Online Dating

[OKW8297]

Bummer. I’ve been stalking this thread. Just want to say that you and I sound a lot alike. Hang in there.

 

[BK2014]

I did not say that. A comment directed at one poster and their experience/opinion does not discount others and theirs.

But in some ways yes, recent experience DOES make a difference. Dating in the world of cell phones, text messages, dating apps, etc. is seemingly very different than dating 15 years ago. Do you want advice from me about a trip to WDW when I haven't been in 20 years?

This is a good point, and why I won't offer any advice. I can however say that DW and I met on EHarmony 11 years ago and just celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary. Just from the commercials we can tell that the online dating programs/apps have changed since we used them. We both agree that neither of us would have done well with the video dating and other app features we see as an option nowadays.

 

[disneychrista]

This is a good point, and why I won't offer any advice. I can however say that DW and I met on EHarmony 11 years ago and just celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary. Just from the commercials we can tell that the online dating programs/apps have changed since we used them. We both agree that neither of us would have done well with the video dating and other app features we see as an option nowadays.

I welcome any advice you might have in regards to online dating. I think you might have insight that those who have never attempted it can’t have.

Thankfully I haven’t had any one attempt video chatting. I am not a fan of me in photos, I imagine video would be just as bad.

 

[Scouter]

My oldest son met his last two gf's (second became his wife) online. He also went on a couple of dates with others and had no issues, they just didn't click. The first long term gf he met on Bumble but that didn't work out. No real issues other than faith. He met his now wife on Hinge. She's an RN and absolutely wonderful. Her family is also great and we've spent time with all of them. They got married in May 2020 during the pandemic, not exactly what they planned, just 9 people total. I do think people need to remember, just like the old fashioned way of meeting people, not everything works out. BTW, he's my oldest and he got married at 36 and she was 31. My younger son met his wife the old fashioned way, through friends at a party and got married at 26.

I wish my son would even date! He's so comfortable being alone, he got that from me, and he makes enough money with a home of his own and 2 cars and will probably be able to retire at 55 (so he says) and enjoys his free time playing video games and fixing up an older car he bought that he says why would he want to ruin his life by dating?
Unfortunately he is my only child so I guess there will never be grandchildren to spoil. He's almost 31 and I don't think that will ever change.

 

[bdcp]

I wish my son would even date! He's so comfortable being alone, he got that from me, and he makes enough money with a home of his own and 2 cars and will probably be able to retire at 55 (so he says) and enjoys his free time playing video games and fixing up an older car he bought that he says why would he want to ruin his life by dating?
Unfortunately he is my only child so I guess there will never be grandchildren to spoil. He's almost 31 and I don't think that will ever change.

My son was also comfortable alone. He had a girlfriend for a few months in college and after that ended, he just didn't have a lot of luck. He's a tall, good looking, smart, has a great job, owned his own home since 2009. He socialized with friends fairly often. When his grandfather (DH's father) passed away a few years ago, it made him realize he really didn't want to be alone. He saw how my DH and his brother and his grandmother as well as his brother and cousins were all there for him at the end. He decided he really wanted a family. He and his wife now plan to have kids in the next couple of years and will be our only grandchildren as our youngest DS and DDIL aren't having any. My oldest DS was about 33 when he made that decision and met his now wife via Hinge when he was almost 35 and they got married last year when he was 36.

 

[shawthorne44]

I think it is great. That is how I met DH. What is funny is that we'd come very close to meeting three times in our lives. Including eating the same thing at the same place on the same day of the week for over 30 weeks a year. DH had been on for a year or so before we met. He was the third person I met.

One hint, our first date was La Madeleine. It was perfect. Since it didn't have waiters, no one cared that we stayed at the table and talked. I think it was also on a workday. But, if the date hadn't gone well, we could have ate and run. For the first couple of months, we met someplace.

 

[Micca]

That is how I met DH. What is funny is that we'd come very close to meeting three times in our lives. Including eating the same thing at the same place on the same day of the week for over 30 weeks a year.

Wow, that is insane! That's one of the all-time great coincidences!

 

[shawthorne44]

Wow, that is insane! That's one of the all-time great coincidences!

We also came really close to the same major, starting at the same time, at the same University. But at the last moment, I flipped a coin and went to a different university.

I think there was God's hand in keeping us apart until we were ready. He was a major dog until shortly before we met. I don't like dogs of the man variety and I would have hated him. I am just his type. I had been opposed to marriage until shortly before we met. Now we are ridiculously happy.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Wow, that is insane! That's one of the all-time great coincidences!

Serendipity!

 

[disneychrista]

I wish my son would even date!

My younger daughter doesn’t date either or at least as far as I know. I worry sometimes that she is following my example in that regard.

 

[limace]

I had a great time online dating once I decided every date was either a great time or a great story-cause the worst dates were the best stories for my friends. I met a bunch of guys I’m still friends with, and I met my husband. I totally agree with the previous advice to not wait too long to meet-it’s very very easy to build up a relationship/comparability remotely and that often doesn’t translate into in person attraction.

 

[low-key]

Christa you are getting better and interacting with other sex about dating things. expiernce leads to better deccsions, i wish you hit gold first time out but you are becoming wise about men , men quickly pick up if we are talking to a women who just anit gonna buy our junk, you doing great

 

[disneychrista]

Christa you are getting better and interacting with other sex about dating things. expietornce leads to better deccsions, i wish you hit gold first time out but you are becoming wise about men , men quickly pick up if we are talking to a women who just anit gonna buy our junk, you doing great

Thanks @low-key. It would have been great if things with the first guy had gone the way it was heading but like you said I am learning a lot. The downside is the more that I learn the harder it is going to be on the next guy. I know what I want and I am not going to settle.

 

[low-key]

Thanks @low-key. It would have been great if things with the first guy had gone the way it was heading but like you said I am learning a lot. The downside is the more that I learn the harder it is going to be on the next guy. I know what I want and I am not going to settle.

I thought about tat. but thats still agood thing, but dont look at every men as a long term canidate, maybe you go out with a guy that just doesnt check all the boxes you need, but he wants to do something with you that sounds fun, do it

 

[disneychrista]

I totally aree with the previous advice to not wait too long to meet-it’s very very easy to build up a relationship/comparability remotely and that often doesn’t translate into in person attraction.

Because of my experience with the first guy, I have decided that the within an hour that I thought would be doable really isn't. I have narrowed my parameters to within 15-20 miles.

 

[disneychrista]

I thought about tat. but thats still agood thing, but dont look at every men as a long term canidate, maybe you go out with a guy that just doesnt check all the boxes you need, but he wants to do something with you that sounds fun, do it

I am okay with going out with a guy "for fun."

 

[disneychrista]

I think it is great. That is how I met DH.

Any tips to make the experience better / easier?

 

[low-key]

Any tips to make the experience better / easier?

tell them you tired of making plans for everything in your life, where would he want to take you ?, make him wrk for the date, ya weed out a lot of people right there . And smile a lot, I lvoe a smile, and this is caveman stuff but I still like it and men still do laugh at his jokes, that gives him confidence to ralax and be himself , he is nervous to

 

[disneychrista]

tell them you tired of making plans for everything in your life, where would he want to take you ?, make him wrk for the date, ya weed out a lot of people right there . And smile a lot, I lvoe a smile, and this is caveman stuff but I still like it and men still do laugh at his jokes, that gives him confidence to ralax and be himself , he is nervous to

I like a man who can make me laugh. So if he can do that he gets points right there.

I will try the making him work for the date, plan the date.

 

[shawthorne44]

Any tips to make the experience better / easier?

I'd had a realization shortly beforehand. It was that I settled into monogamy like immediately. In fact, there had been this guy I really liked. We were friends for a long time. I had just started to date this guy I later named Mistake. When the guy I really liked asked me out, I said No because I was seeing Mistake even though we hadn't had but a few dates. What sparked the thought was that mom mentioned that on first date with dad, she'd accidentally had 3 dates. One guy asked for the Winter Ball, one asked for next Saturday, and the third asked for a particular date. It wasn't until that morning that she'd realized the problem. She wasn't particularly popular, so she'd never kept a calendar since she could keep them straight in her head. Dad lived on a farm, and he was the one she couldn't call to cancel, so his was the one to keep. So, I decided to not *ahem* and be upfront that I was dating more than one guy. I think that was key. DH didn't even see my home for the first three months. In fact, he was my third favorite guy until then, so he would have been the one eliminated. I thought he was fun, but wasn't sure about him. I slowly stopped dating the other guys, but I was firmly holding onto the option to date someone else since we hadn't agreed to exclusivity. Then one day, I fell in love. Like off a cliff. One day, if he just stopped calling, I would been *meh* and forgotten him. The next day, I was bonkers in love.

I think another thing that was helpful was realizing that guys are so dang cute on first dates. They try so hard. It is like watching a puppy take its first steps. So, first dates are enjoyable even if they don't work out.

Another thing that people say but people almost never do. Be yourself. Don't be who you think they want you to be. That is lose-lose because the person you are meant to be with, won't like the fake you, and the person wanting the fake you will learn the truth eventually. I had that realization while in college. I went on a date with the guy from work just because he asked me to dinner and I had no money for food. I knew I wasn't in any danger, but that was it. So, I didn't give a flip what he thought of me. At one point he asked me a question, and I gave him a truthful answer. He was stunned because it was something people don't say, but it was perfect. We had such a great date, that he took a PTO day the next evening so that we could have part B of date 1.