Online Dating

[Buzz Rules]

It was way too soon to talk about feelings on being a step mom. I’m off two minds with this. One is to give it a few more day and then send a text “checking in.” And the other is thinking if he was interested he would reach out.

In the mean time I move forward with my date on Friday. If I am honest I am less than enthusiastic about it but will give it & this new guy a fair chance. But my guard is up on getting too close too soon again.

Totally understand the mindset. I was just curious if the topic came up. I usually use a two week call back timeframe after a first date. If they don’t get back to you after that then I see no issue moving on. But I always try to give a new girlfriend the benefit of the doubt when I feel a date went well for both. Just a thought.

 

[Kittyblue]

That's a bummer about the first guy, but I'm glad you already have something else lined up.

 

[disneychrista]

Totally understand the mindset. I was just curious if the topic came up. I usually use a two week call back timeframe after a first date. If they don’t get back to you after that then I see no issue moving on. But I always try to give a new girlfriend the benefit of the doubt when I feel a date went well for both. Just a thought.

I don’t have any real “dating” experience. This is all very new to me. My previous relationships were just that. We went out on a date and were a couple from that time on. There wasn’t any waiting to see if he’d call to ask me out again. We saw each other virtually every day.
It seemed like that was how this was going too. We messaged a few times and then something clicked and we were chatting for hours every evening leading up to our first/only in person date. I knew the week he had his kids would be different but I wrongly assumed he’d be eager to reconnect once they went back to their mothers.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don’t have any real “dating” experience. This is all very new to me. My previous relationships were just that. We went out on a date and were a couple from that time on. There wasn’t any waiting to see if he’d call to ask me out again. We saw each other virtually every day.
It seemed like that was how this was going too. We messaged a few times and then something clicked and we were chatting for hours every evening leading up to our first/only in person date. I knew the week he had his kids would be different but I wrongly assumed he’d be eager to reconnect once they went back to their mothers.

As delicately as I can say it you may be setting yourself up for issues because of the way you compare your past relationships to any new ones. You're so used to constant contact/feedback from the men you've dated and that you've basically immediately become a couple but it's also normal to not respond back immediately and normal not to become a committed constant contact the second you meet. Maybe this guy is just a flake, maybe he had second thoughts, but maybe he didn't. You don't have to wait on him but you also have to temper your expectations. It's not fair to the guys either here. Right now you're assuming the guy is just not eager to talk to you the moment his children are no longer in his care, I'd give more slack.

I'm totally for going on this upcoming date (and actually would suggest you do so) but I also had the viewpoint things aren't so serious in the beginning and for you it seemed that's really all you were used to and now with your updated stuff it's like you put the brakes on anything that doesn't meet the snuff of the past before you give it much of a shot

 

[Disneylover99]

I knew the week he had his kids would be different but I wrongly assumed he’d be eager to reconnect once they went back to their mothers.

How many mothers are there? He sounds like a busy guy.

 

[disneychrista]

As delicately as I can say it you may be setting yourself up for issues because of the way you compare your past relationships to any new ones. You're so used to constant contact/feedback from the men you've dated and that you've basically immediately become a couple but it's also normal to not respond back immediately and normal not to become a committed constant contact the second you meet. Maybe this guy is just a flake, maybe he had second thoughts, but maybe he didn't. You don't have to wait on him but you also have to temper your expectations. It's not fair to the guys either here. Right now you're assuming the guy is just not eager to talk to you the moment his children are no longer in his care, I'd give more slack.

I'm totally for going on this upcoming date (and actually would suggest you do so) but I also had the viewpoint things aren't so serious in the beginning and for you it seemed that's really all you were used to and now with your updated stuff it's like you put the brakes on anything that doesn't meet the snuff of the past before you give it much of a shot

I actually am not comparing anything to my past experiences. I was reflecting on how this one WAS going. I certainly wasn't expecting to have such a connection with someone so quickly or so easily. It just felt "right" with him. And why would I NOT think that he would be want to talk to me now that his children are with their mother? That is the precedence HE set up the previous week.

The upcoming date really will be "just a date." There hasn't been hours of chatting, flirting and getting to know each other. There has been a few minutes of talk mostly about beer.


No brakes have been applied. But just how much slake should I give? How much time should I be waiting for him to call before deciding that "he's just not that into you."

 

[disneychrista]

How many mothers are there? He sounds like a busy guy.

Okay so I forgot the " ' " One mother. Two teenagers.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I actually am not comparing anything to my past experiences.

You literally said

I don’t have any real “dating” experience. This is all very new to me. My previous relationships were just that. We went out on a date and were a couple from that time on. There wasn’t any waiting to see if he’d call to ask me out again. We saw each other virtually every day.
It seemed like that was how this was going too.

All your relationships, per you, were like this.

Don't take it as a harsh criticism here, I'm just trying to say it's not fair to the guys here either (and I'm speaking generally) if you're so used to instantaneous talking that when you don't get it you're outta here.

But just how much slake should I give? How much time should I be waiting for him to call before deciding that "he's just not that into you."

See, I certainly wasn't saying you should be waiting and waiting for the guy. Remember I'm of the opinion you should go on more dates, I think you should take a less serious route and just enjoy dating (totally my opinion). I'm just saying you texted the guy on Father's Day weekend, he didn't get back to you immediately (like all the other guys you've been in a relationship with) and so you're like "next this guy doesn't like me bye". When I said slack I meant ease up expectations but I wasn't just meaning this guy. These are modern times you don't have to wait for anyone (but that's really my point).

I think this is just a difference of opinion. You seem to be in it for instalove for lack of a better word. I'd say with all the past discussions you've had on the DIS about your relationships and online dating/dating app I'd take a more fun, less serious route at least right now and see where things lead. Just enjoy the experience instead of thinking "he didn't text me within 3 days I really thought we had a connection but I was wrong" kinda vibe. Maybe you're right and he's not into you, but I wouldn't make that my default reaction when he doesn't get back to you in the timeframe you're used to that's all.

 

[low-key]

Okay so I forgot the " ' " One mother. Two teenagers.

Christa sounds like you did everything right. Including the father day text, but when you didnt here, I agree move on, beware and decide what you are going to do, after he strikes out a bunch and give you a "whats up" text, its coming

 

[disneychrista]

You literally said


All your relationships, per you, were like this.

Don't take it as a harsh criticism here, I'm just trying to say it's not fair to the guys here either (and I'm speaking generally) if you're so used to instantaneous talking that when you don't get it you're outta here.
See, I certainly wasn't saying you should be waiting and waiting for the guy. Remember I'm of the opinion you should go on more dates, I think you should take a less serious route and just enjoy dating (totally my opinion). I'm just saying you texted the guy on Father's Day weekend, he didn't get back to you immediately (like all the other guys you've been in a relationship with) and so you're like "next this guy doesn't like me bye". When I said slack I meant ease up expectations but I wasn't just meaning this guy. These are modern times you don't have to wait for anyone (but that's really my point).

I think this is just a difference of opinion. You seem to be in it for instalove for lack of a better word. I'd say with all the past discussions you've had on the DIS about your relationships and online dating/dating app I'd take a more fun, less serious route at least right now and see where things lead. Just enjoy the experience instead of thinking "he didn't text me within 3 days I really thought we had a connection but I was wrong" kinda vibe. Maybe you're right and he's not into you, but I wouldn't make that my default reaction when he doesn't get back to you in the timeframe you're used to that's all.

When I said :

It seemed like that was how this was going too.

It was based on how things were going with THIS relationship, not previous ones. If we had just gone out on the one date without the hours of chatting, flirting, getting to know each other, then it would be okay "his loss" move on. But we did share that.I am sure if we lived closer we would have likely gone out on several dates not just the one.


I never said I AM DONE! I said the ball is in his court because IT IS.


And yes I do expect a response to a text after three days. Why shouldn't I? Yes not getting a response does make me things I was wrong about the connection, why wouldn't it?


My intent when I joined the online dating site WAS to go out on a few fun dates, nothing serious. I was SHOCKED that I did find a connection (or so I thought) with someone so quickly, so easily. I kind of wish it had stayed more casual, fun.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Was there a discussion about how you like to be contacted and how often? I see that you talked a lot but people get busy too, this was a special weekend too, who knows.

I don't think you need to wait around for the first guy, go have fun on this next date!

I mean this in a non-rude way at all so please don't see it as rude, I would see that as clingy to me if I can't get some breathing room every now and then and have the person understand that.

You can be lucky but you also should keep it all open too

 

[disneychrista]

Christa sounds like you did everything right. Including the father day text, but when you didnt here, I agree move on, beware and decide what you are going to do, after he strikes out a bunch and give you a "whats up" text, its coming

Thanks @low-key. I think you might be one of the few that understand having a connection with someone when you haven't really gone on many real "dates."

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Thanks @low-key. I think you might be one of the few that understand having a connection with someone when you haven't really gone on many real "dates."

That's unfair to say IMO. People posting here doesn't mean they haven't been in your shoes. Maybe they have been and they are just giving you their advice. You did create this thread asking about online dating and I guess you've been candid in the past on here. People can still support your journey through the trials and tribulations of online dating and also give different perspectives.

 

[disneychrista]

Was there a discussion about how you like to be contacted and how often? I see that you talked a lot but people get busy too, this was a special weekend too, who knows.

Actually there was. I flat out told him that I was "needy" and that I will want to monopolize all his free time. He seemed to really like that idea. When I asked about his custody schedule his response was "glad you are interested."

 

[disneychrista]

That's unfair to say IMO.

Actually given @low-key 's current relationship status it is VERY fair to say.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Actually there was. I flat out told him that I was "needy" and that I will want to monopolize all his free time. He seemed to really like that idea. When I asked about his custody schedule his response was "glad you are interested."

Ahh this sounds more like he liked the idea of being wanted.......but you really meant no I'm dead serious I will text you a lot and I need reassurance that you're still in it. I think a lot of people like the former (if we're honest with ourselves lol) but dislike the latter (or it ends up being too much).

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Actually given @low-key 's current relationship status it is VERY fair to say.

I was meaning because you said he may be one of the few. He might understand (and I wasn't calling into question him at all), but there are others that can too, in other words there may not be just a few. Just a random thought because I was reading the conversations of the last couple of pages.

 

[low-key]

I was meaning because you said he may be one of the few. He might understand (and I wasn't calling into question him at all), but there are others that can too, in other words there may not be just a few. Just a random thought because I was reading the conversations of the last couple of pages.

hey no offense taking none of us know what the guy is thinking, but I would tahink even of i was bust, I coupd type back, thnaks you, been bussy i will get a hold of you n the next week. As for him being lonely and might rethink it, I know I have done that in the past, she might want to give him another chance, I was just saying be ready for a text to come out of no wear, if we want to be spontaneous, we must think about it weeks in advanced LOL

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I would tahink even of i was bust, I coupd type back, thnaks you, been bussy i will get a hold of you n the next week.

That's a good point. Sometimes we don't think in the moment to do that but that is definitely something he could have done

 

[disneychrista]

Ahh this sounds more like he liked the idea of being wanted.......but you really meant no I'm dead serious I will text you a lot and I need reassurance that you're still in it. I think a lot of people like the former (if we're honest with ourselves lol) but dislike the latter (or it ends up being too much).

I actually don't text a lot. In fact he was the one who usually initiated out conversations.

I am still not sure what is wrong with expecting communicating with someone you are dating?