OT- Need advice from elementry teachers (Long)

[SpoonfulofSugar]

My son is in first grade at a catholic school and has been doing fine, or so I thought until yesterday. I went to pick up my son from school and saw his desk in the back corner of the classroom so I went up to the teacher and asked if he did something to be moved? The classroom is set up with the desks in groups of four and his desk is in the back corner by itself.

The teacher told me that my son cannot get along with others and all the kids keeping asking to be moved away from him and sometimes he is not nice to the other kids, and that it has been happening all year. This was a VERY BIG shock to me. I asked her if she could give me an example and she said and I quote "I can't think of an for instance now but the next time he does something I will let you know". She also said she doesn't know what to do with him and never had to put a child alone before.

We had one parent/teacher meeting after the first marking period and when DH and I asked how he was doing she said "no problems". We just had a open house (look at kids classrooms/talk to teacher) two weeks ago and she said everything was fine. I also volunteer at the scool at least once a week and she has never mentioned any problems at all!! The school also hands out award certificates with report cards for kids that are Coutesy, Cooperative and have good Conduct and he has received one with each report card, including the last one dated 2-1-08 (and not everyone gets one because some parents were upset when their kids didn't get one). He's never been sent to the principal and most he's ever gotten was 5-10min off recess a couple times for talking-- which she said all the kids do.
His desk was moved on Wed. and she never sent home a note, called me or anything. When I asked her why I wasn't told she said she was going to let me know next week-- which I feel was just an excuse because I saw it and asked.
My son said he he was reading a book during quite time and another kid wanted it and he told the kid he could have the book when he's finished--- but it must have worked into more and that's when she moved him(the other kid didn't get in trouble at all). He doesn't understand why he's back there either alone and now other kids are starting to tess him.

I just don't know where to go from here? She won't tell me what he did (she said the book thing wasn't why he was moved) so I don't know what to work on with him or even exactly what to punish him for?? And I don't want to wait until the next time it happens so she can tell me exactly what he did, I want to correct it now!!!
I feel he should have been moved to the front of the class so she could see what he's doing better, not the back corner??? I didn't tell her about the front because I was in shock and had to let it all sink in. She also told me this standing in front of the classroom with all the kids sitting at there desks and another grandparent was there picking up a kid (most kids were talking) but I feel I deserved to be told this in private.
Any opinions, comments, advice are welcome! TIA

 

[WL Fan]

I'm not an elementary school teacher, just a mom, but that hurts! I can't imagine what he would have done that the teacher would think he needed to be all alone in the back of the room, but wasn't important enough to call and talk to you about? Does she seem like she gets along with your little guy, or do you think there might be some personality conflicts going on?

 

[gibsontrio]

not a teacher either, just a mom but i would go straight to the principals office (make an appt) and tell her/him exactly what you wrote. Your child should NOT be cast away and ostracized without even a note home to you! You are your childs best advocate, this could be a life shaping move that his teacher made. The teacher needs to communicate better with you and your child, not just "get rid" of the problem by putting him all by himself!! I have been there with my sons preschool I now make them call me every time he has an behavior issue because they did not handle it properly. Good luck and let us know how its handled!

 

[SpoonfulofSugar]

I'm not an elementary school teacher, just a mom, but that hurts! I can't imagine what he would have done that the teacher would think he needed to be all alone in the back of the room, but wasn't important enough to call and talk to you about? Does she seem like she gets along with your little guy, or do you think there might be some personality conflicts going on?

That's a good question! I don't know if it's a personality thing, my son has always liked all his teachers, he did like his kindergarter teacher more than this one.

 

[DizneeMommy]

I am a first grade teacher, and if your son was having that much trouble getting along with others, I would have definitely called you or set up a conference WAY before now! If a child has done enough to be moved away from others, I would also think that she could think of at least one specific example to give you!

 

[bushdianee]

Another first grade teacher here. I have put students in back of the room but usually for a little while or maybe the rest of the day. As soon as they settle down they can start moving back up until they are back in their spot. If a child is back there for a day they always start the next day with a clean slate. Also since I have a large class, being in the back means they are just few feet from the rest of the class. I do think it is odd the teacher can't tell why your DS is in the back.

 

[SmallWorld71]

I also teach 1st grade. I have occasionally had to move children away from the group. Usually it is because they are unable to keep their hands to themselves and are touching their neighbors and taking their things. (Sometimes someone is just very chatty and I have them work at a table until they have settled down, but they return to their desk after the activity.)If someone were to ask me why a student was away from the group, I could easily give an answer. The fact that the teacher isn't giving you an answer is very concerning. It's also concerning that she has always said that things were fine up until then but won't give a reason why things have changed. Any student I can think of, who has had to be away from the group for more than one day, has had other behavior problems that the parents were well aware of. If he has been having difficulty all along, you should have been made aware of the problems. How else can you help him improve his behavior!
I don't really have any good advice, except to say that if you don't get anywhere with the teacher, the next step would be the principal. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[daisyduck123]

1st grade teacher here

I've had 2 students whom I've had to seat away from the rest of the class this year (1 boy, 1 girl). Both could not keep their hands to themselves & both were/still are, on daily behavior reports home. Just like your situtation (about my boy student), I was getting calls from parents asking me to please move their child away from "this boy". It happened several times. The parents were telling me that their children were complaining/crying at home, about having to sit next to this kid. I understood, as the boy also got on my nerves !!

Around Christmas, he finally seemed to mature, and does not bother the kids anymore, so I moved him back.

About the girl...just last week, one of my students said to me, "I think so & so has changed now, & you can put her desk back by mine". Well I moved her back...no problems so far!

 

[SpoonfulofSugar]

I hate that this happened on a friday and now I have the whole weekend to think-- yuck!
I am thinking about writing a note to the teacher to ask for him to be moved to the front and she can see exactly whats going on? Does that sound okay?
He has 28 kids in his class and many of them from my experience watching lunch and recess and also from my son telling me like to tell the teacher everything that happens...ie... she called me stupid, she bumped me, he cut in line, he's not walking... the normal tattle tale stuff.
My Dh and I highly discourage tattle taling and tell him he needs to learn to handle stuff and decide what's important enough to tell on and whats not.

So since she didn't give me any help with what he did wrong,
I feel that kids are tattleing on him alot and because he doesn't tattle too much she's always hearing about him.
One example-- he took a new mechanical pencil to school and the girl next to him wanted to borrow it and he said no, so she went up and told the teacher he wouldn't share and the teacher told him to let the girl borrow it for a minute. Well when the girl borrowed it she knocked the earser off and then broke the point and gave it back to him. I asked what happen when I found it broke in his bookbag and he told me and I asked if he told the teacher and he said no because he already felt bad for getting in trouble for not letting her borrow it.
He's not a tattle tale and I don't want him to become one.
I never knew having kids in school would be sooo much work for me!!

 

[SpoonfulofSugar]

1st grade teacher here

I've had 2 students whom I've had to seat away from the rest of the class this year (1 boy, 1 girl). Both could not keep their hands to themselves & both were/still are, on daily behavior reports home. Just like your situtation (about my boy student), I was getting calls from parents asking me to please move their child away from "this boy". It happened several times. The parents were telling me that their children were complaining/crying at home, about having to sit next to this kid. I understood, as the boy also got on my nerves !!

Around Christmas, he finally seemed to mature, and does not bother the kids anymore, so I moved him back.

About the girl...just last week, one of my students said to me, "I think so & so has changed now, & you can put her desk back by mine". Well I moved her back...no problems so far!

My son has come home many times and complained that the kids next to him won't stop talking and bother him, but I tell him that we don't always get along with everyone else but we must learn to deal with them. That's how I was raised and I don't feel right calling the teacher and telling her where to sit kids. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong and should start complaining everytime my kid doesn't like something in class like other parents .
And my complaint is that she never mentioned anything to be before and cannot give me examples of what exactly he is doing.

 

[ENSOCK]

Good luck with this teacher! My Oldest DS started at a Catholic school, it was horrible! My husband and I stressed for years with this school. Finally when he was in the 5th grade I went to see my priest, I explained all of the problems that we were having in the school and how I felt that we would be bad parents/Catholics if we were to pull him from the school. He told me that we should have pulled him years before. We moved schools and have not had a problem since.
Please do all you can to fix the problem. Talk to the princpal, then the school board whomever to protect your child. Pixie dust to you and your family!

 

[tmatthews]

as a teacher, (jr high though) the one thing that bothers the teachers I know the most is when parents go straight to the principal without talking/voicing concerns to the teacher first! However, you have spoken to the teacher once and could go and speak to the principal at this point. You could have a meeting w/ teacher and principal there too. Teachers should be able to give you specific examples of your child's behavior that made him be moved. Maybe call school and have teacher set up a meeting to meet w/ you so she will have her thoughts together about your son. If you are not happy w/ her responses request a meeting with the principal.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

No offence, but your teacher doesn't sound like the sharpest pencil in the drawer. If I were you, I would listen to what your son has to say about why hes in the back, not the teacher, who can't even remember why she moved a student to begin with. Go to the principal Monday morning with or without the teacher, and tell him/her what is going on, how the teacher moved your son to the back of the room for a reason that was not even good enough to remember, never told you about it, and now your boy is being picked on by fellow students because he has been sitting there for 3 days now, which is just terrible. I'm not a teacher, just a mom, and as a mom sometimes I blow up on my kids/family for small things because of something else bothering me, and maybe that was the case here, who knows. As a mom with a child in school, you need to keep both eyes and ears open, and not just blindly listen to what a teacher tells you (which your not doing at all, so thats great).

 

[hildarumpole]

Kids often claim they don't why they're being punished at school, but if the teacher can't give a concrete reason, there's something off with her. How does she expect him to improve his behavior if she doesn't really know what the problem is? If she's saying that other kids are complaining about him, she may be one of those teachers who rewards the tattletales by always listening to them and acting on their complaints. Kids catch on to this quickly and begin using it as a means to bully other kids. I would call the principal and ask to have a meeting, along with the teacher, as soon as possible to get to the bottom of this. If you son has been getting rewards for good behavior all year and out of the blue, he's become the class problem child (according to the teacher), you need to find out what is really going on in that classroom before your son gets a bad attitude about school and things go downhill. Good luck.

 

[SmallWorld71]

About the tattling - Sounds like you are teaching him the right thing. 1st graders LOVE to tattle and would do so all day long if they got any encouragement. At our school, the 1st grade teachers emphisize that tattling is to "get someone into trouble" and telling is to "get someone out of trouble" and we spend a lot of time teaching the difference and not giving attention to the 1st. FWIW - I don't think the teacher should have allowed another student to use your son's pencil. If it was distracting other children, she should have had him put it in his backpack. It was not hers to share.

 

[danx2plus3more]

somthing stinks...hello... first off he was moved on wed...you asked why 2 days later and she cant remember but yet it was so dramatic that she had to put him all by himself and this has never ever happened to her before and she felt no need to call you?..yeah hello mr or mrs principal this is polly parent we need to talk..my oldest is a handfull ..i cant get his teachers to forget what he does..lol...you need to check this out

 

[DevilDuckie]

My son has come home many times and complained that the kids next to him won't stop talking and bother him, but I tell him that we don't always get along with everyone else but we must learn to deal with them. That's how I was raised and I don't feel right calling the teacher and telling her where to sit kids. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong and should start complaining everytime my kid doesn't like someting in class like other parents .
And my complaint is that she never mentioned anything to be before and cannot give me examples of what exactly he is doing.

Well, there's "I don't like him" and "he prevents me from getting my work done" and they are vastly different. IF (and this is a very big if because something in the teacher's story sounds hinky) your son was really a disruption to the point where others could not learn then moving him would have been an appropriate part of a set of steps to correct the issue. That set of steps needed to include a call home and preferably a conference with you and your kid IN PRIVATE about what was going on.

My biggest concern is that if she can't tell YOU why he was moved that means she hasn't told HIM. So he's being isolated without being told why. Not good and Lord, I hope this woman never has a puppy! Punishment is useless with the very young if you don't tell them WHY!

I had a teacher get vague at me once and I had to sit down and make her clarify her statements, at which point she recanted them. She said she was concerned about my son's ability to complete all the kindergarten tasks and advance but when I made her go over the list he was at or above the standard on EVERY SINGLE ONE ( and that's all the academic, behavior and social)... but two minutes earlier she'd been talking about holding him back. Say what?

If she cannot justify her action, ask her to undo it. If she refuses, ask for a consultation with her and the principal. Make sure all future conversations are held in private. Clearly her discretion is not good and you'll need to be proactive on that front.

 

[Mkrop]

Hmmm I have some thoughts. First off I dont know why this is a Catholic school matters. But whatever.

The only thing odd I find about your story is that she could not give a concrete example, that was a red flag.

Is it possible that your DS is exagerrating about say the mechanical pencil(which are forbidden for this reason at DS's school) scenario that he really broke it and is covering up.

DS sat next to the class busy body last year. This little girl I saw over the years from volunteering was often by herself but the teachers always seem to do it in a way that wasnt glaringly obvious but you kind of knew why. She never had her own supplies and even if she did she always wanted what the kid next to her had. She would "rush" DS through his assignments so she could use his red pen or blue marker or whatever. And heaven forbid DS had something cool liek a funky pencil or something.

After several months, he had enough, he was so patient with her, he finally came home and said that T was driving him nuts. So I was picking him up and mentioned to the teacher, "btw the next time you are changing desks, could Ds10 sit next to someone else(in my mind I was saying ANYONE else ) She laughed and said "he had enough of T, huh yeah he lasted really long" So she moved desks, and let me tell you, not one kid lasted more than a week sitting next to her, either the child or the parent complained. And I dont think the teacher really went to the parents with this issue either.

Please I am not trying to upset you but is is possible your son is like T?

And remember kids act differently when you are not around.

Also I do think a meeting with the teacher and principal are in order.

GL I hope you get to the bottom of things.

 

[danx2plus3more]

theres a big difference in that kids teacher and this one...that teacher knew that the child was a problem and would probably be able to tell ppl why...red flag..the teacher shouldnt continue to punish if she cant remember why she was punishing in the first place

 

[Mkrop]

theres a big difference in that kids teacher and this one...that teacher knew that the child was a problem and would probably be able to tell ppl why...red flag..the teacher shouldnt continue to punish if she cant remember why she was punishing in the first place

Well I didnt ask and she didnt tell me why. I got all my info on how T was from DS10. But as soon as I asked for him to be moved she knew why I asked.

And I do agree that her unwillingness to give a concrete example was a red flag.