OT: School bus incident - am I overreacting?

[wildfan1473]

I apologize if this is long, but I am just right now.

Both boys go to the same school, but DS4 is only in preschool, so I have to drive him in. DS6, in Kindergarten, prefers to ride the bus. After I dropped off DS4, I went to talk to the K teacher about something, when DS6 walked in "Mommy, Mommy, what does this say?". He pulls out his notebook he carries to draw in on the bus, and in his own handwriting are the letters "kik me". I got this weird look on my face and asked him who told him to write those letters, when he pulled out a loose piece of paper that has written on it, clear as day, "kick me hard in the a#@ you s#@%*#".

I about lost it. I drug him down to the principal, and we got some more info out of him, but not a name. We did find out he stuck a piece of paper on his younger brother's back that supposedly said "kick me", as he then proceeded to kick the kid in the back and everyone laughed. The principal advised me to contact the bus company. I found one of the older kids on the bus and got a name of the person who supposedly wrote this. I then went to the bus company, who promises to follow up with the driver when she gets back from the next round of students.

What do I do? Is there anything I can do? I know by taking the bus, he is going to be subjected to so much stuff with the older kids on there. His bus mostly consists of middle and high schoolers, and the few elementary aged kids who go to his parochial school - the rest of the public school kids have a later start, thus a later bus.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Ellester]

I would not let him ride the bus anymore. With that big of an age span on the bus, you have no idea what he is going to be exposed to on a daily basis. Since you are already driving to the school, it sounds like it won't change your routine too much. It is too hard for the driver to actually drive the bus safely and still monitor everything that goes on. I would certainly follow up with the bus company, but I wouldn't expect too much there. I was just talking to a friend yesterday who told me her nephew was about your son's age when he got off the bus one day the older kids had written similar words all over his arms with a sharpie! I know your son might be disappointed, but having middle and high schoolers on a bus with little ones is just asking for trouble, IMHO.

 

[livndisney]

I apologize if this is long, but I am just right now.

Both boys go to the same school, but DS4 is only in preschool, so I have to drive him in. DS6, in Kindergarten, prefers to ride the bus. After I dropped off DS4, I went to talk to the K teacher about something, when DS6 walked in "Mommy, Mommy, what does this say?". He pulls out his notebook he carries to draw in on the bus, and in his own handwriting are the letters "kik me". I got this weird look on my face and asked him who told him to write those letters, when he pulled out a loose piece of paper that has written on it, clear as day, "kick me hard in the a#@ you s#@%*#".

I about lost it. I drug him down to the principal, and we got some more info out of him, but not a name. We did find out he stuck a piece of paper on his younger brother's back that supposedly said "kick me", as he then proceeded to kick the kid in the back and everyone laughed. The principal advised me to contact the bus company. I found one of the older kids on the bus and got a name of the person who supposedly wrote this. I then went to the bus company, who promises to follow up with the driver when she gets back from the next round of students.

What do I do? Is there anything I can do? I know by taking the bus, he is going to be subjected to so much stuff with the older kids on there. His bus mostly consists of middle and high schoolers, and the few elementary aged kids who go to his parochial school - the rest of the public school kids have a later start, thus a later bus.

Thanks for listening.

Take them off the bus. We went through this last year. The school made excuses, (the school spent a lot of time allegedly "looking into" it) the driver did nothing, the Bus company did nothing. No one wanted to accept there was a problem.

I agree with the pp the age range is too great for it to be a safe place for your boys.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think the principal dropped the ball personally, but why would your son let someone kick his brother?

 

[Caitsmama]

I agree. I would pull him off the bus.

I have honestly never heard of such a wide range of ages on one bus..??? I wouldn't want my K kid to be riding with teens... no way.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree that this is a matter for the principal to handle, not the bus company. The bus driver should be asked to help identify the student who did it but the pricipal should be responsible for the discipline.

I think there are two options. You could just take him off the bus and drive him along with your preschooler. This would eliminate his exposure to the older kids. I don't think it's a good idea to put such a wide age range on the same bus but if it's a private school that serves all grades they probably don't have much choice.

The second option would be to ask if they can implement some rules for the bus. They could put the younger kids up front near the driver and the older kids toward the back. This would help eliminate their interaction.

In my opinion, taking him off the bus at this point would be the safest option.

 

[abdmom]

Former teacher in MN here.

I would take him off the bus AND contact the superintendent's office to let them know that you consider this bus to be an unsafe situation for your child , giving your reasons, and demand some action.

The principal is responsible for what happens in his school, the bus driver is responsible for what happens in their bus, but their primary responsibility is driving, but the sup's office is responsible for scheduling your child on a bus with high schooler's. The superintendent's office put your son in that situation and they should fix it.

 

[brockash]

Arrggg... I am sooo not looking foward to this kind of school/kid crap with my kiddos. I also have a 6 year old and a 17 month old, and I dare either of them to ever act like whoever the kid is that did this on your son's bus. I just don't get it. I don't get the parent's who take it lightly (which I'm guessing will be my DH, as he'll blow it off as "kids being kid's" because that's how he was raised.) I'm anticipating many heated arguements about these kinds of issues later in life, but for right now my DS 6 is pretty well behaved, thank god. If it were me I'd take my 6 year old off the bus. I know he likes to ride the bus, but I'd be a little concerned with a 6 year old riding a bus by himself to begin with (FYI I'm a control freak, and I know I rode a bus when I was in kindergarten, but I'm totally freaked out about when the time comes that my DS will have to, I know I have issues ) let alone if something like this happened. I think part of the problem is that he has to ride the bus with so many older kids. I think I'd take him off until he was older, or until they provided busing with only elementary school kids or something. I would also talk to my son and explain to him not to worry about it, and that some kids just don't know how to behave, and that is sad. How does your son feel about it? Does he understand really what it said, is he upset at all? I think a lot of what you say and how you react to him depends on how he's feeling. If he's very upset, then I'd have a long talk about it, and try to build his self-esteem up as much as possible. If he doesn't seem to care that much, then I wouldn't stress too much about it to him. Ultimately you're his mom, and you know what's best for him, good luck, and I'm sorry you and your son are having to deal with this.

 

[wildfan1473]

Thank you all for your responses. I think I need to clarify a couple of things.

First off, DS takes 2 busses - one from home to a transfer point, then another to the school with all the kids from the parochial school. The incident happened on the first bus to the transfer point. not the one that comes to the school. The alledged child who wrote these things is a student at the public school.

Second, DS4 only goes to school MWF, not daily. We are 13 miles, one direction, from school. I can get away with taking him on the days I am already going, but it is harder on the off days, as DH is already gone to work and I have a preschooler still sleeping, and what do I do with both of them next year?

Lastly, there is supposed to already be an implementation of younger kids on the front of the bus and older in the back. This was supposedly a 2nd grader who committed the offense, not an older child.

 

[brockash]

Thank you all for your responses. I think I need to clarify a couple of things.

First off, DS takes 2 busses - one from home to a transfer point, then another to the school with all the kids from the parochial school. The incident happened on the first bus to the transfer point. not the one that comes to the school. The alledged child who wrote these things is a student at the public school.

Second, DS4 only goes to school MWF, not daily. We are 13 miles, one direction, from school. I can get away with taking him on the days I am already going, but it is harder on the off days, as DH is already gone to work and I have a preschooler still sleeping, and what do I do with both of them next year?

Lastly, there is supposed to already be an implementation of younger kids on the front of the bus and older in the back. This was supposedly a 2nd grader who committed the offense, not an older child.

Do you know who the 2nd grader was? I'd talk to the 2nd grader's teacher, principal, and try to contact the parents. The second grader had to learn the behavoir from someone. I'd still take your son and both next year off the bus. It seems like a lot for a 6 year old (2 buses, transferring, all the different kids ect.) to deal with. I know it's a long way to go and your little one is sleeping on the days with no preschool, but I really do think it's the safest thing for your DS. Good luck!

 

[livndisney]

Lastly, there is supposed to already be an implementation of younger kids on the front of the bus and older in the back. This was supposedly a 2nd grader who committed the offense, not an older child.

I know in our situation, the students had "assigned" seats supposedly. They were never enforced. Rules don't do any good if no one follows them. When I saw the school would not help my child, I told the children to stop (I saw what they did to my child one day on the bus). The Principal yelled at me and told me I was not allowed to speak to the children.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

I would definitely take him off the bus. With that age range, I would wait to ride it until my child was a bit more "street wise". I also agree with contacting the Superintendants office..Thats bullying and most school districts have a zero tolerance.

 

[eyor44]

You did the right thing. We had a similar incident once. I contacted the bus drive, gave her the picture and then she went to the parents of the child. The child was also referred to the office. Never happened again. You might have a bit of a harder time since it involves a different school, but hopefully the administration there will work with you.

 

[wildfan1473]

Do you know who the 2nd grader was? I'd talk to the 2nd grader's teacher, principal, and try to contact the parents. The second grader had to learn the behavoir from someone. I'd still take your son and both next year off the bus. It seems like a lot for a 6 year old (2 buses, transferring, all the different kids ect.) to deal with. I know it's a long way to go and your little one is sleeping on the days with no preschool, but I really do think it's the safest thing for your DS. Good luck!

See, now I'm confusing myself. I do have a name. According to the bus supervisor, this kid is in 2nd grade, and she didn't think it was him (handwriting was too neat), so she was going to follow up with th bus driver. But, the younger public school kids aren't on that bus? Ugh, this stinks.

DS6 loves the bus. We live out in the country, and there are no kids around to play with, and he does have friends on both busses (including a couple of middle schoolers on the first bus that I do know and trust a bit). He is so excited to be grown up enough to take the bus. I always try to bribe him to drive with us, he gets to sleep in an extra 45 minutes, etc., but he wants to go on the bus. At first, he was laughing about the kid getting kicked in the butt, but now that we explained it to him, he said he was going to draw a stop sign for him, so everyone stopped kicking him . He is a very sensitive child, and already feels like he did something wrong. I feel like taking him off of the bus would be like punishing him for something he didn't do.

 

[jboysen]

I know in our situation, the students had "assigned" seats supposedly. They were never enforced. Rules don't do any good if no one follows them. When I saw the school would not help my child, I told the children to stop (I saw what they did to my child one day on the bus). The Principal yelled at me and told me I was not allowed to speak to the children.

Did you tell him to do his job so you don't have to? Then I would tell him if it happens again you'll be contacting legal counsel to find out what your options are. I'm not actually saying sue, but once you mention legalities with school districts, they tend to start to worry more, and actually get something done.

 

[tmarquez]

I was a bus rider in elementary, junior and senior high. There is NO WAY I would let my DD (also in K) ride the bus with kids older than elementary age.

You would be absolutely shocked at what goes on sometimes. This incident (although I undertand you being upset) is NOTHING compared to what he could have been exposed to.

 

[motherofautumn]

Based on experiences we had with our bus company last year, I would talk to the principal. The bus company gets money from the schools, not the parents. They really don't have an interest in parental complaints, unless they come through the school. The people with influence are the people who hand out the contracts.

 

[MSSANDRA]

The reality is that the supervision on buses is very poor. Most of the time the driver is the only adult and must focus on the road not the children. You certainly need to report and expect follow up of poor behavior but in the end you have to decide if allowing your children to ride the bus is the right choice for YOUR family. We choose to make some major choices that would keep DS from having to ride the bus.

 

[Stephres]

Last year my third grader got a course in the birds and bees on the bus from the fifth graders. I would definitely not let a kindergartener ride with older kids, especially with the lack of supervision. If the kid does get in trouble, he could retaliate against your son.

I'm sorry, I know you are not hearing what you want to hear, but I really don't think it's a safe situation for your son.

 

[Cdnmommy]

Although I always believe that everyone has a right to their own opinion, my personal opinion is that I don't agree with the posters telling you to take your kids off the bus.

It sounds like it would be both punishing your son as well as making it more difficult for your preschooler (to have to get up on his off days) if you were to drive him everyday.

You absolutely have a right to expect (and if you feel you're not getting it, demand) safe travel for your child to school. I am surprised that your principal advised you to contact the school bus company yourself instead of doing it on your behalf.

I think the previous teacher's post about going to the superintendant is right on the money. I'm sure it is their procedure that they would have to follow up with anyone who is contacting them directly. In addition to this I would cc anything you provide in writing to your principal so they are aware of what is happening.

Is there an older student on the bus that you would trust to 'look over' your son to make sure they are okay? That might be a temporary solution until you see what actions the board is taking.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted!