OT-Tacky?

[hentob]

It's really a simple issue. You just don't go around begging people for attention, for yourself or for your child. It's icky.

Well said.

 

[Snuffy5]

WOW! I totally do not see the request as being tacky. My daughter is turning 10 in a few days and we are making a HUGE deal about it! Her 7 yr old sister and I are going to decorate the yard and our road with signs letting everyone know that she is turning 10! I see nothing wrong with making a child feel "special" on their birthday.
To ask that others send a card is fine in my opinion. As a parent who has had B-day parties for my children with "NO GIFTS PLEASE" on the invite, the mom means what she says. No gifts, just a card!
You only turn "double digits" once and you're only a kid once! You've got the rest of your life to find out what the "real world" is like!

 

[ilisao]

WOW! I totally do not see the request as being tacky. My daughter is turning 10 in a few days and we are making a HUGE deal about it! Her 7 yr old sister and I are going to decorate the yard and our road with signs letting everyone know that she is turning 10! I see nothing wrong with making a child feel "special" on their birthday.
To ask that others send a card is fine in my opinion. As a parent who has had B-day parties for my children with "NO GIFTS PLEASE" on the invite, the mom means what she says. No gifts, just a card!
You only turn "double digits" once and you're only a kid once! You've got the rest of your life to find out what the "real world" is like!

but if you are making a big deal out of it, why does everyone else have to?

This girl is going to the Grand Canyon. Her family is obviously making a big deal out of her birthday. So why on earth does everyone else have to? People ARE recognizing her birthday. It's not as if it's going unnoticed by everyone.

And yeah, I do think decorating the road with signs is a little odd.

 

[sk!mom]

WOW! I totally do not see the request as being tacky. My daughter is turning 10 in a few days and we are making a HUGE deal about it! Her 7 yr old sister and I are going to decorate the yard and our road with signs letting everyone know that she is turning 10! I see nothing wrong with making a child feel "special" on their birthday.
To ask that others send a card is fine in my opinion. As a parent who has had B-day parties for my children with "NO GIFTS PLEASE" on the invite, the mom means what she says. No gifts, just a card!
You only turn "double digits" once and you're only a kid once! You've got the rest of your life to find out what the "real world" is like!

The difference is you are making a big deal of your DD's day. You are not asking others to. I also make a big deal of my children's birthdays- heck I make them a special dessert on their half birthdays- but I don't ask others to "be sure and remember DD's day". If we have a party, others are invited, if not then we don't beg for attention.

 

[MusiqChic99]

I would have handled it differently. I guess I just dont want my child to get over wrapped up in stuff like birthdays. I would hope that a great trip like that from her family would be enough of a celebration.

So I find it tacky. But I still encourage you to send a card. It's not the daughters fault.

 

[misskrystal]

It's normal to want attention on your birthday, or any other day. But it's not OK to go around soliciting what you think you are due. It would be wonderful if her friends sent her cards, but it's very off-putting to be ASKING for cards.

 

[LindaM]

TACKY!!! I guess a trip to the Grand Canyon is not enough? If the dd was talking amoungst her friends is one thing. But for the mother to send out an email is a little over the top. I know if I ever received an email like that the princess wouldn't be receiving a card from me.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I If a child doesn't have a party she's crushed not to have friends acknowldege her special day? Sounds spoiled to me. My kids would never expect a friend to send a card or call to say Happy Birthday. I would never email people to remind them of their birthdays to get well wishes.

I totally agree. That is very tacky and very spoiled. It's not like she isn't celebrating, she is going somewhere to celebrate her birthday. I dont beleive how some people cauddle their kids like this. If the mother is sooooo worried she should invite some friends over to watch a movie on the actual birthdate since she will be home. She could also note that presents are necessary.

 

[DaisyD]

I have a 9 y/o and she has parties every year. Some bigger then others. One year she had her whole class to a gym. The following year she had 3 girls sleepover. It didnt faze her a bit that the other kids didn't remember her birthday from the year before. I think it is tacky for the mother to do and think she is bumming for gifts. No kid around that age is going to be bothered if her friends don't send her a card. I am sure she will get plenty of cards from her family and maybe a best friend. Anything else, expected or asked for is TACKY.

 

[DaisyD]

It's really a simple issue. You just don't go around begging people for attention, for yourself or for your child. It's icky.

Exactly! Now if you could only convince half the DIS board that they don't have to add little Johnie's or their own birthday ( even though it could be months away ) to every single ADR they plan!

 

[disneyjunkie]

I hope the child doesn't complain/worry about not having a date when she's a teen. Can you imagine the emails the mom may send out then?

Please ask your son to invite my daughter to the school dance. She's worried that she'll be the only girl there without a date

 

[hinodis]

When my DD turned 10 she got to go to the Rolex (world class horse show in Lexington).. If she was going to be crushed if I did not ask people to send her a card I would have questioned my parenting. She will have some disappointments in life...let her learn what the real world is about. This is VERY tacky! She sounds a little over the top in my opinion. My DD was so thrilled with the trip she would not have noticed who sent her a card. Kids don't neeed to be so spoiled.

 

[hinodis]

Good gravy! I cannot believe some of the responses in this thread! How Grinchy can someone be not to send a birthday card! A birthday card! A few bucks, a few minutes of time, and a stamp!

Really!

I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone personally, who wouldn't love a little recognition on their birthday....be it a phone call, card, or a hug. The Mom wasn't asking for a gift for her child, she was asking for people to send a card to wish her daughter well! It's sad to think that in this day and age something as simple as a little kindness to someone else is "attention seeking," "tacky," and "drama." So what if the Mom sent the email? I have to remind my brothers about important dates (such as Grandma's birthday...) or they forget.

A PP mentioned they's use this as an example to teach their child. I'd have to find the exact quote. But where they would use this as an example of "you can't always be the center of attention" I'd use it as an example of how to be kind and respectful of others, their feelings, and a thoughtful nature.

Please tell me what is wrong with telling my kid "Ashley's birthday is next week, and she's not having a party. Why don't you send her a card to wish her a Happy Birthday since I'm sure she'd love to hear it from you!"

I don't care if you are 5 or 85, everyone deserves to have their birthday acknolwedged with something as simple as a "Happy Birthday" or a card.

OK... My DH has 10 sisters, 4 brothers, 13 sis/bro in-laws, 78 neices and nephews....thats not including MY family. Would you still find it grinchy to not send EVERYONE in the family a card?? How would you keep track of it? Christmas is bad enough for me. I am not a grinch, I just don't have the time or the money.

 

[d1gitman]

tacky, tacky, tacky...with a capital T

what would be appropriate is to let her have a few friends over for a mini girls party, maybe a slumber party or something.

but to send out a Birthday reminder because there is no party, totally sounds like "send my girl some gifts". maybe a special touch would be for mom to secretly arrange a very small party for her DD10.

 

[TotalSnowWhite]

Not tacky, but unecessary.
A ten year old is old enough to understand if you don't throw a party, you won't be getting cards and gifts from everyone..
We've done the trip instead of party thing for dd and she understood only her closest friends and relatives would be giving her gifts and cards. It was not a problem.

I'm not a fan of this mentality. If you don't throw a party that I can attend I won't be acknowledging you (for whatever reason, birthday, etc.) Even if it's just an "I'm thinking of you" email, I always make sure to let the important people in my life know, well, that I'm thinking of them on their special day.

Tacky. Why are people so convinced of their own importance? A birthday card is a gesture of kindness, not an entitlement.

She has chosen not to invite them to celebrate the day with her (nothing wrong with that, of course, just one of many choices we make) but is still having the expectation set for her that she is due acknowledgment. Not good at all...

I think everyone deserves acknowledgment on special occasions whether they throw a party or not.

So a trip to the Grand Canyon will not be enough to make the birthday nice?

I worry about this generation. I really do

She is ten. If adults want to remember her birthday, they have had ten years of practice If they don't remember her birthday, they don't care. It is not a big deal for them Why force the issue?

I'm curious if you tell your children (if you have any) or will tell them that Aunt Sally doesn't care about his/her/their birthday(s). Sounds a little harsh.

Tacky! Why would you need to remind kids not to forget your daughters birthday. If they are "real" friends they should remember and if they don't send a birthday card... BIG DEAL!
I had one of my daughters friends call me last year to remind of her daughters birthday...she wanted my daughter to decorate her daughter's locker at school. She even offered to drive my daughter to school in the morning to do it. PLLLEASE!
Parents need to try and stop controlling all aspects of their childrens lives. We can't always make our children feel special or keep them from feeling sad.

Come on, guys!! Don't you remember what it was like as a preteen?!? Being made to feel special is not a bad thing, ladies (and gentlemen? maybe?? )

I look at this as an opportunity to demonstrate that good manners and kindness and sincerity (sending a card) is a good thing to do. I'd rather my child get this message rather than the usual I'll give you a present or wish you a happy birthday ONLY if you have a party.

I'd take the communication at face value. The Mother's intentions seem honorable to me. Heavens knows, I would do the same if I knew it would make a difference to my daughter.

Agreed!

I don't think the mom was secretly begging for gifts and I probably wouldn't think too much of it if my friend sent me an e-mail like that. But, yeah, I think it's tacky.

Actually, it goes deeper than tacky. As much as I might hurt for my kids when they're sad, kids need to be sad and they need to be disappointed so they learn that the sun will rise again tomorrow and they're going to be okay. It really should be enough for a 10 year old to have a special dinner and birthday cake with the immediate family on the actual birthday.

I agree that kids need to experience disappointment, but I'd love to avoid that lesson on birthdays, at least this young.

Good gravy! I cannot believe some of the responses in this thread! How Grinchy can someone be not to send a birthday card! A birthday card! A few bucks, a few minutes of time, and a stamp!

Really!

I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone personally, who wouldn't love a little recognition on their birthday....be it a phone call, card, or a hug. The Mom wasn't asking for a gift for her child, she was asking for people to send a card to wish her daughter well! It's sad to think that in this day and age something as simple as a little kindness to someone else is "attention seeking," "tacky," and "drama." So what if the Mom sent the email? I have to remind my brothers about important dates (such as Grandma's birthday...) or they forget.

A PP mentioned they's use this as an example to teach their child. I'd have to find the exact quote. But where they would use this as an example of "you can't always be the center of attention" I'd use it as an example of how to be kind and respectful of others, their feelings, and a thoughtful nature.

Please tell me what is wrong with telling my kid "Ashley's birthday is next week, and she's not having a party. Why don't you send her a card to wish her a Happy Birthday since I'm sure she'd love to hear it from you!"

I don't care if you are 5 or 85, everyone deserves to have their birthday acknolwedged with something as simple as a "Happy Birthday" or a card.

Took the words right out of my head!! I love to make a fuss about the kiddos' birthdays!! Our entire circle does! We love to make the kids feel like this is the "best day ever!!" They have, God willing, years ahead of them to learn lessons, be forgotten and suck it up and deal, but birthdays should not be included!

It is nice But I would certainly NEVER want recognition from someone that was TOLD to give it to me

I am sure the girl's mother and father and siblings and aunts and uncles will send her a card. She is going to see one of the most amazing sites on the planet. This apparently will not be enough, as the child is worrying ahead as to who will not be giving her a card

If my daughter were to say to me that she was worried people would forget her birthday, because she was going on a vacation to celebrate it, I would hug her and say "Yep. They probably will forget it. Your friends are ten, sweetie. They don't have calendars that keeps track of these things. So, you probably won't get any cards from other 10 year olds. But you are going to the Grand Canyon and that is what you chose to do for your birthday. What is the first thing you want to do when we get to that spectacular destination "

And then I would move on. If my daughter started pouting or sulking, I would wonder where I went wrong

Again, don't you remember being young? I am the biggest family girl you'll ever meet, but at ten, my life was all about my friends!! We did everything together, had sleepovers, went to Girl Scout camp, went to Vacation Bible School, etc., etc., etc. It's lovely that our family remembers our special day, but friends are important, too. And in this hectic day and age, I see mom's email as a convenience rather than the tacky, gift-grabbing plea some people think it is.

But he doesn't care He doesn't write it down or care to put it on his calendar.

If he treats her well on a daily basis, she can chalk it up to raising a son that doesn't really give a hoot about birthdays. No biggie. I am sure he loves her very much and I am sure she knows it. So, if he doesn't care about her birthday, oh well. Being "very busy with a lot going on in their lives" has nothing to do with writing a date on a calendar and calling or sending a card.

To have a remind a GROWN man year after year about his mom's brithday is strange. If he wanted to remember, he would.

Now you have your mom telling him to remember your daughter's birthday

He doesn't care about birthdays. Really. Leave him be

Man, you are all over this thread! I can't disagree with you more than I do for this post. Just because someone has a lousy memory doesn't mean they don't care. Tell us about your birthday experiences. It seems you don't really care to make a big deal about them. It's hard to "read" people through text, but that's the vibe I'm getting.

OK... My DH has 10 sisters, 4 brothers, 13 sis/bro in-laws, 78 neices and nephews....thats not including MY family. Would you still find it grinchy to not send EVERYONE in the family a card?? How would you keep track of it? Christmas is bad enough for me. I am not a grinch, I just don't have the time or the money.

Maybe if they sent you an email...



Obviously I don't think the request is tacky. Not something I foresee myself doing, as we have a birthday party no matter what. I took DS and DNiece to Disney for their birthdays this year, and they also had family parties and friend parties (have fun criticizing that!! ) Both kids have a difficult life, so I will do everything in my power to make more happy days than sad. Now, don't imagine that they get to run the show, far from it, but birthdays are special. They just are. And if one day I feel the need to send out an email, I'll do it.

I'll also mention that we are a military family and are involved with a troops support organization where people will sometimes post requests for birthday cards, get well cards, etc. be sent to their brother, sister, husband, wife, child overseas. Is that tacky?

Also, if a child's family is unable to afford a party, should that child also be excluded from receiving acknowledgment on his/her birthday?

I'm not trying to be sarcastic (again, hard to read people online), I would like honest answers.

 

[SunKat]

I don't think it's tacky and if I received a messsage like that I would certainly have my daughter send a card to the girl. No big deal. Now, if the mom requested gifts, that would be tacky.

My daughter will be turning 12 in a few weeks. We're going away for the weekend and for the first time, she won't be having a b'day party with friends. I don't think she expects cards from her friends, nor would I ask people to send them. But, I don't think it's tacky. It's actually a shame that the mom has to ask. It would be nice if the b'day girl's friends sent cards without being asked. It's her birthday.....and they are her friends - seems like a no brainer to me.

 

[hentob]

I'm curious if you tell your children (if you have any) or will tell them that Aunt Sally doesn't care about his/her/their birthday(s). Sounds a little harsh.

Honestly, I have never had to

My children are 9,9, & 10. They are happy with the birthday cards they get and never keep a tally on those that didn't send one

Again, I would question my parenting skills if they did. Between trips to Build-A Bear, bowling alleys, restaurants, cake at home, etc.--I would think I was raising a total selfish brat if one of my children said "Hey--Aunt Sally didn't send me a card!"

I would then say "It's your birthday, sweetie. Not everyone cares about birthdays. Does Aunt Sally treat you well otherwise? Of course she does. Now stop this selfish pity party!" I probably wouldn't even say "sweetie"

Harsh!? Heck ya! I do NOT want to raise one of those teenagers that are filled with "Woe is me" drama. Lord knows, they then turn into "Woe is me" adults

 

[1stluvispooh]

Ok haven't read all the replies ( feeling guilty I have dirty dishes waiting for me) Anyway I think the sentiment was fine behind the e-mail the execution was off. Ok here is what I mean. I would have asked if people were willing to send birthday cards early so she could have a card shower on her birthday. This is the thought. You have everyone send cards, usually to a different address, stick them in 1 big envelope and give them to her on her birthday to open. We did this for my in-laws for an aniversary, they were going on a trip and leaving from SIL's house. All the cards were sent to SIL and when her DH dropped Mom and Dad off at the airport said. "Here this is for you" They spent their extra time in the airport and the flight opening up all the good wishes. They still talk about it today.

 

[hentob]

I can't disagree with you more than I do for this post. Just because someone has a lousy memory doesn't mean they don't care. Tell us about your birthday experiences. It seems you don't really care to make a big deal about them. It's hard to "read" people through text, but that's the vibe I'm getting.

Lousy memory You have to remind your brothers about birthdays every year. They don't want to remember or write it down. If they did, they would. Again, it doesn't mean that they don't care about the person, just not big birthday people

I always had a party as a child. Never, ever gave second thought to who gave me a card and who didn't. We were poor, so I never got to choose a destination birthday party like the girl in the original post. I know if my parents were able to afford even a small trip, the last thing I would be worrying about is who and who did not send me a card.

 

[TaraPA]

I'm not a fan of this mentality. If you don't throw a party that I can attend I won't be acknowledging you (for whatever reason, birthday, etc.) Even if it's just an "I'm thinking of you" email, I always make sure to let the important people in my life know, well, that I'm thinking of them on their special day.



I think everyone deserves acknowledgment on special occasions whether they throw a party or not.


Also, if a child's family is unable to afford a party, should that child also be excluded from receiving acknowledgment on his/her birthday?

I'm not trying to be sarcastic (again, hard to read people online), I would like honest answers.

I don't think anyone is saying "Stop acknowledging birthdays!!" You quoted some threads where you made it seem like that's what they were saying (again hard to read through a post - like you said earlier) My whole beef (and I think a lot of beef on this post) is that the acknowledgement is solicited by the mother. Of course birthdays are joyous & happy & wonderful & that's great if you get cards, parties, calls, emails, etc. But to have to ask for them for a 10-year old is the problem I have.


Every family celebrates differently. We do not make a huge deal about them, nor do we have parties every year. A family gathering yes, but a party with kids - no. In this area it's become "keep up with the Jones'" with kid's parties and I refuse to get into that. A party DS went to this spring - the mom gave all the kids (17) Webkinz as a party favor. Good for her if she can afford that, but now the traditional bag of candy looks sad in comparison. I don't ever want my kids thinking they're entitled to ANY goodie bag from a party, let alone a $16 toy!

Anyway, I'm enjoying this thread - this girls' birthday & trip has probably come & gone already! Let's all hope she had a wonderful time with her family on her vacation. I just wanted to jump in & say that I felt the above poster (sorry to single you out) was making it seem like some of us that thought the original email was tacky were also saying not to acknowledge birthdays anymore. That's not the point I wanted to make but maybe it came across that way.

Carry on...