I think Bush had an OK idea with No child left behind but it was poorly implemented and the deadlines and goals were unrealistic and unbending.

 

[RMulieri]

My DD is only 2 but I am seriously considering having her as an only. (so this thread is helping me out immensly). I think one of the reasons that I WOULD have another is so she can have a sibling when she is older. In particular, I think about us getting old and having her have ALL the responsiblity of us on her shoulders (and noone to share that with). How has everyone else handled this? For those that are only's - how do you feel about that?

My Mom comes from a family of 3 kids.When her parents got ill(lung cancer and strokes) none of the others helped her out.Same thing now.I have 2 brothers and a Mom with health problems...not only do neither of them offer to help, the one brother still thinks my Mom is his personal piggy bank and is bleeding her dry financially(which I get to pay for when she passes on)In all seriousness, you can not count on your kids or siblings to be your support system when you age.It is not only impracticle,but unfair. As a society we are living longer and longer and getting sicker and sicker.Nowadays, families have both parents working and children to raise not to mention aging parents.As a nurse I see many many families destroyed by aging parents and longterm illness.I think we definitely need a solution better than what we have.

 

[lisadr]

We are the parents of a dynamic 7yo little girl and I have to say we are totally content.

I had the feeling from the beginning that I would be Ok with 1. Around my 31st bday-I asked DH what he wanted b/c if we were going to have anymore I wanted to be done by 35. He said he was fine with 1 and that was that.

My favorite thing: I think of my mom having to make everything stretch with 3 kids, and my DH had the same experience with a family of 4 kids. I love being able to have ALL my time. energy and resources available for her. I know that there is no limit on love, but I have to be honest and say that for me there is a limit on money and patience and with just 1 child I don't have to worry about not having enough.

Hardest thing: Only when she complains about not having someone to play with. But I always tell her that having a sibling does not mean she would want to play with or even get along with them. My brother and I were 3 years apart and couldn't stand each other.

Favorite Disney: Being able to afford it! I couldn't do it with more than 1.

Hardest Disney: Again when she goes on something like the pirate cruise and has to make a friend. But she makes friends very easily so it's not really a big deal.

It's funny because friends will have babies and I will be there holding them and someone ALWAYS says "Ready for another?". To which I ALWAYS reply "I want another-I just miss my DD at this age." It goes by quick and I do miss her at each stage, but not enough to want another

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I have to agree that having siblings doesn't mean that you will like them or that they will be any sort of help when your parents are sick and dying.

My father was not a nice person. I estranged myself from him because he was toxic and didn't belong in my life. When he was dying I refused to get involved. My sister took on power of attorney because she planned to take all of his money and keep it for herself. I told her I would have her prosecuted for that if she tried it. Our other sister is still a minor, and he left no life insurance to cover the child support she WON'T be getting, although it was written into the divorce decree that he would maintain a policy of no less than $XX. No way was my middle sister going to walk away with the remaining assets just because she felt like it. He didn't have a will. If he wanted her to have ALL of it he should have put that in writing.

I mentioned earlier in the thread that if something happens to my mother while my youngest sister is a minor I will be her guardian. I dare my middle sister to challenge me on any of the legalities for guardianship or the estate, because she will not win.

One of DS's former classmates had a brother who was mentally handicapped. The mom was going nuts trying to have a third child so the eldest would have someone to "share the responsibility" of the disabled one later on in life. I thought that was horrible! Horrible to have the eldest grow up with that task looming ahead of him, and horrible to have another child for the sole purpose of making him/her a caregiver!

 

[Keara'sMom]

I had to chime in here, as the mom to a wonderful only child...

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child? We didn't really decide, per se, but time just passed. I was working on a PhD when we had dd, and by the time I finished, she was 5 1/2 and my dh was 45. By that time, we were pretty content with our three-some!

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child? I love the close relationship I have with dd. We do many things together as a family of three that I don't think we could do with more kids due to the expense and the management issues...(travel, theatre, etc...).

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child? There are two things that are hard: dd is very social and always wants a playmate, which can be challenging; also, I worry about her growing up and having to deal with aging parents by herself.

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child? We take her lead and have SO much fun! There's no bickering...

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child? Nothing! We've had a great time each visit!

 

[budbeerlady]

We didnt set out to have an only, like alot of posters it just happened that way. I lost 2 children before having DD. I know that I am blessed to have her and she is going to be the only one, I know what I cannot handle again so I count my blessings.

My favorite thing is being able to just go with her. We decide on a whim to go someplace and do it. She is an excellant traveler.

I love how close our little family is. Dh and I are both from families of 3 children, nothing wrong with it but time is divided by 3s or less. My sister was a handful to say the least and took a majority of my parents attention when I was trying to navigate high school. My family is close, Dh never sees or hears from his siblings and they are within 25 miles of us. So some families are close and some are not!

The worst is people who keep saying how she need a sibling There was a few months we didnt see my inlaws. She kept asking DD "Dont you want a brother?" I dont need that and Dh let her know it was unacceptable. I just dont see why everyone feels the need to express their opinion on my family size.

My favorite Disney thing is being able to all fit on Space Mountian together, or in a boom buggy at the haunted mansion.

 

[hickchick]

My DD9 has been the greatest blessing in my life. My husband and I were both self-centered before having her, and she has taught us the value of self-less love and has become the center of our world. There is nothing in my life more important than being a good mommy!

That being said - we never "planned" to have kids - we were happy being the fun aunt and uncle. I have a career, so my free time is family time, and I have realized that the fewer people that I have to split that between, the less guilty I feel...does that make sense or do I sound selfish?! Plus, we can afford the child we have and still have a lifestyle that allows for fun/travel/etc.

I think my DD would like a sibling - sometimes - but she is also blessed with 10 boy cousins (ages 20, 17, 13, 8, 5, 3, 2, 1, 6 mos.) and 1 girl cousin (13). Our oldest nephew spent 3 summers with us and is like her big brother. She is the mother hen to the 5 youngest boys. We see most of them 1 or 2 weekends each month. And we travel once a year with my brother-in-law's family.

We would consider adopting a child someday - but probably when our daughter is older, since my heart goes out to middle-school and high-school age children in foster care.

Here's to all moms on the DIS and whatever size family they have!

 

[melancholywings]

The worst is people who keep saying how she need a sibling There was a few months we didnt see my inlaws. She kept asking DD "Dont you want a brother?" I dont need that and Dh let her know it was unacceptable. I just dont see why everyone feels the need to express their opinion on my family size.

We do not live by any of our family (country folks vs. city life) and when they'd ask when we were going to have another I'd say things like 'We're not done having you spoil this one' or if they are being down right pushy 'You hardly get to see and spend time with the one we have.' I've been lucky that most of my family understands and accepts our choice.

 

[TravelinMommy]

We only have one child...he is only 18 months...but the more and more I think about it, we probably won't have another one....at least not for another4-5 years, until I am able to stay home or he is in kindergarden.


But to answer your questions:

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child? n/a right now..
What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child? That we are able to do more with him and spoil him.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child? That he doesnt have a sibling to play with all the time (even though he has a lot of friends and cousins...he doesnt see them everyday)

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child? I am glad that we can give him the full attention and not having to worry about doing rides for an older child and then doing rides for the younger sibling.


What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child? nothing.

 

[santa's surpriz]

I knew DD6 was going to be an only child when I asked DH for a little help when I was running late for work one morning. I asked him to help my with DD so I could drop her off at daycare and still make it to work on time. He rolled over and said listen to mommy and went back to sleep! She was two! I was so fustrated with our marriage and his lack of contribution that I decided at that moment if I were going to do it myself I should be by myself! I left him a week later and have happier ever since. That was 3.5 years ago and it was probably the best decision I ever made. It has been a more stable environment for my daughter. I decided to back to school and work full time has not been easy but I still know I made the right decision. I always thought I would have two, but now that does not seem likely.

The hardest part is not having a playmate. My mentality and adult interaction is very limited. The last adult movie I saw in a movie theater was National Treasure. I am happy and my daughter is happy and that is all that really matters. I can recite every intermission of Noggin and I am constantly broke! Plus side is WDW trips are cheap and Christmas is always great! My daughter is slightly spoiled, but she does appreciate what she has and understands that she is fortunate.

 

[luckey-lasvegas]

We have an "only" DD who will be 12 at Xmas. We always said that we would rather have one child and be able to give them more things and experiences, than to have to scrimp and save to give more kids the basics. When I turned 30 after being married for 4 years I asked "well are we or aren't we?". I had my DD at 31, DH was 42 and has a hard time parenting. He's getting better but I knew that there was noooo way he could or would go through it again.
DD goes back and forth enjoying her solitude and longing for a playmate. She and I are extremely close. She does have some problems relating to other kids because she wants to be in control of everything, and is not used to having her "buttons" pushed by other kids. She is a very intelligent and caring person. We make fun where ever we go, and I will be present at every mile stone in her life.

 

[Tinkerbell_n_neverland]

I'm an only child. Never wanted my son to be. Tried to get my husband to have another with me, but he said we needed a bigger house. I went out and bought one. Then he said I needed a better job, so I went and got 2. Then he said I needed a career, became a real estate agent. Then he said it was time for us to get divorced. Go figure.

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?

I threw in the towel after my husband left. I didnt want children with anyone but him. Then I found out my son was going to need extra attention. I also realized that I have to raise my son alone. His father helps with nothing. I work full time and theres no way I could have another. Its not fair to the kids.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?

It broke my heart when I realized I wasnt going to be having another, so I took it with a grain of salt and I make the best of it. I always tell people "what do I need another kid for? I stopped at perfection ". Besides, the best part is being able to show my son the world. We do everything together. I dont have to be trapped in the house anymore. We just get up and go.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?

Trying to explain sharing to him. He just doesnt get it. He doesnt have to share anything in my home because his stuff is his stuff, and my stuff is mine.

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

I only have to buy for one. I only have to please one. I see parents of siblings and I see them killing eachother over stuff in the gift shops, and hearing "she got more than me" and the fighting. I was an only child and I dont like fighting. Not sure how I'd handle my own kids fighting.


What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?

Whenever there is a spot on a Disney game show or they pick "families" out of the crowd, they always pick a mom and dad, and usually 2 kids. Its just me and DS. Dont think we're ever gonna get picked