Online Dating

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I never said I AM DONE! I said the ball is in his court because IT IS.

I wasn't saying you were done as in never going to talk to the guy I said you were outta there. Just that you jumped mentally out of this strong connection you felt the moment he didn't message you back after a few days.

I kind of wish it had stayed more casual, fun.

What's stopping you? I think you fell into what previously happened and you're like "yes this is great, I'm comfortable with this, I know this" and then you got your hopes up and I do understand that feeling. But you can still choose to keep things casual and fun with the guys you connect with. But to me being casual and fun is keeping things light and not imposing things that speak more towards something serious when that's not what I'm looking for.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I actually don't text a lot. In fact he was the one who usually initiated out conversations.

I am still not sure what is wrong with expecting communicating with someone you are dating?

I didn't say expecting communication is a problem. I'm not trying to get you defensive here I realize even saying 'clingy' can sound bad but I was just trying to see it a different way. Everyone has a level of frequency of communication they can tolerate/enjoy. And we all have lives too, we all have bad days (or weeks too), stressors, work issues and more. Sometimes we have really good weeks where everything is good and then something happens and we need some space. I think this guy should get back to you at some point and just not ghost you (that would be the mature thing to do) I just was thinking about any future dates you have too. Wires get crossed too, like I said you may have meant a different needy than he read into it

 

[disneychrista]

hey no offense taking none of us know what the guy is thinking, but I would tahink even of i was bust, I coupd type back, thnaks you, been bussy i will get a hold of you n the next week.

I think for a guy who spent hours chatting with me the previous week, the 30 seconds it would take to send a quick text is the LEAST he could do if he was interested.

I didn't say expecting communication is a problem. ... Everyone has a level of frequency of communication they can tolerate/enjoy.

But should not previous communication be an indicator of that? If you are okay spending hours chatting in the evenings one week how all of a sudden are you not comfortable with a quick "hope you are having a good week" text?

 

[Heigh-Ho]

But should not previous communication be an indicator of that? If you are okay spending hours chatting in the evenings one week how all of a sudden are you not comfortable with a quick "hope you are having a good week" text?

Sure, but then the rest of my quote is true too

And we all have lives too, we all have bad days (or weeks too), stressors, work issues and more. Sometimes we have really good weeks where everything is good and then something happens and we need some space.

No one is perfect here. I think just about all of us have had times where we could have reached out, even for a quick chat, but just didn't have it in us (if someone hasn't then they get great kudos from me because I can admit I've done that before ).

Since you've said you would want to monopolize all his free time and you were needy maybe he felt if he did just send a quick text you'd expect more conversation than that and he wanted to be able to give you more time than what he could give at that time. Who honestly knows (well he does and hopefully he'll reach out eventually), I guess I'm just trying to be in the middle more than just one side over the other.

 

[Rick195275]

I really think you have had logical and reasonable expectations, it’s not too much to expect a text after the kids go to bed. Even if it’s just a “hey, how was your day? I’m exhausted and headed to bed, talk soon”
I’ve done plenty of dating as a single parent as I stated before, yes we are busy but so are most people. If you are genuinely interested, even in early stages of *************, you make time. It takes literally less than a minute to send a check in text. Kids dominate your time and fathers day is a “special weekend” and all but I feel like some are discounting this. Your thinking isn’t wrong in my opinion Christa.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I really think you have had logical and reasonable expectations, it’s not too much to expect a text after the kids go to bed. Even if it’s just a “hey, how was your day? I’m exhausted and headed to bed, talk soon”
I’ve done plenty of dating as a single parent as I stated before, yes we are busy but so are most people. If you are genuinely interested, even in early stages of *************, you make time. It takes literally less than a minute to send a check in text. Kids dominate your time and fathers day is a “special weekend” and all but I feel like some are discounting this. Your thinking isn’t wrong in my opinion Christa.

I don't think she's wrong either. I don't know that anyone really think she's wrong (or did I miss that??) That doesn't mean the guy is an awful guy either. I guess that's what I was trying to get across. I'm not discounting father's day either but Sunday was Father's Day when the author of the thread texted. She messaged him on Friday, maybe if it were me I would have messaged Tuesday asking how their weekend went and left the weekend alone for him to be with his kids. Then if a week went by from Tuesday with no message I would leave the door open but chalk it up to not as much as I thought was there but I don't think I would be so hard on the guy either even if I *thought* everything was going great, it was still very early too. I'd try to keep in mind if I want casual keep it casual. Dating in general is no picnic I think sometimes we just have to give ourselves and the people we're involved with a little more understanding at times. That doesn't mean you excuse behaviors but we can't always point the finger to someone else either if things don't work out. Sometimes it's no one's fault and sometimes it's our issues not theirs. I applaud the author of the thread for getting out there it takes courage to put yourself out there!

 

[disneychrista]

I really think you have had logical and reasonable expectations, it’s not too much to expect a text after the kids go to bed. Even if it’s just a “hey, how was your day? I’m exhausted and headed to bed, talk soon”
I’ve done plenty of dating as a single parent as I stated before, yes we are busy but so are most people. If you are genuinely interested, even in early stages of *************, you make time. It takes literally less than a minute to send a check in text. Kids dominate your time and fathers day is a “special weekend” and all but I feel like some are discounting this. Your thinking isn’t wrong in my opinion Christa.

Thanks. I really don't think I am expecting too much based on the precedence that had been set the previous week. The same people who are saying I am expecting too much are also the one's who will say "if he is interested, he'll makes the time."

 

[mumto3girls]

I really think you have had logical and reasonable expectations, it’s not too much to expect a text after the kids go to bed. Even if it’s just a “hey, how was your day? I’m exhausted and headed to bed, talk soon”
I’ve done plenty of dating as a single parent as I stated before, yes we are busy but so are most people. If you are genuinely interested, even in early stages of *************, you make time. It takes literally less than a minute to send a check in text. Kids dominate your time and fathers day is a “special weekend” and all but I feel like some are discounting this. Your thinking isn’t wrong in my opinion Christa.

I agree with the above. A text can be a quick thing on his schedule. The idea that he hasn’t had the time to send something off since Sunday seems odd to me. Not that there isn’t the possibility of a reasonable explanation, but I would definitely be thinking it was time to move on. I think it’s great you already have something lined up and are still putting yourself out there.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The same people who are saying I am expecting too much are also the one's who will say "if he is interested, he'll makes the time."

Who is saying that?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Not that there isn’t the possibility of a reasonable explanation,

So wouldn't it be a rush of judgement that there isn't? That's the impression I got from a few other comments. That he had to have texted back quickly enough and because he didn't, doesn't matter, he just should have.

 

[disneychrista]

I don't think she's wrong either. I don't know that anyone really think she's wrong (or did I miss that??) That doesn't mean the guy is an awful guy either. I guess that's what I was trying to get across. I'm not discounting father's day either but Sunday was Father's Day when the author of the thread texted. She messaged him on Friday, maybe if it were me I would have messaged Tuesday asking how their weekend went and left the weekend alone for him to be with his kids. Then if a week went by from Tuesday with no message I would leave the door open but chalk it up to not as much as I thought was there but I don't think I would be so hard on the guy either even if I *thought* everything was going great, it was still very early too. I'd try to keep in mind if I want casual keep it casual. Dating in general is no picnic I think sometimes we just have to give ourselves and the people we're involved with a little more understanding at times. That doesn't mean you excuse behaviors but we can't always point the finger to someone else either if things don't work out. Sometimes it's no one's fault and sometimes it's our issues not theirs. I applaud the author of the thread for getting out there it takes courage to put yourself out there!

Why when we had been texting every day one week and every couple days over the week when he was with his kids should I wait 4 days to send a "Hope you had a great day" text? And why would I wait another week before thinking something is off? I really don't understand this line of thought at all, really don't.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I really think you have had logical and reasonable expectations, it’s not too much to expect a text after the kids go to bed. Even if it’s just a “hey, how was your day? I’m exhausted and headed to bed, talk soon”
I’ve done plenty of dating as a single parent as I stated before, yes we are busy but so are most people. If you are genuinely interested, even in early stages of *************, you make time. It takes literally less than a minute to send a check in text. Kids dominate your time and fathers day is a “special weekend” and all but I feel like some are discounting this. Your thinking isn’t wrong in my opinion Christa.

Single dating in a world pandemic is probably something none of us have had to deal with. Lot of different things going on that many of us having had to deal with.

 

[Rick195275]

I don't think she's wrong either. I don't know that anyone really think she's wrong (or did I miss that??) That doesn't mean the guy is an awful guy either. I guess that's what I was trying to get across. I'm not discounting father's day either but Sunday was Father's Day when the author of the thread texted. She messaged him on Friday, maybe if it were me I would have messaged Tuesday asking how their weekend went and left the weekend alone for him to be with his kids. Then if a week went by from Tuesday with no message I would leave the door open but chalk it up to not as much as I thought was there but I don't think I would be so hard on the guy either even if I *thought* everything was going great, it was still very early too. I'd try to keep in mind if I want casual keep it casual. Dating in general is no picnic I think sometimes we just have to give ourselves and the people we're involved with a little more understanding at times. That doesn't mean you excuse behaviors but we can't always point the finger to someone else either if things don't work out. Sometimes it's no one's fault and sometimes it's our issues not theirs. I applaud the author of the thread for getting out there it takes courage to put yourself out there!

I suppose you might have more dating patience than most lol. I don’t think she ever said he was an awful guy, just not as interested as it initially seemed. I work a full time job that requires time put in outside my actual time at work, as I stated I’m single dad, I try to have a social life and have a dating life in addition. If I’m genuinely interested in someone I make time. Just for a real life example that literally applies to this situation, I had a friend attempt to set me up with someone they knew. They gave me contact info via text Sunday morning. I had a full day of fun with my daughter and some friends. Later that night I had a free minute and reached out to that person, again literally took less than a minute of my time. Interesting enough the person had an experience that week that made them want to take a step back from dating. It was a genuine, open and easy conversation to have, left as maybe down the road. Everyone is different and has different expectations. Christa seemed to express those expectations and the guy seemed happy to fulfill those based on the week of communication prior. If he’s cooled on those feelings he could express that.

 

[disneychrista]

On a different topic. The best part of all this was telling "Jerk Face" (the last guy I kind of dated 2.5 years ago, that couldn't make time for me because he was always "busy") that I had a date on Friday.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Why when we had been texting every day one week and every couple days over the week when he was with his kids should I wait 4 days to send a "Hope you had a great day" text? And why would I wait another week before thinking something is off? I really don't understand this line of thought at all, really don't.

I didn't say you should have to wait. You seem to want to keep it casual but you don't really seem to be showing that. What if Father's Day brings up something painful for him? What if it's a stressful time for him? Is this all what you think he should have done or have you considered things from his side?

I was giving you what I would do. I wasn't telling you what you had to do. The waiting a week was because I would give him time and space after messaging on that following Tuesday and if no answer I'd chalk it up to not happening right now instead of messaging him 2 days after just talking to him, on Father's Day and then saying. That's how I would treat dating (and casual at that).

 

[disneychrista]

If he’s cooled on those feelings he could express that.

Yep. That would be the decent thing to do.

 

[Kittyblue]

Thanks. I really don't think I am expecting too much based on the precedence that had been set the previous week. The same people who are saying I am expecting too much are also the one's who will say "if he is interested, he'll makes the time."

I think it's more than reasonable to expect that he would respond based on how your communication went with him before. It's disappointing, but hang in there. If he's not the one, better to find out sooner than later, and there will be someone, but you might have to give it more time than the 30 days on your app. I really admire you for putting yourself out there. Finding a connection isn't easy, and sometimes, as in my case, it happens when you weren't even expecting it.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I suppose you might have more dating patience than most lol. I don’t think she ever said he was an awful guy, just not as interested as it initially seemed. I work a full time job that requires time put in outside my actual time at work, as I stated I’m single dad, I try to have a social life and have a dating life in addition. If I’m genuinely interested in someone I make time. Just for a real life example that literally applies to this situation, I had a friend attempt to set me up with someone they knew. They gave me contact info via text Sunday morning. I had a full day of fun with my daughter and some friends. Later that night I had a free minute and reached out to that person, again literally took less than a minute of my time. Interesting enough the person had an experience that week that made them want to take a step back from dating. It was a genuine, open and easy conversation to have, left as maybe down the road. Everyone is different and has different expectations. Christa seemed to express those expectations and the guy seemed happy to fulfill those based on the week of communication prior. If he’s cooled on those feelings he could express that.

For ************* meant to be fun? Yes, I would give more patience. This was like the first time he didn't get back immediately, if we're just casual I'm going to give more time before I decide the guy is not decent. That doesn't mean I don't think you can't continue to date someone else (or strike up conversation with someone else) after all, casual and fun!

I also said I think it could have been different interpretations of 'needy' to which I'm not sure either party is at fault.

 

[Rick195275]

Single dating in a world pandemic is probably something none of us have had to deal with. Lot of different things going on that many of us having had to deal with.

Yup been living that life for a year+ now. The first few months in particular were really interesting lol. I get the feeling that’s supposed to be excusing things and really to me it’s likely a loss of interest, wasn’t being genuine from the go or he’s poor at communicating things. Yes it’s possible something in life came up, but again my point has been it takes less than a min. Even if it was a “hey, been a crazy couple days. Exhausted and going to bed, but thinking of you.” So to me that falls under poor communication. I can fully admit poor communication is one of my biggest flaws.... it wouldn’t stop me from sending one of those type of texts if I were genuinely interested. If the person followed up trying to pry into things and I didn’t want to talk about it I might very well shut them out, but the initial effort would be there. Are you in the wait a week or 2 for a text back camp too?
I suppose maybe I shouldn’t be the one giving the advice here though a perpetually single person also Christa! It’s possible you should listen to the others and disregard what I say lol.

 

[disneychrista]

I think it's more than reasonable to expect that he would respond based on how your communication went with him before. It's disappointing, but hang in there. If he's not the one, better to find out sooner than later, and there will be someone, but you might have to give it more time than the 30 days on your app. I really admire you for putting yourself out there. Finding a connection isn't easy, and sometimes, as in my case, it happens when you weren't even expecting it.

I agree, it still hurts to feel "rejected" once again but I'd rather it be now then when too many feelings got involved.

Thanks. I will reevaluate next week on continuing or not. Or if maybe I switch to a different site/app. You are right it isn't easy and it does seem to happen when you least expect it.