ot: need potty training advice, lol

[jbrnhrt]

Ok, so it's more kind of pathetic than funny, but I need help. I have 2 kids (DS almost 8 and DD 3 1/2). My dd WILL NOT use the potty. In Sept 2010, She was fully potty trained during the day, and used pull ups at night (just in case), then we went to WDW, and that threw off her schedule, and she regressed to full time diapers again. She is more than ready,and she understands the concept, and we were already so close. Every now and then I reintroduce the idea, and she'll do great for a few days, then starts refusing again. I don't know what to do. My DS has spina bifida and requires medical intervention to empty his bowel and bladder, so potty training is new to me. Everyone says, "when she's ready she'll use the potty", but is it wrong to give her a nudge towards the potty? Any advice? Thanks!

 

[pls5286]

We had the same problem with my DD. It was an "out of sight, out of mind" type thing. We finally brought her potty seat out in the living room so she could see it and remember to use it. In about a week, all was right in the world of potty training again and the potty went back in the bathroom and she remembered to go where she needed to go.

 

[DopeyDame]

I don't know what you've tried already, but I would say that by 3.5 (assuming she's developing normally) - she's ready.

For whatever it's worth, I'd say it's time for all-in-100% of the time. Pick a time when you know you'll be able to be close to home for several days in a row, put her in underpants, and be done with it. Yes, she will have accidents. Yes, you will have to clean them up which is annoying and gross. But soon she'll figure it out. Right now, she probably figures (rightly!) that she doesn't need to bother as you'll just go back to pullups or diapers if she doesn't go.

For DS, it took about 4 days of progressively fewer accidents until he finally started to click. We also used bribary - he got (still gets, actually) an M&M each time he sits on the potty, even if he doesn't actually go. In the first few weeks there were TONS of times when it was obvious he just was sitting on the pot to get the M&M. It still got him in the practice of going and gave him plenty of opportunities to go. Find her currency and offer her something for going. But I really wouldn't back down and revert to diapers at this point, no matter how painful the first few days are.

Is she going to school in September? Most schools will expect her to be potty trained at that age, and you really don't want to be doing it in August with the pressure of school hanging over your head.

 

[jaybee1026]

When my children were ready, I did a weekend of commando PT'ing. No pull up, no undies, no pants. (Thank goodness it was summer!) Made a big deal of each success w/ a sticker chart. It only took a weekend. The key is that they were ready. Their ages ranged from 2yr 8mons to 3.5 years.

Jackie

 

[brymolmom]

Hi there. I have a theory. If you train at or very near 2 year old - the child is (usually) 'trainable' - as in, you show/teach the child how to go to the toilet and there are some accidents and you use rewards or other to encourage more success. By about 2.5 for many kids - they get into a control thing, where they won't do it because they know you WANT them to do it.

So, at 3.5 there is no doubt your child is ready. But it's a matter of a battle of wills likely at this point and very likely you'll have to wait til she is ready to give up her end of the battle. You could try something like a VERY BIG reward - 'if you go for 20 days with no accidents you get a favorite doll or bounce house or other'.

If it was me I probably would clear my schedule for a week and just throw out the diapers and see what happens. Put her in underwear (or if she refuses that - just naked) and let the chips fall where they may. There will be some cleanups but obviously she 'gets' potty-ing and can do it - it's just a matter of when she will.

My sister had another method with a 3-ish year old - she had a discussion with him and he said 'i'm not ready for underwear' and she said 'that's ok - I just need to know WHEN you'll be ready' - and then she pulled out a calendar and let him choose a date. They both knew that when that date came - the diapers would be thrown out and he would be in only underwear. Day came and he never had one accident. Of course, she had to endure 6 more months of diapers.

 

[of2dbeach]

my son who is Autistic wasent potty trained till he was 5 So i had 2 in diapers at the same time. the cost was killing me being a single Mom at the time. i asked ( begged) his teacher to help me. she told me about the 24hr potty training thing they do for Autistic kid. here is how it works. you give them drinks lots and LOTS of drink. only small snacks no real meals. that makes them want to go potty. they wear only underwear/ panties. In michaels case it could ONLY be Mickey Mouse so thankfully I stocked up. He didnt want Mickey to get wet and smelly so we would run to the potty. It took more then 24 hours but after he got the hang of it no more issues. we gave him rewards stticker, books and toys from the dollar store. I put them in a clear shoe box and stuck tem over the toilet. if he went potty he got to pick one. M+M works great too. I would take him to the Dollar Tree and let him pick out a few things. He only got one when he went potty. Hope this helps. I would never put them in pull ups when potty training not even at night. I know its a pain but put down a rubber pad on the bed then a set of sheets then another pad and anoher set of sheets at 2 am you will thank me.. cut off liquids at 7 pm to avoid a flood and take them potty before bed time.. best of luck I know it isnt easy but they wont go to college in Diapers...

 

[RMAMom]

By training and then giving in to a bad day of accidents you have taught her that this is a game. Your going to have to get rid of all diapers and pull upp and deal with the accidents. It may take a little longer because she has a history of being able to go back to diaper but I would explain to her that it is time for her to potty like a big girl and diapers are gone forever.

Your going to have to keep a close eye on her and take her to the potty every 30 min or so in the beginning. Once she has it you can expect her to test you to see if she can have her diapers back. Stay strong through those couple of days and she should be fine.

 

[mjkacmom]

When my children were ready, I did a weekend of commando PT'ing. No pull up, no undies, no pants. (Thank goodness it was summer!) Made a big deal of each success w/ a sticker chart. It only took a weekend. The key is that they were ready. Their ages ranged from 2yr 8mons to 3.5 years.

Jackie

I found this method MUCH easier than going traditional - just a couple of days. I also found a 2 year old is easier than a 3 year old. Most kids do regress, at some point, right when you think they've got it. Did you use pullups at WDW? Don't worry about night time - many kids do that later. If your dd was pt'd, she's capable. It's been my experience that kids are much more likely to have accidents in underwear vs. nakey butt when they start out.

 

[chimilady]

When my DD is bottomless, she'll go on the potty. If I put panties on, forget it.

 

[amylynne01]

We did the naked training for DD1 at 2y11m. No pants or underwear, and no diapers or pullups unless we left the house for a long period of time. It took her about a week to get it.

The key is that you have to be more stubborn than she is. She wants to be in control of the situation, but you have to want it more than she does. Do not take the diapers or pullups out. Tell her she is a big girl now, and diapers are for babies. Big girls get to wear cool underwear and use the potty like mommy. And if she uses the potty like mommy, then we all cheer and get lots of hugs and kisses. We did use bribes with DD1 (a sticker chart I think), but it was a lot of positive reinforcement, running to the potty 88 times an hour, and not looking back.

Also remember that day training and night training are two different things. You can day train, but you can't night train. That comes with age. Both of mine are night trained, and I did nothing to get there. They both stay dry at night and have never had an accident. DD2 will wake up if she needs to go (usually once a week), but DD1 never wakes up.

I have 2 kiddos as well, and DD2 literally trained herself. She said to me in September "mama, I'm going on the potty now like you and sissy", and she did. I gave her underwear, and she PTed herself in about 2 days. She was ready, and I am loving the no diapers!

 

[WantToGoNow]

By 3-1/2 she should be well past ready - now it's probably more of a don't want to take the time situation. First of all, get rid of diapers and pull-ups and put on the panties. When she chooses to use the panties instead of the toilet, have her clean up the mess, clean up herself and put the dirty clothes in the wash. Before long she'll figure out it takes longer to clean up the mess than to just stop and use the toilet.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

For the most part I concur with what everyone else has done. How could I disagree if everyone's kids are now fully potty trained? The only thing I wanted to say after potty training 5 kids is that candy and stickers didn't work for my kids. You have to find what works for your kids. For our kids it worked to let them "feed the piggy". Every time they went #1, they got to put one penny into a piggy bank. Every time they went #2, they got to feed the piggy a quarter. Wasn't long before we got to retire the piggies. Night training is hard b/c it requires lots of trips to the potty and a lot of committment out of mom and dad. I used to set my alarm every two hours for a week, and get up to take them potty. My son took forever with it, so it took real committment from me. We did it though! Some of my kids were fully trained at 15 and 18 months b/c I powered through and did the nighttime and daytime training at once. For our last kiddo we had a cool DVD that had funny potty songs, so that helped.

 

[puffkin]

My DS trained himself at 2.5 years (at Disney World of all places). However, seeing what friends/family and daycare parents have gone through:

1. I agree with PP that around 2 is when you can TEACH them. By 3.5 they are more than ready, but now it is more of a game/stubborn/control issue.

2. Nakey butt works the best. Underwear or pull ups still give them an excuse.

3. If she really is "forgetting" to go, maybe you could get her a timer and set it wherever she is playing. Have it go off every 30-45 minutes so that she remembers to go to the bathroom.

4. I personally would avoid the little potty if at all possible. Invest in a really good/sturdy potty ring. Baby Bjorn makes a fantastic one. You'd be surprised how many of my friends I recommended it too and they said it was the key because it turns out their kid was afraid of "falling in".

5. Make her clean up after herself. The daycare taught this one and I think it is great. In the 3 year old room they were expected to clean themselves up, get dry clothes from their cubby, dress themselves, bag up their wet clothes and wash their hands. Obviously supervised, but they did the "dirty" work themselves and it cut down on a lot of accidents!

Good luck and stay strong

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I work in a special needs preschool room. Many of our parents have had potty-training battles with their kids. Here's the advice we give them:

1. Choose a period of days (maybe a weekend) when you have nothing planned.
2. Hide all of the diapers in the house. They no longer exist.
3. Put the child in underwear and explain what they need to do when it's time to use the bathroom. Do not over-explain. Do not make a big deal of it.
4. Immediately reward each and every success with something tangible. Sticker charts and the promise of a reward after a number of successes don't work for every child. Some can't wait that long and some don't understand the concept. However, something as simple as an M&M everytime they go is a great reinforcement to keep it up.
5. Do not punish them for accidents. Do not raise your voice. Simply take them to the bathroom to change their clothes. This could even include a quick shower or bath each and every time they have an accident. Do not lay the child down and do the changing. He or she should stand up and do as much of the work, including putting dirty clothes in the hamper or washer, as possible.
6. Give quick, gentle reminders about every two hours ("remember to let me know when you need to use the potty"). Otherwise, go about your day and do not focus on it or make it into a big deal. As soon as the child senses that it's a big deal for you, you will have anarchy!

You are in control of the situation, not the child. Stay calm and focused, don't give lengthy explanations, and don't give in to tantrums or whining. The child will eventually give up control and do it your way. Good luck!

 

[msmama]

My son JUST potty trained (why we get our upcoming disney trip - I pulled out the big guns with that bribe, lol, still, took another 6 months though). He will be 4 in April.

What I had to do, though, was just wait until he was ready. If I forced him, he was going to push back (and pee on my stuff). But ask her what will help. My son is the kid that WILL NOT try something until he knows he can do it and PT was the same way.

For my son, we picked a day (right after Santa came). He was adamant about not using the big potty - we went on Amazon and he picked a ducky potty that sings (he will go on big pottys out, but only his ducky at home - what do I care).

We haven't had an accident yet!! (Knock wood). Giving him some control, I think, made him realize that he could control his body, too.

Good luck!

 

[North of Mouse]

I agree with the PP that said at 3 1/2 yr. years its a "I'm in charge" issue. Personally I think pull ups was the worst thing (best for diaper companies ) ever invented for toddlers. It just helps parents and children prolong the potty training issue. My first (dd) basically trained herself - could not stand even at 15 mos. a wet diaper and wanted to use the big potty - so great!!! Our two ds's both had to have a "boost" to get the message! But they were both trained by 2 - 2 1/2. I never tried it in the winter (too many clothes) but in the summer I explained no more diapers during the day and put on "big boy" shorts and they neither could STAND being wet It was actually funny, so they both decided how not to be wet. I made them (at home) stay in their wet pants for at least 5 min. and then go get a dry pair and put them on themselves. It didn't take very long. The nights took a little longer, but making them go potty last thing and first on awakening helped tremendously.

 

[deegack]

Just stick her in underwear. It will be a pain for a couple days but after that it will be fine