OT? Not sure: Conflicts with Bringing Family to DVC

[adriannabannana]

I have an odd question for all of you who have brought family with them to your DVC home. Did any of you have an issue with family members fighting over who you bring with them next?

We've brought my Mother-In-Law, and my Mom and Brother on previous trips. In 2006 or '07 we're going to bring my side again, and 2005 was supposed to be my Mother-In-Law, but my grandparents are getting mad. They backed-out of the trip that we were supposed to bring them (we invited MIL in their place), and we've tried to get them to commit to another date, but until we said we were bringing MIL they wouldn't pin a specific trip down. Now we have a problem. We either have to borrow points for the big family trip (and hope that they don't back-out again) or end-up renting points to include them on the MIL vacation and end up with that scheduling fun. (My MIL is great, she probably wouldn't mind it, but I still feel like it's short-changing her)

Has anyone else had a situation like this? If so, what did you do? Even if you haven't been there before, how would you handle this???

 

[tjkraz]

Sounds like we're overdue to add a new item to the list of potential DVC "cons": Alienating family members who don't understand timeshares and expect you to fund their vacations!!!

If you want to take the grandparents, I'd suggest an open and honest conversation with them. Tell them that you'd love to have them along but you need to set a date now so that you can arrange time off work, secure airfare...whatever excuses you can come up with. It's probably a lost cause trying to explain DVC-specific issues, so just stick to pragmatic items that they can understand.

If MIL is understanding of the situation, maybe you can just keep her on standby--if Grandparents cancel again, MIL can join you and you don't have to worry about changing room sizes.

Better yet, if you've already got a ressie and started making plans for a specific date with MIL, tell the Grandparents "we're going on 'x' dates and you're welcome to join us if that works for you." (Remember the saying "beggars can't be choosers"?)

Either way, I wouldn't feel too bad about catching flak in the future from Grandparents if they've cancelled on you twice!!!

 

[Luckymommyx2]

Amen tjkraz!!
I think we need a new section on how to deal with relatives and DVC! Honestly, I don't know what to tell you because right now we're trying to just have my mom go down with us once (we'll be lucky if she agrees to go at all) and then the in-laws once, which falls at the other end of the spectrum (since they will expect us to include them in every vacation!) I don't even want to entertain any relatives beyond that!!
Good luck and let me know how you manage to work something out. I hate stressing over something that should be relaxing!!!

 

[adriannabannana]

Thanks for the responses, it's given me some confidence in dealing with the grandparents on this issue. I'm going to tell them we're going on such-and-such date, and they have until a certain date to tell us if they're going or not. If they cancel, I'll feel like I have great standing not to feel obligated to ask them again.

In the meantime, I can find out when everyone is available for the big one, and if it is 2007, we can take my MIL for 2006.

If I had known how much trouble it would cause, I wouldn't have brought anyone to begin with, I swear.

 

[rocketriter]

We had relatives who tried to add themselves onto a trip to BCV. This would have required our borrowing points, destroying another trip the next year that we had already arranged--which didn't bother them a bit. We told them we'd be happy to have them along but we were out of points, so they'd have to make their own reservation on cash--their own cash. They said "Sure!" and popped onto the WDW web site to look up the rate for a 1-bedroom at the BCV for a week. After that we never heard another peep out of them.

 

[AFMom]

Well - since we're brand new and I started reading these threads before we bought in,,, I made my mind up early not to mention DVC to ANY of our relatives!!! We may invite them to come, and just ask them to pitch in X # of dollars based on extra points used - and they won't need to have a clue about our points! Not only does that stop people from inviting themselves - I also don't have to justify to those SAME people why we boughta "timeshare"!!!!

 

[chainkid]

I guess I'm lucky because non of my relatives would dare to ask me to take them to disney. I invite who I wish based on my feelings of compatibility with that particular relative and make no excuses about not inviting others. There may be hard feelings but I frankly could care less. I wouldn't presume to invite myself on any trip withanyone. I always wait to be invited so it seems very rude for someone to ask me to fund their vacation. I learn to be assertive when I first got married and have never had problems since. That being said I always invite at least 10-15 extra family;neighbors/friends for wonderful disney memories. You have to forget about obligation and look for people who will enhance your vacation or your childrens. Aunt Sour Puss or pushy ---- just doesn't even deserve a second thought in our family. You would be surprised how well you will get along with your family if you learn to set boundaries and simply refuse to be pressured into things you don't chose to do. Life is tooo short...no guilt trips for me.

 

[Luckymommyx2]

chainkid...I was wondering if you offered any courses in how to deal with some of these relatives! Sounds like you have it all under control!!
My only problem is that I would NEVER invite the in-laws but want to invite my mom once or twice....guess that isn't too fair to my DH.

 

[Lora]

Originally posted by chainkid
I guess I'm lucky because non of my relatives would dare to ask me to take them to disney.

I wouldn't presume to invite myself on any trip withanyone.

That is exactly what I was thinking! We've had my parents with us for 4 trips, my Aunt and Uncle once and my MIL once. MIL was supposed to come along on our last trip and bailed out a couple months before we left. Dh and I have agreed to not invite her again on our points since it cost us extra points for the 2BR last time when we didn't need it. Our relatives are more than welcome to join us at Disney ANYTIME on their own $. We don't have enough points to spend on vacations for friends and relatives. If they express an interest in coming, I would give them the web address for the DIS and recommend they look into hotel reservations from there.

 

[goldilocks_63]

1 week a year with Hubby's family, 1 week with my family, and then, I insist, on 1 week a year just us (DH, me, and DD).

So......

I usually just end up making a 2 BR reservation for that family, that works for our schedule. If they can't go, I plan to either invite another family, or friend to go along.....

In the case that we can't go, I'll just leave the reservation, and let family invite someone they would like to take, or just enjoy the extra space.

I know.... it's a waste, but hasn't ever happened yet so far in the 3 years I've owned. Or, I fantasize about spluring on the Concierge for points.

I think there is a lot of flexibility. But since it's our points, and we have to make airline reservations, and have DD-6 in school, I pick the dates, and then try to be accomodating as to the rest.

Best of Luck, and pixie dust, Goldi.

Disclaimer - okay, I know not everyone can just load up etc.. on points. But I do these trips now, and now skip XMAS and Birthdays presents (other than a card and a phone call).

Both sides have said thank goodness, they didn't have room for the stuff anyway......

and they really like travelling. SO works for them, and works for us.

 

[kathleena]

Chainkid, I'm with you. I don't ask people out of obligation. It's our vacation and we will spend it with those who will enhance the vacation. we bought DVC with our hard earned money for ourselves and we're not going to be miserable for a week just because it's someones "turn this time" (which has been said in our family).

And as someone in our family has already learned - don't look a gift horse in the mouth. With all the behind the back complaints heard after a trip I took my step-D, she is now off the list totally. No more DVC for her, she can take herself!

And to the OP - I pity your situation right now, but being in this position may bring you some pause to think. I hope you can make the right decision for you and for your family. It's not easy to think that the very thing you bought for magic, causes so much stress. My advice - do what you want to do - not what someone else wants to do. It's your money, your vacation, your time, your sanity. No time to be a martyr - stand up for yourself!

Good luck!

 

[NMW]

Reading thse posts make me very nervous to EVER invite family! I agree that you should tell them you are going on these certain dates and if they can't make it then, you can say "maybe another time". You shouldn't have to plan your trip dates around others-YOUR the member. I think everyone should be greatful that you invited them in the first place!

 

[LisaSt]

No issues like that at all. Likeley because we own and so do my In laws so it makes it more accessable for all our family to join us on our trips.

 

[crisi]

My family thinks I'm a little nuts.

We took my MIL down for our first trip - which was great. I know she would LOVE to get another invitiation, but has never said anything (bless her).

DH is currently talking about taking his brother down, but with a shortage of points, they will be taking a non-DVC trip - DH really wants to stay at the Poly (I did once years ago), so this will be the perfect opportunity for him to try a non-DVC resort.

My family has already been told 2007 - they think its unreal that I'm planning that far out, but that is when I will have points to take the mess of them (we only have 150 and go every other year). They can either go with us when we choose, or not. They have four years to say "gee, October 2007 isn't going to work for us, that's the busy season at work" or whatever.

 

[Bella2000]

I'd explain to grandparents (nicely) that when they back out they cause you to lose points aka money ad they need to confirm and stick with it. We have taken my sister and family and planned to take MIL. No one else knows that we have DVC. I personally would not infringe on someone else's vacation but they have no issues with that so it's better for us to keep silent. That was actually one of DH's stipulations prior to purchase. It is strange though to have friends or work associates know but not our family. This is all I thought reading your post "That is why we have let years go by without a peep about owning".

 

[manning]

"Glad you're coming, where are you staying and how much is it costing you." Works every time!!

We have a ton of holding points when our niece canceled at last minute. She was surprised to find out she was expecting (the others (3) were invitro. The doctor said don't go). Talk about being disappointed.....her that is..... we said no problem we can do it next may if she promised to bring the baby. (will be 8 mo then).

She said no problem, but she may have to leave the oldest child behind. I don't think her husband would like staying home alone.

 

[Coach Rick]

Wow, I am amazed, and thankful to have the family I do. We recently returned from a trip that included my Mom, and Dad, sister and her family. We had such an awesome time together we are planning next years trip. Only difference for next year is, Sis has bought her own points while we were there, and Dad will be doing the same this week, so without me saying a thing they figured out it costs $$'s to use these points. I am looking so forward to vacationing with them again.

 

[panfan]

Half of my and DH family knows we have it and the other 1/2 doesn't! Mostly because the ones who don't know think we are crazy enough for going to WDW as much as we do anyway. My DM and stepfather usually travel "with" us everyother year. They stay at a different resort of their choosing, on their own $$. We own 150 points. I have discussed with my mom staying in the 2 bedroom maybe one time and guess what?? We both agreed that we like staying at different resorts! Too close for comfort!

No one in DH family knows. They don't even know we go as much as we do. He is from a family of 8 brothers and sisters! And they all would want to go sometime!

I do dream of a big family vacation, including mother, sister and family, grandmother......Someday though when we can afford an add-on!

Good luck!

 

[Lesley]

I guess we're lucky to not have family or friends who assume they're invited....but honestly that would put them on my "never ever will it happen" list. To some degree we like vacationing on our own....I like taking others, but only if we still have a vacation of our own too.

Most of my family and/or friends react with a "I don't expect you to provide us with a room" when I mention getting together at WDW....but I know the reality of things for many of them is that it won't happen unless we can host, because of budget concerns.

That said, my parents are coming with us in December....but they're renting their studio portion of our 2br from us at their insistance (the renting part....they would have happily taken a room of their own, but we wanted to save them some money by offering to use points...which they accepted on the condition that they are allowed to pay us). After our last trip I practically begged my mom to come join us to babysit....I was going to send her a plane ticket! But then she and my step dad decided to make a vacation of it...and we already have an itinerary planning our times together and apart and who has the kids when!

 

[Rence]

When my partner and I were going through the sales presentation, our guide started talking about how we could bring my sisters and nieces with us to DVC. We told her to stop right there or she was going to lose the sale. The thought of trying to coordinate vacations with my sisters and their families would have sent me fleeing the DVC office in panic.