OT-Why is this so hard for me??

[Nanu57v]

How were you determining that he was "starving"?
I mean on the first day of vacation at 4pm he was really fussy and wanted to "nurse" all the time he never stopped crying unless I was trying to nurse him. Out of complete desperation after hours of him crying I gave him a bottle which he gulped down. I decided I would not nurse him the next day unless I was uncomfortable it never happened. I must have stopped producing and he must have been okay with the formula and baby food he was receiving. So I am afraid to do that with this one because I felt horrible when we went through that.

Just read this. My DD did that too when she was mixed breast/bottle fed. She screamed at me because she wasn't getting the milk as fast and easy out of my breast as she was out of the bottle. I went to a LLL meeting and they told me this, and since I was having the awful pumping problem anyway, that's when we dropped the bottle cold turkey. Makes sleeping and dates very difficult.

 

[MeLaNie9]

You shouldn't feel guilty at all! There are lots of moms (myself included) that just were not able to breast feed at all. My kids would not latch on from day one, so I had no choice but to formula feed them. There are also lots of moms out there that don't even try. Especially working moms. So, you have done very well by breast feeding your child for five months while returning to work. Are you taking that much time in the evenings trying to get enough milk, too? Isn't that taking away from the time you could be spending with your children? Just imagine how much extra time you will have if you decide to stop breast feeding? And how much less stress you'll have in your life!

Good luck to you...

I agree with this poster. I couldn't breastfeed either of my 2 boys. My first was sick after birth and once they gave him a bottle, he never latched on. My second was like Dracula - I was sore and bruised and scabbed and the LC told me that I had to wait until all of the scabs healed - that took 2 weeks and my milk was gone (I couldn't even pump it was so painful). I had horrendous guilt, esp since I work in healthcare and take care of babies. I felt like all of my colleagues thought I was a horrible mother and I was crazy because of course I know the benefits of breast milk, etc. My DH was super supportive through it all. He just said, "he has to eat one way or another don't make yourself miserable about this!" I learned that nursing is NOT EASY and takes a lot for it to go right so you have done a great job doing it for 5 months!!! Good luck!

 

[tinaluis]

Haven't read all the responses, so I'm sorry if this is a repeat. Perhaps you can eliminate the pumping altogether and just breastfeed mornings and nights when you and baby are together? That way you can share a wonderful bonding experience and you don't have to stress about pumping and taking time away from work.

Good luck. And whatever you decide, you've given your baby a WONDERFUL start by BFing all this time.

 

[Juliet25]

I completely agree.
I only nursed for about a week because I felt pressured into it by lectures like that. I hated it, honestly never even wanted to try it, but I felt like I had to becuase of all the BF'ing moms that equate formula to child abuse.

I equated formula feeding to child abuse? Could you point out where? TIA!

To refresh your memory, here's my original post:

If pumping just isn't working for you, no need to wean DS altogether. Why not nurse him when you're together and formula feed when he's in day care? Since he's used to getting bottles from his day care provider, this would have a very minimal impact on your nursing relationship. As you mentioned, you love the bond it creates, so why disrupt it? Nursing doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Good luck!

 

[Juliet25]

Oh, PLEASE! The reason this mom feels guilty is "lectures" like these!!!!!

To the OP: One of the HAPPIEST days of my life was the day I stopped trying to nurse my son who just hated it. I did have a successful time pumping and was able to continue that on so DS was mostly had BF. But even then I felt SO guilty that I wasn't doing it right.

I stopped pumping at 3 months and switched totally to formula. We were all much happier. And DS was no sicker or fatter or anything else because he had formula.

Just do what's right for you and your little one!!!!!!!! Forget everybody else on this subject.

Guilt is an emotion that originates internally. I didn't say anything with the intention of making her feel guilty. I offered her advice, as others have done, in response to a problem posted on an internet message board.

I totally agree that one should do whatever is in the best interest of one's family. If the OP wants to switch to formula and get advice from BTDT moms, why not just say so? She insinuated that her nursing relationship is important to her. It's the pumping that is the problem.

Frankly, the posters urging her to just quit altogether seem a bit over the top in their zeal. I hardly see how devaluing an aspect of motherhood that is important to the OP (by her own admission) is any help to her.

Breastfeed if you want. Formula feed if you want. No need to get defensive and denigrate another's choice. In the end, kids thrive either way.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I equated formula feeding to child abuse? Could you point out where? TIA!

To refresh your memory, here's my original post:

You didn't. I was not talking about you. I was talking about some mothers I encountered in REAL life and on other boards when I was pregnant feeling the need to give me the "breast is best" lecture by pouring on the guilt.

 

[Nanu57v]

Its not just you, its society. I feel the same way. I mean, I know its not child abuse, but i felt like if I gave my baby a single bottle of formula she would grow up to be stupid or something. So I put up with waking every 2 hours for 14 months so I wouldn't be a bad parent. Yeah, I think she would've been okay with a little formula.

 

[wrighter]

To the OP:
I haven't taken the time to read all the many posts prior to mine, but feel I must put in my two cents, for what it's worth.

Do what feels right for you, whatever that is, and don't look back.

I won't bore you with the details, but with my DS4, I had a horrible time with breastfeeding. Around 4 months I started to finally just wean him, and I can't tell you how much better life was for everyone after that. I was happier, he was happier, and my DH was happier. I enjoyed motherhood after that, and it affected all aspects of our lives.

With my DD2, I gave it six weeks and weaned her. I gave it a go, and because it was still so difficult, decided not to wrack myself with guilt all over again. I figure that at least I gave them what I could, and after that I gave them a happy momma and a happy home.

I'm sure you've read all sorts of suggestions here - it's just a subject that people tend to be passionate about. But when I read your post, I just saw so much of myself, and am hoping to maybe say something that might help.

The love and livelyhood of your child does not depend upon your breastfeeding him. If you choose to continue to do so, then I admire your pluck and determination. But do what is right for you and your family - what our children need above all is our love and attention. Don't let anyone else make you feel guilty for any of the decisions you make for yourself or your family. Nobody knows what is best but you.

I wish you much luck.

 

[SilverMickey]

Welcome to your new little one!

Its is so hard to "not" stress over every part of child rearing. I was overboard on the stress and my doc was great and willing to help.

Breastfeeding my 1st was SO hard. He was a preemie and I wasn't ready to make milk. I had to pump and that was that. My single biggest problem... (I'm told is overwhelmingly common) was that I wasn't drinking enough water and sleeping enough. Well I managed a nap a couple times a week but I did pour on the water.... And with that the mommy kitchen was open. Everytime a baby cried, sneezed, laughed, hiccuped.. I could go pump...

Good luck with all the new baby-ness! I'm sure you will come up with the right thing for you and your family.

 

[noahdove]

Well, please don't think of it as defeat...5 months is really old enough to stop nursing and it won't be like you aren't bonding with him..You will continue to hold him and rock him, right? You have given him a great start...relax and enjoy the time you give him. I care for a 10 month old right now, and his mom is still trying to nurse...I don't think it is working, because he is starved by the time he gets to my house...I love to rock with him.....So, please don't feel guilty and try to relax

 

[Addicted2TheMouse]

I just wanted to add what I learned from my pumping experience in case you decide to continue. I'm a nurse so I work 12 hour shifts. I pumped 3 times everyday and was able to get an average of 8 ounces at each pumping session. It was always just enough to get him through the next day, I had no extra. When I was home with him, I only nursed him. IMO, it's pointless to pump while you're home and nursing. The baby is far more efficient at emptying your breasts than the pump so it leaves very little left for pumping.

I also ate 2 packages of instant oatmeal everyday which I believed helped. Drink lots of water. And most importantly, remember that supply equals demand so whenyou're home with your baby let him nurse as much as he wants and don't supplement. Thaat will help build up your supply.

Good luck to you. Make the decision that works for you but I promise you that if you keep going you will not regret it.

 

[jodifla]

Make the decision that works for you but I promise you that if you keep going you will not regret it.

I'm not sure how you can make this promise. Lots of people continue BFing out of a sense of guilt.

I SURE REGRET IT!


I regret every second that I spent obsessing about breastfeeding instead of enjoying my beautiful new son.

 

[Nom]

When I was home with him, I only nursed him. IMO, it's pointless to pump while you're home and nursing. The baby is far more efficient at emptying your breasts than the pump so it leaves very little left for pumping.

...

And most importantly, remember that supply equals demand so whenyou're home with your baby let him nurse as much as he wants and don't supplement. Thaat will help build up your supply.

ITA with this great advice. Nursing at home will be much more effective (and enjoyable!) than pumping in building up your supply.

OP, how are you doing? We have not heard from you in a while.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am breastfeeding my DS (5mos) but I think it is time to admit defeat. I love the bond it gives me, I love the fact it is better for his health. But I am having a hard time producing enough milk for him when I am at work. I get up 1 hour and a half before I leave so that I can pump get ready and then nurse him. I stick to a consistent schedule but I never get enough unless I take about 45 mins to pump. I feel like all I think about is getting enough milk. Its getting harder and harder at work to take that much time. My boss is ok with the time its taking me but its getting really frustrating for me. I nursed my older son for 3 months and then switched to formula and I was ok with that. So why do I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt? I am having a really hard time with this. I know its not the worst thing in the world but it feels like it right now. Oh Mommy guilt is a cruel thing.....

I didn't read the whole post because this issue is very upsetting for me. When I first had my son I went to the La Leche meetings and was fully prepared to breast feed for my child's benefit. The trouble is my body wouldn't co-operate. I was struggling with trying to feed my son but after a week of him screaming I was convinced my body just wasn't working. After taping some kind of duct to myself to supplement him I went through 3 different breast pumps so I could monitor how much he got. Instead of being supportive, those La Leche people made me feel stupid so I stopped going after DS was 1 month old. I ended up pumping every 2 hours for 5 months, and never got more than 1 ounce each side. I added my 1 ounce to formula and kept going until I spoke with a cousin that told me about how when she had 'let down' it would flood the pump That's when I realized I was actually hurting myself and my son's relationship because instead of holding him I was strapped up to this contraption.

I tried the same thing with my daughter because she was a premie and I desperately wanted her to get the benefit of my immune system. But, again my body just didn't want to work TO make matters worse, now I was ignoring 2 babies that wanted me so I could strap into the pump. I lasted 3 months with her and never ever had more than 1 ounce per side.

Well, here I am almost 10 years later with 2 amazing, friendly, athletic kids who are both being tested for gifted. The fact my kids didn't get 100% breast milk didn't make them under achievers like I was lead to believe. If you ask me, how the kids grow up has more to do with the amount of love they get than the type of food they eat.

As for you other Mom's out there like me, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what you think is right. I wish I had the confidence then that I do now.

 

[sdoll]

.

OP, how are you doing? We have not heard from you in a while.[/QUOTE]

I just wanted to give everyone an update. I started suplementing with formula when needed and decided I would continue to pump at least 1 time at work. I told myself I would not let it stress me out and things are much better. I feel much more relaxed. I am not sure if I had mentioned that i am a manager with Target so with everything going on and the amount of hours I am working right now with the holiday I feel a lot better that the hours I am spending with my son and I am not stressing about pumping. I think working wierd and inconsistant hours was not helping the process. But I think I just needed to let go of this a little and give myself a break. Thanks for everyone's support!

 

[grlpwrd]

I'm not sure how you can make this promise. Lots of people continue BFing out of a sense of guilt.

I SURE REGRET IT!


I regret every second that I spent obsessing about breastfeeding instead of enjoying my beautiful new son.

I think she also meant she won't regret trying to continue. It is difficult to relactate.

Wow, there are sure a bunch of people with bf'ing issues! Why discourage her????

sdoll, I am glad you made the decision that works best for you and your baby.

 

[LuvOrlando]

.

OP, how are you doing? We have not heard from you in a while.

I just wanted to give everyone an update. I started suplementing with formula when needed and decided I would continue to pump at least 1 time at work. I told myself I would not let it stress me out and things are much better. I feel much more relaxed. I am not sure if I had mentioned that i am a manager with Target so with everything going on and the amount of hours I am working right now with the holiday I feel a lot better that the hours I am spending with my son and I am not stressing about pumping. I think working wierd and inconsistant hours was not helping the process. But I think I just needed to let go of this a little and give myself a break. Thanks for everyone's support![/QUOTE]

What a wonderful and healthy attitude

 

[robinb]

What a wonderful and healthy attitude

ITA. I'm so glad that the OP is feeling more relaxed and less stressed in feeding her baby. From a BF standpoint I am also glad that she is still giving one pump a day a go. I wouldn't be surprised if she's finding that she's pumping more just from the lower stress alone!

 

[kileybeth]

love to read these threads. Everyone is an expert based on their own experience. (not judging, I mean me too!) OP glad you are finding a good solution for you and the little one. Never one answer, never one child who was like another.never one Mommy who got it all right. But ya know what? It's all good. It all flies by and then they are drinking gallons of cows milk every night at midnight over bowls of cold cereal and you wonder when did that happen??!!!

Happy new little one. Love them and if that includes nursing, pumping, formula, or oatmeal and lots of water for mom, it's all good.

and just because I love to tell a good Mom story like everyone else here!. . .

My child feeding saga for 6.

#1 nurse? what's that. give me the pill and dry these things up, they hurt.100% formula fed.
#2 nurse? maybe I should try that. no encouragement in hospital, from family, friends, anywhere! 100% formula fed.
#3 okay, I'm gonna do it this time!! Baby said what? That bottle is so much easier Mom!! Pumped with a medela hospital issued HAND pump for 2 months (that's 8 very long weeks!) feed the breast pump, feed the baby, feed the breast pump, feed the baby. . . at 8 weeks after talking with a friend (who previously was trying to stay out of it and not be pushy!) I stopped pumping cold turkey and put the bottles away! My friend said, don't worry, he'll get hungry. . .and he did! best nurser I ever had after that. We could nurse in a room full of men in business suits or on an open dock waiting for a crowded ferry (yes, did both) no mess no prep no brainer.
#4 wow! a girl! who can't come home from hospital with us for a few days, super sleepy jaundice baby. totally dehydrated, back to the bottle, took this one 3 weeks to latch on and learn what the heck she was suppose to do. Super 5 month slump. 8 month nosy girl to distracted to nurse if anything the least bit interesting going on. . (hey Mom is that the trash pick up? Let me see! I was so ready to give that one a cup at a year!
#5 this is so not happening. A week in the NICU taught me a lot about pumping and nursing I never knew! and exposed me to some really great nursing coaches. who knew a baby could do this so well? Went home nursing 100% but pumped to have extra in freezer as I was a busy Mama of teens and grade schoolers and a bottle was a necessity with crazy schedules and let older siblings help out as well.
#6 2 months premature. huge stress. huge growth issues. huge hospital stay.
The hospital grade pump and I became fast friends. Who knew I'd be happy to see 5 cc's of milk consumed and think that was a great feeding!! at 3 months, she nurses but doesn't sleep without a heart monitor going off every hour or more. She doesn't eat (breast or pumped milk)without turning blue and forgetting to breath. 6 months, yeah! we weigh 10 pounds!! Weight gain is slower with breast milk and pediatricians not always encouraging but we stuck it out and at 2 years she is finally on the growth charts and a healthy little girl. Bottles became a regular at 10 months and she stopped nursing on her own at 18 months.

Every single child has their own way of doing it I'll give you that much! Let them lead! Ditto the comments about formula and breast being apples and oranges tho. Both totally different totally acceptable delicious fruits!

Wishing you all the best!

 

[minkydog]

OP, I just wanted to encourage you. My third baby was failure to thrive. He was nursing every 2hrs, but losing weight. We didn't realize that he wasn't able to suck and swallow correctly. By the time he was 4 months he looked like a little skeleton and I was frantic. The doctors wanted me to stop nursing altogether but I continued to put him to breast in the morning and at night because he seemed to enjoy it even though he wasn't really getting much. We had to use a special bottle with special thick formula(like oatmeal!) and it took two of us to feed him every 2 hours.To make a long story short, that baby "nursed" like that until he was almost a year old! He thrived!

Who knew? I had always been told that nursing was an all or nothing deal, but not so. I would encourage you that if you & your baby enjoy nursing, continue. And if you really are ready to quit, it's okay. It's not the worst thing in the world if you need to give a supplement. Most of the adults in the U.S. took formula and we didn't all grow up to be morons.