OT:More birthday etiquitte

[Del]

She put you in a difficult spot by asking to bring the daughter. She was wrong.

 

[imthatgirl]

Crazy isn't it!!

I see you are going to WDW in two weeks. How exciting. We are going in December, and it just can't get here soon enough!

well i hope your wait goes quicker than mine!! its just dragging by!!

 

[DISNEYFOS]

You know, that would explain a lot. Only two children and very young. Yes, I don't think it was until pre-k that the whole family wasn't invited, but that was because I did control the social circle. At that age, if you don't like the parents, a friendship won't work.

Yup, now when whole families get together it is not for a child's birthday party. Just get togethers. And really, much more fun.

Yes clearly my opinion comes from being so inexperienced

Who is saying anyone is trying to limit their childrens friends? By wanting to know your children's friends families..you jumped to that? hmmm. okay.

The way I grew up..my parents had pool parties that involved a bunch of families from town..whole sports teams etc..I knew my friends parents well.. My parents socialized with them too.. Does that mean they didn't have different circles of friends hardly..They were just friendly to all. It was a nice way to grow up. They never limited who I could be friends with..but they made a point to be friendly with that friends parents..I would of been embarrassed if they weren't actually.

Anyways we disagree on this...

 

[Leonsmom]

Wow, it's getting a little hostile in here.

 

[NEDisneyFans]

like i have said over and over we dont have that rule here...nor have i ever known of a school that did . . . and again, my schools here dont have those rules.....so i dont have to find another way to distribute them

Imthatgirl,

Have you actually checked with your school to be sure it isn't a rule? Or have you assumed it isn't because you don't see any validity in that philosophy? In my experience this type of rule is consistent regionally and we don't seem to live that far apart (Boston vs. south of Boston).

 

[imthatgirl]

Imthatgirl,

Have you actually checked with your school to be sure it isn't a rule? Or have you assumed it isn't because you don't see any validity in that philosophy? In my experience this type of rule is consistent regionally and we don't seem to live that far apart (Boston vs. south of Boston).

no offense, but i can read.
what would make you think that i didnt know what was going on in my own childs school?

 

[NEDisneyFans]

no offense, but i can read.

I'm not offended that you can read -- I think that's great!

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes clearly my opinion comes from being so inexperienced

Who is saying anyone is trying to limit their childrens friends? By wanting to know your children's friends families..you jumped to that? hmmm. okay.

The way I grew up..my parents had pool parties that involved a bunch of families from town..whole sports teams etc..I knew my friends parents well.. My parents socialized with them too.. Does that mean they didn't have different circles of friends hardly..They were just friendly to all. It was a nice way to grow up. They never limited who I could be friends with..but they made a point to be friendly with that friends parents..I would of been embarrassed if they weren't actually.

Anyways we disagree on this...

No one is knocking you for having young children. However, we're talking about older kids, and you have just not BTDT. Having BTDT, I've found that people tend to build their social circles around 1, maybe 2, children (usually the older ones). Being good friends with all of your childrens' friends' parents just doesn't happen. Dd12 has a friend who's parents I've never even met (and she's never been to her house). There are some parents that I'm very, very close to (speak on the phone daily, talking about topics other than children). There are parents who I tolerate. My children choose their friends, and I might love the parents, I might not. Same as when I was growing up.

 

[badblackpug]

The whole point here is not whom you choose to invite to a party you are hosting. If you choose to extend your invitation to entire familes, and have the means and space to do so, more power to you! That's great. The more the merrier.

The OP was annoyed because her friend called and asked if she could bring another guest, who, by the way, had not been invited, and then brought not only that guest, but yet another one!

The point is: It is rude to bring uninvited guests, whether you ask or not. ...and it is rude to ask. It doesn't matter whether the uninvited guests are your other children or your in-laws neighbors. There is no way for the host/hostess to gracefully or tactfully say "No, I don't want little Suzie to come." There is really no way to do this without offending or hurting feelings.

I agree with the previous poster who said that it is not the child's fault that the parent has bad manners and brings them (the child) even when they were uninvited and not planned for. That is my exact point. A good hostess will make every attempt to make the child feel welcome, and depending on the type of party that may add up to great expense. (Chuck -E-Cheese $19 per extra child, Libby-Lu $25-$45 per extra child, swim parties may be up to $75 extra if that extra child requires an extra life guard) Some parties are very structured and there is a maximum limit to the number of guests, so if someone shows up with an extra child then either that child or another will have to be left out. That may be very difficult to explain to a 3 or 4 year old expecting a party. (...and will again make the hostess feel bad)

Accepted manners are that you do not bring uninvited guests, and you do not ask. No one on this board made up that rule. Personally, I cannot believe that this is something that people didn't already know.

 

[imthatgirl]

hmmm...id love to see where anyone said it was ok to bring uninvited guests

personally i have no problem telling someone that i just cant invite anymore kids and im sorry. if someone does have a problem telling others no, expect to be taken advantage of.

 

[tlbwriter]

hmmm...id love to see where anyone said it was ok to bring uninvited guests

Several posts did (though I realize you did not).

 

[mjkacmom]

hmmm...id love to see where anyone said it was ok to bring uninvited guests

personally i have no problem telling someone that i just cant invite anymore kids and im sorry. if someone does have a problem telling others no, expect to be taken advantage of.

Just because you don't have a problem telling people they can't bring a sibling doesn't make it any less rude for someone to ask. The host should never be put in that position. Curious - have you ever asked to bring an uninvited sibling?

 

[imthatgirl]

Just because you don't have a problem telling people they can't bring a sibling doesn't make it any less rude for someone to ask. The host should never be put in that position. Curious - have you ever asked to bring an uninvited sibling?

i thought we came to the conclusion that you couldnt read and would no longer be responding to my posts

no, i have said it 15 times, i have never had to ask if another child to be invited.
you cant control others actions, only your own. so whether its rude or not for someone else to ask is is a ridiculous point. if you dont want other kids coming then tell them no. if you cant say no, expect to be taken advantage of.

 

[mjkacmom]

i thought we came to the conclusion that you couldnt read and would no longer be responding to my posts

no, i have said it 15 times, i have never had to ask if another child to be invited.
you cant control others actions, only your own. so whether its rude or not for someone else to ask is is a ridiculous point. if you dont want other kids coming then tell them no. if you cant say no, expect to be taken advantage of.

I can choose to read and respond to any post I wish, even if the posted is too lazy to use proper capitalization. The whole point of this thread, the reason the OP posted, is that it is rude to ask to bring an extra child. There are people out there in this world who do not realize this. There are also people out there who do not realize it is rude to have their child hand out birthday invitiations on the bus, in front of other children.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

No one is knocking you for having young children. However, we're talking about older kids, and you have just not BTDT. Having BTDT, I've found that people tend to build their social circles around 1, maybe 2, children (usually the older ones). Being good friends with all of your childrens' friends' parents just doesn't happen. Dd12 has a friend who's parents I've never even met (and she's never been to her house). There are some parents that I'm very, very close to (speak on the phone daily, talking about topics other than children). There are parents who I tolerate. My children choose their friends, and I might love the parents, I might not. Same as when I was growing up.

I'm not sure where anyone is talking about older kids? Maybe I missed something. The OP didn't specify the kids ages.

I just still don't buy it that siblings, parents are taboo at a birthday party. Or that you can't expand your social circle to include these people at a party. If someone RSVPs for a party..and I know they have another child..I ask..Would Billy like to come too do you think? The parent can make their determination at that time whether they think little Billy would like to come to a princess party or if they would like to make other arrangements. ...Whatever. I guess I just don't like to make any kids feel left out if I don't have to... My take on it. 10 years from now when I'm 50...I'm pretty darn sure I'll feel the same.

You can say as much as you'd like that its rude to bring an univited guest.. and if you are going to a party where the hostess that feels that way...then you are absolutely right. Just not everyone feels that way. I myself would not have been offended so It wouldn't have been rude to me as the hostess. Part of understanding social graces is to anticipate the reaction before you do something, quite possibly the person who brought her family or asked on the phone or dumped her child off erred in that respect.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm not sure where anyone is talking about older kids? Maybe I missed something. The OP didn't specify the kids ages.

I just still don't buy it that siblings, parents are taboo at a birthday party. Or that you can't expand your social circle to include these people at a party. If someone RSVPs for a party..and I know they have another child..I ask..Would Billy like to come too do you think? The parent can make their determination at that time whether they think little Billy would like to come to a princess party or if they would like to make other arrangements. ...Whatever. I guess I just don't like to make any kids feel left out if I don't have to... My take on it. 10 years from now when I'm 50...I'm pretty darn sure I'll feel the same.

You can say as much as you'd like that its rude to bring an univited guest.. and if you are going to a party where the hostess that feels that way...then you are absolutely right. Just not everyone feels that way. I myself would not have been offended so It wouldn't have been rude to me as the hostess. Part of understanding social graces is to anticipate the reaction before you do something, quite possibly the person who brought her family or asked on the phone or dumped her child off erred in that respect.

What I'm saying is you might find things are different once they are in school. I've attended or hosted over 100 parties, and although they were usually family oriented when they were babies/toddlers/preschoolers, once they entered school, not once do I recall families being invited. I live in the NE - might be a regional thing - but birthday parties for classmates are for classmates only.l

 

[Aliceacc]

This thread about good manners has gotten way to obnoxious for me.

Unsubscribing.

 

[tlbwriter]

I just still don't buy it that siblings, parents are taboo at a birthday party. Or that you can't expand your social circle to include these people at a party. If someone RSVPs for a party..and I know they have another child..I ask..Would Billy like to come too do you think? The parent can make their determination at that time whether they think little Billy would like to come to a princess party or if they would like to make other arrangements. ...Whatever. I guess I just don't like to make any kids feel left out if I don't have to... My take on it. 10 years from now when I'm 50...I'm pretty darn sure I'll feel the same.

But that's completely different. You're talking about inviting other family members. The OP was talking about uninvited family members.

You can say as much as you'd like that its rude to bring an univited guest.. and if you are going to a party where the hostess that feels that way...then you are absolutely right.

It is standard etiquette. You can say as often as you like that it's okay with you, but that's a moot point. Your personal opinion (or mine, for that matter) doesn't change standard etiquette.

 

[NEDisneyFans]

I'd rather be obnoxious than ignorant!

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[imthatgirl]

I have to agree, your posts are very hard to read. Remember that punctuation can be your friend.

i use all proper punctuation? so i dont get it? my shift is broken, so getting a cap isnt the easiest thing. if its such a problem theres no need to read them.