OT--need advice. Sorry so long.

[rt2dz]

DS2 is a young 2 as far as school goes. I wasn’t sure about starting him in preschool last year since he would just be two. The administrative assistant suggested that I put him in the toddler class. I did some poking around and found out the difference in the toddler’s class and young two’s class is basically just teacher-student ratio. So I went ahead with the toddler’s class. I do not regret that choice. Nor do I regret sending him to preschool—he needs to be around kids closer in age instead of just his brothers and brothers’ friends.

Ok, fast forward to this year. Now I have the choice of putting him wither in the older two’s class (more advance than toddler and young two’s) or the young three’s class. His preschool teacher has recommended that I go with the older two’s because she thinks he isn’t socially ready. The administrative assistant told me prior to that she thought he would do fine with the young three’s class; that a lot of the kids are only 1-2 weeks older and seem to be about the same place.

DS2’s preschool teacher has stressed she knows he is fine academically going to the young three’s class, but thinks he may just get frustrated socially. DS2 doesn’t talk (DS2 just started talking—my oldest didn’t talk until 2 ½ either and is doing just fine socially and academically. ) and won’t necessarily look at you if you are talking to him. He doesn’t like to follow directions either. Our Pedi, who knows us fairly well, tells me it’s a personality thing. DS2 does things at his own pace and is fairly defiant and devilish. This also brings me to the other thing. DS3 and DS2 are best buds, just over a year apart in age. DS2 has no problem keeping up with him in play. I don’t see how he can necessarily be behind.

Part of me wonders if it is because he is the oldest in the class and has no one bringing him up—does that make sense? I just don’t know what class to put him in and need to decide by next week. Our preschool fills up fast and is competitive to get in because it is so good—and has a social emphasis, not academic—which is rare in this day and age. I don’t want to be holding him back and I don’t want to push him.

Plus, if I do put him in the two’s class, I definitely will not be sending him to kindergarten the first time he’s eligible. I probably wouldn’t anyhow, but that is a decision I don’t want to make until he is five, not at two.

 

[irene_dsc]

My first thought is, 2 is a long, long time from 5. I wouldn't base any decisions on when to start kindy from a 2 year old pre-school placement! Maybe your pre-school is a lot more rigid than my dd's is, but they tend to move kids up gradually, tho sort of at the school year. So, I guess I don't tend to worry too much about which room she is in - they tend to mix the kids up througout the day, anyhow, even if they are officially in one room or another. Sorry if that isn't too helpful!

 

[DISNEYFOS]

Personally, I think I would go with the older class. What is the average age of both classes? If his age is more in line with the younger threes..I guess I would go with that.

My DD was placed in a class with kids all younger than her at her preschool..In talking with director and teachers it was really just based on a lottery system and the fact that my DD is small for her age...Umm thats not a good enough reason for me ;-). We moved her to a class where the average age was more in line with her age and she's doing very well. Shes doing age appropriate things socially and academically. In the younger class I was afraid as you are she wouldn't have been able to see (or model) older behavior.

I know what your saying, they have to be social and academically ready for kindergarten and if they are with the younger kids..then they aren't getting that experience when they should be..and you're having the decision of starting him late made for you before your ready to make it.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I think I would go with the advice of the teacher and put him in the older 2s class. The teacher has been working with him and observing him in the classroom environment and would know best where he would be successful. You can always move him up when he's ready. There's no need to push him now when he's so young, especially if he's a little slower on the social side. Boys tend to need a little more time than girls.

I'm also curious as to why this decision would affect when he goes to kindergarten? When he's age eligible, you make the decision whether to send him or hold him back until next year. Which preschool class you choose when he's 2 shouldn't affect that decision. Will he be attending kindergarten at the same school and does it have to do with their rules? Just curious.

 

[rt2dz]

Classes are done by birth date. The young three’s are 3 by September 1 and must be 4 by March 1. Older twos would be 2 by September 1 and 3 by March 1. He truly falls into the young three’s class, but just barely. If he goes to the older two’s he’ll be the oldest. If he goes to the younger three’s he’ll be the youngest.

School actually starts in September and goes through May, but registration is in January. They follow a very loose curriculum—more what books they read, what games they play, etc. It is a social based preschool. His teacher thinks he will be fine with what little academics there are through pre-k and probably be ready to do K at the first opportunity, but is afraid there is a possibility he *might* be frustrated socially if the other kids are more advanced. Right now she’s thinking putting him into the older two’s might be the way to go, especially since that class is made up from all the toddler classes so he’ll know 1/3 of the class from the get go. But he isn’t going to remember them after the summer.

It is completely up to me where to place him, but if I do put him in three’s my options are open to delay K a year—red shirt him—or start him on time. If I don’t he’s really on the path to starting K a year later than the first opportunity regardless. If I skip him ahead later, he will miss learning opportunities that might be helpful in the next class because while it is social, they do work on certain skills through fun activities. We do not do “learning” at home. We are strictly play and if you learn something at it, fine.

Basically if he goes to the 2s class, he’ll then go to the 3s, pre-K* and then K. If he goes to the three’s class, he’ll go to pre-K, then either transition or K. Or he could do the three’s class two years in a row going young 3’s to older 3’s to pre-k* to K. The * representing his first opportunity to start K under these lines.

Skipping pre-k is a bad, bad idea and I don’t think moving him to pre-k without going through the three’s class is a good idea. Teachers can really tell who was in preschool and who hasn’t been; from what I hear it is a huge difference. A lot of the kids who don’t do pre-k at all end up repeating K or first grade. Kids are supposed to be totally reading by the end of K, and the aim by the schools is really by the end of the first semester. Even his teacher, who told me that if he does catch up to where he should be socially on his own (and he is a spurt learner), it would not be a good idea for him to skip the three’s class. And by that time he will know and remember the kids in his class.

I wonder if he isn’t more advanced socially because he is the youngest at home and both his older brothers give him whatever he wants. That is why I sent him to preschool in the first place—so he can learn social rules. But since he is the oldest in his class, I wonder if there wasn’t anything for him to learn up to/model. He does model both his older brothers at home, so his not possibly being socially on par with the current young two’s class (next years young three’s class) shocked me. And he is on par with some of them and not that far behind most of them.

It's a hard decision. To decide now where to start him in 9 months and if I do hold him it puts the decision I should make about K in motion rather than giving me the time to decide his best interests at an age where what is in his best interest will show.

What also worries me is that my oldest DS was kind of the same way at the same age—but has a February birthday so these issues didn’t surface. DS6 is ahead of most kids his age both socially and academically. He might not be like DS6, but if he is, then he will need to go to K at the first opportunity. Now DS3 is a whole ‘nother story, so if he’s like him...

 

[MSSANDRA]

I would listen to the teacher and go with the 2's. His behavior sounds closer to the behavior of a two. I however might start to look into the"not talking"nor looking at you when you adress him issue. Chances are it is nothing since your oldest did the same but that is something we try to identify and adress early at our preschool. Do not worry now when to start kindergarten.
I agree not to skip any classes and just follow his lead as to when he is ready.
Good luck.

 

[rt2dz]

His behavior is much like a 2yo, he is two. In nine months when the next year starts though, he'll be 3. And nine months at that age is huge.

He is a late talker. He is starting to talk, finally, in very complete and clear sentences. We're talking perfect grammar and pronunciation--better than DS3 who has been carrying on conversations since he was 16 months. And he will look at you if you say "look at me", he just doesn't do it on his own. I have talked with our Pedi about it. And the school. Neither is concerned. At one point we thought autism might be an issue, but they assured us in the end that it isn't. He just has a personality that he is going to do things his way. He basically just doesn't want to stop what he's doing to appease someone else. I blame his brothers; they give "the baby" whatever he wants in all things.

 

[pixleyyy]

I'm a preschool teacher as well as a parent of 2 boys who fall very close to the September birthday cutoff (one is the day before the cutoff, one is 2 weeks after the cutoff). So I can certainly understand what you are contemplating and why it is so important. It seems like such a monumental decision!

From a preschool teacher perspective I will say that the speech skills are a HUGE issue. It is frustrating for a child who cannot express themselves clearly or whose peers don't understand them because of their speech. This often leads to kids who feel like no one wants to play with them and who feel badly about themselves and their peers. Keeping your son in a class with kids who are on the younger end of his spectrum (the older 2's) would leave less of a gap in that speech issue. And if the social interaction is what is important to you then I really believe the older 2's is a better fit. I would hate to see him in the young 3's and then feeling left out.

As for the school issue, I will only give you my experience.

My oldest DS has a Sept. 15 birthday and was more than ready academically to start K a year early, however our district does not make exceptions and he wasn't allowed to do so. He is now in 5th grade and in hindsight, I am SOOOO glad that he didn't start K a year early. He is at the top of his class for everything. He feels so good about himself and what he has accomplished. Some of the work is too easy for him so I often find myself discussing more challenging options with his teacher, but I do think he is in the right place. Socially he fits in perfectly where he would not being one year ahead. And if he still finds himself wanting to do more than is being offered, he can choose the 3-year high school option and graduate early.

My middle DS has an August 31 birthday, the last day of the cutoff for school. The decision not to send him was a hard one which we agonized over, but again we are thrilled with out decision not to send him early. Again, he is ahead of his class. He has such pride in himself and feels that he can suceed at any task because that has been his experience. He fits in well with his peers and shows leadership abilities he might not have in a group of older kids. Another right decision on our parts.

Well, there are our experiences. I hope they help.

 

[rt2dz]

pixleyyy--

Thank you. That is exactly the kind of posts I was looking/hoping for. Professional experience and/or a been-there, done-that thing.

Anyone else?

 

[disney_family_1247]

Since you believe that "preschool" is the best place for your two year old, than I would recommend you go with his teacher's advice. She knows what he's like in class, and she is the one with experience with large groups of toddlers. The administrator wants to keep parents happy because they pay for the "school". She will go along with whatever you seem to want. If you trust the teacher with your child when he's there, I think you should trust that she knows which class is best for him.

One of the indicators for behaviour problems in school later on is being too young or not socially ready for the grade a boy is in (boys much more than girls). Trust me, I taught 4th-6th; you don't want him to be in that category.

My nephew is smart (classified gifted). He started K the week after he turned 5. He has the worst problems in school with behavior. He doesn't do well with seat-work, he doesn't listen well, he acts goofy to get kids to like him, etc. I attribute a lot of that to his young age.