Online Dating

[The WDW 3]

I had great luck meeting someone there, though we are no longer together, but I don’t see myself ever doing it again.

 

[LovesTimone]

Well, I'm not exactly open, I appear to be but hold a lot back in real closeness, years of issues causes one to be jaded.
But, yeah, that came out of nowhere and !
It would be fun again!

And boy, that sounds really nice to be in love that long!
I only know 2 couples like that.
They're my role models.

I can relate, to the being jaded, and holding back... ... In looking back, I wasn't jaded... Just more like hypervigilance on my part, keeping everything in check, and very wary of relationships. During this time, I looked at me, and what I wanted for the first time, I was a divorced single mom, and my focus was on my DD, and everything else was secondary. My granny said to me one day, are you dating anyone ? I was like nope, not really interested in that... She looked at me, and said I understand that you are gun shy... and Leery of getting back on that horse, do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? This one really hit me, I needed to figure it out... My grandparents were married 60 years, and loved everyday of those 60 years...She went on to say.... One day your DD will grow up, get married, and have a family of her own, then were does that leave you? don't use her as a crutch... If you want to be alone that's fine, but make it your choice, and decision. Don't let your ex keep you from having the life and love you deserve. The best revenge is living well, and being in love, and getting your own happily ever after! ... Boy was she a smart woman.
I will say that at my DD wedding, my DD's father told my mother, that he made a huge mistake all those years ago, and my mom said to him... I told you so......it really wasn't important at all, he wasn't important... He had given me my DD, and that's all that he was to me... what was important was my Beautiful daughter in her wedding dress, swirling around on the dance floor with my DH, who became her DAD the person who took care of her, raised her, taught her, and above all was there for her. Watching them dance during the father/daughter dance was just priceless...

It is nice being in love for all these years, really wonderful. Looking forward to 20+ more years.... We are a team, and we always have each others back...

I truly wish for you to find your happily ever after!!!

 

[The WDW 3]

These days do the guys still pay? I kind of expected to pay for myself.

I think that guys should always pay for the first date. I’m 43, I don’t know if that tells you anything.

I think for the most part online dating has replaced picking up girls/guys at a bar and going home to fool around.

 

[The WDW 3]

Link your profile here

 

[BrianL]

You can't see the nuance between being "yourself" and telling a total stranger personal details that they probably aren't asking about and might make them feel uncomfortable? The poster I quoted, by her own admission, was over-sharing out of context and her close, genuine friends (who presumably know the kind of things she's disclosing) have advised her not to.

I think the key is to go with the conversation. No, you shouldn't just start telling for the sake of telling, but if it comes out in the naural course of conversation, there's no harm. To me, I don't really have "secrets" so anything is on the table.

 

[Scouter]

Why? Whether on a first date or just getting to know a potential new friend, I'd be reeeeely uncomfortable with what you're describing. There are lots of other things besides yourselves to talk about when getting to know somebody. Common interests, current events, music, books, travel, non-controversial things you like and dislike. I could spend hours enjoying talking to practically anyone without feeling like I had to tell them very personal details.

I ramble and get ahead of myself before thinking through some stuff I should not be saying, LOL. I need practice on holding back and not going off on a tangent.

 

[Scouter]

I can relate, to the being jaded, and holding back... ... In looking back, I wasn't jaded... Just more like hypervigilance on my part, keeping everything in check, and very wary of relationships. During this time, I looked at me, and what I wanted for the first time, I was a divorced single mom, and my focus was on my DD, and everything else was secondary. My granny said to me one day, are you dating anyone ? I was like nope, not really interested in that... She looked at me, and said I understand that you are gun shy... and Leery of getting back on that horse, do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? This one really hit me, I needed to figure it out... My grandparents were married 60 years, and loved everyday of those 60 years...She went on to say.... One day your DD will grow up, get married, and have a family of her own, then were does that leave you? don't use her as a crutch... If you want to be alone that's fine, but make it your choice, and decision. Don't let your ex keep you from having the life and love you deserve. The best revenge is living well, and being in love, and getting your own happily ever after! ... Boy was she a smart woman.
I will say that at my DD wedding, my DD's father told my mother, that he made a huge mistake all those years ago, and my mom said to him... I told you so......it really wasn't important at all, he wasn't important... He had given me my DD, and that's all that he was to me... what was important was my Beautiful daughter in her wedding dress, swirling around on the dance floor with my DH, who became her DAD the person who took care of her, raised her, taught her, and above all was there for her. Watching them dance during the father/daughter dance was just priceless...

It is nice being in love for all these years, really wonderful. Looking forward to 20+ more years.... We are a team, and we always have each others back...

I truly wish for you to find your happily ever after!!!

My gram kicked her husband out when her kids were little and never dated or married again. My mother, well, I won't go there, as I'll practice my holding back right here, LOL!
But no successful male relationships in our family and no men around growing up, and Gramma used to tell my female cousin and I that we don't need any men. She really shaped our attitude to be independent and actually we're 57 and 56 not and both single. Though we still keep looking.

 

[Scouter]

I think the key is to go with the conversation. No, you shouldn't just start telling for the sake of telling, but if it comes out in the naural course of conversation, there's no harm. To me, I don't really have "secrets" so anything is on the table.

Same here although maybe I should!

 

[Scouter]

So, saw someone I might be interested in on Hinge in the past few days, swiped right and then within a day got a quick message from him.
Cool, I thought. I wrote back another quick message.
This morning I see he wrote me at 3am and then again at 6am to which he said "seeing that neither of us is on this site much, could you chat on Whatsapp?"
I used to have that but only to communicate with a friend that went on a trip out of the country for a month. Then got rid of it.
I thought, I wonder if there is harm in this and did a search online. Lots of red flags with people saying that it can be used a lot for cheating and seeing this person write at such odd hours
I think I won't go there.

 

[Orion Nebula]

Back in 2001 there use to be a site that allowed you to flip through people and "rate" (1-10) their looks. I ended up meeting my wife on there and we have been happily married with three kids since 2003. The entire thing is so cringy to look back on.

 

[Scouter]

disneychrista, have you noticed any of the married guys out there looking for a third or saying they're polyamorous?

Yup, I guess there really is something for everyone out there.

 

[BrianL]

Same here although maybe I should!

Nah. Secrets is just another word for problems.

 

[disneychrista]

disneychrista, have you noticed any of the married guys out there looking for a third or saying they're polyamorous?

Yup, I guess there really is something for everyone out there.

I haven’t noticed that but I know there are sites for that purpose. I was chatting with someone from a different message board and he and his partner were looking for a “girlfriend.” He recently told me they may have found someone. I’m fine with whatever someone wants as long as they aren’t hurting anyone.

 

[shawthorne44]

One idea on the oversharing. As a new friend, I wouldn't want to here about a miscarriage or when you the victim of a horrible crime. (Just examples) Maybe make a list of things to Not Discuss.

 

[ronandannette]

Nah. Secrets is just another word for problems.

Secret and private are not the same thing.

One idea on the oversharing. As a new friend, I wouldn't want to here about a miscarriage or when you the victim of a horrible crime. (Just examples) Maybe make a list of things to Not Discuss.

Yes - this is the type of thing I’m talking about. I can’t imagine this kind of discussion being had on a first meeting.

 

[BrianL]

Secret and private are not the same thing.

Yes - this is the type of thing I’m talking about. I can’t imagine this kind of discussion being had on a first meeting.

I'm not saying you have to share things you don't want to - but if you do want to then it's no big deal. It wouldn't offend me or anything. Personally, I appreciate candor.

 

[disneychrista]

Secret and private are not the same thing.

I haven’t talked to my friends or family about me dating because it is private and I’m not ready to share. But if I am asked if I am dating and I avoid the question or flat out lie that’s a secret.

 

[BrianL]

I haven’t talked to my friends or family about me dating because it is private and I’m not ready to share. But if I am asked if I am dating and I avoid the question or flat out lie that’s a secret.

Yeah, and like I said, it's not about just telling everything for no reason, but if it comes up and is conducinve to the conversation, then I don't see a problem with it, even if it is a very serious matter. Again, I totally understand if someone prefers not to tell certain things, but I can say that as a guy it wouldn't put me off.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm not saying you have to share things you don't want to - but if you do want to then it's no big deal. It wouldn't offend me or anything. Personally, I appreciate candor.

Perhaps the issue could arise though when someone mistakes privacy for secrets.

If you ask a question that I feel is too private and I don't answer the key is to not assume I'm being secretive

 

[Mysterian]

Nah. Secrets is just another word for problems.

That reminds me- do any of you perform a search on a prospective date for police records or unflattering mugshots?