OT- Need advice from elementry teachers (Long)

[danx2plus3more]

exactly..like i said..when you approached the teacher the teacher knew this child was a problem therefor assuming that the teacher knew why t was a problem...totally different

 

[The Disney Bunch]

I would request a meeting with the principal.

 

[Wendy31]

I'm a kindergarten teacher, and my students sit at tables in groups of 3 and 4. I have two student who don't yet understand "my space" vs. "others' space". They bother whomever they are sitting with, and one of them physically cannot sit still. Many times, I end up moving them to our empty table (at different times), so that, not only others can work/learn in peace, but so that they too can learn/work without any distractions. I don't leave them there, and they come back to their tables after they've had a chance to settle.

However, believe me, they know why exactly why they're sitting by themselves. Normally, before they move back to their regular table, the student and I have a private discussion at my desk so that they know that, while I love them, they do have to sit quietly and leave other students alone. I don't send a note home every time I move them, but I've sent enough notes home over the course of the year and spoken to the parents enough times so that they are fully aware of the situation.

If a parent came in our classroom and his/her child was sitting alone, I definitely would be able to tell the parent why. However, in the teacher's defense, maybe, since another parent was in the room and she was within hearing of the other students, she didn't feel comfortable discussing it with you at that particular moment?

I wouldn't necessarily go straight to the principal, but, instead, maybe you could request a meeting with the teacher to discuss your concerns at a time when both you and she can talk freely and not in front of other students and/or parents. During the meeting, you could make sure that the teacher is aware that, while your son might be bothering others, others are also bothering him, and that you feel, since your son is afraid of being labeled a "tattle tale", he is not defending himself when he gets in trouble.

 

[Drewsmommybear]

I am a reading specialist who collaborates with all grades K-5 plus I was a Catholic School students (and believe me, it really does make a difference). In the first grade classroom where I work, there is a student that is separated from the rest of the class. This didn't happen because of one or two incidents. It was because he is easily distracted by everything, including himself. The important thing here is that the mother was contacted about the move and the behavioral issues were discussed.

The fact that these issues were not discussed with you is a bit upsetting to me. You have an absolute right to know what's going on with your son. However, instead of going right to the principal, try sending a note with your son asking to be contacted by her as soon as possible to discuss this issue. If she doesn't call you the next day, or if she can't give you concrete reasons for why he isn't with his peers, THEN I'd go to the principals.

The reason that the Catholic School thing is important is that my personal experience is that children in that kind of school setting tend to be more cruel than children of public schools. I think one of the reasons is that classes tend to stay together from K-6 or even 8th grade. Children who are pigeon-holed by students or teachers as "problems" have that label all the way through school. I, myself was all but tortured by the kids in my school, mostly because I didn't say anything to my parents--and neither did the teachers.

Nip it in the butt now while you can. Talk to your son. Of course, take his play by play with a grain of salt but listen and then compare it to the teacher's story.

 

[Mkrop]

I am a reading specialist who collaborates with all grades K-5 plus I was a Catholic School students (and believe me, it really does make a difference). In the first grade classroom where I work, there is a student that is separated from the rest of the class. This didn't happen because of one or two incidents. It was because he is easily distracted by everything, including himself. The important thing here is that the mother was contacted about the move and the behavioral issues were discussed.

The fact that these issues were not discussed with you is a bit upsetting to me. You have an absolute right to know what's going on with your son. However, instead of going right to the principal, try sending a note with your son asking to be contacted by her as soon as possible to discuss this issue. If she doesn't call you the next day, or if she can't give you concrete reasons for why he isn't with his peers, THEN I'd go to the principals.

The reason that the Catholic School thing is important is that my personal experience is that children in that kind of school setting tend to be more cruel than children of public schools. I think one of the reasons is that classes tend to stay together from K-6 or even 8th grade. Children who are pigeon-holed by students or teachers as "problems" have that label all the way through school. I, myself was all but tortured by the kids in my school, mostly because I didn't say anything to my parents--and neither did the teachers.

Nip it in the butt now while you can. Talk to your son. Of course, take his play by play with a grain of salt but listen and then compare it to the teacher's story.

You got to be kidding me. I attended Catholic school my whole life, DH public school. The stories he tells me about his days in public school and how the kids treated one another was shocking. I never once experience the bullying and other stories or the lack of discipline he has told me.

My ILs recently went to GPs Day at DS's school and asked me about one of the girls in DS's class who has horrible acne even in 4th grade. My ILs immediately assumed she was teased and made fun of. I told them actually she is one of the most popular girls in class. They were shocked and called DS in to the room bc they didnt believe me. When questioned DS look at them and asked why would anyone make fun of her she is nice and they said bc of her skin and DS just shrugged.

I never got that vibe as a student or a parent of a Catholic student.

 

[PA Princess]

I am a mom and a former teacher (though middle school and high school), and the whole situation would bother me as much as the OP. As many have mentioned, clearly the teacher should be able to articulate why a child is moved. If she can't recall, then by all means move the child back. If it was a privacy issue for her lack of details, she should have explained that and offered a time when a conversation could take place.

I am also wondering if this class has any sort of formal discipline procedure...you know, each kid has a "car" and for each infraction the car is moved a spot and each progression down the road has a consequence. These types of systems are popular in elementary classrooms. Regardless of the semantics of the process, as a parent I would want to know what was tried with my child before he was banished to the back of the room.

Also, 28 in a first grade classroom is a sizeable number, could this be adding to the issue? Is this an experienced teacher?

In the OP's shoes, I would be at the school first thing Monday morning before start time to speak to the teacher. Even if the teacher could not speak at that time, I would insist my child be moved into a regular spot - that a first grade child should be punished longer than the teacher can remember the infraction is simply unacceptable. I would also insist that a time for the teacher and I to sit privately and speak was arranged asap.

As for whether this being a private school or not matters, I would say that it should. I have no catholic school experience, but I did teach several years in private schools and my children attended private school for many years. In a private school setting you are paying tuition for a service, and if that service is not acceptable, you have every right to step in and seek a change. If any other proffessional mishandled dealings with my child, I would step in to alter the situation. I know this is counter to public school mentality (I am a product of that system and I taught in that system), but that is part of the reason why you are paying thousands of dollars in tuition per year...you should have a significant voice in what happens in your child's education.

Please keep us apprised of the progress in dealing with this issue.

 

[Keara'sMom]

"The teacher told me that my son cannot get along with others and all the kids keeping asking to be moved away from him and sometimes he is not nice to the other kids, and that it has been happening all year. This was a VERY BIG shock to me."

While I'm not a teacher, I am a school psychologist, and this situation bothers me a great deal. Perhaps the biggest concern I have is that the teacher said this behavior has been going on all year. Well, it's February, there has been at least one parent-teacher conference and other feedback opportunities through report cards etc. Not ONCE was the alleged behavior problem mentioned. If this has been such a big concern, why did it take the OP noticing the moved desk and then questioning the teacher for the teacher's concern to be raised? Something is not right in this situation, and I would talk with the teacher once more and then with the principal. I'd hate to see a child have such a negative experience this early in his school career, especially if he's going to be spending more years in a small school (I'm just guessing it's small, 'cause most private schools seem to be a little smaller than the public ones) where reputations can easily preceed a child.

Good luck, and please keep us posted on how things go.
Take care.

 

[badblackpug]

I was thinking may it is a teasing issue. Like maybe the other kids were saying "I don't want to sit with him." and she was listening to that. That might explain her lack of examples of his behavior.

 

[karliebug]

I am a first grade teacher. I think you should ask to meet with the teacher to see what you can do to help your child be more successful in the group and approach it with the teacher that way. Do not just "show up" before school and expect to be seen, you need to make an appointment. Do not go to the principal without speaking to the teacher first. If you do not get satisfaction from the teacher, then by all means see the principal. It is possible that the teacher did not want to discuss this with you in front of other people within earshot as that would be unprofessional. Also, I don't see a child sitting by himself as a punishment. Some children are easily distracted or disturb others and work better away from a group. I do not notify my parents when I change seating arrangements in my classroom. Right now I have desks arranged in 5 groups. About once a month I change the arrangement. Sometimes in rows. Sometimes several in groups and several desk separate. A child that sits alone is not necessarily a discipline problem, but may be too distracted to sit with others. You should be able to meet with the teacher and find out what is up.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I am a SAHM now but taught elementary. IMO this is unacceptable. I had a few students I would move occasionally, but the parents were more than aware of the situation. I sent home quick reports every Friday. If I ever had to write a "N" - needs improvement- on the class behavior section, I wrote an explanation. Of course, if something majored happened, I would call.

I would set up a conference with the teacher sometime for this week. You could also mention that if she feels someone else needs to be there to help with ideas you are more than open to that. Most schools have a counselor of sort that specializes in behaviors. If things don't improve within a couple of weeks, I would go to the principal. I am also not one for going to the principal first thing as I think it might alienate the teacher.

On a side note, I can't believe there are 28 kids in a first grade class! We go to public school and they cap it at 20. Is there an assistant? If so, he/she could shed some light on behavior issues. On another side note, our first grade did all supplies the "community" way. At the beginning of the year all supplies are put in tubs. This would have prevented the pencil incident.

Good luck!

 

[Matt'sMom]

...I went up to the teacher and asked if he did something to be moved? The teacher told me that my son cannot get along with others... I asked her if she could give me an example and she said and I quote "I can't think of an for instance now but the next time he does something I will let you know".

She also told me this standing in front of the classroom with all the kids sitting at there desks and another grandparent was there picking up a kid (most kids were talking) but I feel I deserved to be told this in private.

I'm sorry that your child is experiencing some issues in school.

As for wanting the teacher to explain the issues to you further, I'm afraid on the day you asked it just wasn't possible for her to do so in the manner you wanted. You were unhappy she didn't explain in detail right then and there... and yet you were also upset with her for even telling you there were 'issues' while other people were present in the room? You can't have it both ways. Chances are that you put the teacher in a difficult position, in a situation where she did not want to go into details because other people were present... and at a time when she could not simply walk out of the classroom and leave her students unattended.

I would call and set up a private, after school meeting with the teacher, so that you can discuss your child's issues in depth and work out a plan for dealing with those issues. Obviously, something is going on... and for the child's sake, you should be discussing this with the actual teacher involved. I would not reccomend running to the school principle, as they probably have no first hand experience with what has been happening between your child and his classmates during class. The teacher has witnessed the issues first hand, so would be your best source for information.

Try not to get defensive or emotional about your child's behavior/issues in the classroom. Listen to what the teacher and others have to say. You will be able to help your child more if you remain calm, take in & process the info, and then make value based decisions regarding how to effectively resolve the current issues at school. Again, keep emotions out of it, as that will not help resolve anything.

Best wishes.

 

[SpoonfulofSugar]

On a side note, I can't believe there are 28 kids in a first grade class! We go to public school and they cap it at 20. Is there an assistant?

Good luck!

No aide in the class, just the teacher who from my guess has been teaching about 3-4 yrs. I don't know much about her, she was hired several days before the start of school because the other teacher retired 1 week before the start of school.
We had a major catholic schools reoganization here last year and many schools were closed, including where my DS went to kindergarten. Last year he had 12 kids in his class and this year 28 so it was a big change for him and he had a very hard time the first few weeks of school making new friends (only one girl from his old school attends here so he didn't really know anyone).

This is one reason why I stated it was a catholic school, because it is a much more tight group of parents and kids. And the fact that if he and his teacher have a personality issue I can't just asked for him to be moved to a different teacher, where in public school with 6-7 first grade classes you can.

 

[SpoonfulofSugar]

As for wanting the teacher to explain the issues to you further, I'm afraid on the day you asked it just wasn't possible for her to do so in the manner you wanted. You were unhappy she didn't explain in detail right then and there... and yet you were also upset with her for even telling you there were 'issues' while other people were present in the room? You can't have it both ways. Chances are that you put the teacher in a difficult position, in a situation where she did not want to go into details because other people were present... and at a time when she could not simply walk out of the classroom and leave her students unattended.

I didn't demand the teacher tell me right there what happened. I just went over casually asked "did my DS do something to get his desk moved?". She started talking and rambling and when my son was done packing up we left because I didn't want to get into it in front of the class/parent-- I was uncomfortable not her. I just expected a yes or no answer and maybe to say we need to talk after school or that she will call me at home later. The last thing in the world I want to do is offend someone my DS must spend 8 hours a day with.

 

[Rylee]

My son is in first grade at a catholic school and has been doing fine, or so I thought until yesterday. I went to pick up my son from school and saw his desk in the back corner of the classroom so I went up to the teacher and asked if he did something to be moved? The classroom is set up with the desks in groups of four and his desk is in the back corner by itself.

The teacher told me that my son cannot get along with others and all the kids keeping asking to be moved away from him and sometimes he is not nice to the other kids, and that it has been happening all year. This was a VERY BIG shock to me. I asked her if she could give me an example and she said and I quote "I can't think of an for instance now but the next time he does something I will let you know". She also said she doesn't know what to do with him and never had to put a child alone before.

We had one parent/teacher meeting after the first marking period and when DH and I asked how he was doing she said "no problems". We just had a open house (look at kids classrooms/talk to teacher) two weeks ago and she said everything was fine. I also volunteer at the scool at least once a week and she has never mentioned any problems at all!! The school also hands out award certificates with report cards for kids that are Coutesy, Cooperative and have good Conduct and he has received one with each report card, including the last one dated 2-1-08 (and not everyone gets one because some parents were upset when their kids didn't get one). He's never been sent to the principal and most he's ever gotten was 5-10min off recess a couple times for talking-- which she said all the kids do.
His desk was moved on Wed. and she never sent home a note, called me or anything. When I asked her why I wasn't told she said she was going to let me know next week-- which I feel was just an excuse because I saw it and asked.
My son said he he was reading a book during quite time and another kid wanted it and he told the kid he could have the book when he's finished--- but it must have worked into more and that's when she moved him(the other kid didn't get in trouble at all). He doesn't understand why he's back there either alone and now other kids are starting to tess him.

I just don't know where to go from here? She won't tell me what he did (she said the book thing wasn't why he was moved) so I don't know what to work on with him or even exactly what to punish him for?? And I don't want to wait until the next time it happens so she can tell me exactly what he did, I want to correct it now!!!
I feel he should have been moved to the front of the class so she could see what he's doing better, not the back corner??? I didn't tell her about the front because I was in shock and had to let it all sink in. She also told me this standing in front of the classroom with all the kids sitting at there desks and another grandparent was there picking up a kid (most kids were talking) but I feel I deserved to be told this in private.
Any opinions, comments, advice are welcome! TIA

I agree you need to schedule a conference to speak privately with the teacher, first, and then to the principal, if you are not satisfied.

For the future, tell the teacher, if there is a problem, you want to know, when she knows... meaning not waiting 4 weeks for next report card or until the next schedule conference.

I understand you where shocked, since there was no prior mention of any problems, (and I agree if it's been an ongoing problem, it should have been discussed) but you did but her in an awkward position of asking with students and another parent present.

And I think she did tell you what the problem is...
"The teacher told me that my son cannot get along with others and all the kids keeping asking to be moved away from him and sometimes he is not nice to the other kids," although vague and deserves more of an explanation, she may have been unable or uncomfortable to recall specific examples, while dealing with other distractions and responsiblities.

When you speak with her, explain, as you have here, you need to know exactly what the problem is to be able to help your son and determine the best course of action. Also, when you speak with her, you should be able to get a better "feel" for the situation... a personality conflict, if her "solution" fits the problem, etc.

 

[antsss]

My son is in first grade and he was having attention/behavior issues at the beginning of the year. The teacher sent home a few notes, and then asked us to come in for a conference. She devised a plan to start him off with 6 tokens at the beginning of each day and when he misbehaved she took away a token. At the end of each day she would send him home with a card indicating how many tokens he had earned. If he had a bad day she would note the problems he had (if she had time.) She was able to stop using the tokens last month and his behavior is so much better. She's a wonderful, but strict teacher. I appreciated how on top of this she was!

 

[Amy5000]

No advice here but I am livid on behalf of you and your son!

 

[bellebud]

No aide in the class, just the teacher who from my guess has been teaching about 3-4 yrs. I don't know much about her, she was hired several days before the start of school because the other teacher retired 1 week before the start of school.
We had a major catholic schools reoganization here last year and many schools were closed, including where my DS went to kindergarten. Last year he had 12 kids in his class and this year 28 so it was a big change for him and he had a very hard time the first few weeks of school making new friends (only one girl from his old school attends here so he didn't really know anyone).

This is one reason why I stated it was a catholic school, because it is a much more tight group of parents and kids. And the fact that if he and his teacher have a personality issue I can't just asked for him to be moved to a different teacher, where in public school with 6-7 first grade classes you can.

I see you're in NE PA... we're in a small catholic school in NY near where NY, NJ and PA meet, and we had a couple of girls come to our school last year because their school in PA closed (Milford area - they're in my dd's 3rd grade class). I just thought "it's a small world afterall" (disney pun intended)

Anyway, I'd definitely be concerned as to why the teacher didn't tell you anything before this. She's had many opportunities and used none of them. It seems a bit extreme to put him there if the infraction was so small she can't even recall it, and while *maybe* she didn't want to say anything in front of others - why wouldn't she then have said "how about we talk on the phone later" or something like that.

I'd call or send a note to have her call you immediately and go from there.

As to the tattle-tale thing - i've witnessed first hand at lunch and recess duty many, many times where child A does something to child B, then when child B does something back, child A just can't believe it and cries very loudly, or runs to the teacher/parent, and child B looks like the bad one, but was just responding/defending.

Hope you get to the bottom of it all.