Online Dating

[disneychrista]

Another thing that people say but people almost never do. Be yourself.

I agree. I don't know how to be anyone but who I am so guys can either like me or not.

 

[Scouter]

My younger daughter doesn’t date either or at least as far as I know. I worry sometimes that she is following my example in that regard.

Yeah, I know a few like mine. They're boys also. Mine is almost 31 and hasn't dated since some time in high school. He just really doesn't care.

 

[disneychrista]

Question for those who have tried Plenty of Fish.

Does the distance parameter "stick" on a paid membership? I keep setting mine to 15 miles but it never sticks. I have guys 500+ miles away sending me messages. Not sure I want to fork over $$$ for it if that feature isn't going to work. In just over an hour I have 52 guys "liking" my profile but I doubt most of them are anywhere near me.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Question for those who have tried Plenty of Fish.

Does the distance parameter "stick" on a paid membership? I keep setting mine to 15 miles but it never sticks. I have guys 500+ miles away sending me messages. Not sure I want to fork over $$$ for it if that feature isn't going to work. In just over an hour I have 52 guys "liking" my profile but I doubt most of them are anywhere near me.

I don’t know the answer to your question, but my young adults use Hinge. They say that the people using Hinge are looking for relationships, rather than ‘hook ups’.

 

[LovesTimone]

First off... getting out there and putting yourself out there, is not easy... opening your self up is beyond hard... your doing great...

It's been a long time since I dated... I was single after my divorce for a long time, When I got divorced I was a single mom with a 8 week old baby girl. I had alot on my plate.

Things have changed with the on-line dating... yet really not so much... Everyone now kinda wants that instant connection, tap a key and magic happens... that's not how it works real life works... on-line dating is a tool, to let you possibly meet someone you might like.

I had a few relationships after my divorce, and I enjoyed them, they were fun, and we had a good time, Yet I made it clear from the beginning, I was looking to casually date, not for the one. I think to some guys I was a challenge, or they knew they could relax with me as I wasn't trying to make it go anywhere. I had a couple of guys want to take it to the next step and I just wasn't ready to go down that road. I did alot of soul searching and working on myself . I pretty much had decided that I did not want to get married again, and that I was happy with me.

I changed jobs, and I met my now DH at work of all places, we have been together 20 years and married 18 years. When I first met him, I would get nervous and butterflies in my stomach whenever we were talking, even when he would just walk by... I thought I'm acting like some kinda school girl and I thought what is wrong with me. He was completely different than anyone I had dated. It was very strange it was like I had always known him, there was just this undeniable huge connection between us, I honestly never thought these kinda feelings really existed. I remember what we call our first date, we went to lunch, and during lunch we talked and laughed, he took my hand and he just looked at me, and smiled like he knew a secret or something...he also ate off of my plate during lunch and I did not even realize it until I was at home that night.. I thought, what in the world and when I really thought about it, it was the most natural thing sitting having lunch with him, and him eating fries off of my plate, which is bold and intimate all at the same time. I knew I was in trouble at this point. He said he knew at lunch that day he was going to marry me, he also said he knew I was skittish when it came to relationships, and he wasn't going to let that stand in his way... I think I knew it that day to, it just took me longer to admit it... We are what people call soulmates, I honestly never thought that this kinda love is possible... It is, and you deserve it too.

I have a friend who wanted a certain type of guy... and it was a disaster over and over again. She and I were having lunch, and this guy she was working with on a joint project came in and stopped and said hello and something about a their upcoming meeting... When he walked away I was like who is he, she explained who he was. I was like he was really nice and he has that whole Clark Kent thing going on... she said you think so, I was like yep... she said he's not my type, and I said well that not been working out so well... He is the exact opposite of what she thought she wanted, not long after that, they started dating, he saw her for her, not how pretty she was, who she really was... They have been married for 12 years now and they are super happy..

I guess what I am trying to say is don't have a type, don't compare your dates to each other, or past relationships with each other, learn from them, look at each person for who they are...and go out with different types of guys don't limit yourself to what you think is your type.

Wishing you all the best...

 

[shawthorne44]

Question for those who have tried Plenty of Fish.

Does the distance parameter "stick" on a paid membership? I keep setting mine to 15 miles but it never sticks. I have guys 500+ miles away sending me messages. Not sure I want to fork over $$$ for it if that feature isn't going to work. In just over an hour I have 52 guys "liking" my profile but I doubt most of them are anywhere near me.

I know things change. But, when I researched the various online options, there were some that had a reputation for being just for one-night hook-ups. Plenty of Fish was one of those.

Even on the respectable site I used, there were plenty of guys that were obviously looking for that too. I was shocked. My logic was that if that was what a woman wanted she could just go to a bar and just not say No. She didn't have to bother setting up a profile. I asked DH about that. He said that there are women that really just want a hook-up. But, that since it isn't socially acceptable (mostly) for a woman to say that even to herself, she joins a site and goes out on a lot of first-and-only dates with s--.

 

[disneychrista]

I know things change. But, when I researched the various online options, there were some that had a reputation for being just for one-night hook-ups. Plenty of Fish was one of those.

I think that is true on ALL the dating sites/apps. POF actually lets you pretty much say you are looking for a hookup. I make that clear that is NOT what I am looking for. There actually seems to be more guys in my area on POF than there was on Match. A few of the same one though too.

 

[disneychrista]

I don’t know the answer to your question, but my young adults use Hinge. They say that the people using Hinge are looking for relationships, rather than ‘hook ups’.

I looked at Hinge but it is only an app not a website and that makes it difficult (for me) to set up a profile. I need a larger screen and a real keyboard. I think the APP may say that but that doesn’t prevent he users from using it from that.

 

[disneychrista]

I guess what I am trying to say is don't have a type, don't compare your dates to each other, or past relationships with each other, learn from them, look at each person for who they are...and go out with different types of guys don't limit yourself to what you think is your type.

Wishing you all the best...

I don’t really have a type. I am open to dating pretty much anyone. Personality is more important than looks. Of course there are certain things I am looking for that tend more toward compatibility and will pass on someone for not having those.

 

[LovesTimone]

I don’t really have a type. I am open to dating pretty much anyone. Personality is more important than looks. Of course there are certain things I am looking for that tend more toward compatibility and will pass on someone for not having those.

When you say compatibility, that's a tricky thing, because you really can't tell if your compatible with someone until your around someone for periods of time. Of course if you meet someone and they just rub you the wrong way, and your gut is telling you, NO! then you have to listen to that of course.

When we are dating someone or meeting them for the first time, we all put our best foot forward, we want to impress whoever. On-line you never know who you are getting, is that profile who they really are or is it just a bunch of words...
It's after what I call the sweet period, when you really start to see who that person is at their core. Sometimes you really don't see that right away, and you could dismiss someone, because maybe they are nervous or trying to impress you, or you realize that person was putting on a show, and now you can see behind the curtain so to speak...

My friend totally would have passed on "Clark Kent" if I would not have said, Wow he is really nice, and has that whole Clark Kent thing going on, she said that made her stop and really look at him, after that she said she started noticing things about him that she did not see before. Like how kind he is, or how funny he is. She had a house warming party, and she said when he was there, she said seeing him away from work was really eye opening, who he really is ... I was at that party and they worked so well together, he jumped right in and started helping her out. I was like yep she's toast... LOL ... A few week later they were at conference, and several people had gotten food poisoning from dinner the night before, and she was one of them, she said that he came to her room with gatorade, ginger ale, pepto, and crackers, and took care of her, she said she knew she could count on him, she said any man that will hold your hair while you throw up is a keeper... Lol, I laugh as when my DH and I were dating I got the stomach bug at work, and he held my hair when I was throwing up, and took care of me... so I knew what she was talking about...

Lots of pixie dust and good wishes to you...

 

[disneychrista]

When you say compatibility, that's a tricky thing, because you really can't tell if your compatible with someone until your around someone for periods of time. Of course if you meet someone and they just rub you the wrong way, and your gut is telling you, NO! then you have to listen to that of course.

I agree. The last guy I was kind of dating, over 2 years ago, was a “No” for me until I go to know him. But there are certain traits that if listed in a profile I am going to pass on (smokers, “420” as a hobby/interest, they say they definitely want kids, etc).

 

[Scouter]

I changed jobs, and I met my now DH at work of all places, we have been together 20 years and married 18 years. When I first met him, I would get nervous and butterflies in my stomach whenever we were talking, even when he would just walk by... I thought I'm acting like some kinda school girl and I thought what is wrong with me. He was completely different than anyone I had dated. It was very strange it was like I had always known him, there was just this undeniable huge connection between us, I honestly never thought these kinda feelings really existed. I remember what we call our first date, we went to lunch, and during lunch we talked and laughed, he took my hand and he just looked at me, and smiled like he knew a secret or something...he also ate off of my plate during lunch and I did not even realize it until I was at home that night.. I thought, what in the world and when I really thought about it, it was the most natural thing sitting having lunch with him, and him eating fries off of my plate, which is bold and intimate all at the same time. I knew I was in trouble at this point. He said he knew at lunch that day he was going to marry me, he also said he knew I was skittish when it came to relationships, and he wasn't going to let that stand in his way... I think I knew it that day to, it just took me longer to admit it... We are what people call soulmates, I honestly never thought that this kinda love is possible... It is, and you deserve it too.

I had this happen recently, and I've had a lot of relationships but one was just different, feelings I never had before. Unfortunately it didn't work out for multiple reasons.
But I get that feeling. I hope I find that again.

 

[Scouter]

I know things change. But, when I researched the various online options, there were some that had a reputation for being just for one-night hook-ups. Plenty of Fish was one of those.

Even on the respectable site I used, there were plenty of guys that were obviously looking for that too. I was shocked. My logic was that if that was what a woman wanted she could just go to a bar and just not say No. She didn't have to bother setting up a profile. I asked DH about that. He said that there are women that really just want a hook-up. But, that since it isn't socially acceptable (mostly) for a woman to say that even to herself, she joins a site and goes out on a lot of first-and-only dates with s--.

Agreed, I did the POF before too.

 

[disneychrista]

Agreed, I did the POF before too.

What your experience like on POF?

So far, for me, it seems there are way more guys in my local area on POF than were on Match. Many that say they are looking for a long term relationship/marriage. Some, of course, are only looking for casual but those I just don't communicate with. I've actually have been chatting with several local guys, this past week. With plans to meet up with a couple of them this week.

 

[LovesTimone]

I had this happen recently, and I've had a lot of relationships but one was just different, feelings I never had before. Unfortunately it didn't work out for multiple reasons.
But I get that feeling. I hope I find that again.

I hope that you can find it again... and it will be all the sweeter... The fact that you are open to them, makes it all the more precious..

These type of feelings kinda come out of nowhere... and for me were startling, scary, and wonderful all at the same time. Still to this day after 20 years we still act like love sick teenagers, just much more mature love sick teenagers... LOL...

 

[LovesTimone]

What your experience like on POF?

So far, for me, it seems there are way more guys in my local area on POF than were on Match. Many that say they are looking for a long term relationship/marriage. Some, of course, are only looking for casual but those I just don't communicate with. I've actually have been chatting with several local guys, this past week. With plans to meet up with a couple of them this week.

Keep us posted... we are cheering for you... Pixie dust away...

 

[Scouter]

What your experience like on POF?

So far, for me, it seems there are way more guys in my local area on POF than were on Match. Many that say they are looking for a long term relationship/marriage. Some, of course, are only looking for casual but those I just don't communicate with. I've actually have been chatting with several local guys, this past week. With plans to meet up with a couple of them this week.

My memory is a horrible thing really.
There were more choices on POF than Match but that's because POF was free and Match not.
But I don't recall it being all bad. I met a few nice guys but one wouldn't even buy me a drink after I bought him one. Then told me he was still married because he was a writer and had no insurance and needed his ex's health insurance. NOPE. Not supporting any one.
Another was quite insane when we made a plan to meet for coffee and he saw I was still logged in online and asked me why I still would be looking around since we were going to meet. Then he got a bit crazy.
There were guys who definitely pumped themselves up, but they do that on any site.
There were a few pics that were uploaded with a profile that I had to flag as inappropriate. Seems like Match never let that happen.
This was about 4 years ago though.

 

[disneychrista]

There were more choices on POF than Match but that's because POF was free and Match not.

I’m okay with POF being free vs Match having to be paid to communicate. The more options the better chance of finding someone. All the issues with finding someone online are the same as if you’d meet in person. Creeps are creeps regardless of where you meet them.

 

[shawthorne44]

One thing to be on the alert for is men wanting to scam women. One of the guys that contacted me, I blew off because he was long distance and I'd said locals only. My parents like those true crime shows. I was visiting them and I saw that guy on the show. He'd scammed many women out of a ton of money. I friend of mine is a widow and she was almost conned. But, fortunately she had friends who alerted her before she lost any money. Her heart was hurt though.

 

[Scouter]

I think another thing that was helpful was realizing that guys are so dang cute on first dates. They try so hard. It is like watching a puppy take its first steps. So, first dates are enjoyable even if they don't work out.

This is SO true!