Online Dating

[Scouter]

What if your hobbies aren't very social?

Yeah, I'm like that. And I see a ton of guys that are so social and also so athletic that I just swipe left as I figure they don't want someone like me. I'd also be intimidated by some guy who skis and hikes and lifts weights everyday and runs marathons. Nope. I can't keep up with that.

 

[La Tomate]

OMG, these are great!

Did the "arsenal" guy really bring that up on a first date?
Tinfoilhat guy must have been at least a great laugh!
Dickpic guy, there are lots of those but I love your comment!
Legboil man

Arsenal? YES!!!! Seemingly his ex got all their ones in the split, and so he was buying more to restock his arsenal and wanted someone to test them with him.

Tinfoilhat was a laugh, until he told me about the retraining order. Then that was a swift tap out.

re: Dickpic - you know? It was only my second. And there's never been a 3rd. I don't get them, and I'm not sad about it. Don't get me wrong.
Noone wants the last chicken in Sainsbury's falling into your inbox all the time.

And yah, poor Legboil Man. I felt terrible, he seemed sweet, but - this was like day 2 or 3 of chatting he's talking to me about the 2 inch boil on his inner thigh, and I'm like "OK. so I just ate.... this isn't fun" [boak]

 

[shawthorne44]

Just an idea for the women looking.

I have a buddy that is major into the whole drones/first-person-view planes. As in, people have asked for his autograph. He asked me for my opinion on this video he made to attract more women to the activity. It had his local group in the video. I said, "Our most of those guys single?" He said, "Yeah, everyone but (his wife) and I." I suggested, "This is Tom and his best friend Fido. This is Dan and his niece Amy, he likes kids. ..." He said they were normal single guys, and they were handsome. They aren't all single guys, but as a social group that knows each other well, no one will pass themselves off as single. They are very welcoming to new people.

 

[La Tomate]

Yeah, I'm like that. And I see a ton of guys that are so social and also so athletic that I just swipe left as I figure they don't want someone like me. I'd also be intimidated by some guy who skis and hikes and lifts weights everyday and runs marathons. Nope. I can't keep up with that.

YES!!!!! Me too. Why would a gym rat want a podgy geek who makes spoons and knits, and thinks beaches are for fossil hunting? hahaha. Yah, Mr GymBod or Mr Fishyhands Or Mr PosesWithRandomCar? Not my jam, and that's fine - there's plenty of ladies out there who do find that attractive and will snap them up. Meanwhile, I'm scrutinising profiles & pics for some hint of geek/Disney/StarWars/interesting hobbies/sharedloveofmusic.
The funny thing is - it's obvious that most guys don't check MY profile and pics cos they're usually surprised when I mention something in them.

OH! I forgot to mention the World's Worst Catfish.
So - chatting to this dude - and his pics have him playing bass - NOICE. I have a bass. I asked him something about it - and I swear - the answer was copy and pasted straight from Wiki. RED FLAG. So I dial down the chat, but keep him around cos - what's going on here?
He was meant to be a 48yr old manager... After a couple of days .... he messages, and I'm like "Who is THIS?" ... profile pic is now this 21 or so yr old in scrubs.... "Um - dude - if you're going to catfish? At least cut off the conversation BEFORE changing your profile" ... HE DENIED IT!!! - initially. Idiot. I was amused, and mildly insulted - did he think I wouldn't notice and still be roped in by his "charm"? I'm not sure what he had hoped would happen... hahaha.

 

[Scouter]

Arsenal? YES!!!! Seemingly his ex got all their ones in the split, and so he was buying more to restock his arsenal and wanted someone to test them with him.

Tinfoilhat was a laugh, until he told me about the retraining order. Then that was a swift tap out.

re: Dickpic - you know? It was only my second. And there's never been a 3rd. I don't get them, and I'm not sad about it. Don't get me wrong.
Noone wants the last chicken in Sainsbury's falling into your inbox all the time.

And yah, poor Legboil Man. I felt terrible, he seemed sweet, but - this was like day 2 or 3 of chatting he's talking to me about the 2 inch boil on his inner thigh, and I'm like "OK. so I just ate.... this isn't fun" [boak]

OK, just my opinion, maybe, but do guys really think that their junk is attractive? Wow, I'm so in awe! NOT.
Again, in my own opinion, I don't think anyone's privates are especially attractive.

 

[Scouter]

Just an idea for the women looking.

I have a buddy that is major into the whole drones/first-person-view planes. As in, people have asked for his autograph. He asked me for my opinion on this video he made to attract more women to the activity. It had his local group in the video. I said, "Our most of those guys single?" He said, "Yeah, everyone but (his wife) and I." I suggested, "This is Tom and his best friend Fido. This is Dan and his niece Amy, he likes kids. ..." He said they were normal single guys, and they were handsome. They aren't all single guys, but as a social group that knows each other well, no one will pass themselves off as single. They are very welcoming to new people.

That sounds really fun and awesome and off the beaten path of all the others.
I've never done drones but always wanted to.
There are lots of other cool things I'd be interested in that aren't mentioned often.
It's all just hiking, fishing, running, working out. Makes me feel lazy and exhausted.

Good for that guy!

 

[Scouter]

YES!!!!! Me too. Why would a gym rat want a podgy geek who makes spoons and knits, and thinks beaches are for fossil hunting? hahaha. Yah, Mr GymBod or Mr Fishyhands Or Mr PosesWithRandomCar? Not my jam, and that's fine - there's plenty of ladies out there who do find that attractive and will snap them up. Meanwhile, I'm scrutinising profiles & pics for some hint of geek/Disney/StarWars/interesting hobbies/sharedloveofmusic.
The funny thing is - it's obvious that most guys don't check MY profile and pics cos they're usually surprised when I mention something in them.

OH! I forgot to mention the World's Worst Catfish.
So - chatting to this dude - and his pics have him playing bass - NOICE. I have a bass. I asked him something about it - and I swear - the answer was copy and pasted straight from Wiki. RED FLAG. So I dial down the chat, but keep him around cos - what's going on here?
He was meant to be a 48yr old manager... After a couple of days .... he messages, and I'm like "Who is THIS?" ... profile pic is now this 21 or so yr old in scrubs.... "Um - dude - if you're going to catfish? At least cut off the conversation BEFORE changing your profile" ... HE DENIED IT!!! - initially. Idiot. I was amused, and mildly insulted - did he think I wouldn't notice and still be roped in by his "charm"? I'm not sure what he had hoped would happen... hahaha.

If I was a guy, I'd date you!
You sound like all kinds of fun!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yeah, I'm like that. And I see a ton of guys that are so social and also so athletic that I just swipe left as I figure they don't want someone like me. I'd also be intimidated by some guy who skis and hikes and lifts weights everyday and runs marathons. Nope. I can't keep up with that.

Maybe swipe the other way the next time and see what they are up for. Assumptions can sometimes hinder us.

**Absolutely some people will be like that, but not necessarily by the very nature.

Reading is very important to me, it's something I've always done. I'm with someone who doesn't read except for every now and then reads (way different genre than me) and just mostly does audio books. If I assumed that someone who didn't share my love of reading wasn't going to want to be with someone who reads nearly everyday, I'd be missing out. I love music, it's always on in my car, I listen to it while doing chores, I listen to it while reading, I listen to it to bring me up. I'm with someone who does enjoy music but nowhere near the level as me. Often he turns off the music in the car, he doesn't turn on music for chores, or just for kicks. If I assumed someone who didn't listen to music as frequently as I do that they wouldn't want to be with someone who does love music as much as I do I'd be missing out. And so on.

There's a difference in someone who is essentially a gym rat (for lack of a better term) and someone who judges those around them for not. I would agree that someone who judges is not going to make the best partner, but automatically writing someone off because you (general you) assume they couldn't possibly want to be with someone like me (general me) can mean you missed someone along the way

ETA: I should also add, my husband skis (not a lot but he does) and I still go with them, I just sit, listen to music and read. I find enjoyment out of that and enjoy seeing him happy, enjoy the mini trip we get, etc. I know the point wasn't about skiing in particular just offering that as a random example. He gets to ski, I get to enjoy myself even though I can't ski (I did try and did a lesson..nope don't have the coordination for that plus I have an old ankle injury that made me worry).

 

[disneychrista]

Maybe swipe the other way the next time and see what they are up for. Assumptions can sometimes hinder us.

I think that is the downside (well one of the many) of meeting someone online vs in person. Online they are pretty much presenting themselves in a way to find someone with similar interests. When you meet in person you may not discover somethings right away that might have made you think you are not a good fit.

If the guy is presenting him in a way that gives the impression working out, hiking, and other active hobbies are very important to them. I am going to assume they want a partner who also does. If someone say they never drink they aren’t likely (and in some cases maybe shouldn’t) accompany me on brewery visits. I am sure I have skipped over someone that might be a great person based on this.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think that is the downside (well one of the many) of meeting someone online vs in person. Online they are pretty much presenting themselves in a way to find someone with similar interests. When you meet in person you may not discover somethings right away that might have made you think you are not a good fit.

If the guy is presenting him in a way that gives the impression working out, hiking, and other active hobbies are very important to them. I am going to assume they want a partner who also does. If someone say they never drink they aren’t likely (and in some cases maybe shouldn’t) accompany me on brewery visits. I am sure I have skipped over someone that might be a great person based on this.

I agree with you but I disagree that it's necessarily an online vs in person thing. That's a personal thing of thinking a person won't want to be with you because you don't do xyz. That's on you for assuming (not intended to be rude) IF you're not going to give it a chance with the person based on assumptions such that were talking about. Maybe the person is showing what their interests are but they don't expect their partner to have the same interests or at least to always do things with them. Someone could make the same assumption in person and basically write a person off (like not agreeing to a date or go on a second date) instead of using it as a conversation point just as easily as not even getting to the conversation to begin with when on the internet. The way the internet is being used doesn't sound like a downside but rather an easy out (also not intended to be rude).

If you don't mind an observation I noticed how you talked about meeting someone in person you may not discover things right away that might have made you think they weren't a good fit, it's like you're already talking about things not working out. That was part of the reason I commented based on how the other comment was formed. Saying a person won't want to be with them because they don't go to the gym, or ski or whatever it's like putting the cart before the horse. People like similar interests but clearly we're capable of being with people who aren't the same as us, we're friends with people who aren't the same as us and most of us have been in relationships with people who have had something fairly dissimilar to us. It won't always be the case, but it won't always not be the case either

 

[unrequited23]

I kept getting sent my DH as a potential match on a dating site. He seemed sorta cocky and didn't go into much detail in his answers so I avoided him for nearly a year. One day we are both online and using the site's chat function. He contacted me and we had a surprisingly good conversation. Due to busy schedules, our first date was on Valentine's Day. I figured it would make an epic dating fail story. During our first date, I find out his dad was married three times, he took a trip to Vegas his freshman year and he was the president of his fraternity. Total red flags to me...but not the whole story of who he was.

Sometimes you need to be open to more individuals because your initial impression might be wrong.

(It was a professional fraternity not social/service and the Vegas trip was with his college marching band for a bowl game--he plays trombone.)

 

[Scouter]

I think that is the downside (well one of the many) of meeting someone online vs in person. Online they are pretty much presenting themselves in a way to find someone with similar interests. When you meet in person you may not discover somethings right away that might have made you think you are not a good fit.

If the guy is presenting him in a way that gives the impression working out, hiking, and other active hobbies are very important to them. I am going to assume they want a partner who also does. If someone say they never drink they aren’t likely (and in some cases maybe shouldn’t) accompany me on brewery visits. I am sure I have skipped over someone that might be a great person based on this.

Exactly! There are too many fit guys and I feel like the biggest loser now! But they might be great guys but they won't like me.

 

[La Tomate]

If I was a guy, I'd date you!
You sound like all kinds of fun!

Bless you, thank you!!

 

[shawthorne44]

I kept getting sent my DH as a potential match on a dating site. He seemed sorta cocky and didn't go into much detail in his answers so I avoided him for nearly a year. One day we are both online and using the site's chat function. He contacted me and we had a surprisingly good conversation. Due to busy schedules, our first date was on Valentine's Day. I figured it would make an epic dating fail story. During our first date, I find out his dad was married three times, he took a trip to Vegas his freshman year and he was the president of his fraternity. Total red flags to me...but not the whole story of who he was.

Sometimes you need to be open to more individuals because your initial impression might be wrong.

(It was a professional fraternity not social/service and the Vegas trip was with his college marching band for a bowl game--he plays trombone.)

I had been leery of my DH also. He had a moustache and my grandfather's had always been scratchy so I didn't want facial hair. He is also the same height of me and I wanted someone taller since I like to wear heels. He also had a bit of a cocky attitude too. I even broke up with him once over the attitude. Turns out, DH's moustache isn't scratchy. Occasionally he trims it wrong and I fuss at him. He doesn't mind at all when I wear heels, and he'd dated a female pro basketball player. The attitude was a put-on that he stopped. But, since I'd decided to be non-exclusive, I wasn't losing out on meeting other people while I got to know the real him.

 

[Skywalker]

Sometimes people get too caught up in some sort of prepackaged "compatibility" on these sites. People's hobbies aren't really that important, it's the personality that's more important. Saying you won't meet up with someone who doesn't drink coffee, or beer, or hates your favourite sport, is not really fair to them or you.

I drink. My husband doesn't. He comes with me on winery trips though, and we have a blast. I hate football. He loves it. I go with him and we have a blast at games, somehow. In fact on paper we probably have more things not in common that in common,but it doesn't mean squat in the whole tapestry of our lives. Whether someone likes the same books I do, doesn't make them any more or less a kind ear at the end of the day.

Then I think of my friend who half the "hobbies and interests" she puts down are a stretch but she laughingly told me she has no hobbies but it will look bad because everyone expects hobbies to be listed. So just because she puts down that she likes movies, sure she vaguely likes them, but doesn't mean someone who isn't into movies should assume she is looking for a movie geek, or whatever. But on the site it just looks so important lol

When you meet someone organically, out in the world, they don't go around listing their hobbies and interests on a t-shirt - if there was a spark you would just talk and see what happens.

I have friends on these sites, and the ones that were open to meeting all kinds of people seemed to do the best. (Sample size of about 6 friends lol)

 

[disneychrista]

if you don't mind an observation I noticed how you talked about meeting someone in person you may not discover things right away that might have made you think they weren't a good fit, it's like you're already talking about things not working out.

Actually it is just the opposite about meeting someone in person. When you meet someone in person with no preconceived ideas you might click and then finding out they are a "gym rat" doesn't matter.

Sometimes people get too caught up in some sort of prepackaged "compatibility" on these sites. People's hobbies aren't really that important, it's the personality that's more important. Saying you won't meet up with someone who doesn't drink coffee, or beer, or hates your favourite sport, is not really fair to them or you.

It isn't important unless it is. I think it all depends on just how important their hobbies & interests are and how much of their time is focused on said hobby. A guy who follows his team would be different than a guy who spend their entire Sunday watching football no exceptions. Someone who doesn't drink because they don't like the taste/effects would be different than an alcoholic would can't be around it at all. When you are just getting to know someone these could be issues. Yes, of course we could be missing out a wonderful relationship with a guy but we could also be wasting out time on something that has no hope of succeeding. Why not just pass on someone that you don't see working, so you can focus your time on finding someone that might?

For me I am much more selective about guys I contact first and those differences play a big part. If a guy contacts me first, it would take much more for me to not respond.

 

[Skywalker]

Actually it is just the opposite about meeting someone in person. When you meet someone in person with no preconceived ideas you might click and then finding out they are a "gym rat" doesn't matter.




It isn't important unless it is. I think it all depends on just how important their hobbies & interests are and how much of their time is focused on said hobby. A guy who follows his team would be different than a guy who spend their entire Sunday watching football no exceptions. Someone who doesn't drink because they don't like the taste/effects would be different than an alcoholic would can't be around it at all. When you are just getting to know someone these could be issues. Yes, of course we could be missing out a wonderful relationship with a guy but we could also be wasting out time on something that has no hope of succeeding. Why not just pass on someone that you don't see working, so you can focus your time on finding someone that might?

For me I am much more selective about guys I contact first and those differences play a big part. If a guy contacts me first, it would take much more for me to not respond.

The answer to, why shouldn't you pass on someone you dont see working, is that very often things can and do work with those very people. Love isnt a rigid list of boxes to tick.

You're the one who is frustrated with your experience. I was just presenting my viewpoint.

By all means, you do you.

 

[La Tomate]

Maybe swipe the other way the next time and see what they are up for. Assumptions can sometimes hinder us.

Sometimes you need to be open to more individuals because your initial impression might be wrong.

Sometimes people get too caught up in some sort of prepackaged "compatibility" on these sites. People's hobbies aren't really that important, it's the personality that's more important. Saying you won't meet up with someone who doesn't drink coffee, or beer, or hates your favourite sport, is not really fair to them or you.

It's not about the hobbies. For me. From my experience. Can't speak for others, obvs.

It's not an assumption. It's fact. I'm fat. The guys I don't swipe on? They're not going to be into me. Why would I swipe left on men who are looking for "fit and active" - I'm not that. And a good majority of the profiles say something along those lines.
Why would I take a chance and put myself out there and end up on a reddit page (Cos I've seen them!) and if you've ever read any comments on a plus sized person's post anywhere on the internet? You'll know. You'll know the hate that's out there for those that are more marshmallow shaped than twig. It's rife, it's toxic AF.

So yah - For me? It's not about the hobbies per se - I am not looking for a man who likes/does MY hobbies - because they're MY hobbies. Just as they're not looking for a fat chick when they want someone "fit and active".

And also, the disposable nature of dating nowadays - people (for the most part) do not hang around to see if you're a nice person who is supportive and loyal. No guy who isn't into OK with a pooh sized girl (in a non-fetish way - cos that's something else) is going to take a long term chance on a fat chick when there's plenty of skinny girls who ARE his type out there. Younger ones too. Without kids at home or other responsibilities?

 

[La Tomate]

Why not just pass on someone that you don't see working, so you can focus your time on finding someone that might?

For me I am much more selective about guys I contact first and those differences play a big part. If a guy contacts me first, it would take much more for me to not respond.

YES!!!! PREACH!!! AMEN.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Actually it is just the opposite about meeting someone in person. When you meet someone in person with no preconceived ideas you might click and then finding out they are a "gym rat" doesn't matter.

The part you bolded doesn't match your above comment. You saying "made you think they weren't a good fit" and "I am going to assume they want a partner who also does." is already talking about it like it won't work. That's where my comment came in and it's also from observing how you have spoken about things in this thread and others. If you're passing on guys in the offset without having a conversation or much of one because of assumptions and going on dates with the duds maybe change it up. You control that part. If it doesn't work it doesn't work but put bluntly but also without rude intent, what is going on now...doesn't seem to be working