OT: Discipline for 3 yr old

[ammeador2]

Ok, I need some help! My DD is 3 and she goes to daycare. Lately she has been picking up some really bad habits. Throwing fits, kicking, screaming, saying "i don't like you, you're mean"..etc Time out doesn't work, I bought a "time out mat" and she refuses to sit on it. I don't want to be one of those parents that uses spankings all the time, but I'm not even sure that this would work with her either. My FIL uses spankings and I don't like the idea of him hitting my child, let alone when he gets after any of his GC, they shudder and look for another adult to jump in.

We are going on vacation in Aug and I don't want her to be like this for WDW nor do I want her to teach her brother these habits.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

Why isn't she sitting in timeout? I found that at 3, you really need to sit there with them to keep them in time out. So if you put her on the mat, sit there for 3 minutes and make sure that she stays put. I feel your pain, it's part of the joy of raising a girl

You could also take things away from her. Oh you could be a really mean mommy like I am and call Mickey when she's being fresh . Worst threat there is in my house. If Mickey finds out she is misbehaving, he might cancel her trip!

Also, I would suggest a positive rewards chart. When DD does something extra nice or has a very good day at school, she gets stickers that help her earn extra dollars for Disney. We find that it helps to reinforce the positive.

Don't worry too much about Disney. We have found that DD is on her best behavior on vacation because she has all of our attention.

 

[laughinplace199]

Time-outs will work, you just have to be very patient and consistent. If she leaves the designated time-out area, bring her back. Keep bringing her back and explain that once she stays there (without getting up) for three minutes, her time-out will be over. At that point, she can apologize for her behavior and be done. It will be frustrating at first, but once she figures out that you're not going to back down, she'll give in. Good luck!

 

[tomboy_m]

my DD has NEVER stayed in time out. Some kids just won't. As for holding her there for us, it would be a total physical restraint and it would end up having to last far more than 3 minutes. We have tried this with no success. Just leaves everyone a frantic wreck because it escalates into total chaos in her part. She is very smart.. not horribly behavioral... just an occasional grandaddy of a tantrum. Trust me this was a hard phase as I work extensively with adults with significant behavioral difficulties and thought I would have no problem if my kid acted up.

My DD who is now 4 rarely escalates to the big tantrum anymore... it seems to only happen when she is way too tired or getting sick.. (hope that gives you some hope)

Sounds like there have been some changes in routine.. I would suggest checking in to these carefully to see if they are impacting the problem and if you can make it any easier for her.


My DD had only one tantrum at Disney the 2 times she went at 3. There was just too much good stuff going on.

Good Luck

 

[santa's surpriz]

I completely understand. My daughter will not do time out either. Interestingly she will do it at school for her teachers. (preschool that is.) I don't get it.

OTher than constraining her it doesn't work for me & I think that will give the wrong message. I do not advocate spanking. I also think that sends the wrong message. If a you spank a child for hitting, what does that teach them? to hit back? I do not think that is the answer. Kids need to learn the cause and effect of their actions. What has worked for me is taking away privileges. I find out what her school schedule is, art projects, recess, movie day, ice cream treats, field tripaetc. and I use it as leverage. I know, but it works for me. I have only brought my self to punish her by making her sit inside for recess or taking away movie day. Her school is great and will have her help them do little chores instead.

Another thought, maybe it's not your DD that has been the problem. Has there been a classroom change or teacher change. I did have alot of problems with my DD for a bout a month after a the school started and she was with some rather less socialized children and a new teacher. I talked to the child care directors and they switched her classroom and I did see immediate improvements.

 

[ammeador2]

Well, she is wonderful for everyone but her parents! It's really tough and very frustrating!

When it comes to time out on the "time out mat" she acts like this is the most painful thing she has ever experienced. She just screams and cries. I have to force her to sit still. She's very smart and I've tried reasoning with her but that doesn't work well either. My mom has moved in with us and sometimes I think that might be part of the problem. I talked to her babysitter and she said that one of the kids there, his parents are going through a divorce and he's been throwing some pretty big fits.

I've thought about the rewards chart. A friend of mine even told me wash her mouth out with soap too, and I can't bring myself to do that. I remember HATING that whne I was a kid.

 

[CHEK]

Well I never had a problem with my DD at 3, BUT at 9 well the Hormones have kicked in and soooo have the tantrums she get's soooo frustrated!, she can't get her point across without totally loosing the plot and more.... , but in a way I totally feel for her , we use marbles, she get's one for good behaviour and then looses them when her behaviour is unacceptable, we also have our family rules up on the door, so that she doesn't forget

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

A friend of mine even told me wash her mouth out with soap too, and I can't bring myself to do that. I remember HATING that whne I was a kid.

Wouldn't suggest doing this...most states now consider that child abuse

 

[ammeador2]

Wouldn't suggest doing this...most states now consider that child abuse

I know, I know. Things have changed since I was a kid!

 

[santa's surpriz]

Well, she is wonderful for everyone but her parents! It's really tough and very frustrating!

When it comes to time out on the "time out mat" she acts like this is the most painful thing she has ever experienced. She just screams and cries. I have to force her to sit still. She's very smart and I've tried reasoning with her but that doesn't work well either. My mom has moved in with us and sometimes I think that might be part of the problem. I talked to her babysitter and she said that one of the kids there, his parents are going through a divorce and he's been throwing some pretty big fits.

I've thought about the rewards chart. A friend of mine even told me wash her mouth out with soap too, and I can't bring myself to do that. I remember HATING that whne I was a kid.

Well I am glad that there is at least two of out here! I hated the soap thing too, it's funny I see so much of me in my DD. Maybe that's the problem??? Payback is a real "witch" with a capital "b" !!!

 

[dougsmom98]

None of my kids would stay in a time out chair or corner or anything like that when they were little (2,3 or 4). We had a room off the kitchen that became the time out room. I would put them in there and hold the door closed until they stopped throwing their tantrum and when they could behave, I let them out. They learned quickly that if they went in and stopped screaming, they would get to come out in a matter of a minute or less.

 

[camlace]

None of my kids would stay in a time out chair or corner or anything like that when they were little (2,3 or 4). We had a room off the kitchen that became the time out room. I would put them in there and hold the door closed until they stopped throwing their tantrum and when they could behave, I let them out. They learned quickly that if they went in and stopped screaming, they would get to come out in a matter of a minute or less.

we do the same thing, my 2.5 yo daughter will usually sit in time out, but if we are in the midst of a huge tantrum she needs to go to her room and think (there are no toys in her room just books). We tell her to sit on her stool in her room and think until she calms her body. When she is ready with a calm body she is allowed to come out. We find this works well for us. We have had to resort to holding the door closed too as she has figured out how to open it. We are at the point that she understands that we mean business when its time to think and she has even put herself in her room a few times to calm herself.

 

[mom2aredhead]

My son wasn't big into staying in time out either. To quote Dr. Phil (who I HATE incidently, but this one works) - we "found his currency".

If he's misbehaving or does something that would deserve a time out, he doesn't go in time out - his animals have to go. And time out for them is served by going into a tote bag in daddy's truck and disappearing for the entire day. Sometimes they (the animals) will have daddy call to find out if they're allowed to come home. And they're only allowed back if we've had a day of good behavior.

We do a warning first, and if he doesn't listen to the warning, the animals go for a ride. Usually works like a charm.

 

[ammeador2]

I guess out of sight out of mind. I've been telling her that I am going to call the fairy god mother..this seems to be sort of working.

I will try your guys ideas and let you know if they work! The last couple of days she's been fairly good...which kind of worries me! haha..

 

[ammeador2]

Well I am glad that there is at least two of out here! I hated the soap thing too, it's funny I see so much of me in my DD. Maybe that's the problem??? Payback is a real "witch" with a capital "b" !!!

Which means I am TOTALLY screwed!!

 

[princessmom29]

We had problems with staying in time out too. I had to simply put her back and walk away. I learned that trick from Supernanny. I was very skeptical of using something i saw on a television show, but i had been trough everything else to make her stay. I spent about an hour one day just putting her back and walking off, but in the end she figured out that no matter what she did she was going to serve her time out. It only took 5 min the nect time and after that she never got up agian. The key is not to debate with plead with or otherwise engage the child.

 

[mrstomrice]

We have tried the 3 strike policy. A strike is given for misbehaving and is tied to a time out. If DS doesn't get any strikes in a day, he get to put 3 coins into his disney piggy bank. If he gets 1 strike he loses a coin...2 strikes, 2 coins lost, etc. He gets to pick the coins from a stash we have. Some days he get $.75 and some days it is just 3 cents...depends on what coins he picks He doesn't understand the concept of the value yet. He loves that he is saveing for Disney for a special treat! I also call Mickey when the going is getting rough. Good luck!

 

[Traveliz]

Well, she is wonderful for everyone but her parents! It's really tough and very frustrating!

When it comes to time out on the "time out mat" she acts like this is the most painful thing she has ever experienced. She just screams and cries. I have to force her to sit still. She's very smart and I've tried reasoning with her but that doesn't work well either. My mom has moved in with us and sometimes I think that might be part of the problem. I talked to her babysitter and she said that one of the kids there, his parents are going through a divorce and he's been throwing some pretty big fits.

I've thought about the rewards chart. A friend of mine even told me wash her mouth out with soap too, and I can't bring myself to do that. I remember HATING that whne I was a kid.

In my mind that means its working - its what she doesn't want to have to do - it is just perfect -- it of course will be a struggle at first but she will catch on quickly to the you have to either behave to avoid it and if it does get to time out it will be much better if you just do it and get on with life.

Liz

 

[tam626]

Time-outs will work, you just have to be very patient and consistent. If she leaves the designated time-out area, bring her back. Keep bringing her back and explain that once she stays there (without getting up) for three minutes, her time-out will be over. At that point, she can apologize for her behavior and be done. It will be frustrating at first, but once she figures out that you're not going to back down, she'll give in. Good luck!

I agree! This is how Supernanny does it. I have an almost 3yr. old & I know it's hard. Hang in there.

 

[BoilerGirl91]

I feel your pain. My daugther just turned 4 and goes to day care as well. Recently, she started being so belligerent to me. Not my husband- just me. So today when I took my 7 year old swimming, she did not get to go. When my husband took our 7 year old for ice cream she did not go. You have to play into what is important to the child. My daughter cried hysterically all day, but we told her that she cannot participate in the fun things if she does not respect her mommy and listen. Hopefully it is just a phase.