OT: Calling all daycare moms...

[Baloosgirl23]

Ok, so we're at a crossroads in our life. The big decision of to send her or not...to daycare. Here's a bit of background info: Our DD is turning 1 next Friday which I really can't believe still, but anyways - I was able to work from home for the first 10 months of her life and then started going back into the office 2 days a week. We found an AMAZING young girl to watch our DD on those days which has really been a blessing for us. However, I am going to start going back into the office for 4 days a week and our current sitter is unable to work for us for the additional 2 days. We have been searching and searching for weeks on end to find someone to watch our DD and have had no luck. So we started the daycare center search and have found one that will work for us, I guess. I never thought of myself as a "daycare mom" but the fact of the matter is, I don't think I have a choice now. I need to work in order to stock up cash for baby #2 which we're planning to have hopefully next year, cross your fingers! Once he/she is born, I will be a SAHM!!! I can't wait for that The thing is, I don't know the first thing about life for our DD at daycare. So, all of you moms that have sent your kids to daycare ~ give it to me straight...the pros and cons. What can I expect? Do you like it? Do your kids like it? I'm still not 100% convinced about this but like I said, I don't think we have any other options. Oh yeah, she'd have to go there for the full 4 days too. I just worry about how she'll do. She's never been in an environment like that and still takes 2 naps a day ~ at daycare all of the cribs are in the same location and I don't know if she'll nap as well there...one of my biggest concerns. HELP PLEASE!!!!!! TIA

 

[princessmom29]

My DD is 6 and started Daycare at 7 weeks. WE have never had a problem, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know she is well taken care of, I don't have to worry about a sitter that gets sick, and she ahs been getting so much more that "babysitting" She did pre-K,K3, and K4. She was more than ready for K, socially confident, and independent. Being in child care has given her so much that she would not have otherwise gotten. Putting a child in daycare DOES NOT make you a bad Mommy, as many would have you believe. You are not any less of a mom to your kids, and SAHM's are not any better than you. Do what is best for you and your family. If you do deside to do daycare, choose adaycare you trust, and keep tabs on what is going on there and you will be fine. My DD loved her school, and loved going there. She would even cry some days that she did not want to stop playing with her friends and go home!

Your attitude toward daycare will make a big difference in how your DD will react. If you have a negative attitude about leaving her there she will pick up pn that and not want to stay. Naps were never a problem. She will sleep when she is tired, trust me. We never tiptoed around at home when DD was asleep, and I suggest that if you do you should probably begin introducing noise like TV ect at nap time. It will make the transition easier if she gets used to there being a little noise at nap.

 

[skw444]

Both my girls were daycare kids. When my girls went into the 1 year old room, there were no cribs where we were. Instead they had mats that they slept on. And they took 1 nap...in the afternoon after lunch. We felt like there were some benefits of daycare. For one, the socialization. Another was the activities they were exposed to. At the center we were at, they had Spanish (even as young as 1 years old), Music and Art one day a week. The biggest con that we saw was how often they got sick. Especially my first child. It seemed like she was sick all winter...ear infections, strep throat, hand foot and mouth, fifths disease...you name it, we had it. The pedi kept telling me that this helped to build her immune system (better during daycare then when they start school). I always felt like he was just saying that to make me feel better, but since my dd has started elementary school, she hasn't been as sick. It's a tough decision. The biggest thing is to find a center you are totally comfortable with. We looked at lots of centers before we finally decided on the one we went with. Good luck!

 

[princessmom29]

My daycare kid is NEVER sick. I have ahd to take off work exactly 1 day in the last year to stay home with her. She did have an occasional ear infection as an infant, but that is due to a hereditary condition and not b/c od daycare. A 1 year old that has been kept home will probably get sick at some point in first few months, but it is true that it helps to build immunity to be exposed to different germs. It will happen at some point when a child enters school anyway, as a pp said.

 

[Mersmom98]

Veteran daycare mom here! My dd was a daycare child from the time she was a year old until she was about 10 years old. I think the daycare gave her the socialization skills that she has today. I was a single mom & had no choice but to work. When she was younger, I definitely had my moments where I felt like a horrible mother because I had to put my kid in daycare but looking back I know that's not true. I agree with pp about them getting sick more often at daycare. However I also agree that I am glad she got through all that before she started school. I have teacher friends that can tell which kids probably went to daycare & which did not because they are sick more often in their first few years of school. Also on her 1st day of kindergarten I was sooooo thankful for all the years of daycare! She went in & sat down in her class with just a wave & hug to me. It was harder on me than her because she was used to being away from me during the day.

 

[mechteach]

I completely agree with all of the above posters! The socialization, the educational activities, etc. - I know that some SAHMs can provide the same experience for their kids at home (my SIL, for example), but I know myself, and I would not be one of them. I am grateful for the things that DD and DS have learned/are learning at daycare. I am also grateful for the extra love in their lives - many of their teachers have clearly genuinely loved my children, and been loved by them in return. I have never felt that those experiences diminished the love they felt for me and DH (not that anyone has suggested that).

As some of the others have noted, both of my kids tended to get sick quite often during their first year or so of daycare. After that, though, they have been amazingly healthy and resilient.

I would also add that there are quite a spectrum of daycares out there. My personal priorities were NO TV, a range of activities scheduled throughout the day (including plenty of outdoor/run around time), lots of books around the rooms, small class sizes, and healthy meals and snacks.

 

[2binak]

I would also add that there are quite a spectrum of daycares out there. My personal priorities were NO TV, a range of activities scheduled throughout the day (including plenty of outdoor/run around time), lots of books around the rooms, small class sizes, and healthy meals and snacks.

I wanted to 2nd this comment. Figure out what's important to you and choose a center that has those qualities. It was important to us that we put DD in a daycare that had the same qualities as the above poster. We wanted a center that felt more like a school and where the kids were really nutured and cared for on a personal level and where we felt comfortable working along the teachers. We toured one center that felt more like a babysitting service than a school and we just knew it wasn't the right fit for us.

Our DD has been in daycare since she was 8 weeks old. She is confident, outgoing, and well-mannered. She is also learning at an amazing rate! For us, daycare has been nothing but positive! Good luck in your search!

 

[KristinU]

Daycare mom here - my DS is 5.5 and has been at a national chain daycare since he was 9 months old.

Ditto what everyone else has said...but I also wanted to add something...the folks at the center become your extended family. People always think of daycare centers as sending your kid to spend the day with strangers, well yeah, they're strangers for the first few days but then they start bonding with them and you do too. The director of our daycare is the one who gave me big hugs while I sobbed about my FIL's death (my DH was away helping his mom and I finally just lost it on her one morning...she was SO there for me). We've also made good friends through our center - other parents/families.

The other nice thing is that it gives you a pool of good babysitters - ones that you know are certified in CPR and know your child very well. In fact, my DS has a couple of favorite teachers that we have babysit from time to time just because DS asks for them to come over and hang out with him.

Best of luck in your decision making! And definitely go with your gut - you'll know when you find the right place...and you'll definitely know when a place isn't the right one for you!

 

[MommyMcQueen]

My first son went to a daycare center for 1 year (he was 1 - I stayed home with him the first year) - we had to pull him out after a year due to the constant and chronic illness - I think his first month there he didn't get sick - after that is was back to back illness - 3 bouts of pneumonia and eventually developed asthma due to constantly being sick for months on end.

The center we took him to was a certified, national award-winning center for a large healthcare system that I work for. We loved the educational activities there, most of the teachers were excellent and grew very close with our son. He really enjoyed it there and we had no worries about taking him there - I didn't even cry the first day of drop-off, I felt completely confident in their care.

But over time, as the illnesses set in, DS had to be pulled out of daycare for sometimes a week at a time (which we still paid for, knowing that going into it) and we were constantly stressed about who was going to miss work and stay home with him all of the time. Knowing our jobs were at times in jeoparody (I was WAY over the allowed absences for our company - luckily I had an understanding manager), and after months of sleepless nights being up with him sick, we decided to find something else. The breaking point came after 9 months of him being sick and he got pnuemonia again - that one month alone cost us over $2000 in day care payments, lost wages, ER visits, chest Xrays, Peds followups and prescriptions. When I called to tell them he was going to be out all week, the first thing the co-director said to me was "well you know you still have to pay for this week, right?".... not "hope he's okay" or "I'm sorry to hear that". There was no concern for my childs health there at all...they just wanted their money.

I do think many day care centers can offer a lot for children - great socialization, educational growth and bonds with their teachers and friends. Unfortunately for us the positives were overshadowed by the constant illnesses going around and our son was just sucseptible to cacthing things - I know other famililes whose kids in daycare hardly ever get sick - it just really depends on your child.

I hope you can find the right daycare that meets all of your needs. Do prepare youself for the worst illness-wise and have a backup plan for when they can't go. We went into it knowing that he would get sick but thinking it wouldn't be all that bad...we were not prepared for how severe it was. Good Luck!

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

I have had two daycare kids - both started at about 3 months. I concur with those who have voiced concerns about it causing increased sickness - I think it did in both of mine, BUT it also followed that neither have been as sick once they got a little older/started "big kid" school.

It is VERY important to choose a center that you are comfortable with and develop a good rapport with the people who work there. Be realistic in your expectations and recognize that these people are taking care of a number of children. (I mean by that nothing scary - just that stuff WILL happen and don't flip out about it.) The director of the daycare my kids were at was/is a friend - the workers really LOVE my children. They were so sad when they both moved to elementary school this year and wouldn't be there any more. And my kids have asked more than once to go BACK there at least to visit and get hugs and such.

The socialization aspect was really key to me. And the enrichment opportunities. I think they both transitioned to school a lot easier because they had already been going to "school." (I always called daycare school just to get them used to the idea.) We had NO TEARS when they started kindergarten. My son, who is a very young kindergartener, was much more prepared than he otherwise would have been. My daughter, who was an old kindergartener, could have skipped it completely she was so far ahead (but I'm glad she didn't!!! That's a whole other discussion.)

I'm getting ready to have a third, and I think we are actually going to have someone in our home this time (only because I finally found someone that I know and trust, etc.) but she is also going to be keeping a toddler (daughter of a friend) and will be there to get my older kids off the school bus. It just works better for me at this point. Otherwise, this child would be right back in the same center that I have been at for 7 years.

Like someone else said - you are NOT a bad mother for putting your child in daycare. There are arguments to be made for all kinds of child care. There is no perfect solution that applies to everyone. Each family/person has to decide what is best for them and their child. And remember, nothing is permanent. You can always change if something doesn't work out.

 

[RyJMom]

I stayed home 1 1/2 yrs with my 1st and 1 yr with my 2nd. After that they each went to daycare. I remember thinking there is no way in the world my 18 mo old will take a nap on a mat with the other kids. He did it from the 1st day no problem. They really do adapt. I know it is a very hard decision but as long as you do your research and find a good daycare your child will be fine. When my oldest started school I started working only till 2 - so now I take them to school and pick them up and they only go to daycare in the summer. They tell me sometimes they wish they could go after school because they miss it.

 

[tigger51276]

My DD5 started daycare at 8 weeks and then she went into a home daycare. She has been to 3 of them over the years, one who was a family member and then to someone I didn't know but was licensed by the state and then when I had my DD1 I moved a few cities away and had to find a daycare closer and got lucky to find the next one. Home daycare (as long as they are licensed) can be a great alternative as there are typically less kids and it costs less.
Like you I was able to work from home until my 2nd DD was 13 months old. I worked 3 morning a week in the office and the rest of the time at home. I then was told a month and a half ago that I needed to come into the office full time and 3 weeks later was laid off. My DD's both loved the daycare (DD5 just started school this year)not just for the kids but also for their "provider". Because I am now at home and quite possibly will just be a SAHM unless the economy picks up, I still send DD1 to daycare one morning a week so that she can see and play with her friends and she gets very excited when we get there.

 

[LuvBaloo]

My oldest DD started daycare at about 16 months (DH was able to work from home, so he had her) and my younger DD started at 6 months. I agree with the PP's about outside time and your comfort level, and have a couple fresh comments to add.

One thing I found, is that daycare teaches kids to do things for themself. When there's 8 kids (3yo) and one teacher, the kids need to do put on their coats and shoes. The teacher helps when they have a problem, but the kids are really encouraged to do it themselves. In my area the kids are separated into under 3 and 3to5. For the under 3's, there's 4 kids to one adult, and for 3ot5 its 8 kids to one adult.

Once your child is starting toilet training, its really important to dress them in clothes that they can handle on their own. If they can get their own pants down when they need to go they aren't having to wait for a teacher to come help them.

I loved the first daycare my DD went to (the main staff were awesome and truly loved their jobs). The daycare they are at now, I don't love as much, but my children are happy and cared for and like going there.

 

[flying_babyb]

I chime in as a daycare teacher. I actully worked with the one's today. Make sure you ask about how often diapers are changed. Some centers don’t have a set policy. I love our center because our rule is every two hours. You also want to observe the interactions with care givers. I would also suggest that you ask if you can "drop In" for a play date to see how the children interact with each other. It also gives you a feel for the classroom. I would also check on there nap policies. Some centers make children stay on there sleeping bag for two hours regardless. Some centers also use cribs with older kids which means you need to find out about there polices to move them to cots or sleeping bags. For potty training, NO oneies! those things are too hard for the kids. I agree that stuff happens. Kids fall down, kids trip, other kids bite. Its hard to prevent everythng but most daycares are wonderful about being on top of everything. Also look into NAEYC accredited centers which mean they meet some of the highest standards for daycare. You can learn more on this site http://www.naeyc.org/. I wish you luck in your search and fallow your gut feelings, there usually right.

 

[CLR4321]

My DS has been in daycare from when he was 10 mos old until he started all-day kindergarten in August I am loving not having to pay that daycare bill! We had some great experiences and some downright horrifying experiences in the 6 different daycares he went to. I will give you 1 big huge tip: Find someone with good reliable references. Better yet, find a daycare where your friends or acquaintances take their kids. Get referrals from people who have a similar parenting style as you. Also another big tip: Pay attention to your instincts. If it doesn't feel right or something seems "off", it probably is. Take the time to stop in a few times at the day care at random times. If they are not ok with you dropping in without notice (with the exception of a scheduled naptime), cross them off your list. A good daycare that is doing things properly will have an open door policy and allow you to visit just about anytime, although most will suggest that you not stop in during naptime, as your child may wake up the children who are napping. Interview the childcare providers...you can find lists of interview questions to ask online. Just Google for the lists. Be prepared for separation anxiety. You will cry and your baby will cry too. It will make you feel like running back in and grabbing him or her, but you just have to fight the urge. Eventually your baby will be used to daycare and will crawl or run off to play the second you walk in the door. It will feel heartbreaking at first, but you will get used to it. Don't worry!

 

[bas71873]

My DD is 6 and started Daycare at 7 weeks. WE have never had a problem, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know she is well taken care of, I don't have to worry about a sitter that gets sick, and she ahs been getting so much more that "babysitting" She did pre-K,K3, and K4. She was more than ready for K, socially confident, and independent. Being in child care has given her so much that she would not have otherwise gotten. Putting a child in daycare DOES NOT make you a bad Mommy, as many would have you believe. You are not any less of a mom to your kids, and SAHM's are not any better than you. Do what is best for you and your family. If you do deside to do daycare, choose adaycare you trust, and keep tabs on what is going on there and you will be fine. My DD loved her school, and loved going there. She would even cry some days that she did not want to stop playing with her friends and go home!
Your attitude toward daycare will make a big difference in how your DD will react. If you have a negative attitude about leaving her there she will pick up pn that and not want to stay. Naps were never a problem. She will sleep when she is tired, trust me. We never tiptoed around at home when DD was asleep, and I suggest that if you do you should probably begin introducing noise like TV ect at nap time. It will make the transition easier if she gets used to there being a little noise at nap.

I could have written this myself! My DD6 thrived in daycare and even now in 1st grade, she still talks about some of her friends there and her teachers. We didn't live near any family at the time, and the ladies at Appletree where like surrogate moms to me (as a first time mom).

Oh, and my DD was NEVER sick. Now my niece & nephew, who stay home with my SIL all day......those kids are ALWAYS sick. Go figure! Perhaps germs aren't so bad afterall

 

[clutter]

Let's see.. My dd's first daycare was fine, but I ended up switching her closer to home at about 16 months. Last weekend, dd12 went to a sleepover bd party for one of the girls she met back then (who has since moved an hour away). Next weekend, we will be going to a bat mitzvah for twins we know from then. When she was 4, I switched dd to pre-K and then private K. We're still close with 2 families from then.

Search around and find a place that feels good! Your child will thrive. I was happy leaving dd with her one provider because she was a better sahm than I would ever have been!

 

[emma'smom]

Both of my dd's were in daycare until they started preschool (and I guess technically they went to "aftercare" at the preschool...so dd4 is still in aftercare, dd7 is now in second grade). Anyway, they were in "center care" when they were little and we had very good experiences. There was a set curriculum (which allowed for lots of free play). They did have nap time, but my children never liked to nap. When they were little, the teachers would let them look at books on their cot. When my older dd returned to day care in the summers and wasn't used to naps at all, they accommodated her by letting her go to a different classroom during nap time. I looked for flexibility, enthusiasm from the teachers, a clean environment, and good word of mouth recommendations from other parents.

P.S. My dd4 is now in "aftercare" as an extension of her preschool day. Honestly, I forget that this is technically day care (until the bill arrives). During this time, she eats her lunch, listens to stories, plays outside, does craft activities. It's like a glorified play date with two grandmas (younger, energetic ones) in charge.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I never thought of myself as a "daycare mom" but the fact of the matter is, I don't think I have a choice now.

Not sure exactly what a "daycare mom" is as opposed to a regular mom...

My son was in daycare from 10 months until he graduated the UPK program there and went off to kindergarten. I was very comfortable with the environment I left him in and the people that I left him with. I trusted and respected them, and they respected my needs and opinions as a parent. Make sure that is how you feel about the place you leave your child...

 

[JillPTFLA]

We started our second son in daycare when he was 6 months old and he stayed there until he was old enough to start at the pre-school in our synagogue. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about the daycare...he started in the infant room and then moved to the mobile infant room, to the "twaddlers" and then toddlers rooms. All of the staff was wonderful and caring. He was kept engaged and had all kinds of choices of activities. There were lots of exercise opportunities as well both outdoors and indoors. He is a very social child and transitions easily to new situations (he had no trouble switching schools and also going to a different camp this summer). I really think that a lot of that has to do with his daycare experiences.

As far as illness, he went through the range of normal childhood sicknesses. I honestly think it would have been no different if he hadn't been in daycare b/c he has an older brother who was in school. Luckily, both of my kids are relatively healthy (knock wood!) and don't get seriously ill. I think they will be better off as they get older since their immune systems get a workout now!

I was also concerned about napping but he slept way better there than at home! They get used to the routine and the teachers have seen it all and have magic ways of getting the kids to sleep! He also learned self help skills early on and has been using utensils to eat right from the start.

No, dropping them off is never easy but if you know your child is in a loving and safe environment and happy, you can't ask for anything else! Good luck.
Jill