I don't think that's it at all.I see both sides of this argument but let me explain. Here's a personal story. There was a Mom at my dd's dance school who complained every singel week about the cost of dance school, how she didn't even want to buy her dd the tap shoes but her Mom made her, how she wasn't sure she was going to put her in the recital because the costume was expensive etc. I found this woman to be so annoying that I just wanted to tell her to shut up. Now if you can't afford something then you can't afford it. No big deal. She would come in wearing designer clothes, drinking a cup of coffee that she bought on her way in, driving a $60,000 special edition SUV (leased or not the payments would be huge). Now I don't know if she worked or not and I didn't really care but people like that annoy me. I think she needed a reality check. Now when I talk to someone who tells me how they can't afford to stay home and they are driving the super expensive car, pushing their kids in a bugaboo, only shopping at Nordstroms etc. I cannot help but roll my eyes. Look- if you want to work then work. Just don't give me some line about how you can't afford it when your toddler is wearing $100 Seven jeans! I was a working Mom and currently a SAHM. I will return to the work force eventually and that is my choice. My Mom was a working Mom and I never had a problem with it as a kid. I am not jealous of other people and their fancy stuff as we don't do without because my dh makes a good living. Even if he didn't- those are just "things" to me. Not really important. I don't feel that it is kicking people to the curb when you have to hear their sob stories about how they want to stay home but can't afford to while the are having their nails done only to slip into a pair of Stuart Weitzmans. In that particular incident I think the Mom is either full of bull or she just can't admit that she doesn't want to stay home. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work. Juts be honest about it. I don't care if you work, stay home, or join a circus. If you are a nice person I'd be your friend and hopefully our kids could play together. No one decision is perfect for everyone but everyone always says that the SAHM's are so judgemental but honestly I have felt the that working Moms are worse. I always have to hear "Oh- well your husband makes good money" blah blah blah. Sure he does, but we are not rich by any means. We just make different choices with our money. That is what works for
us. Work or don't work, send your kids to daycare or don't. It doesn't really matter as long as you are trying your best and doing what is best for
your family.
After all- isn't that what we are all trying to do anyway?
To get a little prospective, I was a SAHM when my son was first born, went back to work F/T for a short period, and am now working P/T 3 days/week. 2 of the days my son is in daycare, 7 hours/day. The third day is Saturday and DS is home with DH. So I've covered all ends of the spectrum during my son's short 3+ years.
I agree that life is about choices. My sister is one of those Volvo driving Starbucks drinking Kate Spade carrying Bugaboo pushing working mothers with a husband who is a VP with a large insurance company. She complains about how much income tax they pay every year, (almost $40,000 as of last update
). She chooses to work because she wants to - she's ALWAYS been very competitive, and I think it would really bother her if her husband had a successful career and she didn't. Nothing wrong with that. But I have listened to her complain about the cost of her nanny and Montessori school, the hassle of trying to juggle the schedules, and say that she "wishes she could stay home as much as I do, but it's soooo hard to be a single income family these days..." I can't stand it, but whatever. She's my sister and I love her and her family.
What REALLY gets me is when people imply (or outright say) that because a mom chooses to (or has to) have a job, and does not spend 24/7/365 with their kids, she must not love them as much, must not be doing as good a job raising them, and is doing some kind of damage. Absolutely infuriates me. Look at some of the things said here on this thread alone like:
holly b - don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place. When you have children they always come first. No question.
jennifer293 - My kids will never go to daycare because I don't trust strangers with my children.
Doesn't exactly sound like women respecting each others choices, does it? To me it sounds more like someone purposely putting down a mom (a perfect stranger no less) for no reason other than making themselves feel better about their choices.
Then there's the passive-aggressive ones - "I would never work and make my children go to daycare because I love them too much, but if you think that's right for your family then that's fine."
I guess what I am trying to say is that in talking to any other Mom's you come across in life, leave the judgemental tone at home (or at work, whichever the case may be) We can easily say "daycare isn't right for our family" and leave it at that without questioning someone's love for their family or use of their money. Conversely, we can also say "we're very happy with our pre-school" without adding how it's much more educational and stimulating than watching TV all day.
...I don't think it is wrong if you are already paying for it anyway, and I do think parents need that break..I sent my kids to my parents house last weekend for the first time ever for 2 nights just so DH and I could spend some time together and we had a blast CHILDLESS!!! It is just all what you are comfortable with, don't worry about what those other parents think!!!
