OT: Can I just vent please?

[robind]

Not a parent and can't add anything that wasn't already said. However, I recently had a theft in my home, where 3 laptops (among other things) were stolen. I found out that you can get lojack for your laptops and I believe other small gadgets. I am getting them for the replacement items - she might want to consider adding that when she buys her new one.

Stay strong - she will appreciate it one day

 

[KittyKitty]

Many teenagers have not learn that "not my fault" or "accident" does not mean "not responsible".

Stay strong not buying a new IPod without earning it, knowing you are teaching her a great lesson she will carry throughout her life.

 

[wishspirit]

I can't add any more, but my parents were strict with me about this, but it made me love and appreciate them even more.

For example, they helped me out buy buying a car which I then had to pay back. I missed one payment, and the car became theirs, until I paid it back (which was the next day, I didn't want to be without my car!!) Tough love really is Love, it is preparing them for the future.

Keep strong!

 

[daneenm]

Well, I must say I agree with all of the advice you have been given so far. DD is 13 and, despite the fact that I work at Apple, did not get her own iPod until she won one at last year's Summer Reading Program at our local library. She is very careful with it because she knows we will not buy another for her.

The one thing we don't do (and I am sure we are in the minority) is pay her to do the normal house upkeep jobs we expect of her. Our feeling is that it takes all of us to keep the house running, not just Mom and Dad. This is not something any of us gets paid for. We do, however, give her opportunities to be paid for jobs that are 'out of the ordinary.' She also pet sits in our neighborhood, which pays quite well. Since she just turned 13 in January, she has not started down the babysitting route, but that also pays well around here. Be creative, there are lots of ways for her to work to replace the iPod if she really wants to.

 

[airman]

DD had a problem taking care of her cell phone. we got a hold of an old no frills big cell phone for her to use the last time she trashed her phone. Having her friends see her use that old school phone was enough to take better care once she got a new phone. No problems since.

 

[MomlvsGoofy]

The one thing we don't do (and I am sure we are in the minority) is pay her to do the normal house upkeep jobs we expect of her. Our feeling is that it takes all of us to keep the house running, not just Mom and Dad. This is not something any of us gets paid for. We do, however, give her opportunities to be paid for jobs that are 'out of the ordinary.' She also pet sits in our neighborhood, which pays quite well. Since she just turned 13 in January, she has not started down the babysitting route, but that also pays well around here. Be creative, there are lots of ways for her to work to replace the iPod if she really wants to.[/QUOTE]

This is also what I believe. I don't pay my DD and DGS to do things around the house. They can earn money by doing extra things for me like cleaning out my car and washing it. I work evenings and one day I was taking DD13 shopping and she wanted to buy something that I really thought was a waste of money and didn't want to spend the money on it and she said she had enough money to buy it! Surprised me found out she had been walking dogs in our neighborhood at night and was make loads of money. DH had forgotten to tell me. I didn't find out she lost her Ipod until Christmas when she received lots of Itunes gift cards and when I told her to get her Ipod and we would show her how to download the music onto it since we had been doing it for her. Well she said she lost it, we looked everywhere and still haven't found it. She also thinks I will be getting her a new one, she is so wrong....

 

[Cherinva]

This is coming from a mother of a 32 year old, (they sometimes don't get any better once they grow up) and I'm also the grand mother of a 13 year old. Kids today, think that we adults owe them the world. If things keep being replaced, then they will keep losing them. My advise, which I believe agrees with most, is to NOT replace what she lost. If she wants another Ipod, then she has to pay for it. She can earn money by doing extra things...not her normal chores. We've had to do that with my DGD, and she is taking better care of what "she" had to buy. Don't feel alone is all this, it seems like most of the kids today are the same way.

 

[dalt01]

they are all so different arent they...............my oldest DD who is out of the house with a family of her own, never had ANYTHING more than a couple days..................my 17 year old DD never loses, breaks, mislays, mistreats anything. she did have an issue with her cell once, the wife was telling me about it and i asked what was to be done, she said that Paige was at the cell phone store as we speak taking care of it. never asked us to get involved. i really dont think that it will change for your daughter, you are better off to love the little quirks and move on with life. it will bring you all many hours of laughter in years to come.

 

[Maleficient]

I agree with most of the previous posters and have 3 kids, my oldest DD turns 14 in 2 weeks. The only reason she got her first Ipod is because she won it in a raffle. The only reason she has a cell phone is because it was a "free" with my plan a couple of years ago and it is used by both DDs if they are out at dance or with friends. I agree with the posters who don't pay their kids for doing routine chores that are required to keep the household running - we are ALL a part of the family and ALL need to help out. If they want to take on additional responsibilities then I would negotiate a price for their service. I would never replace something that she so obviously doesn't appreciate and apparently feels entitled to.

Just my 2 cents also, but I also never pay for good grades. My kids do great in school but its because they work hard (with the occasional help from me for science tests ) and the reward is what they are doing for their future. At the end of marking periods we always celebrate the hard work with a dinner out or some other family activity, but what their hard work will do for them in the future is what the payment is and they understand that. I know - I'm harsh!

 

[esddk]

Even though my kids are all still young, I agree with the others. You have to let her earn/save the money to buy a new one. When she graduates and leaves home you want her to have a feeling of responsibility for her belongings and know that mom isn't always going to bail her out. Good luck!

 

[EDuke98080]

If you are like me, you are probably more upset about the lost ipod than she is. I have been where you are and the hardest thing to do is to let her own the responsibility. It's hard because we don't want our kids to want for anything but sometimes it is the only way they learn. At this point, I would take any valuables away and give them back when they are earned by showing care for the things that she has. Remember, it does get easier! Keep your chin up and enjoy because it won't be long and they are all grown up!

 

[kevrab]

Parenting my two girls (18 and 24 now) was and is alot like riding Space Mountain continuously all day then getting on Tower of Terror all night. Twists and turns, ups and downs and a whole lot of it in the dark. I love them to death and would fall on a grenade for them but every day is an adventure.

Hang in there and be tough. Like my Dad told me the key is knowing when to be your child's best friend and knowing when to be their parent.

 

[RachelsMommie]

I would take a hard line with this kind of attitude. I have much younger kids, but was a teenager myself at one time.

First, with the phone. I agree with a PP about a pay-as-you-go basic phone IF she loses her phone. And make sure it's an ugly, basic one.

Second, tell her if she loses her coat, she has to use HER money at the Goodwill or Salvation Army store to get a new one. And STICK WITH THAT. That may be the most valuable lesson you can teach her.

As to the Ipod, she doesn't need one. If you lose it, tough cookies.


I know it's a lot harder to say than do, but my parents wasted a lot of years with me before they gave me that kind of lesson, and I wish they would have done it sooner as I spent too many years being spoiled. Adulthood was a shock for me. I hope to not do my children that disservice.

Hugs!

 

[fakereadhed]

Remember, it does get easier!

 

[EDuke98080]

Aw come on, my daughter is 21 now and it is way easier than when she was 14.....

 

[AnneR]

I second this.

It has not been easier for me as the things she "loses" are much more critical - like electricity. This was the most recent - roommate who was charged with paying the bill never paid. It was the hardest thing I ever did - not rush to pay the bill. She had to work it through and find a solution. It took 3 days of no electricity but she and her roommates have electricity.


Mom did send some gift cards.

I don't think it will ever be easy - just a little more clear what the right thing to do is.

 

[starwood]

My DS is the same AND so is DH. He just lost his ipod touch on a business trip. We're waiting for his new one to arrive. He bought a refurb 16 gb for $199.

Several years ago DS couldn't find is ipod. We searched his room and couldn't find it. I took the dog for a walk (it was garbage day). Half way down the block I got a feeling I should check the garbage can. I cut the walk short and sure enough it had fallen into his garbage in his room and was in the trash. Next the ipod was stolen at school. He found out who took it and it was recovered because we had the serial number. Finally he completely lost it. Turned his room upside down. I think he left it at a bowling alley when he was there with DH. (Because I wasn't there to keep track of it).

 

[cj9200]

I have found if you wrap the device around the child using duct tape it is very difficult to lose it. Also harder to text. We went through 3 phones in the last year and I had had it. She (16 YO) was informed that this is the last one I am buying (we split the cost on the last one). A bit hypocritical since I am always asking if she has seen my glasses or keys but that is one of the advantages of being a parent. Maybe it is a genetic trait.

 

[schoen]

I was, and still am, a loser. I lost everything in school. My coats, softball gloves, swim caps, goggles.... just about everything. I was just scatterbrained in general. I would constantly leave my school books at school, and have to go back to the school. I was a terror for my parents, who were not overly patient with me.

I don't really remember what my punishments were, but I can tell you that I was never being conscientiously ungrateful. I just was flakey, and forgot stuff all the time.

I am STILL like this to a degree. I leave my purse places all the time, I am always looking for my keys... It is annoying, but it seems like I am almost hardwired to be forgetful!

I am obviously better now than as a kid... and I do REALLY try to remember my stuff... The OP's daughter just reminded me of myself, and my poor mom.

 

[Becx N Gav]

I can't add any more, but my parents were strict with me about this, but it made me love and appreciate them even more.

For example, they helped me out buy buying a car which I then had to pay back. I missed one payment, and the car became theirs, until I paid it back (which was the next day, I didn't want to be without my car!!) Tough love really is Love, it is preparing them for the future.

Keep strong!

That sounds like my parents too I think best to learn that from them than from not not paying a credit card bill or similar - bayliffs aren't as understanding

I always had to work/save for things I wanted while my friends seemed to have all the toys they wanted and growing up 'better' clothes than me. But I think once you learn the value of money you do appreciate the value of things you want, good life lesson for her and at a good age too I hope she understands.