ot: teen nick inappropiate?

[princessmom29]

I'm not looking forward to the preteen/teen years, that's for sure. Forget TV, I'm freaked out about the internet and what all can be found there!

My brother and his wife, who are fairly conservative in raising their kids, have a 12yo who convinced them to let him buy an ipod touch with his holiday/b-day money. They did thinking it was just a music player. After he already had it they realized it's capabilities regarding internet access. Sure they put whatever controls they could on it but I assure you a 12yo knows how to get around them.

This illustarates my point. We CANNOT shield them from everything. It is just not possible. I thin kit is vital that they know how to make infromed decisions.

 

[iheartdisney]

OK, since everyone is dropping thier 2 cents, here is mine.
The teenage mind is still WILDLY immature and impressionable. I would rather talk to my children, to discuss with them what is appropriate, then to have them see sexual content on TV over and over again until they think it is appropriate. Read any study by Bandura... Violence is violence, whether real or virtual. And aggression is more potent when seen on a video than when live. Twenty years ago, things were only talked about in whispers in the back alley, today they are on prime-time televison and on the evening news. So you have to wonder- Is art imitating life or is life imitating art?
Where is the thin line between "Not raising them in a bubble" and desensitizing them to what they are viewing over and over?
My kids don't watch tween shows becasue really, they could care less. I don't let them watch the Japanamation shows on cartoon network because they don't need to see the cartoons making out and talking about delivering babies at age 7 and 8. I don't blatantly turn on the parental block and walk out, I let them know that there are way better things to watch and we TALK about it. i tell them WHY they can't have open chat on any of the websites they visit.
Now, as to the "raised in a bubble" matter. Yes, my parents sheltered me. My mom put a block on MTV so I couldn't watch Beevis and Butthead and what passed for music at that time. I lived. I never watched an R rated movie until I was 18. In high school there an extra credit assignment to watch Schindler's List in the theater, I passed. i know that those things happen, I don't need to see it, and have it replay in my mind when I closed my eyes. Thats just me. i also had enough common sense to police myself. When a friend found his dad's porno collection (back before the internet) I walked out. And before long, they knew i would walk out, and stopped putting them in when I was around.
The choices I made in life? Well, 3 of my group of friends had babies before they graduated. I never had sex until I was an adult. I knew about the seedly life of teenage-hoood, but i was not a part of it, and my friends knew that. It is possible to be of the world and yet not in that world. I had the home that everyone wanted to come to. A friend even came to my house one night when i was out of town and stayed with my parents, because she knew it was a safe place.
So if I am wrong or naive for trying to provide that safe home for my children?
The title of one of my favorite books- IT TAKES A PARENT TO RAISE A CHILD.

 

[reservations4five]

OK, since everyone is dropping thier 2 cents, here is mine.
The teenage mind is still WILDLY immature and impressionable. I would rather talk to my children, to discuss with them what is appropriate, then to have them see sexual content on TV over and over again until they think it is appropriate. Read any study by Bandura... Violence is violence, whether real or virtual. And aggression is more potent when seen on a video than when live. Twenty years ago, things were only talked about in whispers in the back alley, today they are on prime-time televison and on the evening news. So you have to wonder- Is art imitating life or is life imitating art?
Where is the thin line between "Not raising them in a bubble" and desensitizing them to what they are viewing over and over?
My kids don't watch tween shows becasue really, they could care less. I don't let them watch the Japanamation shows on cartoon network because they don't need to see the cartoons making out and talking about delivering babies at age 7 and 8. I don't blatantly turn on the parental block and walk out, I let them know that there are way better things to watch and we TALK about it. i tell them WHY they can't have open chat on any of the websites they visit.
Now, as to the "raised in a bubble" matter. Yes, my parents sheltered me. My mom put a block on MTV so I couldn't watch Beevis and Butthead and what passed for music at that time. I lived. I never watched an R rated movie until I was 18. In high school there an extra credit assignment to watch Schindler's List in the theater, I passed. i know that those things happen, I don't need to see it, and have it replay in my mind when I closed my eyes. Thats just me. i also had enough common sense to police myself. When a friend found his dad's porno collection (back before the internet) I walked out. And before long, they knew i would walk out, and stopped putting them in when I was around.
The choices I made in life? Well, 3 of my group of friends had babies before they graduated. I never had sex until I was an adult. I knew about the seedly life of teenage-hoood, but i was not a part of it, and my friends knew that. It is possible to be of the world and yet not in that world. I had the home that everyone wanted to come to. A friend even came to my house one night when i was out of town and stayed with my parents, because she knew it was a safe place.
So if I am wrong or naive for trying to provide that safe home for my children?
The title of one of my favorite books- IT TAKES A PARENT TO RAISE A CHILD.

 

[sam_gordon]

I think there's something to be said that some kids will intentionally try to do something outside the home if they know it's not allowed inside the home. For example, I think many teens (HS age & younger) drink because it's forbidden in the home.

My dad would allow me to have sips of his beer occasionally. I was never really interested in going to parties and drinking. I now do the same thing with DD(12) when we go to restaurants and I get an "adult" beverage. I don't want drinking to be a "forbidden fruit". IIRC, Europeans allow kids to drink and it's such a part of their culture, they don't have the teen alcoholism problems we have here.

Obviously, this doesn't apply to all kids, but I think it's something to keep in mind.

 

[princessmom29]

I think there's something to be said that some kids will intentionally try to do something outside the home if they know it's not allowed inside the home. For example, I think many teens (HS age & younger) drink because it's forbidden in the home.

My dad would allow me to have sips of his beer occasionally. I was never really interested in going to parties and drinking. I now do the same thing with DD(12) when we go to restaurants and I get an "adult" beverage. I don't want drinking to be a "forbidden fruit". IIRC, Europeans allow kids to drink and it's such a part of their culture, they don't have the teen alcoholism problems we have here.

Obviously, this doesn't apply to all kids, but I think it's something to keep in mind.

another excellent point. I gew up in a house that forbid drinking. My husband did not. Guess which one of us partied in college??

 

[mrsr2ro]

another excellent point. I gew up in a house that forbid drinking. My husband did not. Guess which one of us partied in college??

Eh - I think there are MANY factors on the drinking thing. Our house had strict no drinking at ALL rules. There were 8 of us - I was the youngest. I did not rebel on this well, mainly because I wasn't very popular in high school and so the few friends I had didn't drink either. I wasn't going to do it by myself! I was a "nerd" so to speak so I had no desire to party and get drunk. When I got to college I made a bigger circle of friends, some who drank, and so by then, yes, I dabbled a litte, but never got drunk enough to puke. Just never had a desire to. Now as an adult I have a drink here and there. Of my 7 siblings, who grew up with the same rules, only 1 secretly drank in high school. She was very popular, in sports, etc. She hid it from my parents and they didn't know (would sleep over at friends houses, etc). The rest, only 2 became "big drinkers" in college... the rest were like me. As adults, those three are all married with kids but still like to occasionally go to bars and live it up. The rest of us hardly drink at all. I think that's a pretty good example of how forbidding alcohol can have different results. I think who your teens are friends with is the biggest influence.

 

[DisneyOrange]

I've seen those too! Its completely ridiculous they should realize that little kids are watching these shows. I wish you could block them

 

[princessmom29]

Eh - I think there are MANY factors on the drinking thing. Our house had strict no drinking at ALL rules. There were 8 of us - I was the youngest. I did not rebel on this well, mainly because I wasn't very popular in high school and so the few friends I had didn't drink either. I wasn't going to do it by myself! I was a "nerd" so to speak so I had no desire to party and get drunk. When I got to college I made a bigger circle of friends, some who drank, and so by then, yes, I dabbled a litte, but never got drunk enough to puke. Just never had a desire to. Now as an adult I have a drink here and there. Of my 7 siblings, who grew up with the same rules, only 1 secretly drank in high school. She was very popular, in sports, etc. She hid it from my parents and they didn't know (would sleep over at friends houses, etc). The rest, only 2 became "big drinkers" in college... the rest were like me. As adults, those three are all married with kids but still like to occasionally go to bars and live it up. The rest of us hardly drink at all. I think that's a pretty good example of how forbidding alcohol can have different results. I think who your teens are friends with is the biggest influence.

We actualyl did a research study on this as part of a college class. Admittedly it was several years ago, but we found both by taking our own campus surveys and looking at national statistics that college students who reported both that thier parents routinely drank socially in their presence and that they were allowed to try alcohol at home were the least likely group to abuse alcohol. The most likely to abouse alcohol were those who reported that their parents completely forbid alcohol in thier homes. It mattered more than what they reported thier friends were doing, and what they reported about exposure to and availibility of alcohol on campus. What happened at home turned out to be the most important indicator of what students were likely to do once they got to college.

 

[princessmorgan]

We actualyl did a research study on this as part of a college class. Admittedly it was several years ago, but we found both by taking our own campus surveys and looking at national statistics that college students who reported both that thier parents routinely drank socially in their presence and that they were allowed to try alcohol at home were the least likely group to abuse alcohol. The most likely to abouse alcohol were those who reported that their parents completely forbid alcohol in thier homes. It mattered more than what they reported thier friends were doing, and what they reported about exposure to and availibility of alcohol on campus. What happened at home turned out to be the most important indicator of what students were likely to do once they got to college.

I think what happens at home is most likely to effect anything in a child's life. That is why I choose not to let my children watch certain shows. My example is more important than exposing them to something and then teaching them not to do what they just watched on TV. If I choose to live a certain way, then hopefully my children will choose that, too, along with talking and open communication. We all know someone who either turned out one way or another way.

In my own home, I had 3 brothers and sisters. My parents didn't drink and that's what we were taught. 3 out of 4 us still have not had a drink in our lives. So why did one of my sisters choose a different lifestyle? Well because there are a lot more factors involved than just my parents "forbidding" us to drink alcohol. All I know is the way I was raised. Now I can choose whether I want to raise my children the same way or not. I never felt sheltered and I didn't need to be exposed to certain things to know that I didn't like them. There are too many good things that I know that I like. As far as TV is concerned, well I do believe that kids who watch things on TV are negatively influenced by it. The problem is that there aren't a lot of parents who will watch with their children and talk about the consequences of the characters' actions.

 

[pixiewings71]

OK, since everyone is dropping thier 2 cents, here is mine.
The teenage mind is still WILDLY immature and impressionable. I would rather talk to my children, to discuss with them what is appropriate, then to have them see sexual content on TV over and over again until they think it is appropriate. Read any study by Bandura... Violence is violence, whether real or virtual. And aggression is more potent when seen on a video than when live. Twenty years ago, things were only talked about in whispers in the back alley, today they are on prime-time televison and on the evening news. So you have to wonder- Is art imitating life or is life imitating art?
Where is the thin line between "Not raising them in a bubble" and desensitizing them to what they are viewing over and over?
My kids don't watch tween shows becasue really, they could care less. I don't let them watch the Japanamation shows on cartoon network because they don't need to see the cartoons making out and talking about delivering babies at age 7 and 8. I don't blatantly turn on the parental block and walk out, I let them know that there are way better things to watch and we TALK about it. i tell them WHY they can't have open chat on any of the websites they visit.
Now, as to the "raised in a bubble" matter. Yes, my parents sheltered me. My mom put a block on MTV so I couldn't watch Beevis and Butthead and what passed for music at that time. I lived. I never watched an R rated movie until I was 18. In high school there an extra credit assignment to watch Schindler's List in the theater, I passed. i know that those things happen, I don't need to see it, and have it replay in my mind when I closed my eyes. Thats just me. i also had enough common sense to police myself. When a friend found his dad's porno collection (back before the internet) I walked out. And before long, they knew i would walk out, and stopped putting them in when I was around.
The choices I made in life? Well, 3 of my group of friends had babies before they graduated. I never had sex until I was an adult. I knew about the seedly life of teenage-hoood, but i was not a part of it, and my friends knew that. It is possible to be of the world and yet not in that world. I had the home that everyone wanted to come to. A friend even came to my house one night when i was out of town and stayed with my parents, because she knew it was a safe place.
So if I am wrong or naive for trying to provide that safe home for my children?
The title of one of my favorite books- IT TAKES A PARENT TO RAISE A CHILD.

You and I see eye to eye on this matter.

I think there's something to be said that some kids will intentionally try to do something outside the home if they know it's not allowed inside the home. For example, I think many teens (HS age & younger) drink because it's forbidden in the home.

My dad would allow me to have sips of his beer occasionally. I was never really interested in going to parties and drinking. I now do the same thing with DD(12) when we go to restaurants and I get an "adult" beverage. I don't want drinking to be a "forbidden fruit". IIRC, Europeans allow kids to drink and it's such a part of their culture, they don't have the teen alcoholism problems we have here.

Obviously, this doesn't apply to all kids, but I think it's something to keep in mind.

We treat alcohol as we do any drink consumed in our home, it is not forbidden and when we drink we will offer it to the kids. Most times they take a sip and make a face and they don't understand why we like it at all. lol While I would never get one of my young girls drunk I don't hide it from them either, my parents never hid it from me and I very rarely over indulge, sure I have but not often. My Mom has a photo of me at age 3, my Dad is holding me and I'm holding a beer, next shot I'm drinking it. Apparently at age 3 I enjoyed a nice cold sip of beer every so often. lol

 

[bumbershoot]

The choices I made in life? Well, 3 of my group of friends had babies before they graduated. I never had sex until I was an adult. I knew about the seedly life of teenage-hoood, but i was not a part of it, and my friends knew that. It is possible to be of the world and yet not in that world. I had the home that everyone wanted to come to. A friend even came to my house one night when i was out of town and stayed with my parents, because she knew it was a safe place.

There's just no way to count on such things, or to say that doing it the opposite means the opposite.

My mom was a hippie, she smoked various types of cigarettes in front of us with her friends until she quit it all at 35 (when I was 10). She worked at a high-end winery for a few years and so I got to see LOTS of friends drinking wine and having a grand time doing so. I was watching SNL from the time I was 4 or 5 (it's beginning season) because we had a tiny house, I would get nasty leg aches and have terrifying dreams, and would be up at late hours. My mom let us watch Richard Pryor movies and even his stand-up.

And I ended up pretty much the same as you! While friends never had to crash at my place, they knew they could trust my mom 100% (b/c she'd been there done that, and came through it with more info to help people, people knew she KNEW what she was talking about). She helped women out of abusive relationships. I was a 99% good kid who did well in school, participated in theater, went to a good college, etc etc. And gosh, I even came from a broken home!

My brother did even better than I did, despite having things just a bit worse b/c our dad barely acknowledged him.

Now, I was an adult when S List came out, and I did choose to watch it, one day, alone, at home. I'll never watch it again, well, maybe once DS wants to watch it. With things like that...I figure that if people could survive the actual happenings...I can survive watching the story ABOUT it...same thoughts on Braveheart and Rob Roy (though of course those are more fictionalized).



We recently just found that we could put a limit on what sorts of ads come on while we're in the On Demand listing area of Comcast. It means that hubby and I have to enter the password all the time while we watch TV after DS's bedtime, but it keeps him from seeing wildly inappropriate ads for TV and movies while he's just trying to put another Blues Clues....

If only you could do that with ads on stations!

 

[princessmom29]

I think what happens at home is most likely to effect anything in a child's life. That is why I choose not to let my children watch certain shows. My example is more important than exposing them to something and then teaching them not to do what they just watched on TV. If I choose to live a certain way, then hopefully my children will choose that, too, along with talking and open communication. We all know someone who either turned out one way or another way.

In my own home, I had 3 brothers and sisters. My parents didn't drink and that's what we were taught. 3 out of 4 us still have not had a drink in our lives. So why did one of my sisters choose a different lifestyle? Well because there are a lot more factors involved than just my parents "forbidding" us to drink alcohol. All I know is the way I was raised. Now I can choose whether I want to raise my children the same way or not. I never felt sheltered and I didn't need to be exposed to certain things to know that I didn't like them. There are too many good things that I know that I like. As far as TV is concerned, well I do believe that kids who watch things on TV are negatively influenced by it. The problem is that there aren't a lot of parents who will watch with their children and talk about the consequences of the characters' actions.

The point zi am trying to make is that this kind of open and honest communiction is vital. TV is the tip of the iceberg and really an insignificant issue in the long run. Talking about real life situations and good and poor choices openly and honestly is VASTLY more impoertant and makes much more impact than anything they see on TV becuase wether you want them to or not, you teen will be exposed to those things you are not letting them watch on TV in real life, likely well before they turn 18. My point is if they are not exposed to them and don't understand the consequences, how can they be expected to make good choices??? I see ploicing TV as a likely symptom of a larger patten of shielding children from things rather than arming them to make informed choices. If we are sensoring thier television and not trusting them to make good decisions there, are we really being open and honest about the things that matter, and can we trust them to make good decisions when it counts?? I told someone yesterday that I really worry about what is going to happen to some of my high school stuents when Mommy is no longer there to set the parental controls in college.