OT- Grandparents forgot Birthday

[emma'smom]

My dd turned 5 yesterday and we haven't heard from DH's mother yet (and she only has our dd's and one other dgd). No card, no call, no e-mail.......oh well! Honestly, I'm sure dd5 never noticed. We went to my parents house for her favorite dinner (spaghetti/meatballs) and a cake that she helped decorate. We had lots of presents from us and from my parents.

Kid-party next week....

She's had lots of celebrating----

Oh well for the other Grandma. If I don't get bothered, dd won't get bothered.

 

[DonnaBelle2005]

I feel your pain!!!

My ILs have forgotten my DD's bday and its on VALENTINE'S day....and my MIL was there the day she was born (FIL came later that day). She was also their 1st biological grandchild!

Not dis'ing my ILs because they are GOOD people.....and I know people forget but I also know that it hurts my DDs feelings.....so I am hoping that this year they won't forget.

We too are the only immediate family members that lives outside of their immediate area (we live 2 states away)....so bless you and your DD!

Hugs!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I know how you feel -- ds turned 12 last Friday, and my FIL and his wife have yet to do anything for him. They live about an hour away, and just aren't interested. So, I would look at it this way -- are they normally attentive? Do they do things for and with her throughout the year? I wouldn't mind them missing the birthday nearly as much if they paid any attention to ds. If this is a one-time thing, I'd resolve to let it go. If it's part of a pattern, your daughter will realize it eventually. My ds has figured out who is interested in him, and that's who he's interested in as well...

And, on the bright side, since ds is an only they can't confuse his birthday with his siblings...they sent my oldest niece a beautiful sweet 16 card. Unfortunately she is 19 and it was her younger sister's birthday...

Maria

 

[RadioFanatic]

I would talk to them about it. I live about 12 hours away from my parents and my sister and her kids live in the same town. Although my parents came for my son's first birthday party, they weren't intending to come to his second which is this weekend because of the distance. They have always gone to my niece and nephew's parties. I told them that, although I understood there was a distance, our son would not understand why memere and pepere could go to his cousins' parties and not his, especially as he gets older. I also told them I knew it was not as easy for them, but I would be sad without them to share his special day and it would mean the world to me for them to come. They immediately understood and are coming up this weekend for his party and said they will never miss a party. Maybe that's all your parents need - for you to tell them how it makes you feel.

 

[poohfriend77]

For what it's worth, I'd be upset too... but try to let it go.

And now you know what to get them next Christmas: a calendar with the whole family's birthdays already written on the correct dates

 

[bumbershoot]

"They frequently forget DD, DH and my birthdays/milestones."

Sounds like these things aren't important to them.

And they might "remember" the things for your sibs because they are right there, in their face, reminding them!

My dad always forgot my brother's birthday, and when I turned 21 he started forgetting mine. But he always "remembers" the birthdays of his other 3 kids, because they live with him, and they are right there, reminding him. He can't forget, especially because his wife makes a big deal out of it.

But ultimately, the birthdays don't mean all that much to him, and he's only taking part in the celebrations of the other kids because the celebrations are happening.

So it just sounds like this is just them. If this is important to you, you are going to have to remind them.

 

[Channyn]

Families do the best they can, including grandparents. Be patient with them and good things will come. Be hard and you'll regret it someday.
QUOTE]

This is so true - Life is short, enjoy everyday.

 

[barnaby1]

Some people are just better with remembering dates than others. Please don't make a big thing out of this as you are the only one who will get into a state about it.
My mother remembers everyone's everything date right back to great grandparents. Me - I have even forgotten my own wedding anniversary (until my mother called me to wish me happy anniversary). To be honest each year I am still not quite sure if my wedding anniversary is on the 3rd or 4th of October???

 

[Jdougherty]

Thank you for all your support! I will take the calander suggestion for next christmass and let you know how it turns out. They have forgoten mine and DH birthdays before. So it's not just DD, I have tried to foster a relationship with them for my childern, they just aren't as intersted in my childern as they are my siblings. I have talked to them about it before, they just aren't intersted in me or mine.

 

[Sandi]

Thank you for all your support! I will take the calander suggestion for next christmass and let you know how it turns out. They have forgoten mine and DH birthdays before. So it's not just DD, I have tried to foster a relationship with them for my childern, they just aren't as intersted in my childern as they are my siblings. I have talked to them about it before, they just aren't intersted in me or mine.

That's sad. I would try to fix this by taking a more proactive role in calling them and having your DD send mail, etc. to them so they will be forced to feel closer to your child.

As far as the actual dates go, I wouldn't worry about that too much. I'm the only person in both my family and my husband's who ever remembers birthdays (that's 6 siblings all with 2 and 3 kids). I can remember because I have a perpetual calendar and always have three months worth of important dates and activities on my refrigerator. Of course, DH and I are the only ones with one child! The rest of the family catches up on birthdays at major family gatherings. For example, at Thanksgiving or Christmas, all the kids with birthdays from about mid-summer through the end of the year will get birthday gifts from those who forgot; at a summer BBQ, the early part of the year is covered.

 

[fireflymedic]

if i did not have my email set up to email me before my two kids birthdays I would forget theres. So dont be to upset not all people are good with dates and retired people probly dont check there calender very oftin to see whats comming up.

If it upsets you perhaps you should call thim a few days before and drop the info in the call

 

[SpoiledDisFam]

I understand the Bday thing. My Bday was at the end of Nov, my mother barely got me a card and we live in the same house. Ok, I am in my early 30s so I wasn't expecting a party or anything but my younger sister by 2 years got several presents and dinner out for hers in Oct. My oldest DD, turned 10, bday was on the same day as the "graduation" ceremony for the college program my mom teaches in, no show for most of day. This is not the first time this has happened either. For my youngest DD, turned 3 on 1/9) she took off out of town with the above mentioned sister to help my very ungrateful cousin deal with his mom (My mom's sister). My youngest was ok with Grammy not being there because we took her to Chuck E Cheese.
Families are what they are.... not always the most thoughtful of people. We sometimes all take advantage of it.
I just kinda go with hoping that I can make their day special enough to not have them miss anyone else who might not be there.

 

[BroganMc]

The rest of the family catches up on birthdays at major family gatherings. For example, at Thanksgiving or Christmas, all the kids with birthdays from about mid-summer through the end of the year will get birthday gifts from those who forgot; at a summer BBQ, the early part of the year is covered.

My family does that too. We have 9 kids in the youngest generation now. The 1st birthday thing has been done to death. Now we're rounding out the First Communions. Next big milestone will be graduations, I guess.

I tried for years to foster family togetherness after my mom passed away. I'm the youngest of the family and without kids, but for some reason I thought it was my job. I guess my mom trained me too well (or my dad just sucks at it too much).

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. The problem is, unless you are directly involved in each other's daily lives (like live next to each other, go to the same school or work) it can be near impossible to schedule each other in.

Personally, I have gotten peeved going to the effort of remembering the family's occasions because I knew they never acknowledged mine. (Only my sis makes an effort to remember my birthday every year. And her boys pick that up from her.) But then I started going to Disney for my birthday. Now Mickey can remember and I get to celebrate for a week.

Another thing I do to help foster that togetherness is setup every family with a webcam and Skype account. My nieces and nephews love being able to virtually visit with each other. My dad's Skyped them to share a bedtime story. I've had early morning pre-school conversations with the kids. And we even organized a story round robin for Thanksgiving, which the kids read aloud at the family gathering that weekend.

But try to arrange a sleepover for the cousins or gathering to celebrate my dad's and brother's birthday (they were born on the same day of the month) and you run right smack dab into the Conflicting Family Schedules wall. That's why I say families do their best but can fall short. Maybe the one good thing you can say about a family is that the door is always open. Extend an open invitation and there's always hope.

 

[JEWLSVERN]

My mom has 10 grandchildren. 4 live nearby (2 with her) and the other in another state. She doesn't work but does watch the 2 grandkids that don't live with her after school. She has a hard time remembering the birthday of the ones not nearby. Why, because things are just so busy she often doesn't know the date. She will often remembering late in the evening but by then they are in bed. It has no bearing on whether she cares or not.

Now the ones nearby are usually remembered because she is invited to a party or the birthdays are talked about when she is around by either the parents or the child. It has to do with proximity and nothing else.

 

[v.t.]

I feel your pain. I was getting ready to post a thread concerning GP's and birthdays. While my DIL's remember DS's birthdays, they can never come down to visit. My twins turn 11 in Feb. and GP's have never been to a birthday party.... (they live to far, can't travel in winter, etc.) But they called me two days ago, and they are coming down for the PBR event at Cowboy stadium. That's right, they can travel from PA to watch bull riding, but not for the kids birthday. When I was helping them reserve the flight I simply stated, "You will be flying in on Wednesday so you can be here on the boys' birthday, RIGHT?" They said of course. I am sure that was the plan all along.

I hope your relationship improves.

 

[starsweeper]

I'm sorry your DC aren't treated as fairly. My dad's mother always sent my gifts late, usually didn't call, and the gifts were always very cheap. My brother was the only grandson, so his gifts were always on time, he received a call on his b-day, and he always had a much nicer and expensive gift than I got. It really bothered me as a child, even though I had great parents and another set of great grandparents. Once I was a teenager, I realized it was their loss because they didn't try to make a bond with me. I think my grandmother wishes I visited more now that I'm grown and a good person for her to show off, but I don't feel a close bond and would rather visit other family members. In the end, it was her loss, not mine.