OT-Tacky?

[momx2]

Im sorry momx2, I quoted your post because I agreed with what you were saying

Didnt sound like it, I know, but I did

 

[englishteacha]

I don't think it's tacky. "Summer babies" are often forgotten by their friends. Everyone gets busy and unless there's a party planned, people outside of family do forget all about it. My mom kept all my friends' birthdays written on the calendar when I was a kid so I wouldn't forget. I put them on myself when I got older (using the calendar from the year before.) I don't think a request for some b-day cards is a huge deal.

I'm an adult and I get a bit sad when my brother forgets my birthday. I know he's going to forget it, because he always forgets it. I wish someone would remind him, just so he'll wish me a happy birthday. I don't want presents or anything. I just want my big brother to remember.

 

[hentob]

I'm an adult and I get a bit sad when my brother forgets my birthday. I know he's going to forget it, because he always forgets it. I wish someone would remind him, just so he'll wish me a happy birthday. I don't want presents or anything. I just want my big brother to remember.

Why does it make you sad? Does he treat you badly otherwise

 

[lovesmurfs]

Because I read the graduation thread first, this didn't initially strike me as tacky, but I think I've been convinced.

My DD9 has a July b'day. She's given the choice of a nice present from us or a party. When she doesn't get a party, she still gets gifts from her grandparents -- I don't go to her friends asking for recognition.

This year it was quite sad. She handed out 24 invitations the last week of school (we host the party in June to coincide with the end of school) and NO one came, even though a number had RSVP'd -- Try explaining that! But ya know what? She was okay.

I think next year (2009) we're going to try for a September party after school starts.

 

[OceanAnnie]

See, I look at it as an opportunity to teach my daughter that nobody really gives a hoot about her birthday, except her close family members I look at it as an opportunity to teach your child never be one of those people that feel the need to tell people it is your birthday. Attention seekers

If someone cares about your birthday, believe me--You don't need to tell them. Let alone tell them that you want a card sent

Honestly...if someone cares enough to send a card, they will. They do NOT need an email reminder to send a card to a child that needs more than a trip to one of the New Seven Wonders of the World for her birthday

At first I was thinking the kid is 10. It's kind of tacky but I was going to cut her a break because it is a child (I wouldn't do it). But then I read and considered what others (especially hentob) stated and it tipped the scale. Yes. It is really tacky. It sets the child up for unrealistic expectations. Is the mom going to do this every year? What about other special events in the child's life, will she send out reminders for that too? I think the mom had good intentions but it does make her look bad and IMO she isn't doing her child any favors.

Just my .02.

 

[MissyDVC]

Not tacky

 

[NMAmy]

Nah, not tacky....it really does seem like it is just a request to send a card.

On the other hand, I would be talking to the 10 year old about how as you grow up not everyone is going to revolve around your own special occasions. Typically people don't send out cards/gifts for birthdays outside thier families or really close friends. Just because you don't get cards doesn't mean your friends don't like you it' just means that in the course of life sometimes you're special day is just a day to others.

I agree. If the mother is that concerned about her dd's friends not acknowledging her birthday, then have everyone over to the house for cake and punch and games and ask for cards only. A birthday party for kids doesn't have to be that expensive.

I think the better lesson for the 10 year old to learn, though, is that the world doesn't revolve around her. She wanted a big trip instead of a party--not having your friends around for your birthday was the tradeoff.

 

[NeedaVacation03]

Because I read the graduation thread first, this didn't initially strike me as tacky, but I think I've been convinced.

My DD9 has a July b'day. She's given the choice of a nice present from us or a party. When she doesn't get a party, she still gets gifts from her grandparents -- I don't go to her friends asking for recognition.

This year it was quite sad. She handed out 24 invitations the last week of school (we host the party in June to coincide with the end of school) and NO one came, even though a number had RSVP'd -- Try explaining that! But ya know what? She was okay.

I think next year (2009) we're going to try for a September party after school starts.

Please give your DD9 a from us. I know just how you are feeling as a parent. My DD12 has a July B'Day also, and we were having her party in June also. No one could come, everyone RSVP "no go". DD was very disappointed but also handled it well. We took her out with 2 of her best friends on days that worked for them and had a small party, lunch, and the movies and she had a great day. Sometimes things work out for the best.

Back on topic, I do not find it tacky but not necessary. Why do parents have to protect their children from all disappointment? I have 4 DD's who already understand that the world does not now or in the future revolve around them. If people remember your birthday great, if not be happy with yourself and your life and move on. Just because someone doesnt remember your birthday doesnt mean that they are not your friend or that they dont care about you. Are they around when times are tough? Those are true friends. That is what I want my kids to know at a young age.

 

[WendyisDarling]

I wouldn't have sent the email, personally, but don't think it is tacky. If I were to do such a thing, I probably would have wrote more along the lines of "if your daughters are inclined, she would be thrilled with a card, note or phone call" not much better but I am wishy washy and not so direct about asking for things.

As a summer birthday child, I can see how this is a little different. I never had parties growing up and also didn't have all the attention heaped on kids at school...birthday wishes during morning announcements, special pencil, special class priveleges (line leader or whatever), certificate from teacher, cupcakes at lunch (*gasp* no more cupcakes these days), class sings happy birthday song, etc. Even without a party, the school year kids get some attention on their birthday. Should kids get all this attention just because it is their birthday? IMO, it doesn't hurt.

Maybe WDW should stop passing out birthday buttons. I've had birthdays there and passed on the button, but plenty of others get one hoping to get little perks or at least a "Happy Birthday" from CM's. Are these guests entitled to anything just because it is their birthday and they asked for the special attention? (JMHO --of course, they are at WDW, bring on the pixie dust !

My child would be encouraged (not forced) to send or make a card. Not a big deal to make someone feel special. In fact, a good lesson IMO for the other girls. It is easy to get caught up in your own world and forget about reaching out to others to make theirs a little brighter.

SIL sent an email yesterday asking a handful of us to send a card or note to her son while he is at boot camp. In fact, she asked we send it this week. Said he sounded down on his phone message. (Of course he is, he just finished week one of boot camp). She is definitely a helicopter mom and I'm sure it is killing her. If a $2 card will make her and him feel better, I will gladly send it.

 

[Neelloc]

Good gravy! I cannot believe some of the responses in this thread! How Grinchy can someone be not to send a birthday card! A birthday card! A few bucks, a few minutes of time, and a stamp!

Really!

I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone personally, who wouldn't love a little recognition on their birthday....be it a phone call, card, or a hug. The Mom wasn't asking for a gift for her child, she was asking for people to send a card to wish her daughter well! It's sad to think that in this day and age something as simple as a little kindness to someone else is "attention seeking," "tacky," and "drama." So what if the Mom sent the email? I have to remind my brothers about important dates (such as Grandma's birthday...) or they forget.

A PP mentioned they's use this as an example to teach their child. I'd have to find the exact quote. But where they would use this as an example of "you can't always be the center of attention" I'd use it as an example of how to be kind and respectful of others, their feelings, and a thoughtful nature.

Please tell me what is wrong with telling my kid "Ashley's birthday is next week, and she's not having a party. Why don't you send her a card to wish her a Happy Birthday since I'm sure she'd love to hear it from you!"

I don't care if you are 5 or 85, everyone deserves to have their birthday acknolwedged with something as simple as a "Happy Birthday" or a card.

 

[Kitzka]

Thanks everyone. I am reading my way through the thread. You all have given me quite a bit to think about. (I am amazed that this is at 5 pages! I spend the day at some meetings and I missed out on some great stuff on the Dis!)

It has defintely helped me see the perspectives of the other mother's in my circle.

Thanks again.

Lara

 

[hentob]

I'm sorry, but I don't know anyone personally, who wouldn't love a little recognition on their birthday....be it a phone call, card, or a hug.

It is nice But I would certainly NEVER want recognition from someone that was TOLD to give it to me

I am sure the girl's mother and father and siblings and aunts and uncles will send her a card. She is going to see one of the most amazing sites on the planet. This apparently will not be enough, as the child is worrying ahead as to who will not be giving her a card

If my daughter were to say to me that she was worried people would forget her birthday, because she was going on a vacation to celebrate it, I would hug her and say "Yep. They probably will forget it. Your friends are ten, sweetie. They don't have calendars that keeps track of these things. So, you probably won't get any cards from other 10 year olds. But you are going to the Grand Canyon and that is what you chose to do for your birthday. What is the first thing you want to do when we get to that spectacular destination "

And then I would move on. If my daughter started pouting or sulking, I would wonder where I went wrong

 

[KristinU]

I vote not tacky, but could have been worded just a little more tactfully. Or even something more creative could have been proposed...like maybe request everyone create a small birthday drawing or paperdoll or somehting for her that she'll take along on the trip and take pictures of - like a Flat Stanley sort of concept. The mom could have even made blank cutouts of a little person for her friends to decorate and sent them out requesting that they be returned to go along on the trip.

 

[krcit]

So a trip to the Grand Canyon will not be enough to make the birthday nice?

I worry about this generation. I really do

Of course the trip is great but I really don't see the problem with a mom wanting to make her b-day even more special. It's a card. How about use it as a lesson to do nice things for people b/c it feels good, for them and you.


She is ten. If adults want to remember her birthday, they have had ten years of practice If they don't remember her birthday, they don't care. It is not a big deal for them Why force the issue?

I have to disagree with this statement. My brothers may forget my dds birthday-that by no means means that they don't care. They are just very busy with a lot going on in there lives and in the case of one of them-no wife to remind them of special dates. I have to remind one of my brothers about my moms birthday every year too-I guess I should stop that and let my 72 year old mom think that her son doesn't care and forgot her. Nope, sorry, won't do it. Life is full of dissapointment(did I spell that wrong?) I know that and believe me, my kids know it. I don't feel the need to use my 10 yo b-day as a life lesson that she's unimportant to everyone but me.

 

[hentob]

I guess I should stop that and let my 72 year old mom think that her son doesn't care and forgot her. .

But he doesn't care He doesn't write it down or care to put it on his calendar.

If he treats her well on a daily basis, she can chalk it up to raising a son that doesn't really give a hoot about birthdays. No biggie. I am sure he loves her very much and I am sure she knows it. So, if he doesn't care about her birthday, oh well. Being "very busy with a lot going on in their lives" has nothing to do with writing a date on a calendar and calling or sending a card.

To have a remind a GROWN man year after year about his mom's brithday is strange. If he wanted to remember, he would.

Now you have your mom telling him to remember your daughter's birthday

He doesn't care about birthdays. Really. Leave him be

 

[dizkids]

How about send a birthday card and tell her when she comes home your daughter will have a little celebration with her. Just have her over for dinner and make her a cake. Really no fuss to do that and she should feel special and not forgotten.

 

[krcit]

But he doesn't care He doesn't write it down or care to put it on his calendar.

If he treats her well on a daily basis, she can chalk it up to raising a son that doesn't really give a hoot about birthdays. No biggie. I am sure he loves her very much and I am sure she knows it. So, if he doesn't care about her birthday, oh well. Being "very busy with a lot going on in their lives" has nothing to do with writing a date on a calendar and calling or sending a card.

To have a remind a GROWN man year after year about his mom's brithday is strange. If he wanted to remember, he would.

Now you have your mom telling him to remember your daughter's birthday

He doesn't care about birthdays. Really. Leave him be

We'll just have to agree to disagree about this. Until my bro gets a blackberry or a calendar, I'll keep being the 'birthday stalker"

 

[sk!mom]

To me this is tacky. You do not request gifts or even cards for your birthday.

If this mom is so concerned that her DD's friends do not forget her B-day, then she should do something small with her best friends- maybe just cake and ice cream at home on the actual day. No games, no goody bags- just good friends, the Birthday song, and cake- should cost $10 max if she bakes the cake herself.


This being said, DD12 has a few best friends that she gives a gift to whether they have a party or not. If this girl was one of my DD's close friends, she would give her a gift but I would consider the request rude.

 

[pearlieq]

Please tell me what is wrong with telling my kid "Ashley's birthday is next week, and she's not having a party. Why don't you send her a card to wish her a Happy Birthday since I'm sure she'd love to hear it from you!"

I don't think a single person here would object to that, but that would be because the idea of sending the card would have been yours as a thoughtful and kind gesture, not something you had been pressed to do by someone.

It's normal to want attention on your birthday, or any other day. But it's not OK to go around soliciting what you think you are due. It would be wonderful if her friends sent her cards, but it's very off-putting to be ASKING for cards.

I can't muster up sympathy for this poor, deprived kid who is only going to get a vacation for her birthday.

It's really a simple issue. You just don't go around begging people for attention, for yourself or for your child. It's icky.

 

[sk!mom]

It is nice But I would certainly NEVER want recognition from someone that was TOLD to give it to me

I am sure the girl's mother and father and siblings and aunts and uncles will send her a card. She is going to see one of the most amazing sites on the planet. This apparently will not be enough, as the child is worrying ahead as to who will not be giving her a card

If my daughter were to say to me that she was worried people would forget her birthday, because she was going on a vacation to celebrate it, I would hug her and say "Yep. They probably will forget it. Your friends are ten, sweetie. They don't have calendars that keeps track of these things. So, you probably won't get any cards from other 10 year olds. But you are going to the Grand Canyon and that is what you chose to do for your birthday. What is the first thing you want to do when we get to that spectacular destination "

And then I would move on. If my daughter started pouting or sulking, I would wonder where I went wrong

I'll second that opinion!