OT: Rsvp vent

[Tammysue5]

My dd has a slumber party scheduled for Friday. So far we have 1 child who responded. This child was one we thought couldn't come. My dd goes to a school that is made up of low income families. This child told my dd that she was not allowed to go to birthday parties because her mom couldn't afford a present. My dd responed, "I am going to be 10. I'm not a little girl. I don't need a present. I just want you to come." This is the same little girl who didn't have shoes for the Christmas concert so my dd GAVE her my other dd's brand new shoes.
Another girl she invited handed her back the invitation and said I don't want this because you invited so and so and you know I don't get along with her. Dd's feelings were hurt because the two of them are very close but she took the invitation and gave it to someone else.

That was so nice of your daughter... ! What a special kiddo! We had a similar thing happen...DD had a party and when this one boy came his mom told me that he almost didn't come because he was embarrassed with his gift... it was $5 in Mcdonalds gift certificates. I could not have been prouder ,,,when she opened the envelope she screeched....."all right...thats what Im talking about.... Mcdonalds is a kids favorite eating place!!!" The little boy was beaming.... and when I mentioned to my Daughter after the party how the little boy felt.... she was just happy he came and thought the gift was perfect!

 

[angeleigh]

Kids amaze us sometimes. This reminds me of a similar thing with my dd. When I picked up the child for the party the mom said I will have her gift when you bring her back. I told her that a gift wasn't necessary. When we dropped the child off the mom handed my dd a box that was held closed with a hair tie. Not a scrunchie but one of those that has the little metal piece on it. I was so afraid dd would make a face or not act appropriately. Boy was I wrong. She opened the box said thank you and was very sincere. In the box was a little knick knack from the dollar store. My dd still has it two years later. It is one of her favorite things.

 

[java]

I'm having a party on Saturday for my kindergartener!
I would say I heard from about half the class. 2 no and 6 yes then a bunch of his outside class friends ALL called to rsvp (and they were all yes) so we'll have a party.
Room for more to come so I'm being generous with the "Oh bring along the siblings"(which I know will bite me in the future)
Let's see how many show up.
I have 4 kids of my own so we're a party by ourselves!

 

[ajk912]

Something that I do is include both my ph # and email for RSVP's. That way, if someone does not like to call someone they do not know or keeps forgetting to call during regular call hours but remembers after putting the kids to bed, etc, they can shoot me an email. This has helped but there are still people that do not respond and I think it is so rude!! Good luck!

I do this too, and I get a lot more RSVPs/regrets using email/phone method. Some people don't feel comfortable talking to a stranger, so email is better!!

 

[gillenkl]

This is one of the reasons we no longer do kids birthday parties. People won't rsvp or they want to bring all the kids in their family - it was getting ridiculous.

Now we plan a family weekend. This year we took our twins to a family resort for the weekend with indoor pools, game rooms, nice buffets, etc.... The kids loved it and don't even miss the crazy party. They do also take cupcakes to school for their classmates.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

I have to confess to not RSVPing to a party my youngest was invited to this past weekend. He showed me the invite and then took it. I couldn't find it. Couldn't remember the child's last name. Couldn't even remember if it was this past or coming up weekend. So I sent a gift in to school on Friday for the child with a card saying we couldn't make. Even if the birthday child loses the note, the mom should realize we won't be coming if we already sent the gift. Hopefully the mom isn't mad at me for not calling.

 

[lisabarr]

On the flip side of this topic, my DD was handed an invite to a classmates party on a Thursday, party was that Saturday. On the invite, a Mom had RSVP no to the party, so that girls name was crossed out and the invite was given to my daughter along with the crossed out RSVP and childs name.
I told my DD that I thought this was very tacky and that she couldn't go as this was an obvious ploy for presents. I didn't even RSVP my regrets, I was furious!
My DD was upset but I tried to explain what users are and how this girl never would have invited her to this party if she had "enough" kids coming.
I know the mother too... this wasn't a child that had been limited on the invites, could have invited whoever she wanted but didn't.

 

[springandmac]

This has been an ongoing battle for me for the past 10 years and it only gets worse as your children get older.

I just had a party for DD15 this past Friday, not one parent called to tell me their son or daughter was coming but 22 kids showed up. All the kids just told DD if they were coming and I kept quizzing her on a daily basis for a head count.

The other thing that get's my goat is the amount of parent's who don't even get out of the car to meet me, they just drop their kids off and leave. For all they know, I could be Jack the Ripper....it just amazes me. It's funny the parent's I know because they're DD BFF's they came in but the ones I didn't know just dropped off and left. I can't fathom dropping DD off at someone's house I don't know and not going in to meet the parent's.

I told DD I would throw her a big old Sweet 16 party (rent a hall, get a DJ, etc.) and then I'm done with the birthday parties.

 

[luvmy3]

Maybe now all mom's could start writing on the invitation
"If I do not recieve an RSVP by xx/xx/xx then I will assume you will not be coming"
That way if they don't respond we will know they are not coming and we can cancel the party venue if only 1 child RSVP's
I have been pretty lucky, most of the mom's RSVP and I have never had anyone show up that didn't. On the otherhand I can understand that life gets busy and invitations get forgotten about so I tend to be a bit more forgiving when it comes to RSVPs. I myself have forgotten a time or two and I always wanted to call after the fact to apologize but I figured what is done is already done.

 

[Kitzka]

There have been many responses and I jsut wanted to be the devil's advocate here.

I have never had a party where DD handed out invites at school for one reason. The kids lose the invites somewhere in school, in the backpacks, etc. My DD is pretty careful with her items but there has been many a time where i ws digging through her backpack only to find a crumpled party invite. normally it's in plenty of time ot RSVP but once or twice it was the DAY OF the party. I was mortified but it happens.

I'm not saying all of those silent to the RSVP are in this situation but it doe happen. I would call and try to get some additional responses.

Lara

 

[mjkacmom]

This has been an ongoing battle for me for the past 10 years and it only gets worse as your children get older.

I just had a party for DD15 this past Friday, not one parent called to tell me their son or daughter was coming but 22 kids showed up. All the kids just told DD if they were coming and I kept quizzing her on a daily basis for a head count.

The other thing that get's my goat is the amount of parent's who don't even get out of the car to meet me, they just drop their kids off and leave. For all they know, I could be Jack the Ripper....it just amazes me. It's funny the parent's I know because they're DD BFF's they came in but the ones I didn't know just dropped off and left. I can't fathom dropping DD off at someone's house I don't know and not going in to meet the parent's.

I told DD I would throw her a big old Sweet 16 party (rent a hall, get a DJ, etc.) and then I'm done with the birthday parties.

To be honest, I don't RSVP to parties my dd12 is invited to, and parents of her friends don't respond to me. At this age, they're old enough to handle their own RSVP's - and it's been my experience that the kids are SO much better at this than their parents!

 

[jeepgirl30]

To be honest, I don't RSVP to parties my dd12 is invited to, and parents of her friends don't respond to me. At this age, they're old enough to handle their own RSVP's - and it's been my experience that the kids are SO much better at this than their parents!

OP here and I agree at a certain age it is up to the children to RSVP. At a young age we need to teach them it is proper to respond but by 12-15 I think they should be responsible enough to do the RSVP and the birthday child should be responsible enough to convey the RSVPs to the mom.

My DS is in Kgarten but my DD8 goes to the same school and is in the same daycare. She told 2 moms yesterday "mommy really needs to know if X is coming or not so you better call her" and guess what? they did! One emailed and one called. The caller left a vm and sounded pretty darn embarassed.

 

[FayeW]

This has been an ongoing battle for me for the past 10 years and it only gets worse as your children get older.

I just had a party for DD15 this past Friday, not one parent called to tell me their son or daughter was coming but 22 kids showed up. All the kids just told DD if they were coming and I kept quizzing her on a daily basis for a head count.

The other thing that get's my goat is the amount of parent's who don't even get out of the car to meet me, they just drop their kids off and leave. For all they know, I could be Jack the Ripper....it just amazes me. It's funny the parent's I know because they're DD BFF's they came in but the ones I didn't know just dropped off and left. I can't fathom dropping DD off at someone's house I don't know and not going in to meet the parent's.

I told DD I would throw her a big old Sweet 16 party (rent a hall, get a DJ, etc.) and then I'm done with the birthday parties.

To be perfectly honest, at 15, you shouldn't be expecting the parents to call. Many teenagers of 15 hold part time jobs, etc. They should be responsible enough to be able to RSVP to a party on their own.

Last year was the last "party" for our kids. For DD's 13th birthday, we invited about 8 girls for a sleigh ride and sleep over. Everybody said they were coming, including one girl who is Muslim. That meant that I had to put some thought into the foods that I would serve because of dietary restrictions and some of the activities. The party was at the first of December and I had purchased some craft supplies for the girls to make some Christmas crafts, tree ornaments, etc if they wanted to. I made sure to get generic seasonal crafts like snowflakes, candy canes, foam door knob hangers, stuff like that. I didn't want to make our guest uncomfortable with more overt religious decorations like stars and angels. Anyway, despite having RSVP'd and confirmed her attendance the day before, the girl never showed. I was royally pissed off because I had gone to quite a bit of effort to make sure she wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

One other girl didn't show up, either. When my daughter called to see where she was, she hadn't even told her mother about the party, and had planned all along to just blow it off. Her mother was furious! She grounded her, and when we came home from the sleigh ride there was a gift waiting on the porch with a nice letters of apology, one for my daughter and one for me, apologizing for the trouble and expense that I may have gone to. In turn, I had my daughter call the girl and thank her for the note and the lovely gift.

Anyway, my daughter's birthday is Thursday. Friday is a day off school, so one friend is sleeping over, and another (who has a tournament to go to on Friday) will come to spend the evening. She will get to celebrate with cake and her two best friends on her actual birthday, so that will just have to be good enough. I'd rather spend the money on a nicer gift than a party that will cause everybody stress.

 

[agnes!]

Because they are lazy. For future reference, what I've heard to do is say 'Party will be November 15th. Please call for time & location'. ...

That is BRILLIANT.

My dd has a slumber party scheduled for Friday. So far we have 1 child who responded. This child was one we thought couldn't come. My dd goes to a school that is made up of low income families. This child told my dd that she was not allowed to go to birthday parties because her mom couldn't afford a present. My dd responed, "I am going to be 10. I'm not a little girl. I don't need a present. I just want you to come." This is the same little girl who didn't have shoes for the Christmas concert so my dd GAVE her my other dd's brand new shoes.

Oh my....we've certainly had everything from the sublime to the ridiculous in this thread & what your daughter did was truly sublime. I don't know your daughter but her maturity and kindness brought tears to my eyes. You're doing a GREAT job with her.

Another girl she invited handed her back the invitation and said I don't want this because you invited so and so and you know I don't get along with her. Dd's feelings were hurt because the two of them are very close but she took the invitation and gave it to someone else.

I had a fully grown woman pull this for a party I held last year. It takes all kinds, I guess!

Hey, are any of these people on a Real Housewives show ? This sounds like something those nasty pieces of work would do.

agnes!

 

[springandmac]

To be honest, I don't RSVP to parties my dd12 is invited to, and parents of her friends don't respond to me. At this age, they're old enough to handle their own RSVP's - and it's been my experience that the kids are SO much better at this than their parents!

To be perfectly honest, at 15, you shouldn't be expecting the parents to call. Many teenagers of 15 hold part time jobs, etc. They should be responsible enough to be able to RSVP to a party on their own.

I understand that they're old enough to RSVP themselves but they still need a ride from their parents. Many commit to coming without consulting Mom or Dad and then end up not being able to come because their parent's can't provide a ride or have other plans.

 

[mjkacmom]

I understand that they're old enough to RSVP themselves but they still need a ride from their parents. Many commit to coming without consulting Mom or Dad and then end up not being able to come because their parent's can't provide a ride or have other plans.

I guess I'm lucky - ever since dd and ds's friends do the RSVPing themselves, we've had no issues. It's been couple of years since dd's friends' moms' have RSVP'd directly to me.

 

[janets]

We've had this problem more with DS10 than with DS6. For all the years he's been in school, most of the kids in DS10's classes have been second or later kids...DS10 is our older son. Because these parents have their groups of parents from their older child, they never seemed interested in adding me to their groups, so I don't really know them. I'm a WOHM full time, so I don't get to the school at pick up time to stand around and chat, so they rarely see me (they see my mom more).

We've had issues with RSVPs for years. It is my one truly worst pet peeve. I mean, really, how hard is it to make a phone call to tell a parent if your child is coming or not? Common courtesy here. If you don't want to talk to me, call during the day when I'm not home and leave a message. I always put my email so if you don't want to talk, that's a perfectly acceptable way to contact me but not get into a discussion if you don't want to.

For his birthday this past year, I had a few parents who never responded. In our school, if you hand out invites in class, it has to be a) the whole class or b) all boys/girls. We are not given a class list or any other way to contact other parents (we have a "buzz book" for names and addresses, but you have to pay to have your name in it and you don't have to disclose phone numbers if you don't want) so finding a phone number can be near impossible, especially if your kid doesn't know the correct spelling of a last name. I ended up sending a note home to be put in the folders asking those parents who had not responded to please call me to confirm or deny attendance. I ended up getting one message from a parent that sounded kind of peeved that I was trying to get an answer, her kid had been sick, she was busy, whatever, but really if your kid was that sick, call and say no. Simple.

I told DS10 that I was done with traditional parties until his bar mitzvah in 2011. I'm already popping gray hairs over that list, believe me. If he wants, I'll arrange to take a couple of kids to pizza and a movie for his birthday in February but no more big parties.

DS6 is so much easier. We're good friends with a group of parents (in this case, DS6's friends are either onlys or firsts) and talk regularly. So I know that they will always respond. Plus, DS6's birthday is July, which means that I either have to do the party before school lets out, or don't do it and just put together something small for the core group of kids we know well.

I am always appalled at the lack of simple manners these days. I always try to call within the first couple of days for an invite. And I would never say "maybe." That's incredibly insulting.

 

[aprilgail2]

Oh, I agree. I was completely taken aback. I had never heard of anyone saying "maybe" for an RSVP! I'm sure my voice will be fine if it happens again.

My daughter just had her 9th birthday party and she invited 20 kids. 19 of them RSVP'd yes and there was just one boy that we had not heard from so we purposely went trick or treating at his house and his dad was home and we asked if the boy was goign to come and he said they were having trouble getting him a ride since they were both working that day(the party was election day at 1). That evening the mom called me and said that they would have to say no because they are not sure they can get him there so I just told her that they could leave it open and if they got him a ride then just show up- so we left it at "maybe" which was fine since I am the one that said they could but if people called up and just said "oh maybe we will show up" I would have been pissed. Turns out he couldn't get there but she had 19 of the 20 she invited show up which was pretty darn good and they all told her the next day that it was an awesome party and they loved it so that made her feel good.

 

[sha_lyn]

There have been many responses and I jsut wanted to be the devil's advocate here.

I have never had a party where DD handed out invites at school for one reason. The kids lose the invites somewhere in school, in the backpacks, etc. My DD is pretty careful with her items but there has been many a time where i ws digging through her backpack only to find a crumpled party invite. normally it's in plenty of time ot RSVP but once or twice it was the DAY OF the party. I was mortified but it happens.

I'm not saying all of those silent to the RSVP are in this situation but it doe happen. I would call and try to get some additional responses.

Lara

ITA
Funniest was last yr I was babysitting one of DDs best friends a couple of weeks before DDs party. I gave the invitation to her uncle who picked her up that day. He gave it to her and she stuck in in her backpack. 2 months later she handed the unopened invitation to her mother and said she need to take DDs mail back to her LOL. The girl was almost 10 at the time so I know if she had actually looked at the envelope she wold have realized that it had her name on it.

 

[Pikester]

I get so when people don't RSVP! A couple of years ago my now DS11 was being allowed to invite 1 person to go out to eat and/or go to the movies. We sent an invite to a boy in his class. I guess the kid lived with Mom and visited Dad but neither parent bothered to RSVP a NO until the Friday before the date on the invite; after school was over and we were unable to invite anyone else! (We finally got the NO after I bugged DS to bug his friend to have him bug his Mom. It still took Dad 3 or 4 days to call!)I felt so bad for DS! Fortunatly there is a girl his age that he plays with when she is visiting her Dad who lives in our nieghborhood.