Opinions Need About a Preschool situation

[mom2grace]

Thanks for the comments. I am working on an email to the director right now. I know it would be better to do in person but I get flustered and tongue tied.

I teach day care teachers at a local junior college.

I hope if you do this, you are planning to leave. Based on the maturity level of the teacher, I would expect her to retaliate against your DD.

Start looking now for a new program, ask for parents to talk to as references, drop in a few times after your official visit, go when they are getting ready for nap time (that's a great time to get a feel for the teacher), ask how long the teachers have been there, their ages, how many new kids they get in a particular classroom in a year (new to the center, not just kids moving up, this tells you how many are leaving), ask for a trial week, take your DD every day, drop in and eat lunch with her on day 3 or 4, at pick up time, hang around.

You might consider programs that are housed or sponsored by some type of religious institution as well.

Trust your DD and trust your gut. Young children don't know how to make these stories up!

 

[AC7179]

I can't get the email written well. It just sounds like one complaint after another. Should I narrow it down to an isolated incident, or what?

 

[lilyv]

I can't get the email written well. It just sounds like one complaint after another. Should I narrow it down to an isolated incident, or what?

If there are so many difficulties, then that is a big indicator.
Take a little time and really look over your list of problems. When you review your concerns, do you feel this is a situation that is fixable? Or, do you, in your heart, think it's time for change? If it's time to change schools, then my advice to you is start looking for another school. mom2grace gave some great tips on visiting and evaluating schools. What you probably don't want to do is put your child in a more difficult situation, currently. If you think you'll likely change schools, maybe now is not the time to alert the teacher/director. Consider getting your ducks in a row first.
Are you under a signed, written contract with the school? If you're going to try to get that waived, then I'd be very, very careful with anything in writing. Even though it might be uncomfortable, best to talk to the director and take the "just not a good fit" strategy. You don't owe them a detailed explanation, and sometimes it's just best to be able to move on. If you need to give some brief examples, practice talking about this, first. Good luck to you-know this must be a very trying situation.

 

[hammie59]

I can't get the email written well. It just sounds like one complaint after another. Should I narrow it down to an isolated incident, or what?

Maybe you should just email her that you're having a serious problem with the teacher and that you need to set up an appointment to meet. I think that she's going to want to speak with you in person anyways given the fact that this isn't a trivial thing.

Maybe have a list of points you want to make and take that with you so you don't loose your train of thought. I can get the same way when I'm upset, so I understand you wanting to hammer it all out in an email. But I think you'll get better results in person. Just stick to the facts, you don't have to knit pick each detail. Try to stay calm and point out each instance that you found her behavior unacceptable. And like someone else said, go with your gut.

 

[AC7179]

Well. she doesn't do well with change.
I would hate to pull her out and put her somewhere else for the spring semester, then keep her home with me in the summer, then start ANOTHER school in the fall. I have a call in to the Montessori school to see if she can start in January. I bet a million dollars she can't, because over there she would be in the toddler class, seeing as how you have to be 3 by September 1, and she wasn't until the 22nd of September. The toddler ration is smaller than the 3 year old class so I bet there are no openings. Darn. I don't know what to do.

 

[jcc0621]

We had almost a similar situation with our DS. Hew as in the same daycare from when he was 16 week old. In the beginning, through 3 years old we (and he) were very happy there. We would have reports of not having abad day, etc. but we would discuss with the teacher and reinforce it home to correct any problems. Over the summer we were having a real issue with getting him potty trained. We spoke to his ped. about it ans she said not to worry all kids train at different times, etc. During this time they were starting tp transition him to the 4 year old room becasue he was going to be turning 4 in Sept. They had a mail teacher in there and the potty training was really coming along.

We left for Disney the last 2 weeks of August and DS returned to daycare (and the 4 year old room) the Tuesday after labor day (We used only night time pull ups for him while in Disney). With in 1 1/2 weeks the male teacher was gone (one of the mom's complained that she didn't want her princess taught by a male teacher - smae parent happened before) and within 2 weeks we were getting books written about what a demon child DS was.

THe straw that broke the camels back was the day the director called to tell me that they were having a hard time with DS listening. When I asked what happened she said "He didn't want to paint" MY response was AAANNNND. "Well because he didn't want to paint he was put in time out While in time out he started peeling decorations off the wall (I would too out of bordem ) and if this keeps up you are going to have to come get him and he can't come to school tomorrow and it is considered a suspension and if it happens 3 times he is kicked out

I called another center to see if they had an opening and they had 1 4 yo spot available. I called DH, took DS out of that place, he started the new place the following Tuesday. It was the best decison we ever made. He was COMPLETELY trained in 2 weeks and I have gotten one or 2 DS didn't have a good day, but never a 6 page disertation on the fact that he was the Omen.

Sorry this is sol long, but they sound like the same exact place. You have to go with your gut feeling. DS does not do well with change either, but your DD's health and well being are the most importatn thing!

 

[Tam1067]

That teacher is not professional, and as someone else said, she will likely retaliate against your daughter if you complain about her. The director will tell her, and then your daughter will suffer.

I had to pull out of a daycare place we'd been at for five years (since the oldest was born), and though I was hesitant at first, it was the best decision I made. We found a nicer place with caring teachers very close to our home. My son was three when he switched, and he did fine. Kids adapt well.

 

[SeptemberGirl]

I would go with your gut and pull her out. She'll adjust better to a new school where she's happy to be going each morning than to a teacher who is having some problems, clearly. I have a 3 yr old, too, and we had a bad teacher last year. It was a real mess before it all worked out, but we were lucky - there were other parents who felt the same way, and even more strongly about it than we did. Do you have any parent friends you could reach out to?

 

[portia9]

I don't know what you want your children exposed to but that sounds like an incredibly harsh environment for a (just) 3yo. You mentioned academically she is doing OK? She is 3!!! And not getting stickers-I don't agree with that at all for kids that age. They seem to be unnecesarily harsh in their expectations for such young children.

My youngest started preschool in Oct just after her third birthday. She loves preschool and they love her. They rave about how she is fitting in and how wonderful she is. She is very happy too go there and comes home tired but happy after having a wonderful day. That to me is what preschool should be like at 3.

I had 2 of my elder children go to the same preschool and they worked so well with them to be school ready so I have longer term experience with how they teach them too. But seriously at 3-that really upsets me. 3 yos do not need to feel that they haven't done well enough to get a sticker

 

[AC7179]

The stickers are for behavior, not academics.

I talked to the director yesterday, ONLY about having to go to the baby room. She said that someone might have said that to her, but it was inappropriate. Then I guess she talked to the teacher and cause this morning, when I'm dropping her off and she's yelling, "Don't leave, I'm SCARED!" I tell her firmly, "You will not have to go to the baby room." Her teacher said that she doesn't know where she got that, of course they never send anyone to the baby room. I told her she said it was the office lady who said it, but that she has told me she was sent there before. I don't know. I know she's 3 but I don't think she could be making up that she had to sit a time out in the baby room for crying once, then mention it again 3 months later that someone told her that was what was going to happen again. Really, developmentally, I don't think a 3 year old could be that consistent. Bleh. My call is in to the other school.

 

[hammie59]

If it were my child, she'd been outta there yesterday.

 

[AC7179]

I know.....but I teach and can't take the week off to find her something. I don't want to pull her out and put her somewhere that, as far as I know, might have the same issues, you know? I am just praying that I get a call today from the Montessori school saying they can take her.

 

[Nanisashi]

I agree, you should think of taking her out. My dd just turned 5 and still has clingy mornings, her teacher always gives her big hugs and compliments her on whatever, and distracts her for me. She has been doing this since before dd was 2! No one has the right to belittle your daughter. I know you will find a great place for her!

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I can relate to your story.
A few years ago I put my then 4 year old into a different preschool b/c it was closer to our house and she could get to know the children that she would be going to K with. The teacher seemed really nice at first, she was finishing a master's degree in elem. ed. Well, by Christmas I did not think she was so nice. She had her few favorite children, and she did not likethe rest. I have been a preschool/daycare teacher, so I felt I knew what I was talking about. The asst. teacher was good, but I think this lead teacher did not like her job and wanted to be somewhere else ( elem. schools, but she was having trouble finding a job). She just did not like my daughter, picked on her for thumb sucking, even did not make her a birthday crown. I kept her there all year b/c it was a small town and I knew there would be talk if I pulled her out. I also did not want to drive 25 min. to her old preschool. What a mistake! I wish I had pulled her out! By the last month, I was counting down the days until the school year was over. My dd never complained much about going, she had friends there.
My advise is to find another school. If that teacher is not new to the school, she will not change and will not be asked to quit. Believe me , I've worked in that field. It will get worse, not better. There are a lot of unqualified people working in the child care field.
BTW, we moved away that summer, so my dd never went to preschool with those kids anyway!

 

[grlpwrd]

The stickers are for behavior, not academics.

I talked to the director yesterday, ONLY about having to go to the baby room. She said that someone might have said that to her, but it was inappropriate. Then I guess she talked to the teacher and cause this morning, when I'm dropping her off and she's yelling, "Don't leave, I'm SCARED!" I tell her firmly, "You will not have to go to the baby room." Her teacher said that she doesn't know where she got that, of course they never send anyone to the baby room. I told her she said it was the office lady who said it, but that she has told me she was sent there before. I don't know. I know she's 3 but I don't think she could be making up that she had to sit a time out in the baby room for crying once, then mention it again 3 months later that someone told her that was what was going to happen again. Really, developmentally, I don't think a 3 year old could be that consistent. Bleh. My call is in to the other school.

I really think they may be covering their butts. Listen to your dd. I also think they are trying to belittle her so I hope you do get her out of there.

I don't usually condone doing this and I am not the type to "run to CPS," but from what you posted you may also want to make a call to have them investigated by the state agency that is responsible for licensing. To me, they need to help accountable.

 

[Angelgirl13202]

Then I guess she talked to the teacher and cause this morning, when I'm dropping her off and she's yelling, "Don't leave, I'm SCARED!" I tell her firmly, "You will not have to go to the baby room." .

No child should be scared to go to school pull her now. please that does not sound good.

 

[MSSANDRA]

The stickers are for behavior, not academics.

I SCARED!" I tell her firmly, "You will not have to go to the baby room."

But the thing is, how can you promise that when you are not there? My bet is that it did happen and might happen again.

It sounds like not such a good place. Not one that i would call DSS on or anything but not where i would want my child. You know this and now only you can decide if you can do what it takes to move her. Most day care centers are open the week after Christmas so maybe you can look then or perhaps look for a sitter and then look for a part time preschool. If you have too, take a few days and spend them looking for a better care center or school for your child.

Prayers for you as this must be quite upsetting for you as well as your child.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[Mouse House Mama]

I am sorry you are going through this. I would pull my kid out immediately. Sending home a note because a 3 year old rolled their eyes? Come on now. This woman has got to be kidding. She sounds very mean and should chose a different career path. Good luck!

 

[emma'smom]

Trust your child's instincts. It is amazing how intuitive they are. My dd2.5 has been in the same day care since she was 6 weeks old. The teachers cycle through like a merry-go-round...some we love, some we just endure, and some I have spoken up about.

One new assistant teacher just didn't seem to have a clue.....and I asked what her educational background was. Turns out, she didn't have any early childhood educational experience...none! She was like 18....fresh out of HS.....and didn't have a clue. She was gone within a few weeks, so the directors saw the problem too.

Anyway, we hired one teacher to babysit for us and apparently she was really verbally abusive and just plain mean to my two dd's. My dd5 didn't say anything, but dd2.5 said "I don't like xxx. She's not good! She's bad!" When I asked more, my dd5 revealed several inappropriate comments and behavior that led me to believe that she did not fully understand the developmental levels of 2 year olds.

We just haven't asked her back....and my dd2.5 always checks when we tell her a sitter is coming to make sure it isn't xxx.