OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[Mainebound]

What REALLY gets me is when people imply (or outright say) that because a mom chooses to (or has to) have a job, and does not spend 24/7/365 with their kids, she must not love them as much, must not be doing as good a job raising them, and is doing some kind of damage. Absolutely infuriates me. Look at some of the things said here on this thread alone like:

holly b - don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place. When you have children they always come first. No question.

jennifer293 - My kids will never go to daycare because I don't trust strangers with my children.

Doesn't exactly sound like women respecting each others choices, does it? To me it sounds more like someone purposely putting down a mom (a perfect stranger no less) for no reason other than making themselves feel better about their choices.

Then there's the passive-aggressive ones - "I would never work and make my children go to daycare because I love them too much, but if you think that's right for your family then that's fine."

I guess what I am trying to say is that in talking to any other Mom's you come across in life, leave the judgemental tone at home (or at work, whichever the case may be) We can easily say "daycare isn't right for our family" and leave it at that without questioning someone's love for their family or use of their money. Conversely, we can also say "we're very happy with our pre-school" without adding how it's much more educational and stimulating than watching TV all day.

I totally agree. I have honestly seen no correlation between how good I think a mother is and whether she stays home full time, part time, or works full time. Isn't this true for you guys as well?

There are crappy SAHMs and crappy working moms. There are wonderful SAHMs and wonderful working moms.

How nice to think I could quit my full time job and thereby -- without doing anything else -- become a much better, indeed, irreproachably good, mother.

Also, notice there is no discussion of fathers on this thread. Hello -- they are parents too. Why are moms tearing each other apart and never asking what the father's schedule is, how involved he is, whether HE should stay home? Really, people, after gestation and weaning, is there any biological or innate advantage in having a female rather than a male as the primary caretaker? Just notice how narrow this "debate" is, when so many other questions could be asked about how to structure parenting in our society to the best advantage of children and families.

To the OP, take the days if you need them. Do what's right for you and your family.

there is a lot more to say, but why bother.

 

[shelly3girls]

Now when I talk to someone who tells me how they can't afford to stay home and they are driving the super expensive car, pushing their kids in a bugaboo, only shopping at Nordstroms etc. I cannot help but roll my eyes. Look- if you want to work then work. Just don't give me some line about how you can't afford it when your toddler is wearing $100 Seven jeans! I was a working Mom and currently a SAHM. I will return to the work force eventually and that is my choice. My Mom was a working Mom and I never had a problem with it as a kid. I am not jealous of other people and their fancy stuff as we don't do without because my dh makes a good living. Even if he didn't- those are just "things" to me. Not really important. I don't feel that it is kicking people to the curb when you have to hear their sob stories about how they want to stay home but can't afford to while the are having their nails done only to slip into a pair of Stuart Weitzmans. In that particular incident I think the Mom is either full of bull or she just can't admit that she doesn't want to stay home. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work. Juts be honest about it. I don't care if you work, stay home, or join a circus. If you are a nice person I'd be your friend and hopefully our kids could play together. No one decision is perfect for everyone but everyone always says that the SAHM's are so judgemental but honestly I have felt the that working Moms are worse. I always have to hear "Oh- well your husband makes good money" blah blah blah. Sure he does, but we are not rich by any means. We just make different choices with our money. That is what works for us. Work or don't work, send your kids to daycare or don't. It doesn't really matter as long as you are trying your best and doing what is best for your family.
After all- isn't that what we are all trying to do anyway?

Have you considered that maybe it is the Mom making the 6 figure salary paying for all of these things? I know many families where on the surface people may ask why the mom works when both parent drive expensive cars, they go on many vacations, etc. They just assume the DW chooses to work but meanwhile the DW is making 4x what the DH is making. I do not choose to work, it is a necessity. It is DH that chooses to work but no one ever criticizes him, ever!

To the OP, no I did not send the kids to daycare (when they were in daycare)if both DH and I were off but our situation is much different than yours. Ours were in DC 5 days a week from 8-5:30. I cherished every minute I could get (as I am sure you do too). If I had your schedule I may have done this and been a happier, less stressed mom b/c of it. Even now we have a nanny and I feel guilty if I have her come when I am off.

 

[alexy]

WOW! I made it all the way through and have to say I’m flabbergasted at some of the posts. . .

I am a mother of 3 who works “outside” the home with 3 well-adjusted kids who’ve all experienced “daycare.” In the past, I’ve applauded SAHMs of infants for the sacrifices they’ve made. It’s a never-ending, exhausting, “at home” job. (However, it does have an abundance of rewards!) I thought I was doing my part to say I respected their decisions, but likewise always hoped they respected mine.

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them?

This is about as closed-minded, holier-than-thou as one can get!

My kids will never go to daycare because I don't trust strangers with my children.

Guess what, a large portion of my family lives in Ontario, Canada where “Jr. Kindergarten” is the standard. Yes, oh-my-gosh, they send their 4 year old babies off to school on a big bus to be with “strangers” for the day. Worse yet, it’s supported by the government!

Like many of the previous posters, I think that’s the rub. Pre-School vs. Daycare

Somewhere along the way “daycare” became a derogatory term for a place we un-caring parents plop our kids for the day. Let me tell you a secret, “daycare” is really “preschool” on steroids! In the last 2 years or so, I’ve noticed a distinct change in attitude when I use the term “daycare.” I’ve taken to calling it “school” and get a completely different response. These daycare “teachers” taught my child: sign language by 6 months, to play well with others by 12 mths, to count to 18 by 18 mths, and an extended vocabulary by 24mths. He just thought he was having fun! (I by no means mean to discount SAHMs and their interaction with their children with this, just would like to explain what “daycare” is for those with limited exposure to it)

Now, as for the OP’s question:

Are we wrong to be sending our kids to daycare while we are home?

No, I don’t believe it’s wrong! I’m fortunate to a have a lot of vacation and have made it a habit of keeping the kids home with me during some of this time for some fun family time. However, I’ve also been know to leave them in “daycare” when I have the odd day off (i.e. bank holiday). On the days I’m home and they’re not, I often tackle a large project like painting my DS’s bedroom so I can spend more quality time with them on the weekend. However, I’ve also been known at times to have “do nothing” days so I can re-group!

My biggest quandary was what to do during Thanksgiving vacation. I had considered this “family time” and wanted to take the baby out of “school.” We have a tradition of hitting the stores hard the day after Thanksgiving. Then, it occurred to me, what fun can it be for a 10mth old to trapes around from car seat to stroller all day in the rain while missing his two naps, just so I could call the day “family time?” In the end, I decided to take him to “school” for the day to be with his friends and in his normal routine. He was happy, I was happy, and we had lots of fun that night ‘cuz I couldn’t resist getting him a special toy!

So, I will never apologize for sending my kids to “school” when I have a day off. However, when someone asks me how I manage work (outside the home) and 3 kids, my response is: the house is a mess, the laundry needs to be done, and I have been know to be up until 3am because I don’t work at home until after the kids are in bed. Somehow, they then understand because they go on to comment on how well behaved, friendly, intelligent, and/or well-adjusted my kids are.

 

[Pixieshouse]

P.S. You are always going to run in to the "mommy martyrs." Ignore them. They aren't worth your time.

Thank you! We started sending our first dd to a learning center when she was a little over a year to help her socialize better. She blossemd being around other children her age. Now she loves to go to preschool and if we pick her up early wants to know why! Now my second dd goes to school there and she is nearly 2. When we go to pick up her sister she always runs to her class to say hi to everyone.

It is refreshing to hear that there are others out there that have run into the "mommy martyrs". I always felt like they were seeking me out! I now know that I am not alone

 

[my4kids]

I can't imagine having my preschool child home all day and keeping up a constant stream of interaction. Doesn't it exhaust you to do that? And how do your children ever learn to entertain themselves if they don't have any time away from an adult entertainer or away from your side? I guess this is one of those parenting decisions that seems really right if it's your choice, but really wrong to others. Even if I had been at home all day, I can't imagine I would have been able to maintain that interaction, nor would I have wanted to.

And I am always amused at how quickly SAHMs who send their children to preschool want to point out how different it is from daycare. When I worked full time, I sent my DDs to a church preschool from 9-12, then I picked them up at lunch and took them to a daycare center for the afternoon. Yes, there were significant differences in the programs, but I didn't try to fool myself that one was for educational enrichment and the other was just my poor parenting choice. They were both safe and loving places for someone else to watch my child while I did other things.

Ok Liz, which is it? I'm confused. When I said I thought a child should not go to daycare when the parent is home, you said "why is it better for them to watch you fold laundry - wasted time" when I expalin that it is not wasted time for me to be with my kids then you flip-flop to "I can't imagine keeping up a steady stream of interaction with my kid like that" and that i am "constantly entertaing" and imply that is unhealthy. I can assure you that my children CAN entertain themselves. I never said that I am constantly "entertaining them". I am constantly enjoying them. Even when they are off playing a game or reading a book while I am doing something else, they would rather be in their own home having down time just like the OP had a day off of work and some down time. It is not unnatural or forced or exausting for me to chat with my daughter while folding laundry. In fact it reenergizes me. I guess if I was making forced high pitch "I'm the perfect Mommy" conversation it would be tiring. But I'm not.

This thread has veared off on the daycare good / bad discussion. I am not against daycare or working moms. I used to be one and I did send my kids to daycare. When I said that there is a difference between daycare and preschool, I meant the difference is one is for 2 hours and day and the other is for 8-10 hours a day. If you have to send your kid to daycare, you have to do it, I'm not judging that. But the OP was asking if we thought it was wrong to send them even if she is home from work. Yes, I think THAT is wrong. Presidents day is a day off from work so people can have a long weekend with their family. It is not a day off from your kids.

by the way, there is a vast difference in daycares. Some are wonderful preschool settings. Some are wonderful structured and nurturing in-home ones. But let me assure you, there are still plenty of daycares with not so good staff, and chaotic atmospheres. And there are in home ones where the kids are plopped in front of the TV all day.

 

[Keara'sMom]

Okay, I just finished reading all of these posts, and I have to say, I think maybe some are just missing the point. The OP said that she and her husband had the WEEK off and sent their kids to daycare for TWO DAYS of that week. The last poster said, "President's Day is a day off from work so people can have a long weekend with their family." Well, it sounds like these folks had not only one but also perhaps two long weekends with their family. I can't believe people would deny these folks a couple of days together without kids (an extreme rarity in my house), just because they think every waking moment needs to be with their children if at all possible.

FYI, I've been both a SAHM and a working mom (currently working part time while dd10 is in school). A little time for parents to enjoy each other cannot, in my mind, be bad for the kids--on the contrary, it could help each parent recharge and reconnect and perhaps then be better parents! In my book, the OP did nothing wrong, and I'm sorry she's questioning her decision!

 

[Ilovefozzie]

I am a SAHM now. But before our DD was born I worked. And I admit it freely! I would call one of the grandmas and ask them to spend time with their grandson and then clean my house, take a long shower go grocery shopping. The DH would even take that day off work and help with the chores. I NEVER once felt bad about it.

Still don't. Sunday the DH and I went out for our 12th wedding anniversary and talked about time alone. There were years where sending the kids to grandparents for 2 hours was the best thing we ever did. It gave us a chance to connect and talk on an adult level. Not getting interupted ever 3 minutes to redress a barbie and take apart lego pieces that are stuck together was/is very valuable.

I love my kids and would/will do anything for them...and one of those things is making sure their parents marriage is strong and healthy and happy. So OP...Go for it. Take a deep breath and enjoy your time alone. The kids will thank you for it later!

 

[DVCLiz]

A) Well I guess that's the difference. When I'm folding laundry, it is not "wasted time" for my daughter who sits next to me and tells me everything that is going on in her life. Nor is it wasted when we fold and sing together. I don't watch a lot of TV, but if I do sit to watch TV and I am cuddling with one of my kids, i don't consider that wasted time either. The way that I mother, there is no wasted time - I'm talking and interacting with my kids the whole time. If someone is plopped in front of the TV and doesn't have any cuddle time with their kid who is playing a video game in the other room, or folding laundry while their kids are staring at a TV, I guess that is wasted time, and they are better off sending their kids to daycare where someone might talk to them.

This is your post I was referring to. If you state your mothering technique is to talk and interact with your kids the whole time, I'm going to interpret that as being with and entertaining your children at all times. I didn't see you refer to your children off by themselves reading or playing a video game or in any way being alone for even a minute, because that's not how you described your situation.

 

[SGB13]

I went from working full time to 32 hours a week when my son was about that age. I also work some weekends so that gave me one or two days off each week. I always kept him home on those days. It worked great for awhile, then he started to have major fits when I dropped him off at daycare. And this was a place he loved to go and play. It was the change in his schedule that messed him up. Some days he got to stay home, some days he had to go. So, for us, we had to go back to having him go every single day. If I was off work I would still take him first thing in the morning like normal, but would usually pick him up after just a couple hours. But he had to had the same routine every morning.
Basically, you do what works for you and your family. Don't worry what any one else thinks or says. You know your child and what they need and want. (They tell you every day!)

 

[DVCLiz]

Ok Liz, which is it? I'm confused. When I said I thought a child should not go to daycare when the parent is home, you said "why is it better for them to watch you fold laundry - wasted time" when I expalin that it is not wasted time for me to be with my kids then you flip-flop to "I can't imagine keeping up a steady stream of interaction with my kid like that" and that i am "constantly entertaing" and imply that is unhealthy. I can assure you that my children CAN entertain themselves. I never said that I am constantly "entertaining them". I am constantly enjoying them. Even when they are off playing a game or reading a book while I am doing something else, they would rather be in their own home having down time just like the OP had a day off of work and some down time. It is not unnatural or forced or exausting for me to chat with my daughter while folding laundry. In fact it reenergizes me. I guess if I was making forced high pitch "I'm the perfect Mommy" conversation it would be tiring. But I'm not.

My issue with your position is that you are implying it is always better to have kids lounging at home enjoying family time, when several posters on this thread have repeatedly said their kids really enjoy and would prefer to be at their school playing with their friends instead. It's not a bad thing to lounge at home with mom on a day off by any means, but neither is it a gold standard by which other parents should be judged. When you make the assumption that your choice is the best and right and only choice, I do take issue.

 

[jennifer293]

((HUGS)) Jennifer 293. Your post didn't sound the least bit judgemental to me. I don't blame you at all for not leaving your kids with someone until you find someone you can trust. It seems to me that people are now judging you for not leaving them.

I think that some people need to realize that some women may need more "alone" time than others. Personally, I just don't need a lot of time away from my kids. I think it is fine if other people need it, but even after almost 7 years of motherhood, I find that I need very little time away from the kids to recharge. I'm not saying that anyone is wrong for wanting "me time". I'm just saying that you need to understand that not everyone feels this way.

Thanks for the hugs!!!..I have just seen too many crazy stories and crazy people..DD6 is in school now and I am fine with the staff there, but I work closely with her school and I even sub there so I have gotten to know everyone there very well. I mean it was either that or go to jail...

 

[becalubob]

Ok... first of all I'm sorry, but I didn't read all the posts, but I had to jump in on this. I do daycare, (actually, I am lucky enough to just watch relatives - I have 2 neices, 2 nephews plus my own three). I have no problem watching kids so the parents can get stuff done. The work will get done faster, and then there will be more QUALITY time to be with the kids. I did this too when my first was little - it wasn't like this was all the time, just every so often. Ever try jean shopping with little kids? Or doing major repairs on your house? There is nothing wrong with having your kids spend time with a relative or daycare provider they like when the parents are off from work - if it is to get stuff done, or the parents need time to be alone - just as long as it's every so often. I do think it's wrong though with kids getting "dumped off" all the time while parents are not working.
That being said, OP did nothing wrong, I would have done the same thing.

 

[rt2dz]

I posted yesterday—without reading the thread—and never did have time to go back and read the thread. But today, I’m making the time. There is a lot that keeps popping up into my head. I don’t want to post until I get to the end, but then it is going to take a while. And so much is popping into my head!! Anyhow, some thoughts...

First, around here there is a difference between daycare and preschool. There are even different types of preschool—social based or educational based. Each preschool is a learning environment; it is just a matter of how they teach and what they concentrate on. We went the social route, but they still learn. Daycare is just babysitting. It is safe. It is fun. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is different. Preschools also accommodate the working parent. Most have 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 day programs. They go either 9-12, or 9-2. They also have extended day programs for 7-9, 12-3, 2-5 or 3-5. But that is the way around here. And, trust me, many SAHM take advantage of those extra hours too in order to accommodate they rest of their lives.

Purely my opinion (and I expect to get flamed for this): I volunteer quite a bit in the K classes. Oh boy, you can tell which kids were with their parents at every waking moment. It’s very hard on them to not have the teacher or volunteers directly by their side. It does them no favors to not learn to entertain themselves. No one should keep their child by their side all the time. It’s selfish on the parent’s part. One of the K teachers was telling me that many of those kids are not going to be ready to move on to first; they are ¾ of the way through the school year and they have not developed the skills needed to do the next level of work. It’s not from lack of intelligence, but they need such constant interaction and direction. And no, that doesn’t mean every child who did not go to preschool is in that boat, but those parents who never had their child play with blocks while mom folded the laundry or color while the parent was doing the dishes. And that doesn’t mean the kids should NEVER help you do those things, just that they shouldn’t ALWAYS be right by your side as you do the mundane.

I will post more again, I’m sure, as I read on.

 

[rt2dz]

Never judge people by what you see on the outside. Maybe dance classes are very expensive and can’t be afforded. Perhaps those designer clothes are a parent who purchases for her child and grandchildren. The car could have been a gift, a company car, or a connection type of thing.

I used to wonder how one of my son’s friends parents did it. They didn’t strike me as having lots of money, seemed to always be trying to figure out how to afford the most mundane things, but had lots of really nice stuff. Turns out her grandmother was always buying her and the kids clothes and sending them to her to help out since money was tight. Grandma had money and purchased very nice, very expensive clothes. Turns out she inheritated that 80K car when her grandfather died. Grandma didn’t need it and she thought her only granddaughter could use it, was safer than what they were driving and already paid for. That nice house...Her DH worked for his father, a land developer & contractor, who allowed him to get everything at his costs. So that lot that others paid $450K-$1.5 million for, cost them a whopping $5000. They had nice furniture, but she bought second hand and fixed it up. Boy, can appearances be deceiving.

 

[Mainebound]

But let me assure you, there are still plenty of daycares with not so good staff, and chaotic atmospheres. And there are in home ones where the kids are plopped in front of the TV all day.

can there be neglect in some daycares? Yes, of course. But who are the primary abuses of children in the US?

"According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System’s most current report, Child Maltreatment 2004, of the approximately 872,000 child abuse and neglect victims in 2004, the largest percentage of perpetrators (78.5 percent) were parents, including birth parents, adoptive parents, and stepparents."

http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/prevalence/

Please stop assuming the greatest risk for abuse and neglect is in a daycare setting, and let's stop equating the decision to stay home with the decision to be a good parent.

As for judging the person with the SUV and the Kate Spade bag, well, while I see your point, there may be other more worthwhile goods at stake for that mother, which only a big income can ensure.

For example, does the Jimmy Choo wearing mom's child have a fully invested college fund, such that s/he can go where ever s/he chooses without incurring loads of debt? Will her parents be able to help the child make a downpayment on their house? Pay for their wedding?

Will her child be able to focus on her studies, activities and social life in high school and college without having to work?

Does her child have family trips to wonderful (but expensive) places like Australia, Europe, South Africa?

Will she be able to get braces if needed? Or other types of borderline medically necessary treatment which less expensive insurance plans would not cover?

Will she be able to have horses, a violin, tennis club membership, sailing lessons, other types of private lessons, opprtunities to explore any muscial, dramatic, and athletic interests without fear of making the family sacrifice?

It is easy to make fun of the fancy car and shoes. But I would never say that these goods -- of travel, education, health care, and gaining varied skill sets, are trival. You may not need them or care for them, but they are things everyone recognizes can help contribute to a flourishing human life, andit is not vain or superficial to try to provide them for your children.

 

[dfarner]

I posted yesterday—without reading the thread—and never did have time to go back and read the thread. But today, I’m making the time. There is a lot that keeps popping up into my head. I don’t want to post until I get to the end, but then it is going to take a while. And so much is popping into my head!! Anyhow, some thoughts...

First, around here there is a difference between daycare and preschool. There are even different types of preschool—social based or educational based. Each preschool is a learning environment; it is just a matter of how they teach and what they concentrate on. We went the social route, but they still learn. Daycare is just babysitting. It is safe. It is fun. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is different. Preschools also accommodate the working parent. Most have 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 day programs. They go either 9-12, or 9-2. They also have extended day programs for 7-9, 12-3, 2-5 or 3-5. But that is the way around here. And, trust me, many SAHM take advantage of those extra hours too in order to accommodate they rest of their lives.

Purely my opinion (and I expect to get flamed for this): I volunteer quite a bit in the K classes. Oh boy, you can tell which kids were with their parents at every waking moment. It’s very hard on them to not have the teacher or volunteers directly by their side. It does them no favors to not learn to entertain themselves. No one should keep their child by their side all the time. It’s selfish on the parent’s part. One of the K teachers was telling me that many of those kids are not going to be ready to move on to first; they are ¾ of the way through the school year and they have not developed the skills needed to do the next level of work. It’s not from lack of intelligence, but they need such constant interaction and direction. And no, that doesn’t mean every child who did not go to preschool is in that boat, but those parents who never had their child play with blocks while mom folded the laundry or color while the parent was doing the dishes. And that doesn’t mean the kids should NEVER help you do those things, just that they shouldn’t ALWAYS be right by your side as you do the mundane.

I will post more again, I’m sure, as I read on.

I agree to this. Some children come to Kindergarten "straight from mommy's lap" as we say sometimes, and the child has no social skills whatsoever. I see nothing wrong w/ preschool, in my experiences it has been advantageous to the child both educationally and socially. In an earlier post I referred to mothers dropping babies off at daycare driving very expensive vehicles and how this rubbed me wrong. First off, let me say I know these parents-these babies are small babies (6 months and younger), it is oftentimes before 7 am, and no they do not have to work. But they do feel the need to carry the latest Coach handbag, drink $5 coffees all day long, and shop at nothing less than Macys. And when the gas prices skyrocket I hear about how it costs "so much to fill up I can barely afford to drive to work". I will not apologize for feeling like this is wrong.
It is a delicate balance that one must find-between working and letting the child be cared for out of the home and by whom and for how long.

 

[rt2dz]

I forgot...

What difference does it make why a mother would choose to work? What if a parent does want all those extras? Does it somehow mean they shouldn’t be a little irked by what is still losing a huge portion of their income to taxes just because they make more? I don’t begrudge anyone that. It’s still a percentage. And the higher the income the actually percentage you pay you loose. Yes, it is a choice. But what makes it wrong? Or sad? I’m not flaming here, I’m actually curious because I don’t understand this line of thought. Even if I don’t agree with someone, I want to understand where they are coming from.

People make choices with their money all the time. Some people take lots of vacations (me) and others spend a lot on cars. One choice isn’t wrong, just different.

 

[rt2dz]

Have you considered that maybe it is the Mom making the 6 figure salary paying for all of these things? I know many families where on the surface people may ask why the mom works when both parent drive expensive cars, they go on many vacations, etc. They just assume the DW chooses to work but meanwhile the DW is making 4x what the DH is making. I do not choose to work, it is a necessity. It is DH that chooses to work but no one ever criticizes him, ever!

Good Point!! When I choose to be a SAHM, it was really hard on us. Not just because we were losing an income, but because I made 5x more than DH. I had quite a bit put aside so, luckily, my savings paid out mortage (for the house I bought before I even knew DH) and many of out extras for about 4 years. DH drove a nice car too, but it was a company car. And now, people think DH makes more money than he does. He does make good money now, but not as much as people think.

 

[flipflop]

OP, you need to make the decision that works best for your family and your marriage. Dh and I have 21 month old triplets and when we have a holiday off work and our sitter is not taking the day off (our kids go to someone's home), you can be sure the trio is going to the sitters. First, they like consistency. Second, it gives us time to get things done around the house that we can't get done with them home, would be more time consuming to get done with them home, or to get things done that would have to be done during the weekend (like cleaning, etc) so that we can have more quality family time together over the weekend. Yes, there have even been times where I have (GASP) made an appointment for a facial or a massage while they are at the sitters and I have a day off. I work hard both at home and at work and I feel strongly that I am occasionally entitled to some "me" time. Taking some time for me - makes me a better parent. My husband and I need alone time too -- the stronger our marriage is the happier our family will be. I love my kids and their needs have been put first since before they were born - but I am allowed to have needs too.

It seems this OP has sparked the one of the old debates between certain SAHM and working out of the home moms. Not everyone has a choice about whether or not they can stay home. For many, going to work is not a "decision" but a fact of life necessary to pay a mortgage, etc. EDITED to include: I am not saying that in the instance where a woman chooses to go to work that choosing to go to work makes her a bad parent. I reread my post and was concerned my comment here might be misinterpretted.

Each of us has our own parenting style. It would be nice to support one another rather than judge others because we believe our own style is the only one that will create well-adjusted children.

 

[belle&beast]

Wow! I am home sick from work today nad just read this whole thread. I have to say, I have worked full-time, stayed home, and now I work part-time, which is perfect for our family. In my close group of friends we have a SAHM, moms that work 2-4 days and full time. We all have made different choices but we NEVER judge each other!

I personally am a much better mom and wife when I get out of the house and do something for myself. I worked very hard to get my degrees and I love what I do. Part of the reason I chose my field is the flexibility it offers and I do have lots of time with my family.

I am a firm believer that you have to work at a marriage and parents do need alone time without children. We have never traveled far for a long vacation, but we have had an occasional weekend away and it is wonderful! I will never forget a handwritten note in a wedding card, "When you have a family, always take time for each other. A strong marriage is the best gift you can give your children." This came from a couple whose children I babysat when I was younger. Their kids are grown, married and moved away to follow their dreams, just like we all hope our children will do. And they have each other.

Just remember we all love our kids, we are all trying to do the best we can. Let's accept each other and support each other- we are all moms.