OT: School bus incident - am I overreacting?

[luvsmickeymouse]

I'm a school bus driver. I drive for 3 schools. The first is a Jr/Sr High School (which I personally think is ridiculous - there is too much of an age span) a "Middle School" that's 3-6th and Elementary that is K-2.

I'm telling you, we NEED the parents' help! I've driven in school districts that do not do anything to discipline a child. We are told to write conduct reports on a child that misbehaves. It is up to the school to do the discipline. They don't. I've actually had a principal tell me that "so and so" comes from a difficult household so I should be more lenient. No way. That kid could also be the kid that pulls a knife on another kid. Don't even say, no way. It happened on my bus last year. A 3rd grader pulled a pocket knife and threatened a 4th grader. What did it get him? A house stop on a special needs bus.

We need the parents to get in the school's face and DEMAND that something be done when their child is hurt, etc. Without that, the school will literally do nothing. Maybe a detention or 1 day bus suspension.

We drive 72 passenger buses. We are doing our best to get those 72 kids to school safely. Our eyes are on the road - we can't possibly be driving safe and have our eyes on the kids. In a perfect world, there would be two driver assistants on each bus. That's just not the case. I've had a parent actually yell at me that I didn't see someone hitting his kid while I was driving. The moron parent even motioned to the big mirror I have hanging over my head. Yeah, we have the mirror, but we can't possibly see everything this is happening behind those very large seatbacks.

If the parent's don't demand the school does something, nothing will happen. Your kid will still get teased or hit. The bus driver will continue to write conduct reports. That's it.

Get this - we do have graded seat assignments. The younger kids in the front and as they get older- the more they sit in the back. Guess where the big kid in the back is going to get moved for punching "Johnny or Susie?" Right in the front seat next to your precious Kindergartener!

This is ridiculous!

I have been driving a school bus for 20 years now, and pretty much what this poster wrote is what I go through in our district. We have no help at all. Parents need to go to their school and town meetings and get monitors for these busses and make the school and the parents accountable for the behavioron the buses. I drive an 84 passenger bus. Our district got the idea to let the 7-8 graders stop going in early on the bus with the high school kids, and putting them back on the elementary bus. Its just awful, the high school buses have about 30 kids on them, while my elementary bus is at capacity. We seperate by grades but the younger kids are subject to the older jr high kids.

Can I add this, we had a child write on the bus seats with a sharpie, the parent actually brought the child back to the bus yard and had him clean the seats. I was amazed. This is what we need, more parents holding their child responsible for their actions. I thanked him and thanked him.

 

[littleteapot]

First of all, I appreciate the work you do and I can't imagine focusing on driving AND dealing with all of this at the same time.

DD9 was hit and her head was banged against the seat in front of her for an entire trip home last year. Our school system and the bus company actually moved DD (4th grader) to sit with the Kindergartners so she wouldn't be assaulted anymore. Not only was she hit, but then punished by being with the little kids. I declined and drove her to school. Our school unfortunately does not deal with bus incidents since the private transportation company is responsible. I would think that they would want to know and work with the bus drivers.

The worst part was that the other girl's mom never even found out about the incident, because too much time passed btw. school and transportation co. trying to figure out who deals with it.

Wow, your poor child

Why weren't the police the ones to deal with it? It sounds like assault.

 

[ibelieveinmagic]

Hi, I drive a school bus- I personally drive a high school route and a elementary route that are seperate, however we do have chatholic schools that do include all grades, i would reccommend talking to the driver as it is hard to always see behind the tall seats what is going on. Also, we have assigned seats, the driver should keep the small children up front and the older students in the back away from them. The offending sudent(s) should have some kind of punishment such as a writing assignment and a phone call home. Once the driver is aware he/she can continue to monitor the situation and ask your child daily if everthing is allright, also some parents call transportation so the supervisor is also aware of what is going on. Most drivers do care about children and are happy to help. Well ,God Bless I hope everything turns out well for you and your son.

 

[Karlzmom]

I apologize if this is long, but I am just right now.

Both boys go to the same school, but DS4 is only in preschool, so I have to drive him in. DS6, in Kindergarten, prefers to ride the bus. After I dropped off DS4, I went to talk to the K teacher about something, when DS6 walked in "Mommy, Mommy, what does this say?". He pulls out his notebook he carries to draw in on the bus, and in his own handwriting are the letters "kik me". I got this weird look on my face and asked him who told him to write those letters, when he pulled out a loose piece of paper that has written on it, clear as day, "kick me hard in the a#@ you s#@%*#".

I about lost it. I drug him down to the principal, and we got some more info out of him, but not a name. We did find out he stuck a piece of paper on his younger brother's back that supposedly said "kick me", as he then proceeded to kick the kid in the back and everyone laughed. The principal advised me to contact the bus company. I found one of the older kids on the bus and got a name of the person who supposedly wrote this. I then went to the bus company, who promises to follow up with the driver when she gets back from the next round of students.

What do I do? Is there anything I can do? I know by taking the bus, he is going to be subjected to so much stuff with the older kids on there. His bus mostly consists of middle and high schoolers, and the few elementary aged kids who go to his parochial school - the rest of the public school kids have a later start, thus a later bus.

Thanks for listening.

No you are not over reacting. I'm still trying to get my head around the principal telling YOU to contact the bus company! WTH? For my eldest, the bus was the worst part of trying to protect him from the little beasts that are being raised to care deeply about people they don't know on the other side of the planet, but somehow can't figure out how to be civil to the special needs child next to them. It was so bad for us that we made alternate arrangements for transportation [who would think your child can be assaulted in the 7 minutes between putting them on the bus and the child arriving at school - all while in the presence of the the driver and an aid and no one saw a thing? ...its not like kids are quiet when acting like pack-animals]
Best of luck to you....I hope that your school is more responsive if you should need them in the future.

 

[Aristomommy]

Wow, your poor child

Why weren't the police the ones to deal with it? It sounds like assault.

I considered it assault. It took so long to call principal, bus company etc. that no one was willing to even discuss the incident with the child's parent. DD even asked her teacher for a pass to the school counselor and that was granted a week later They certainly weren't that concerned. What if it was a child that was abused at home? Would a teacher just hand a pass to a counselor a week later without even asking why? I was appalled at their attitude.

I didn't want to escalate it to the police, since I kept hoping the school would address it. We left the district in the middle of the school year, which was the best decision for us.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I apologize if this is long, but I am just right now.

Both boys go to the same school, but DS4 is only in preschool, so I have to drive him in. DS6, in Kindergarten, prefers to ride the bus. After I dropped off DS4, I went to talk to the K teacher about something, when DS6 walked in "Mommy, Mommy, what does this say?". He pulls out his notebook he carries to draw in on the bus, and in his own handwriting are the letters "kik me". I got this weird look on my face and asked him who told him to write those letters, when he pulled out a loose piece of paper that has written on it, clear as day, "kick me hard in the a#@ you s#@%*#".

I about lost it. I drug him down to the principal, and we got some more info out of him, but not a name. We did find out he stuck a piece of paper on his younger brother's back that supposedly said "kick me", as he then proceeded to kick the kid in the back and everyone laughed. The principal advised me to contact the bus company. I found one of the older kids on the bus and got a name of the person who supposedly wrote this. I then went to the bus company, who promises to follow up with the driver when she gets back from the next round of students.

What do I do? Is there anything I can do? I know by taking the bus, he is going to be subjected to so much stuff with the older kids on there. His bus mostly consists of middle and high schoolers, and the few elementary aged kids who go to his parochial school - the rest of the public school kids have a later start, thus a later bus.

Thanks for listening.

Drive him to school. You can't control the environment on the bus.

 

[kadesha]

This is just an example of why I won't let my kids ride the bus.

 

[wildfan1473]

OP here again. After questioning some kids on the bus, we got the full story, it was a middle school child who thought he was being funny. Ha Ha. Anyway, he has been dealt with and his parents notified.

Thanks to all for your advice. We have decided to let DS continue to ride the bus, and I have talked with both the bus driver, the bus company, and a few other middle schoolers on the bus that we know, and trust as much as we can middle schoolers. I have found there are actually many more younger kids on the bus than I originally thought. DS loves taking the bus, and we are not going to punish him for something someone else did. I cannot control what he sees and hears on the bus, but the first thing he does when I see him is hand over his backpack and tell me about his day. I question him about everything, and he doesn't know any better (yet) than to not be excited and tell me about his day.

 

[sk!mom]

OP here again. After questioning some kids on the bus, we got the full story, it was a middle school child who thought he was being funny. Ha Ha. Anyway, he has been dealt with and his parents notified.

Thanks to all for your advice. We have decided to let DS continue to ride the bus, and I have talked with both the bus driver, the bus company, and a few other middle schoolers on the bus that we know, and trust as much as we can middle schoolers. I have found there are actually many more younger kids on the bus than I originally thought. DS loves taking the bus, and we are not going to punish him for something someone else did. I cannot control what he sees and hears on the bus, but the first thing he does when I see him is hand over his backpack and tell me about his day. I question him about everything, and he doesn't know any better (yet) than to not be excited and tell me about his day.

Wow- I'm stunned. You've read all of this advice and all of these horror stories yet you're still going to put him on the bus because he likes it and it's easier for you? IMO, to effectively parent we have to make many decisions that will be unpopular with our children.

Good luck to you!

 

[mom2my2gr8kids]

Wow- I'm stunned. You've read all of this advice and all of these horror stories yet you're still going to put him on the bus because he likes it and it's easier for you? IMO, to effectively parent we have to make many decisions that will be unpopular with our children.

Good luck to you!

I completely agree with you there!

 

[jodifla]

Wow- I'm stunned. You've read all of this advice and all of these horror stories yet you're still going to put him on the bus because he likes it and it's easier for you? IMO, to effectively parent we have to make many decisions that will be unpopular with our children.

Good luck to you!

She doesn't have to deal with OTHER horror stories, just her own situation.

My son rides the bus....he loves it, and I wouldn't let a minor kid incident get in the way of him riding the bus.

 

[sk!mom]

She doesn't have to deal with OTHER horror stories, just her own situation.

My son rides the bus....he loves it, and I wouldn't let a minor kid incident get in the way of him riding the bus.

I guess the difference is, to me a Kindergartner being bullied by a middle schooler on a bus they ride with Middle and High schoolers isn't minor.

It would be different if the OP had no other transportation options or if her son was on a bus with same age peers.

As far as liking it, my daughter would like to do many things that I don't consider in her best interest. It's my job to balance what she would like with what I consider safe.

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

I did not read the entire thread but I do want to say that my heart goes out to all the parents that have to deal with these bus situations. I've never heard of elem kids on the same bus as high schoolers, but I guess in some parts of the country it's a necessity.

I have 2 boys in elem school (1st and 2nd grade) and they ride the bus with the K-5 group. I basically know most of the kids and their parents because we all live in the same development. I think I would switch districts if they would be put on a bus with older kids.

 

[labdogs42]

OP here again. After questioning some kids on the bus, we got the full story, it was a middle school child who thought he was being funny. Ha Ha. Anyway, he has been dealt with and his parents notified.

Thanks to all for your advice. We have decided to let DS continue to ride the bus, and I have talked with both the bus driver, the bus company, and a few other middle schoolers on the bus that we know, and trust as much as we can middle schoolers. I have found there are actually many more younger kids on the bus than I originally thought. DS loves taking the bus, and we are not going to punish him for something someone else did. I cannot control what he sees and hears on the bus, but the first thing he does when I see him is hand over his backpack and tell me about his day. I question him about everything, and he doesn't know any better (yet) than to not be excited and tell me about his day.

I think you made a good decision. It sounds like you contacted all of the right people and they are dealing with the situation. I hope that kid straightens up as a result. We can't shield our kids from every little thing in the world that might upset them. If he likes taking the bus, I think it is great that you are letting him continue to take it. And, I'm sure you will keep a close eye on the situation and adjust your plans as necessary if those big kids don't shape up!

 

[debster812]

Wow- I'm stunned. You've read all of this advice and all of these horror stories yet you're still going to put him on the bus because he likes it and it's easier for you? IMO, to effectively parent we have to make many decisions that will be unpopular with our children.

Good luck to you!

So are you saying NO ONE should allow their children to ride the bus, based on this very small sample of 'horror stories'?

DS is 11, and in 6th grade, and has been riding the bus since he was in 1st grade. I don't think we have permanently damaged him by doing this.

And sometimes to effectively parent, we have to make hard decisions, and help our kids deal with adversity, so they'll have coping mechanisms for when they get older.

 

[sk!mom]

So are you saying NO ONE should allow their children to ride the bus, based on this very small sample of 'horror stories'?

DS is 11, and in 6th grade, and has been riding the bus since he was in 1st grade. I don't think we have permanently damaged him by doing this.

And sometimes to effectively parent, we have to make hard decisions, and help our kids deal with adversity, so they'll have coping mechanisms for when they get older.

No, I said I wouldn't put a Kinder. student on a bus with high schoolers. I would have no problem with a bus of all elementary students. I would also be Ok if the bus of all levels had another adult in addition to the driver so that you could be sure that young students are left alone and kept seperate.

I'm a teacher and a parent and am well aware of the need to teach children to "deal with it". This is not one of those times to me. This situation sounds very unsafe and there are safer alternatives.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think the principal dropped the ball personally, but why would your son let someone kick his brother?

I am sorry to quote myself but I still don't get the story. Your DS put a sign on his own brother's back and then laughed when his brother got kicked?

 

[emmy]

I think a lot depends on the driver and the the school backing up the driver in being able to enforce rules. If the kids get the message from the school or the parents that things will not be enforced they will just push harder.
I drive for 4 different schools in our district and each principal handles a "bus card" differently, but the one school where they don't like to be bothered with them is the school where we have the most problems!

That being said I can tell you in all my years of driving bus- the high schoolers usually are not the problem, most of them are good to the younger kids, BUT some of the middle schoolers aren't quite mature enough to realize not to pick on them or talk inappropriately in front of them.

Also when you are driving and watching traffic and dealing with various weather conditions, it can be really hard to see everything that goes on behind you! So I would start by trying to talk with the driver and let them know to be aware and watch the situation as much as they can. I know if I am aware of something I can watch and see who is near that student and try to keep them "protected" if need be. Most things parents will complain about on the bus the driver doesn't even know are happening- it is hard to hear and see 50-70 students and drive safely!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

. I cannot control what he sees and hears on the bus, .

Ummm, if you're ok with that, then, um, whatever.

 

[wildfan1473]

I am sorry to quote myself but I still don't get the story. Your DS put a sign on his own brother's back and then laughed when his brother got kicked?

This wasn't made clear - no, the actual story ended up being that the kids (all elementary, btw), were laughing about this happening to someone else. One of the middle schoolers heard them talking about this, then proceeded to write the note, as a joke.

Thank you to those who support my decision. We all have our own opinions, and I did read everything here, and I respect what each of you said. Many of you did have very bad experiences, and I am sorry to hear that. As an informed and responsible parent, I have contacted the necessary people and made sure the middle schooler was held accountable. My son was also talked to, by the bus driver and us, and explained what the note said and why it was not right, as well as why the original conversation of putting "kick me" notes on others is not right. They were also talking about bus safety in school when this happened, and this particular incident was discussed in DS' class.

Right, wrong, or indifferent, we choose to make this a learning experience for all of us, and move forward.