Open bar or cash only at wedding?

[Bob NC]

Around here open bar is the norm. If you have a cash bar or no bar at all you will be talked about and by a lot of the people. If people know in advance they may even bring their own alcohol instead of going to the cash bar. I've heard a lot of stories around here about just that and trips out to the car or flasks in purses.

I have been to two dry weddings, one because the bride's mom was a recovering alcoholic and the other because of the religion, but never to a wedding with a cash bar. I know it is regional just like cash vs gifts, cover you plate, and so on but just like those things if you go against the norm in your area it will stand out and probably be talked about.

All that being said it is a day for the bride and groom so if there is a compelling reason not to have an open bar don't get pressured into it, just accept the possible reactions.

LOL, I'm not a wine drinker but a couple years ago I went to a wedding at a winery.

Of course they only served wine. I went up to the bartender and asked, "I'm not a big wine lover but do you have anything white that's not too dry?"

His reply: "How about a glass of water?"

I laughed my butt off.

 

[mjkacmom]

Cash bars are common, whether they are common to you is not really the issue. I have been to weddings in various parts of the country. I have seen cash bars in various parts of the country.

Whether or not you or I would do something is not really the question either. Just because you or I do not do something I see no reason to call it 'rude, cheap or tacky.'

Bob, like it or not, cash bars, IN MY AREA, are considered cheap and tacky - there is no doubt about it. I'm guessing that if a woman showed up at a simple southern church wedding wearing what she would wear to a wedding in my area, people would call it "rude, cheap, and tacky." A short black cocktail dress does not work for every wedding. A cash bar does not work for every wedding.

 

[FireDancer]

The open bars at my sister in laws' weddings did not work this way. In each case (one in Colorado and one in Hawaii), there was a minimum charge plus the cost of every bottle of alcohol, soda or mixer opened.

Around here it depends on the venue. Some are like the one you described. Others are a set total price or price per guest over 21. Still others are supply your own alcohol and the venue just provides the bartender(s). A wedding I'm going to on Saturday is the last option. I know because the groom posted a Facebook picture of the alcohol sitting in his garage that will be served at the wedding.

I know the "it's a regional thing" gets thrown around here a lot but in the case of weddings (and showers) I think it is true.

 

[Bob NC]

Bob, like it or not, cash bars, IN MY AREA, are considered cheap and tacky - there is no doubt about it. I'm guessing that if a woman showed up at a simple southern church wedding wearing what she would wear to a wedding in my area, people would call it "rude, cheap, and tacky." A short black cocktail dress does not work for every wedding. A cash bar does not work for every wedding.

Oh, sorry. I apparently missed the info that the OP was in your area.

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One thing I will say, though, I have been to lots of weddings in many areas and I, as a guest, have never called the hosts "cheap & tacky."

I have seen things that I wouldn't have done, but I guess the guests I have socialized with at every wedding I have been at are very different from the guests in your little slice of the world.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh, sorry. I apparently missed the info that the OP was in your area.

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One thing I will say, though, I have been to lots of weddings in many areas and I, as a guest, have never called the hosts "cheap & tacky."

I have seen things that I wouldn't have done, but I guess the guests I have socialized with at every wedding I have been at are very different from the guests in your little slice of the world.

Did you miss the part of the OP, and several others posts, that the MIL's relatives are from this area, and they'd be the ones thinking an open bar is tacky? I also stated that since this wedding is not occurring in the NYC area, I don't think they need to have an open bar. However, if the travelling relatives have never been to a wedding out of region, they really might talk about the tackiness of a cash bar among themselves, not being familiar with it.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Imo, there are only a few hard and fast rules.

1) You must provide a variety of beverages for your guests. These beverages do NOT have to be alcoholic in nature.

2) It is polite to let guests know what to expect.

3) You cannot please everyone.

In general, I think cash bars are tacky. If I couldn't afford an open bar, I'd likely choose to have soft drinks, etc. plus beer/wine.

If it was a matter of not wanting free flow alcohol, I'd likely do the same.

If I didn't want alcohol at all, I'd skip it entirely with no qualms.

If anyone gets wind of my beer/wine offering or no alcohol at all, and prefers not to attend then that's unfortunate but ultimately their choice.

A cash bar willl NOT prevent drunks from getting drunk, it will just cost them more.

 

[Anjelica]

IMHO - Cash Bars are tacky

Either scale back the wedding size to accommodate a bar (you can still do limited like wine, champagne, beer, etc.) or cut costs elsewhere.

 

[scrapquitler]

A cash bar willl NOT prevent drunks from getting drunk, it will just cost them more.

Or they'll have their alcohol in a flask, or in their car or they'll go to the venue's bar and buy it...

 

[beancounter93]

I just don't understand why the bride and groom are even bothering to serve alcohol if they really don't want to. They should do it the way that they want, not the way some other family member feels that they should. I wouldn't see anything wrong with water and tea and coffee at dinner and a sparkling cider toast.

This!! If someone doesn't come to the wedding because they can't get wasted then I wouldn't want them there anyway.