Online Dating

[Piglet99645]

"Lets get together and meet for some air".

Right?

It’s so much more polite than “let’s meet in a public space for a limited time so I can evaluate whether I want to spend more than 10 minutes with you.”

It also replaces “let’s meet for drinks” which is kind of rapey.

One could also just accept that it’s a socially acceptable turn of phrase and 99.9999% of people know what it means. And nobody is going to force coffee down your throat.

 

[disneychrista]

It also replaces “let’s meet for drinks” which is kind of rapey.

Why is meeting for drinks rapey? That is my go to suggestion (meet for a beer) because breweries are a hobby of mine and I feel comfortable going to the local breweries.

 

[Piglet99645]

Why is meeting for drinks rapey? That is my go to suggestion (meet for a beer) because breweries are a hobby of mine and I feel comfortable going to the local breweries.

Didn’t mean to offend. Just meant that many of us don’t want to drink alcohol on a first date. I had a guy insist on meeting me at a bar instead of a coffee shop. I declined.

having been in college in the 80s, I just prefer not to drink with strangers. I’m not saying “nobody should ask to meet for drinks.” Just suggesting “coffee” may be a safer option to not scare a woman off. Ymmv

 

[disneychrista]

Didn’t mean to offend. Just meant that many of us don’t want to drink alcohol on a first date. I had a guy insist on meeting me at a bar instead of a coffee shop. I declined.

having been in college in the 80s, I just prefer not to drink with strangers. I’m not saying “nobody should ask to meet for drinks.” Just suggesting “coffee” may be a safer option to not scare a woman off. Ymmv

Not offended. Just don’t understand how having a drink with someone equals rape. One could spike your vanilla latte just as easily as your red wine.

I totally understand being cautious. But to me there is nothing inherently more risky with having a drink or coffee or ice cream with someone.

 

[Piglet99645]

Ok. Not going to argue.

 

[disneychrista]

Ok. Not going to argue.

Not arguing just a difference of opinion.

 

[The WDW 3]

How did this turn into a date rape thread?

 

[Piglet99645]

Ok. Just to clarify I said “rapey” not that it “equals rape.”
https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/rapey
Rapey is informal for “Sexually aggressive or inappropriate in a way that causes fear or unease.”

Having a potential date insist on meeting at a bar causes me fear and unease. This has happened to me.

I didn’t intend to take this thread on a dark turn.

 

[Piglet99645]

How did this turn into a date rape thread?

I feel like any thread on the internet that has more than five pages eventually goes off the rails.

 

[disneychrista]

Having a potential date insist on meeting at a bar causes me fear and unease. This has happened to me.

I’d agree with this. Suggesting and insisting aren’t the same thing. I recently suggested meeting at a brewery and was countered with the park. I would never insist on a bar/brewery and am always open to suggestions for different locations. Anyone who INSISTS on a specific location including a specific coffee shop would give me pause.

 

[disneychrista]

I feel like any thread on the internet that has more than five pages eventually goes off the rails.

This is just a tangent. Just like the saying too much earlier. All relevant to the topic at hand.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Just meant that many of us don’t want to drink alcohol on a first date.

You know I get this part even if I don't share the opinion. But if you don't want to drink alcohol that's not the same as the environment making you uncomfortable. So I guess were you really meaning a bar scene makes you feel uncomfortable or gives off a certain impression of what the date is about?

 

[Kittyblue]

I think if I was on the market and dating I'd prefer to meet for a drink, might help with the nerves.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think if I was on the market and dating I'd prefer to meet for a drink, might help with the nerves.

half-way joking here but if I were to meet for drinks I'd be wondering what the guy's impression of me ordering a porter or stout versus a light beer or wine

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

was countered with the park.

Now that would make me a little uneasy. It would also make me wonder if the person was a cheapskate and didn’t want to spend money on a drink.

 

[Kittyblue]

half-way joking here but if I were to meet for drinks I'd be wondering what the guy's impression of me ordering a porter or stout versus a light beer or wine

Ha! That would be me, too. I like wine but in beer I prefer dark beers.

 

[Kittyblue]

Now that would make me a little uneasy. It would also make me wonder if the person was a cheapskate and didn’t want to spend money on a drink.

Good point, I wouldn't have thought of that...

 

[The WDW 3]

I feel like any thread on the internet that has more than five pages eventually goes off the rails.

so true LOL

 

[The WDW 3]

a Bar is a perfect first date spot

 

[disneychrista]

half-way joking here but if I were to meet for drinks I'd be wondering what the guy's impression of me ordering a porter or stout versus a light beer or wine

I wish wonder that too with me suggesting a brewery vs some place with wine or fruity drinks. And that I am more inclined to order a stout vs a Blue Moon. In the end I am looking for someone to go brewery touring with me. So if they don’t like it then they wouldn’t be a good match.

Now that would make me a little uneasy. It would also make me wonder if the person was a cheapskate and didn’t want to spend money on a drink.

I did think it odd. To meet at a park first, then potentially for a drink or whatever. We didn’t end up doing either.