Open bar or cash only at wedding?

[LuvsDragonflies]

In my experience, if you have to worry whether or not one of your guests is going to talk bad about your wedding, that's someone you shouldn't invite in the first place!

Yeah, that's true and it would be great if you could, but you can't. If you weeded thoroughly thru your list enough so that you wouldn't find a single person who would talk about how crass it was to have a cash bar for your "guests" at a wedding, well then you probably wouldn't have to have a cash bar.

 

[scrapquitler]

I live in CT, and all the weddings I have ever been to have been in New England plus NY, NJ and Maryland. I've seen all different kinds of mixes of open bar, cash bar, one free drink ticket, wine only, etc. The only thing I have never seen is a dry wedding (no alcohol).

The most recent weddings I've been to: Open Bar for the cocktail hour, champagne toast later, after that cash bar. The wedding before that was a BYOB potluck picnic at a state park. The one before that was at a winery. Wine was free all night, anything else you wanted was cash bar. The one before that was open bar all night. I have never heard ANYONE make any comments about one or the other being tacky or inappropriate.

The bride and groom should do what they want, within the constraints of what the venue allows. I would NOT base my decision on the fact that there was one drunk I was worried about...I just wouldn't invite that person or I'd assign a handler to him/her.

At my own wedding, we had open bar - except during the dinner service, (per the venue's rules)...they close the bar during dinner service to encourage people to sit down and stay out of the servers way, but there was wine on the tables during dinner. Actually, many venues in this area do that, I guess it's a safety thing for the servers.

I'm less concerned when going to a wedding about the open bar/cash bar thing than I am about if it is a sit down dinner vs. a buffet. As a guest I HATE to go to a wedding that has a buffet because I don't like standing in the line to serve myself and especially because I am clumsy and I always worry about tripping and spilling my plate on myself or someone else (I have done it in the past, so it's not a farfetched idea).

 

[DeaverTex]

Do you have to have a bar at all?

 

[jrmasm]

This is exactly the reason that I have no problem with Cash Bars. I'm from MN and we expect Cash Bars. I just think it is ridiculous for anyone to pay that kind of money just so everyone can drink free all night. Most weddings around here are Cash Bar or they have a open bar for an hour or two then free soda/punch but if you want anything else it is Cash Bar.

I have been to weddings with open bar and it is crazy the amount of alcohol that is wasted because someone else is paying for it. So many people will get a drink and then leave it somewhere and then just go get another because they are not paying for it.

Most invitations will state on the bottom of the invite/rsvp card that it is a Cash Bar - although we ususally just expect that around here anyway.

If you throw a party at your home do you charge your guests for their drinks? IMO, that is the exact same thing. A wedding reception is a party.

If an open bar is not in your budget NBD, just offer what you can afford.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

This is why when or if I ever get married I plan on eloping. There is no way I could afford an open bar if they come anywhere near $7000 and I refuse to go into debt just so people won't talk about how "rude" a cash bar is. Even taking in to account cash bars are the norm in my area, there are still many other areas to offend people (just look at the many different vent threads that pop up on here almost daily) and I refuse to try to placate a bunch of complainers on what is suppose to be the happiest day of my life.

 

[Bob NC]

The guests are going to talk about it, because it's tacky and rude. I've worked many a wedding and anytime someone chose to have a cash bar...smack talk. It's their business if they want a cash bar, just letting them know the facts. I have no idea where cash bars are the norm, they aren't here. Here people just think you are a cheap and tacky.

Now this is true of my area, I guess there could be pockets of the US where people normally don't have an open bar for a wedding, here it's just considered to be in very poor taste.

I think what you are trying to say is YOU would talk about it.

Of all the cash bar weddings I have attended I haven't heard a word of your "smack talk."

I have a feeling that maybe guests that would smack talk haven't been invited to weddings I have attended.

 

[Bob NC]

The guests are going to talk about it, because it's tacky and rude. I've worked many a wedding and anytime someone chose to have a cash bar...smack talk. It's their business if they want a cash bar, just letting them know the facts. I have no idea where cash bars are the norm, they aren't here. Here people just think you are a cheap and tacky.

Now this is true of my area, I guess there could be pockets of the US where people normally don't have an open bar for a wedding, here it's just considered to be in very poor taste.

I do love the unnecessary name calling though. Is that classy vs tacky?

 

[mjkacmom]

I think what you are trying to say is YOU would talk about it.

Of all the cash bar weddings I have attended I haven't heard a word of your "smack talk."

I have a feeling that maybe guests that would smack talk haven't been invited to weddings I have attended.

If you attended a wedding, and were asked if you would like a piece of cake, and were then told "that will be $2," would you think it to be odd? Would you ask others if they thought it was odd? Because around here, that would be the same reaction to a cash bar.

That said, the wedding the OP is asking about is not taking place where I live. When I attend weddings in other areas, I don't expect the same type of wedding that we have here. Cash bar, no bar, keg of beer - nothing would offend me.

I like the idea of just beer and wine, and no hard alcohol. Most parties and events I attend these days (fundraisers, bbq's, bunco) only have beer and wine.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have been to weddings with open bar and it is crazy the amount of alcohol that is wasted because someone else is paying for it. So many people will get a drink and then leave it somewhere and then just go get another because they are not paying for it.

You do realize (or maybe you don't) that when the hosts pay for open bar, it's a fixed amount of money, regardless of how much people drink.

 

[LynnTH]

You do realize (or maybe you don't) that when the hosts pay for open bar, it's a fixed amount of money, regardless of how much people drink.

No its not. My parents paid for open bar at my brothers wedding. It was not a fixed amount. The bartenders kept a tab of every drink that went out. Maybe some venues are different but ours was not like that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You do realize (or maybe you don't) that when the hosts pay for open bar, it's a fixed amount of money, regardless of how much people drink.

The open bars at my sister in laws' weddings did not work this way. In each case (one in Colorado and one in Hawaii), there was a minimum charge plus the cost of every bottle of alcohol, soda or mixer opened.

 

[shoney]

The open bars at my sister in laws' weddings did not work this way. In each case (one in Colorado and one in Hawaii), there was a minimum charge plus the cost of every bottle of alcohol, soda or mixer opened.

Interesting. Not how it works around here.

Most large catering halls, there is just one price and it includes cocktail hour, meal and open bar for 5 hours. (of course you can add extras!)

At restaurants with private rooms that do catering, there is usually a price per person add on....maybe 10-15 pp for beer/wine and 15- 20 pp for full bar.

I have read on the dis, not in this particular thread, things like "I'm not paying for Uncle Joe to get drunk". This never made sense to me. I guess if the host is paying per drink and most people have 2 or 3 and Uncle Joe has 15, then they are

 

[bankgirl05]

No its not. My parents paid for open bar at my brothers wedding. It was not a fixed amount. The bartenders kept a tab of every drink that went out. Maybe some venues are different but ours was not like that.

I could be wrong, but I think most venues consider this a "consumption bar" A lot of the places around here just charge XX amount of $ per head (regardless of whether or not the person is drinking) for an "open bar" or you pay the "tab" at the end of the event for a consumption bar but your guests never know the difference, free drinks are free drinks.

Either way can be pretty pricey!!!

 

[Bob NC]

If you attended a wedding, and were asked if you would like a piece of cake, and were then told "that will be $2," would you think it to be odd?

Yes, I would find that odd.

But that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Cash bars are common, whether they are common to you is not really the issue. I have been to weddings in various parts of the country. I have seen cash bars in various parts of the country.

Whether or not you or I would do something is not really the question either. Just because you or I do not do something I see no reason to call it 'rude, cheap or tacky.'

 

[mtemm]

No its not. My parents paid for open bar at my brothers wedding. It was not a fixed amount. The bartenders kept a tab of every drink that went out. Maybe some venues are different but ours was not like that.

Same here, at least at the venues we looked at when we got married. Definitely not a fixed amount. We had an afternoon wedding and opted for serving wine, sodas, and coffee/tea, as well as a champagne toast. I wanted to offer my guests some choices, but couldn't afford more than that. We had many, many compliments on our wedding for a long time after, seems like our guests were happy. Because our reception was at an Inn, there was a bar on site, and yes, some of our guests did choose to partake at their own expense. their choice, I didn't have it put there for them, nor could I close it down.

We have been to numerous weddings over the last 20 years and some have had full open bars, some have had open for an hour/then cash, and some have had only cash bars. I've never been to a completely dry wedding. In our large circle of friends I have never once heard anyone complain about whichever choice the bride or groom made. Honestly, dh and I never carry a lot of cash (love those credit card points!), but whenever we go out for an evening even if we don't expect to spend cash we will usually make sure to have $50 on us, certainly enough for a couple of cocktails if we were at a wedding.

All this talk on these boards about people bashing other peoples weddings because of cash bars or what have you makes me wonder. We were always happy for our friends who were getting married! It never occurred to me to snipe about this or that. In fact, there was only one wedding we went to that I heard any grumbling about at all and that had nothing to do with alcohol at all. In that case there was a 4 hour time difference between ceremony and reception, and then at the reception it was open seating without enough seating for all of the guests attending. it was at an art museum and the people in charge of the venue had told the bride it was lovely to do it this way because it encouraged people to mingle. um, no, it caused people to stampede the room when it opened. I felt really bad for the bride & groom because it really was a mess.

Op, I think it sounds like the couple made a wise choice for them. Wishing them much happiness in the future!!!

 

[Bob NC]

You do realize (or maybe you don't) that when the hosts pay for open bar, it's a fixed amount of money, regardless of how much people drink.

Flat out wrong.

There are many ways to charge for an open bar, (maybe you just didn't realize that.)

 

[FireDancer]

Around here open bar is the norm. If you have a cash bar or no bar at all you will be talked about and by a lot of the people. If people know in advance they may even bring their own alcohol instead of going to the cash bar. I've heard a lot of stories around here about just that and trips out to the car or flasks in purses.

I have been to two dry weddings, one because the bride's mom was a recovering alcoholic and the other because of the religion, but never to a wedding with a cash bar. I know it is regional just like cash vs gifts, cover you plate, and so on but just like those things if you go against the norm in your area it will stand out and probably be talked about.

All that being said it is a day for the bride and groom so if there is a compelling reason not to have an open bar don't get pressured into it, just accept the possible reactions.

 

[scrapquitler]

No its not. My parents paid for open bar at my brothers wedding. It was not a fixed amount. The bartenders kept a tab of every drink that went out. Maybe some venues are different but ours was not like that.

It depends on the venue (and there might be state or local laws that dictate this, too). I have heard of several variations on the "open bar" - anything from "we run a tab all night and you pay whatever the total is at the end" to " you pay for every bottle that gets opened" to "it's all included in the price regardless of how much gets consumed". I went to one wedding where it was "open bar until the tab reaches $1000 them it's cash bar"

I have even heard of "the price is x per person for well liquors, or y per person if we also have top shelf available". So yes, lots of variations. In the end, any if these options is seamless to the guest who Judy knows he isn't paying for his drink when he orders it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Flat out wrong.

There are many ways to charge for an open bar, (maybe you just didn't realize that.)

I guess, and maybe the PP who said that people who keep ordering drinks they don't consume didn't know there were different ways to charge for open bar. I can pretty much guarantee that the standard business model in my area is a set price.

 

[HM]

I just don't understand why the bride and groom are even bothering to serve alcohol if they really don't want to. They should do it the way that they want, not the way some other family member feels that they should. I wouldn't see anything wrong with water and tea and coffee at dinner and a sparkling cider toast.