Online Dating

[La Tomate]

I actually did this with one guy I was planning on meeting up with. I found out that he was just as he was presenting himself. The only “skeletons” were things he had already told me about. He also knows/knew someone I worked and he told me to ask her about him but she left a few months ago.

That's great!
I did the online thing long enough that I encountered several cheaters and liars. Even bumped into one and his wife in a supermarket. It was kinda funny, I'd already accused him of still being married and then there we were, at either end of a checkout. I just looked at him, and he knew. Hahahahaha! Rumbled!

 

[La Tomate]

I do not have a presence online. The only thing that comes up if I Google myself (which is something everyone should do now and then) are the obituaries for my parents. Nothing else (and I wish those didn’t). Perhaps that’s why I don’t go out much. But then I see things like the recent giant LinkedIn hack that compromised most of their users, and I am OK with that decision.

I do look up potential dates, as much as I can since I don’t use much social media.

Yah, I am online, but I don't have real information anywhere. I do google myself to make sure nothing is "out there". Not only to protect me, but my kids also.
Stupid people who cheat aren't smart enough to hide their tracks 100% ;-) and I would rather not waste my time. I have my kids and hobbies. One is genealogy. I'm pretty good at tracking people down, alive or dead ;-) hahahahaha!

 

[La Tomate]

I agree overall, so long as the sources of this info seem legitimate enough. Facebook and Twitter are ripe for drama so I wouldn’t put it past some people to start false rumors. Verifying marital status is pretty straightforward though.

I’m sure there are some folks out there who work in fast food yet they have a profile photo of themselves posing in front of a Ferrari, as numerous claims about their life don’t hold up to scrutiny. Worse if they photoshop themselves in various vacation destinations and it’s painfully obvious (indoor shot of themself pasted onto a nighttime shot of the Eiffel Tower with a stock photo watermark in the corner. “Oo-la-la, having such a blast in Frenchland!”)

To amend to my post about background checks: I’m curious if some dating sites don’t already do this, or provide some sort of filtering. (“Uncheck this box if you prefer not to date sex offenders in your area!”). I mean if sex offenders have to notify the neighbors, do similar rules apply to certain social media and dating sites? Unless authorities actually prohibit or monitor internet activity for these offenders.

Yah, usually I check out the wife's profile men usually have less on theirs... But you can find stuff... :-D but I've also found guys on news sites and stuff. There's been some corkers.

I was on POF and actually volunteered for them, investigating profiles ... The thing is... They're only investigated if the profile is flagged first. I don't believe they vet for anything beforehand.

 

[disneychrista]

I was on POF and actually volunteered for them, investigating profiles ... The thing is... They're only investigated if the profile is flagged first. I don't believe they vet for anything beforehand.

What kinds of things do the profiles get flagged for?

 

[Piglet99645]

I’m not sure there is any other way to meet people any more. Lol.

my rules:
1. First meeting is only coffee. You don’t want to be trapped at dinner with a bad match.

2. If they won’t meet me at a book store coffee shop, they weren’t right for me anyway. (If the date is a bust at least I can get a new book)

3. Make sure a friend knows where you are when dating someone new. Check in when you are safely home.

4. Check your local court website for info. (People with a criminal history or domestic violence are disqualified from dating me. Also good for verifying divorces. So many men on dating sites are married).

5. Trust your gut.

I have made lots of friends from one-time coffees ... so that’s something. Pretty sure I’m gonna die alone, though. Lol.

 

[La Tomate]

What kinds of things do the profiles get flagged for?

Sexual content, pics with no faces in them, people annoyed with someone , suspected catfish, etc. It was kinda interesting, as I do genealogy it was just another form of people sleuthing at times.

 

[disneychrista]

Pretty sure I’m gonna die alone, though. Lol.

Me too! Two planned meetings this week were canceled. One wasn’t really a good match anyway due to him living over an hour away but I went in saying if I was chatting with someone and they asked to meet I would. The other has a teenager who he splits time with so that wasn’t likely to work anyway. A third is still a possibility but I’m not sure as our meeting keeps getting postponed but we are still messaging. So who knows what that’s about.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Sounds like a naughty Angie’s List of names to cross reference against those dating site search results. That’s one way of doing one’s dating homework!

Well I did find out someone lives a couple streets away that attempted to distribute heroin/certain stimulants soooo guess there's that (although I'm not in the dating game lol). I have said people would be surprised what goes on in nice neighborhoods..

I can't say that it crossed my mind to do these searches if I was in the dating game but it also seems like it's mighty useful to be able to look it up at the same time.

 

[Piglet99645]

Me too! Two planned meetings this week were canceled. One wasn’t really a good match anyway due to him living over an hour away but I went in saying if I was chatting with someone and they asked to meet I would. The other has a teenager who he splits time with so that wasn’t likely to work anyway. A third is still a possibility but I’m not sure as our meeting keeps getting postponed but we are still messaging. So who knows what that’s about.

That last guy is never going to meet. Cut him loose.

 

[disneychrista]

That last guy is never going to meet. Cut him loose.

That is my feeling too.

 

[White Cat]

I’m not sure there is any other way to meet people any more. Lol.

my rules:
1. First meeting is only coffee. You don’t want to be trapped at dinner with a bad match.

2. If they won’t meet me at a book store coffee shop, they weren’t right for me anyway. (If the date is a bust at least I can get a new book)

3. Make sure a friend knows where you are when dating someone new. Check in when you are safely home.

4. Check your local court website for info. (People with a criminal history or domestic violence are disqualified from dating me. Also good for verifying divorces. So many men on dating sites are married).

5. Trust your gut.

I have made lots of friends from one-time coffees ... so that’s something. Pretty sure I’m gonna die alone, though. Lol.

What if they don’t drink coffee? I’ve never tried it, don’t care too. Why do people always say meet for coffee.

 

[Piglet99645]

What if they don’t drink coffee? I’ve never tried it, don’t care too. Why do people always say meet for coffee.

They can have whatever they want. Or nothing. The point is it’s in a public place and not a big time commitment.

 

[Piglet99645]

https://www.bustle.com/articles/143687-9-reasons-meeting-up-for-coffee-is-the-best-first-date-idea

all of this.

 

[disneychrista]

What if they don’t drink coffee? I’ve never tried it, don’t care too. Why do people always say meet for coffee.

I think the point is to meet in public and doing something that is conducive to conversation.

 

[fla4fun]

What if they don’t drink coffee? I’ve never tried it, don’t care too. Why do people always say meet for coffee.

I go to Starbucks with friends and never get coffee. There are always a few other choices, such as tea, fruit juices, etc. Not liking coffee can even be the conversation starter, of different likes and dislikes when it comes to food and beverages. For example, if I started talking about food and they LOVED seafood and ate it several times a week, I would know that wasn’t a good match as I HATE seafood and prefer not to be around it at all.

But the entire premise is to do something that is a minimal time investment in a public place. If the two of you are getting along well and want to extend the date, you have the option of going out to eat afterwards, but if the date is a dud, you can just go your separate ways.

 

[Piglet99645]

I haven’t read this entire thread so if it’s a repeat I’m sorry. But every time I go to DL with my kids I think “THIS is where I could probably find the perfect guy for me.” Lol.

Ogas needs a singles night.

 

[White Cat]

I go to Starbucks with friends and never get coffee. There are always a few other choices, such as tea, fruit juices, etc. Not liking coffee can even be the conversation starter, of different likes and dislikes when it comes to food and beverages. For example, if I started talking about food and they LOVED seafood and ate it several times a week, I would know that wasn’t a good match as I HATE seafood and prefer not to be around it at all.

But the entire premise is to do something that is a minimal time investment in a public place. If the two of you are getting along well and want to extend the date, you have the option of going out to eat afterwards, but if the date is a dud, you can just go your separate ways.

Yes I understand Starbucks has more than coffee. It’s just people say “meet for a coffee”. They assume everyone drinks it. They should just say meet in public. But that’s so obvious it no longer needs to be said.

 

[disneychrista]

Yes I understand Starbucks has more than coffee. It’s just people say “meet for a coffee”. They assume everyone drinks it. They should just say meet in public. But that’s so obvious it no longer needs to be said.

The same with saying meet for drinks.

I’m just going to start saying a beer, coffee, ice cream or whatever.

 

[TippyThomas]

"Lets get together and meet for some air".

 

[Scouter]

I took the advice here and checked up on a guy I started a very brief conversation with, that only messaged me early hours and asked to go on Whatsapp. When I searched him on FB his name came up first search so I'll bet he'd tried to look at mine. But his profile said he was in Indonesia, not nearby me where he mentioned and his profession date started on July 7th, 2021. I'm betting he just made up that profile so not even messaging him back to say no thanks.