Online Dating

[disneychrista]

This thread has at least taught me I’m not alone in awful and odd dating experiences lol.

This thread and my experience has me wondering why I’m even bothering.

 

[fla4fun]

This thread and my experience has me wondering why I’m even bothering.

Because you still believe in a happily ever after? It’s hard to stay positive sometimes when it comes to relationships. I haven’t tried online yet, but I make sure my friends and immediate family know I am looking so they can send any good prospects my way.

 

[DIS_MERI]

Just lurking as an online dating refugee and wanted to mention that there used to be a Singles Social Club thread back in 2011-2013 time frame. Several meetups, some couples that I believe are still together. Not me, I got a dud from PlentyOfFish that I wasted 3-5 years on (but I did get a couple of great bonus kids, so worth it in the long run).

 

[Rick195275]

This thread and my experience has me wondering why I’m even bothering.

Try to stay positive! Honestly dating sucks but sometimes we get lucky and find something worth putting time into. Doesn’t seem to amount to long term for me often but that’s ok, I’ve learned to appreciate each experience for what they are.... even the bad ones, they usually at least lead to an interesting story

 

[disneychrista]

Because you still believe in a happily ever after? It’s hard to stay positive sometimes when it comes to relationships. I haven’t tried online yet, but I make sure my friends and immediate family know I am looking so they can send any good prospects my way.

I'm actually not sure if I DO believe in happily ever after. .

edit: it is more that I want a chance to see if it does exist or not.

Try to stay positive! Honestly dating sucks but sometimes we get lucky and find something worth putting time into. Doesn’t seem to amount to long term for me often but that’s ok, I’ve learned to appreciate each experience for what they are.... even the bad ones, they usually at least lead to an interesting story

I am trying to stay positive. Really I am. But just not sure how much more I have in me.

 

[La Tomate]

Ok I have heard some odd dates before but I think car shopping might have moved to the top of the list So he turned up when you went to finalize your purchase after you said you would rather he didn’t? And then he just disappeared never to be heard from again? This thread has at least taught me I’m not alone in awful and odd dating experiences lol.

Yup. I got ghosted. He's still around on the apps, I see him pop up every time I would pop back onto them.
The whole car shopping thing, it did take some convincing on his part... I was reluctant but at the end of the day, he kept offering so I caved. Can't complain too much. I did find a car
I've experienced some corkers, it's been bizarrely entertaining at times. But ultimately, kinda sad.
One chap who did nothing but talk about his dead ex-wife and how he hated her. One guy wouldn't shut up about how he wanted to find some to use his "arsenal" (his word) of sex toys. There was the dude who was addicted to whiskey and percocets and used his exgf to get him the drugs. The dude who lived 45 mins away and didn't have a driver's license and had no intention of getting one so expected me to do all the driving. An agressive guy that insisted he knew exactly what I was like because I'm a redhead, and then spent the other half of the date talking about his daughter coming out and how terrible it all was.... For him. All about him. How he was going to be denied walking her down the aisle etc. Tinfoilhat dude who believed in every single conspiracy theory that exists, down to our electrical meters are bugging our houses. One dude used to work at the some large company as I did, spent it talking entirely about how much he hated the place (neither of us worked there anymore), and then asked for feedback on the date (serious. What did he do well, how could he improve etc). Later he drunkenly sends me a dickpic and asked for feedback about that too, I ignored it. He asked again.. I lost it (laughingly). I was like "well, semi flaccid is perhaps not the best choice, your lighting cast awkward shadows, and the choice of beige sheets did not flatter"... He then lied and said he got a big job in NYC but we could continue as friends, I checked on FB. He moved to NB and was living with another lassie. Bye Felipe.
Oh, the dude who had duct tape on his shoes! He did the same, I found him on FB living with another lassie "hey so... Just curious... Who is Donna?" ;-) BO boy. Legboil man. Mr LivesWithMom. Fun times. Oh! My ExBossWhoNeggedMe! And all the men who proved the 10pm rule. I salute them all.

ETA: there have been more normal ones where you go out, shoot some pool or find a board game cafe and it just doesn't work out. Or the ones that didn't even get to a date. Those guys, I don't remember much about. So they weren't ALL weird/crazy... I'd say it was about 60:40 though.

 

[Rick195275]

Yup. I got ghosted. He's still around on the apps, I see him pop up every time I would pop back onto them.
The whole car shopping thing, it did take some convincing on his part... I was reluctant but at the end of the day, he kept offering so I caved. Can't complain too much. I did find a car
I've experienced some corkers, it's been bizarrely entertaining at times. But ultimately, kinda sad.
One chap who did nothing but talk about his dead ex-wife and how he hated her. One guy wouldn't shut up about how he wanted to find some to use his "arsenal" (his word) of sex toys. There was the dude who was addicted to whiskey and percocets and used his exgf to get him the drugs. The dude who lived 45 mins away and didn't have a driver's license and had no intention of getting one so expected me to do all the driving. An agressive guy that insisted he knew exactly what I was like because I'm a redhead, and then spent the other half of the date talking about his daughter coming out and how terrible it all was.... For him. All about him. How he was going to be denied walking her down the aisle etc. Tinfoilhat dude who believed in every single conspiracy theory that exists, down to our electrical meters are bugging our houses. One dude used to work at the some large company as I did, spent it talking entirely about how much he hated the place (neither of us worked there anymore), and then asked for feedback on the date (serious. What did he do well, how could he improve etc). Later he drunkenly sends me a dickpic and asked for feedback about that too, I ignored it. He asked again.. I lost it (laughingly). I was like "well, semi flaccid is perhaps not the best choice, your lighting cast awkward shadows, and the choice of beige sheets did not flatter"... He then lied and said he got a big job in NYC but we could continue as friends, I checked on FB. He moved to NB and was living with another lassie. Bye Felipe.
Oh, the dude who had duct tape on his shoes! He did the same, I found him on FB living with another lassie "hey so... Just curious... Who is Donna?" ;-) BO boy. Legboil man. Mr LivesWithMom. Fun times. Oh! My ExBossWhoNeggedMe! And all the men who proved the 10pm rule. I salute them all.

ETA: there have been more normal ones where you go out, shoot some pool or find a board game cafe and it just doesn't work out. Or the ones that didn't even get to a date. Those guys, I don't remember much about. So they weren't ALL weird/crazy... I'd say it was about 60:40 though.

Isn’t it funny/sad how you start to see the same people on dating apps? I have to laugh because I feel like I could have written a lot of your posts just flipping the genders I would put my stats around 50/50 weird/crazy vs normal. My family used to joke I attracted crazy actually. I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be highly entertained by the conspiracy theory nuts! Maybe I’m easily entertained but I love hearing the crazy things people believe lol.

I'm actually not sure if I DO believe in happily ever after. .

edit: it is more that I want a chance to see if it does exist or not.



I am trying to stay positive. Really I am. But just not sure how much more I have in me.

You got this! No matter what you got this whole thread pulling for you. Or at the very least here to commiserate with you.

 

[Kittyblue]

If you run out of local prospects would you consider expanding your search area? Long distance has some drawbacks but it's doable, especially if you really connect.

 

[disneychrista]

If you run out of local prospects would you consider expanding your search area? Long distance has some drawbacks but it's doable, especially if you really connect.

Honestly, knowing what I truly want, I am not sure how long distance would work. I am not sure how you do it. I could see up to an hour being okay but not much more than that.

 

[Scouter]

haha! Jings, um... may seem like an anticlimax now ... Condensed version (all the details aren't fitting for here, I think); a few months after my X left - my mum gave me enough $$ to get a (new 2nd hand) car and literally labeled it as a "Congratulations on losing 200lbs" gift.

Oh, there is dating relevance... it then became on of the oddest, but nicest? first dates I went on. Had been chatting to a dude, and mentioned that I need to go car shopping - but was wary because I am a female and didn't want to be taken advantage of by a shady sales person. He offered to come with. I went back and forth on it... and then agreed to it.
And we only had one and a half dates. The half was because he wanted to be there when I went back with the cheque and to sign the paperwork, and I said "I'd rather you didn't, I'll have my kids with me" and he was like "No, it'll be fine - I won't make myself known" ... and I was skeptical... but he turned up, the kids didn't notice him because he literally waved and got right back in his car "I have to go and get groceries" ... never heard from him again
I still have the car, her name is Maud.

Great story!
Boy, I didn't get the t-shirt or a car. I missed out on everything.

 

[La Tomate]

Isn’t it funny/sad how you start to see the same people on dating apps?

Right - but if we're on them at the same time, spotting them... that makes us..... "ONE OF THEM!!!!" **ARGH!!!** I've become the thing I mock!!! Le horror!
But yes, I know what I mean.

I have to laugh because I feel like I could have written a lot of your posts just flipping the genders I would put my stats around 50/50 weird/crazy vs normal. My family used to joke I attracted crazy actually. I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t be highly entertained by the conspiracy theory nuts! Maybe I’m easily entertained but I love hearing the crazy things people believe lol.

I'm intrigued. Guys have never said .... I assumed that there's the normals like me, and then the super eager and thirsty ones and they're the ones being picked. During this time I was on another online dating thread on another forum (for crafters) ... it was mostly women sharing their experiences. Never any males. We were the "HOOD" ... "Horrors of online dating"
The TinfoilHat Dude was pretty entertaining not going to lie. I did indulge him a little more than I should have. The other thing about him? He had a restraining order against him - from his own daughter. How? Who? Huh? WHAT?!? I didn't spend any time talking to him after that - that was a PRETTY firm red flag. Having a chuckle was one thing - THAT? HARD NOPE.

 

[La Tomate]

This thread and my experience has me wondering why I’m even bothering.

Because it can be entertaining?
... and it can be fun. I enjoyed getting out - Went to museums, tried new places to eat, played pool, went antiquing, etc - I never made any friends though - once we were done, we were done.
You may have reached your threshhold for now - so perhaps a breather is needed. Take a break, and then come back to it. Give the database of potential victims time to refill on the apps ;-)

 

[Scouter]

This thread and my experience has me wondering why I’m even bothering.

No, don't give up! I don't know about you but analyzing myself I think I love Disney for the fairy tale endings. Someday, maybe.
But don't let it make you too obsessed. It may happen or may not but you'll be fine either way.

 

[Scouter]

Just lurking as an online dating refugee and wanted to mention that there used to be a Singles Social Club thread back in 2011-2013 time frame. Several meetups, some couples that I believe are still together. Not me, I got a dud from PlentyOfFish that I wasted 3-5 years on (but I did get a couple of great bonus kids, so worth it in the long run).

Welcome! We need more input and stories here!

 

[Scouter]

I'm actually not sure if I DO believe in happily ever after. .

edit: it is more that I want a chance to see if it does exist or not.



I am trying to stay positive. Really I am. But just not sure how much more I have in me.

I know it exists. I know 2 couples, used to be 3 but one couple has long passed away, that are just perfect together and have been for years!

 

[ronandannette]

Yup. I got ghosted. He's still around on the apps, I see him pop up every time I would pop back onto them.
The whole car shopping thing, it did take some convincing on his part... I was reluctant but at the end of the day, he kept offering so I caved. Can't complain too much. I did find a car
I've experienced some corkers, it's been bizarrely entertaining at times. But ultimately, kinda sad.
One chap who did nothing but talk about his dead ex-wife and how he hated her. One guy wouldn't shut up about how he wanted to find some to use his "arsenal" (his word) of sex toys. There was the dude who was addicted to whiskey and percocets and used his exgf to get him the drugs. The dude who lived 45 mins away and didn't have a driver's license and had no intention of getting one so expected me to do all the driving. An agressive guy that insisted he knew exactly what I was like because I'm a redhead, and then spent the other half of the date talking about his daughter coming out and how terrible it all was.... For him. All about him. How he was going to be denied walking her down the aisle etc. Tinfoilhat dude who believed in every single conspiracy theory that exists, down to our electrical meters are bugging our houses. One dude used to work at the some large company as I did, spent it talking entirely about how much he hated the place (neither of us worked there anymore), and then asked for feedback on the date (serious. What did he do well, how could he improve etc). Later he drunkenly sends me a dickpic and asked for feedback about that too, I ignored it. He asked again.. I lost it (laughingly). I was like "well, semi flaccid is perhaps not the best choice, your lighting cast awkward shadows, and the choice of beige sheets did not flatter"... He then lied and said he got a big job in NYC but we could continue as friends, I checked on FB. He moved to NB and was living with another lassie. Bye Felipe.
Oh, the dude who had duct tape on his shoes! He did the same, I found him on FB living with another lassie "hey so... Just curious... Who is Donna?" ;-) BO boy. Legboil man. Mr LivesWithMom. Fun times. Oh! My ExBossWhoNeggedMe! And all the men who proved the 10pm rule. I salute them all.

ETA: there have been more normal ones where you go out, shoot some pool or find a board game cafe and it just doesn't work out. Or the ones that didn't even get to a date. Those guys, I don't remember much about. So they weren't ALL weird/crazy... I'd say it was about 60:40 though.

Just curious - do those services like Match or e-Harmony that use all the algorithms to choose potential candidates do a better job of weeding out the crazies? Have you ever tried them?

 

[Scouter]

Yup. I got ghosted. He's still around on the apps, I see him pop up every time I would pop back onto them.
The whole car shopping thing, it did take some convincing on his part... I was reluctant but at the end of the day, he kept offering so I caved. Can't complain too much. I did find a car
I've experienced some corkers, it's been bizarrely entertaining at times. But ultimately, kinda sad.
One chap who did nothing but talk about his dead ex-wife and how he hated her. One guy wouldn't shut up about how he wanted to find some to use his "arsenal" (his word) of sex toys. There was the dude who was addicted to whiskey and percocets and used his exgf to get him the drugs. The dude who lived 45 mins away and didn't have a driver's license and had no intention of getting one so expected me to do all the driving. An agressive guy that insisted he knew exactly what I was like because I'm a redhead, and then spent the other half of the date talking about his daughter coming out and how terrible it all was.... For him. All about him. How he was going to be denied walking her down the aisle etc. Tinfoilhat dude who believed in every single conspiracy theory that exists, down to our electrical meters are bugging our houses. One dude used to work at the some large company as I did, spent it talking entirely about how much he hated the place (neither of us worked there anymore), and then asked for feedback on the date (serious. What did he do well, how could he improve etc). Later he drunkenly sends me a dickpic and asked for feedback about that too, I ignored it. He asked again.. I lost it (laughingly). I was like "well, semi flaccid is perhaps not the best choice, your lighting cast awkward shadows, and the choice of beige sheets did not flatter"... He then lied and said he got a big job in NYC but we could continue as friends, I checked on FB. He moved to NB and was living with another lassie. Bye Felipe.
Oh, the dude who had duct tape on his shoes! He did the same, I found him on FB living with another lassie "hey so... Just curious... Who is Donna?" ;-) BO boy. Legboil man. Mr LivesWithMom. Fun times. Oh! My ExBossWhoNeggedMe! And all the men who proved the 10pm rule. I salute them all.

ETA: there have been more normal ones where you go out, shoot some pool or find a board game cafe and it just doesn't work out. Or the ones that didn't even get to a date. Those guys, I don't remember much about. So they weren't ALL weird/crazy... I'd say it was about 60:40 though.

OMG, these are great!

Did the "arsenal" guy really bring that up on a first date?
Tinfoilhat guy must have been at least a great laugh!
Dickpic guy, there are lots of those but I love your comment!
Legboil man

 

[Scouter]

Because it can be entertaining?
... and it can be fun. I enjoyed getting out - Went to museums, tried new places to eat, played pool, went antiquing, etc - I never made any friends though - once we were done, we were done.
You may have reached your threshhold for now - so perhaps a breather is needed. Take a break, and then come back to it. Give the database of potential victims time to refill on the apps ;-)

Yes! Exactly! When I was doing some dating from the apps, I at least had some fun and great stories to tell at work. My friends loved to hear about them!

BTW, speaking of work, you guys are keeping me sane and happy. We're going through major restructuring and job cuts at work and having to apply for new positions if we don't want to quit or retire and it's been very depressing and also disgusting (the favoritism) and it's only the boards here, especially this one that give me laughs during the day!
Oh, and just to be clear, I'm not disgruntled and refusing to work while I'm on here, with all the crap going on there hasn't been much to do most days so I entertain myself here.

Thanks!

 

[disneychrista]

Because it can be entertaining?
... and it can be fun. I enjoyed getting out - Went to museums, tried new places to eat, played pool, went antiquing, etc - I never made any friends though - once we were done, we were done.

That is the most frustrating part. It doesn’t seems to go beyond exchanging a few messages.

No, don't give up! I don't know about you but analyzing myself I think I love Disney for the fairy tale endings. Someday, maybe.
But don't let it make you too obsessed. It may happen or may not but you'll be fine either way.

I’m not sure I am looking for fairytale endings. I can’t even seem to get a beginning. In the end I said I’d give it a try and see what happened. Started off pretty great (for like a week). Now I’m just feeling jaded.

Just curious - do those services like Match or e-Harmony that use all the algorithms to choose potential candidates do a better job of weeding out the crazies? Have you ever tried them?

I did Match for 30 days. I think having to pay for the service cuts down on the pool of potentials. I counted and there were about 10 guys in my immediate area. Plenty of Fish is hard to say but it much more than that. I don’t know in the end it matters what they say they do to help pick your matches.

My self I haven’t found any true crazies on the sites.

 

[La Tomate]

Just curious - do those services like Match or e-Harmony that use all the algorithms to choose potential candidates do a better job of weeding out the crazies? Have you ever tried them?

In my experience? they're no different. The thing is - aside from Bumble & Facebook Dating - I believe the major players are all owned by the same company, which is Match - IIRC
I've tried Hinge, PoF, OKC, Facebook, Tinder, CMB, Bumble, eHarmony, Match, Zoosk, Wooplus .... This was over the course of 4 years. None of them stood out as being "better".
There's a few indie ones but they've died a death - geek2geek, soulgeek is on it's last legs, I'm sure - but it's had that vibe for a couple of years now.... the aforementioned mousemingle. There was another one _ I can't remember now - I had high hopes - claimed to be better, more bespoke - NAH. Same nonsense.
I paid for services (on the apps), I've stayed a free customer - it's all the same stuff.
There's nothing to weed out the bots, the fake profiles, etc etc There's no vetting, no IQ or EQ tests ;-) and if there was, I'm sure people would just fake their way in.
... and I've run the gamut of profile completeness in an effort to try and get better matches - and they're all the same, pretty much.
Thing is - they ARE a company - and their goal is to make money.
They WANT you on the apps, they want you to be paying for the messaging, and to see likes, etc. It's actually in their best interests if you DON'T leave.... y'know?
And the fact that they're all pretty much owned by the same company? Yah.
Unfortunately - how else is someone meant to meet someone? Yah, there's the clichés - "find a club/church/hobby" .... but that limits your exposure to what? a half dozen-dozen people who won't necessarily be single? What if your hobbies aren't very social? A friend of mine once said "You never know who you'll meet when you're out and about" .... um. I am with my kids 80% of the time. You think some random guy is going to approach our brand of crazy in the line at Walmart and we're going to be "happily ever after"? HAHAHAHAHA! No. So, we need the apps.