OT Need advice in Kindergarten for dd who misses cut off.

My DS has an early November birthday, and the cutoff for NYC public schools is DECEMBER 31st. Meaning, he will be starting kindergarten when he is 4. We also have middle school so when is is 10 starting 6th grade, he will be in a NYC public middle school with 13-14 year olds. I want to keep him back until the following year, but from what I understand it isn't an option here.
I know I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself here, but there has also been talk of raising the age for a driver's license from 17 to 18. If they do that, he will not be legally able to drive when he starts college. I myself was a late October baby and made the cutoff by 3 days. I HATED always being the youngest in school, not being able to drive, couldn't legally drink in college, :rolleyes1 etc. One of my neighbors was 2 years older than me (early November b-day), yet was only a year ahead of me in school having missed the cutoff by only days. I was 13 in high school with 19 year olds
I think that the "powers that be" here believe they are doing parents a favor by having a late cutoff and making kids eligible for Kindergarten earlier, since it does cut out essentially a year of daycare expenses. I'm hoping to move before he starts school here anyway, which will then find me stressing over having to pay for an extra year of daycare. Can't win!

Wow! The cut off date was 12/31 like a HUNDRED years ago in most states, and every other state has made it earlier. School is NOT what it used to be years ago. Kindergarten is usually all day with lots of academics and HOURS of homework in most cases. That, and the fact that your child would be exposed to all kinds of junk with the older kids and I would be terrified!
Chances are almost anywhere you move to daycare will be cheaper than NYC. Heck, lots of places are so much cheaper you could probably work P/T or not at all! That rat race kind of live has zero appeal to me!
 
OK here is my experience. My DD just made the cut off, her Birthday is September 4th and the cut off is Sept. 30th. There is no kindergarten in NH, so she started 1st grade at 5. She struggled, she was immature and had a terrible time keeping up with the work load. It took me a long time to come to the decision that she needed to repeat the 1st grade. I was so embarassed for her, I cried night and day over this. I did not even tell my closest friends until 1 week before school started. Well, you know what? That was the best decision I ever made. She is now at the top of her class. She has the confidence she needed and she is now so much more mature. For me, I absolutely feel like I made the right choice. The decision is yours, do what you think is best.
 
My ds is now 13. Our cut-off here was August 15th and his bday is August 4th. His is in a private school and is thriving academically. At the end of prek his teacher told me not to hold him back, if he can do the work send him on. He is a straight A student in all honors classes. Socially though, he is way below average. He feels that he is not the same as everyone else. I really should have held him back. I felt like what the teacher told me, if he can do the work, let him try it. I've regretted it ever since. He will be 17 when he graduates and when he begins college. Not good! I say hold your child back. Learn from my mistake.

My dd is grade-advanced. She is in 9th grade right now, will graduate at age 16 if things stay the same. We didn't start her early, although we definitely could have...she had some creative timing (grade-skip midyear midway through elementary school) that resulted in her current placement. While there are challenges, it has been great for her. She is active, has friends, is first-chair viola, etc.

I guess I am trying to say, you can only try to make the best decision you can for YOUR child. Sometimes you'll be right, sometimes you'll be wrong. For my dd, I am glad we had her start school at the "right" time, and worried about other academic issues later on in elementary school. Something seems to happen around 3rd grade or so, where kids seem to catch up with each other or fall behind the others academically.

ETA: we went to several psychologists, one a very well known one who specializes in psychoeducational. We went with their advice, against the school's advice when doing the grade-skipping.
 
My neice is a Dec 26th baby (a six year old baby, but you get the picture) her Mom made the decision to wait a year, and has been so thankful she made that decision. My step-dad was always the youngest in his class, and he always says he wished his Mom had waited a year.
 

Our2girls - I live in NH too (Nashua) and we did the same thing with my DD (born 8/19). I knew in November of her first year in 1st grade that she was going to repeat first grade. I had reservations about her going as she didn't seem ready to me, but the "professionals" insisted she was ready. Well she wasn't and it was obvious within the first two months. She's now a freshman in high school and I still say its the best thing we ever did. She's in all honors and AP classes and just brought home a report card with straight A's. I'm certain she never would have acheived this if we didn't have her repeat 1st. At that young age it was easy to do without any social stigma.
 
I agree that holding back is probably best. It saves you from what several of my friends had to do...have their sons repeat first or second grade. That's much harder, because their friends are moving on, and they are not. That can be just devastating...why point your child in that position?


One of my friend's brother had to repeat second grade because he started earlier than he was ready, and she feels he NEVER got over it. He internalized the message he was dumb, and carries it with him to this day.

If you find down the road your child is bored, you can petition to have her SKIP a grade.
 
My experience is very personal as someone who was much younger then everyone else in her class. I am a mid-September birthday which isn't all that far off in the grand scheme of things and probably caused me no real educational issues and I was certainly not less mature then my classmates. I started K at not quite 4 in California where the cut off was Dec 1 and moved to Minnesota when I was going into 6th grade. The cut off here is Sept. 1 so I was always the youngest in my class. When all my friends were old enough to do things like drive and during my senior year drink (I am dating myself here but the drinking age was 18 then) I was being left out. They could all drive to school, but since I couldn't drive and take turns in the car pool with them I got stuck on the bus. It really hurt my feelings and as an adult it makes no sence that I was left out, but I was because you don't think that way as a teenager. Then it was probably funny to them that they could drive and I couldn't. When we were seniors they all turned 18 and could all legally drink, which shouldn't be done in high school anyway, and again I got left out of a lot of stuff because I was younger then they were. When they put the drinking age back up to 21 they were grandfathered in and I was still left out because my b-day was after the Sept 1 cut off. I spent 4 years unable to do half the things my friends wanted to do because I wasn't old enough.

Now that I have rambled on I say don't do it. She would probably be fine initially, but she is at least 2 months off all the other kids and eventually it is going to effect her. Not just socially but potentially academically to. There is a reason for the cut off date, so I would follow it.
 
Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this but my Dh & I are pulling our hair out. DD will be 5 in Nov. missing the kindergarten cut off by a little over 2 months. She has passed the pre test for K and could probably pass the test for 1st. We have found a private school that will take her for K in Sept. Our issue is whether or not she will fall behind maturity wise down the road. DD has no problem interacting on any level with any age. Has anyone had any experience either way?Either waiting it out or putting them in ahead? Thanks in advance for any advice.


Our DDs both have fall birthdays and missed the cutoff for kindergarden by a few weeks. I also missed the cutoff for kindergarden and was one of the oldest in my class (as was my brother) many moons ago. Anyway, we thought we'd rather have our girls enter college and soon turn 19 then be just 17 entering college turning 18. Both girls are doing extremely well in school. When they complain about being the oldest I remind them they'll be the first to drive! Good luck with your decision!

Mindy
 
My daughter has a late September birthday and the cut-off here in our district is Oct 1. She has been in Montessori for pre-school, so her kindergarten program is just an extension of that. There are 3, 4 and 5 year olds in her morning program, and afternoons are "kindergarten enrichment" which is only for kindergarteners. She is the youngest child in her class; there are some students about to turn 7 (second time through kindergarten after starting late). She knows she's the youngest and sometimes gets frustrated with physical challenges, but she far from the smallest child in her class. Academically, she's about in the middle. We're planning on keeping her in a Montessori program because we're firm believers in the system, and real proponents of the multi-age classroom.
 
I have been a teacher for 23 years. I have taught Kindergarten and now teach first grade. Give your child that extra year to grow and mature, you will not regret it. So much more than intelligence goes to school. You also need to remember that by being the youngest in the class means that the others will develop before her(who wants to be "Flatsy Patsy"),be allowed to date before her,be old enough to drive before her,etc. The middle school and high school years are full of challenges and your child can use all the maturity they can muster to avoid peer pressure to try drugs,alcohol, and sex. Childhood should be a journey, not a race. Brightness won't go away and there is always an outlet for those who perform high academically.
 
Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this but my Dh & I are pulling our hair out. DD will be 5 in Nov. missing the kindergarten cut off by a little over 2 months. She has passed the pre test for K and could probably pass the test for 1st. We have found a private school that will take her for K in Sept. Our issue is whether or not she will fall behind maturity wise down the road. DD has no problem interacting on any level with any age. Has anyone had any experience either way?Either waiting it out or putting them in ahead? Thanks in advance for any advice.

Speaking as a kindergarten teacher myself I can tell you that there is so much more that happens in that first year of formal schooling that goes far beyond academics. I have personally had children enter my classroom who do not know the letters in their own name as well as others who are already reading independently. One student stands out in my memory & also sounds a lot like your child. She too was a November baby & missed the September cut-off. Her parents also spoke at length with the principal about whether or not to send her to K early. She was already reading at a 3rd grade level when she started K in my class at 5. Her parents thanked both myself (repeatedly) as well as the principal for recommending her for K at the standard age. Although she didn't so much grow academically that year, she blossomed in many other areas!
I also want to add that it's easy for adults to overlook how much of a BIG difference a few short months can make in a child's growth and development. I've seen many "young" 5 year olds (usually summer babies) enter my class & often think that they perhaps would benefit from the "gift of time". Unfortunately, our society values early autonomy & maturity more than co-depence & innocence:sad2: . I've found that children benefit far more from being guided rather than being "pushed" toward goals.
Hope this was a little helpful & just to let you know I also have a November baby & plan to send him to K when he's 5 going on 6. What's the worst that can happen? Maybe he'll be a little ahead of the class, better than a little behind, right:rotfl:
Good Luck:thumbsup2
 
Our2girls - I live in NH too (Nashua) and we did the same thing with my DD (born 8/19). I knew in November of her first year in 1st grade that she was going to repeat first grade. I had reservations about her going as she didn't seem ready to me, but the "professionals" insisted she was ready. Well she wasn't and it was obvious within the first two months. She's now a freshman in high school and I still say its the best thing we ever did. She's in all honors and AP classes and just brought home a report card with straight A's. I'm certain she never would have acheived this if we didn't have her repeat 1st. At that young age it was easy to do without any social stigma.

Darcy: Over here in ice cold Salem. Thanks for the confidence. I still find it difficult to deal with, all I do is think about how well she is doing now and I feel so much better. I have things go through my mind maybe I should have done this maybe I should have done that, but the fact of the matter is she just was not ready to be the 1st grade at age 5. I would say that day 1 of repeating the 1st grade was tough for her, after that she adjusted well. What kills me is when someone says, your 9 years old you must be in the 4th grade. She says, No I stayed back in the 1st grade. I could just kill her. She did not stay back, she repeated the 1st grade. It sounds much more pleasant then staying back.
 
I teach Kindergarten in Missouri. In our state you have to be 5 by July 31st to start kindergarten. I have a son who will turn 5 July 13th...so I am in the same situation. He is ready academically, HOWEVER I am forcing myself to look at the BIG picture...
School is becoming so much more demanding and stressful...even at the kindergarten level. I am also thinking of high school, driving, dating, etc...

Also- in 7 years of teaching kindergarten I have NEVER had a parent regret holding thier child back for a year before starting kindergarten, however MANY have regretted sending them as a very young 5. However, parents know their children the best and it is your decision.
Good luck, I do empathize with you!!
 
Wow! The cut off date was 12/31 like a HUNDRED years ago in most states, and every other state has made it earlier. School is NOT what it used to be years ago. Kindergarten is usually all day with lots of academics and HOURS of homework in most cases. That, and the fact that your child would be exposed to all kinds of junk with the older kids and I would be terrified!
Chances are almost anywhere you move to daycare will be cheaper than NYC. Heck, lots of places are so much cheaper you could probably work P/T or not at all! That rat race kind of live has zero appeal to me!

Wow. All of a sudden I feel the need to defend myself...

We are required to live within the 5 boroughs of NYC as part of my husband's job, which provides security, a pension, benefits, and time off that he did not have with his previous employer. Knowing this residence requirement, we moved into an area where the schools consistently performed well, had an excellent reputation for academics, and was in a neighborhood where I felt comfortable and safe raising my son. We also purchased a smaller home which allows me to work only part time, and he is in day care a total of 15 hours per week right now. NYC is not only the Manhattan rat race that you see on the news or in movies. There are more suburban areas included in the boroughs than people realize, yet we still have easy access to a major metropolitan city. We do not all live in apartments...believe it or not, we do have actual houses here, with trees and yards...it's not all like the Seinfeld and Sex and the City backdrops. I even have a garden. Go figure!

Both of our families are close by, so my son is able to spend a lot of time with all of his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They babysit for me when I need them, and frankly I couldn't imagine moving so far from them and changing that relationship just for the sake of "cheap". I did say I'm hoping to move, but we would still be here in the NY area. Yes, there are plenty of places in the country that would be cheaper than the NY metro area, but cheap isn't the only factor for me.

I have 2 years to worry about it. There are also a lot of good private/religious schools in the area, so if I decide that the cutoff date is a huge issue for me, I have alternatives.

To each his own...I am not part of the "rat race". Don't judge.
 
Our cut off is Sept 1st and my son's b-day is Aug 7th. I have talked to LOTS of friends/co-workers along with his daycare teachers and all have said to hold him back a year. Intellectually he is ready - his teachers say he is one of their smartest kids but in a few years he may fall behind. He's very tall for his age (my DH is 6'6") so he'll probably be the tallest 6yr old in kindergarten. We have full day kindergarten here so I'm going to opt for that next year.
 
Our dates here in scotland for starting school is if the child turns 5 within the 1st March to 28/29th Feb then they start school in the August of that year. Dd is a January birthday and we decided to defer her as although she was bright etc emotionally and socially I felt she needed time to mature and grow confidence. She now excells at school and is doing so well and is confident and doing things I don't think she would have been capable off if we had sent her the year earlier when she was still shy and struggling with things. I feel we start children in formal education far too young as children learn best through play.
 
I haven't read the whole thread but here is my short story.

The cut-off here in Michigan is Dec. 1. DS10 has a mid Nov. b-day. He started K at 4. There were 6 kids in his class that turned 6 while he was still 4. The age thing hit him in 3 and 4 grade. He was tired of being the youngest and in many casses a year younger than many classmates. He does great academically- straight A's, but socially he is behind. He is in 5 grade now. The driving thing will be hard for him to deal with but I am more worried about him going off to college at 17.

DD8 has a late Sep. b-day. She also started K at 4 and was one of the youngest. First grade was tough on her. She also has gotten all A's this year but socially has had a rough couple of years. This year seems better but still not a no-brainer. I wish I had held her for social issues.

DS5 has a mid Aug. b-day and we held him. He will be 6 when he starts K. He has many speech issues as well as OT and PT issues. He has been going to therapy since 2 and 1/2 day school since 3 for it all. With everything else going on we don't want to have to worry about academics. He is more than ready- knows his letters, can count well past 100, is adding...

DD3 has a Jan. b-day so she will start K at 5 1/2. It will be so nice to have a child that I won't have to stress about if we made the right call.
 
This is certainly a very personal decision, as I found when we were faced with a similar situation. The cutoff in our district is 12/1, and my dd's b-day is 1/2. She was a very early reader and a very social kid, but emotionally, she acted her age. Frankly, she's our only kid and the youngest on both my husband's and my sides of the family, so we eventually decided not to advance her. She's in fourth grade now and is thriving! She loves the fact that she's one of the oldest in her class, and she continues to be social and academically successfuly. As it turns out, she's fairly petite; in comparison to the fifth graders, she's very small. We feel we made the right decision for us and for our daughter.

Here's wishing you the same level of contentment with the decision you eventually make!
 
My son made the cut off of 12/31. He was born in November. I sent him. I didn't give it a second thought. He did great. He is in his second semester of college. Doing well there too. I never had a problem with him socially or academically (he is not gifted either).

Someone has to be the youngest. They did change it in my district when my third started school to Aug. 31. My middle son missed it, his birthday is in Dec. I think he could have gone to school at four like his brother. However, they don't make exceptions. He is not the oldest either, there are many children in his class born in the summer who where held back. It is now my April baby who is the youngest-that to me is weird. I never would think an April would be one of the youngest, but he is.

So where do you draw the line? They have cut offs for a reason. So if you have a July baby, you hold him back? Then why not make the cut off July? Then the June babies will be held back. It doesn't sound like it would end.

I had a problem with some of the boys being held back when they were born in the Spring. I don't think it was fair to my son to be in school with kids who were 18 months older than he was.

My brother was sent early and he also did great. He was actually born in Jan. I don't know how my mother got him in but he graduated in the top 4% in the country. I don't remember him being gifted either. Now everyone is.

Tracy
 
DD turned 5 on Sept 11. She missed the cut off by 11 days. We could have put up a fight with the school system, but our thinking is that she will gain that much more being in preschool for one more year. Every teacher that we have spoken to about it said that keeping her in preschool another year was the best that we could do for late babies. Socially she could skip to second grade with her sister, but she was definately not interested in learning last year. I have seen a tremendous difference in her this year. I am so glad that decided to keep her in preschool.
 












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