OT: Rsvp vent

[meanser]

This a HUGE pet peeve of mine! Especially since the same people who never RSVP or respond with "if we are around" want an RSVP to their party! Unreal!

 

[LIBLULA]

My DD8 just went to a birthday slumber party. Out of 10 invites:
5 RSVP--only 3 showed up
5 did not bother to RSVP at all!!! It just drives me crazy!!! My DD8 wants to have her birthday at a pottery shop in January. I would rather take her shopping and out to a movie with a couple of friends, then waste money on a party that no one shows up to.

 

[lovehoney]

I agree with pp about some people not knowing what RSVP means. They don't understand regrets only that well either. My DS7 had an invite with "regrets only" and the Mom called the night before to see if we were coming. It turns out here teenage daughter did the invitations - the mom didn't know they said regrets only.

So I say - call!

I've had great luck with evites - and it's free. We invited both 1st grade classes to my DS7's birthday last year at our local baseball park. Almost everyone sent a RSVP.

 

[emh1129]

My dd's 4th bday party is this coming Saturday. We still haven't heard from 4 of her friends from nursery school..

 

[momsavealot]

I think it's just the rudest thing! Personally, I call anyone that doesn't RSVP just so I don't have the situation where I only have 1 or 2 show up and I like to embarass those parents. I think if we all shamed them into doing the right thing, maybe they would! I call them right up and say "Hi there, I sent an invitation for Johnnie and I didn't get a response. Could you please tell me whether he will be attending so I have an accurate head count? Thanks!" If they answer, they're usually apologetic up and down and I get my answer. If they don't answer and don't call back, that's a "no". Usually, this only happens if the parents don't speak very good English. If it does turn out that only a handful can attend, I change plans and usually take them all out to dinner at Chuck E. Cheese or the movies. I think the stories I've seen on this thread are heart breaking, especially the one who rented the gymnastics place for $200 and only one kid showed up. Two years ago, my son was the only one to show up at a party and I still can't forget how heartbreaking that was for me. The funny thing was that my son kept saying on the ride home how special he was that this kid only invited HIM to the party!!

 

[Vijoge]

Not RSVPing is bad enough...but be prepared for those who do show up to bring siblings.

And you can't send the sib home because mom dropped them off and won't be available until the party's over. .

 

[MKCP5]

When i send out invitations I write "RSVP for regrets only" That way people who aren't coming will only need to make the effort. It's sad that people don't make more of an effort for a child. When i don't get any RSVp's for regrets, i just assumme that everyone is coming.

I always get scr***d with that. I tried it, to make things easier for the lame-o's who can't be bothered to let you know. But then I still ended up with no shows. It is frustrating. I don't understand why it is so hard to let someone know. What are they waiting for? A better offer?

 

[OceanAnnie]

I held a nice birthday party a few years ago, sent the invites with the RSVPs. One mother called me and said, "Can I say maybe?". All I could think of was, "What!??". I didn't know how to respond. I think I said I guess so or something incoherent.

Ofcourse she was the last one to pick up her child after the party. She was very, very late.

 

[pearlieq]

One mother called me and said, "Can I say maybe?".

Those and the "If we're around" replies make my blood boil!!!

Compared to those, I almost don't mind the people who don't bother to respond. I just take that as a "no".

The "maybes" are just the most arrogant, self-involved jerks in the world. It's effectively saying "Sure, I'll let you go to great effort and expense to feed and entertain me, but only if I don't get a better offer first. After all, it's all about me."

Unless someone's got a very good reason for "maybe" (like a seriously ill family member or something) I tell them no. I just say "Unfortunately I need an accurate head count to plan things. We'll just have to miss you this time".

Half the time this shocks them into committing and the rest just accept that they can't come. Anyone who wants to get huffy over it isn't worth knowing in the first place.

 

[angeleigh]

My dd has a slumber party scheduled for Friday. So far we have 1 child who responded. This child was one we thought couldn't come. My dd goes to a school that is made up of low income families. This child told my dd that she was not allowed to go to birthday parties because her mom couldn't afford a present. My dd responed, "I am going to be 10. I'm not a little girl. I don't need a present. I just want you to come." This is the same little girl who didn't have shoes for the Christmas concert so my dd GAVE her my other dd's brand new shoes.
Another girl she invited handed her back the invitation and said I don't want this because you invited so and so and you know I don't get along with her. Dd's feelings were hurt because the two of them are very close but she took the invitation and gave it to someone else.

 

[lauradenise4779]

I just dealt with this on Saturday!!!
My son's 7th birthday party was this past Saturday. We sent invites to school for his class, as well as a few friends he rides the bus with who live in the neighborhood. All of the neighborhood kids RSVP'd. Of the 17 invites we sent to his class, we had ONE person RSVP. One?!?!? Seriously??? We even had one kids mom call and leave a message at about 10:00 am on Saturday (our party is at 1:00) saying they would "try" to swing by. What the crap?!?!?!
We were having a carnival theme party, with the bouncy slide, cotton candy, popcorn, caramel apples, face painting, balloon animals, goody bags, etc and I really wanted an accurate head count so we wouldn't run out and have some poor kid crying because they were left out due to poor planning on their parents part.
I think if people dont personally know you, they are more inclined to be rude or ignore you.

 

[Vijoge]

This child told my dd that she was not allowed to go to birthday parties because her mom couldn't afford a present. My dd responed, "I am going to be 10. I'm not a little girl. I don't need a present. I just want you to come." This is the same little girl who didn't have shoes for the Christmas concert so my dd GAVE her my other dd's brand new shoes.

I'd say you've got a pretty special young lady in this one! The world needs more people like your daughter.

 

[kellia]

I feel your pain!! That just makes me SOOO mad that people can be so inconsiderate!

 

[OceanAnnie]

Those and the "If we're around" replies make my blood boil!!!

Compared to those, I almost don't mind the people who don't bother to respond. I just take that as a "no".

The "maybes" are just the most arrogant, self-involved jerks in the world. It's effectively saying "Sure, I'll let you go to great effort and expense to feed and entertain me, but only if I don't get a better offer first. After all, it's all about me."

Unless someone's got a very good reason for "maybe" (like a seriously ill family member or something) I tell them no. I just say "Unfortunately I need an accurate head count to plan things. We'll just have to miss you this time".

Half the time this shocks them into committing and the rest just accept that they can't come. Anyone who wants to get huffy over it isn't worth knowing in the first place.

Oh, I agree. I was completely taken aback. I had never heard of anyone saying "maybe" for an RSVP! I'm sure my voice will be fine if it happens again.

 

[momejay]

I invited 15 children to DD's party. It was an arcade like place with a huge boucy thing, ball pit, & mini golf. I had 22 show up. I had only paid for 15 plus the Birthday child. Next thing you know, the bill comes for the pizza & drinks & they had included 37 people that had eaten. I only had 10 people that had given an RSVP. I negociated with the place & they gave us a discount & all was well. (It was the place's fault for feeding the extras.)
A week later I got a bill for damage. A younger sibling of a non-invited guest had had an accident in the ball pit & all the balls had to be removed & cleaned. (Let's just say my children haven't played in a ball pit since!) I feel your pain!

 

[robsmom]

For my son's parties, I have found I could apply a basic formula. 1/3 of the kids would rsvp they were coming, 1/3 would rsvp that they were not coming and 1/3 would not reply. Of the yeses one or two would not show but one or two of the non-rsvp's would show so it always balanced out. Over the course of each year the 1/3 (7 or 8) that came to each party were a subset of same 10 of the kids where are every party (with two or three missing each time for various conflicts/illness). The other half of the class never showed up once. I think people are just not considerate anymore. I missed one party (neigbor ) that i totally forgot to rsvp for and ds did not attend, so i do understand that this happens. I have had people call late or after the fact and they are very apologetic, but this is the exception. Many parents never rsvp or bring their child to anything.

 

[katie111]

This is why I've never done a school party for my DS5 and DD6. I just invite neighbors, cousins, and anyone in their class that they really know. And if they know them, then I know the parents because they've had playdates at my house & their house. Even though these kids are in school together every day, it doesn't mean they are friends with all of them. My DD has received invitations and has said "why am invited, she doesn't even talk to me at school?". Even she thinks its weird. I just don't see the point of inviting 20 kids in her class, only 2-3 of whom she's really friends with. And I send teh invites to the house so I've never had a problem with someone feeling left out. However, my DS has a great preschool class this year. There are only 12 kids and all the Moms already know each other pretty well as we see each other every day at drop off & pick up. He's been to 3 of his classmates parties and all have been attended by almost the entire class. I don't think there have been any RSVP problems as we just all pretty much respond in person.

 

[WDWorBUST]

I think going forward I'm ditching birthday parties for the exact same reason. I had one for DD this year just over a week ago where she takes gymnastics. (she turned 5) She has 17 kids in her class and you have to invite them all to invite one or two. So we invited 17 kids there - about 5 from last years class (that she asked to invite) and 2 family friends. Both family friends RSVP'd and came. Two from her old school RSVP'd but only one showed - and 4 RSVP's from school - 1 no - and 3 yes. I had goody bags for as many as were invited because I didn't want to end up miraculously having that many kids and not enough goody bags. We're also still eating ice cream from the party and I have a case and a half of juice boxes to go through (that's not bad - I just usually don't buy them but for simplicity did) I think next year I will just take her and her closest friends to Build a Bear or Chuck E Cheese or to the movies if there is something age appropriate out. I'm not going through the birthday party thing again.

 

[pearlieq]

Another girl she invited handed her back the invitation and said I don't want this because you invited so and so and you know I don't get along with her.

I had a fully grown woman pull this for a party I held last year. It takes all kinds, I guess!

 

[Tammysue5]

I think going forward I'm ditching birthday parties for the exact same reason. I had one for DD this year just over a week ago where she takes gymnastics. (she turned 5) She has 17 kids in her class and you have to invite them all to invite one or two. So we invited 17 kids there - about 5 from last years class (that she asked to invite) and 2 family friends. Both family friends RSVP'd and came. Two from her old school RSVP'd but only one showed - and 4 RSVP's from school - 1 no - and 3 yes. I had goody bags for as many as were invited because I didn't want to end up miraculously having that many kids and not enough goody bags. We're also still eating ice cream from the party and I have a case and a half of juice boxes to go through (that's not bad - I just usually don't buy them but for simplicity did) I think next year I will just take her and her closest friends to Build a Bear or Chuck E Cheese or to the movies if there is something age appropriate out. I'm not going through the birthday party thing again.

We have tried this as well.... last year DD9 decided she would rather have a nicer but smaller birthday party.....she got to invite 3 friends and we took them to Libby Lu ....they LOVED it! plus we didn't have to buy party bags because you get nice ones at libby lu with favors that the girls pick oout themselves.

DD6 is turning 7 in 2 weeks and she is having a somewhat larger party... 11 girls (only because he older siblings have had a large party...so... ) hopefully it will go well!