Online Dating

[Scouter]

You shouldn't have to pretend at all. Clearly maybe I'm wrong about that, but to my mind you shouldn't.

Well, there may be a hint on my one profile that has questions you can respond to in your profile and one was " I'm convinced that....." and I wrote "I'm going to die someday"
That should be an indicator, but so true as how many other things can you be convinced of?

 

[Scouter]

But I digress, lets get back to disneychrista's dating situations! I'm just toying with the idea.
Take it away disneychrista!

 

[disneychrista]

But I digress, lets get back to disneychrista's dating situations! I'm just toying with the idea.
Take it away disneychrista!

No this has been a great tangent. I am probably an over sharer as well. I’ve gotten a little better in not sharing ALL the details but if you ask me something I’m going to answer you openly and honestly. The current guy I’m talking with asked me a question and I honestly told him I’d hoped to not go there so soon but since you asked and I said I’d be open & honest here’s my answer. It didn’t scare him off. He seemed genuinely interested. If anything with him my hesitation on some things caused more concern than my “over sharing.”

 

[Scouter]

No this has been a great tangent. I am probably an over sharer as well. I’ve gotten a little better in not sharing ALL the details but if you ask me something I’m going to answer you openly and honestly. The current guy I’m talking with asked me a question and I honestly told him I’d hoped to not go there so soon but since you asked and I said I’d be open & honest here’s my answer. It didn’t scare him off. He seemed genuinely interested. If anything with him my hesitation on some things caused more concern than my “over sharing.”

That's great!

And I agree that it was a good subject to hear opinions.

 

[Mysterian]

I meant to address this yesterday:

Nah. Secrets is just another word for problems.

Not every secret is a problem.

But there are some who bury "problems" in the basement, and THEN they become secrets.

 

[BrianL]

I meant to address this yesterday:


Not every secret is a problem.

But there are some who bury "problems" in the basement, and THEN they become secrets.

Ha ha! No, your right of course. This kind of got covered in all of the back-and-forth, but I wasn't meaning that every secret is a problem, but just trying to encourage the other poster not to invent secrets just because as it's just complicating matters. I know people here are very literal sometimes, but all I meant was that you're fine as you are. That doesn't apply to Michael Myers of course!

 

[Mysterian]

Ha ha! No, your right of course. This kind of got covered in all of the back-and-forth, but I wasn't meaning that every secret is a problem, but just trying to encourage the other poster not to invent secrets just because as it's just complicating matters. I know people here are very literal sometimes, but all I meant was that you're fine as you are. That doesn't apply to Michael Myers of course!

No secrets here: I admit that 75% of the reason I wanted to address your post was just to make a Michael Myers joke!

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I know people here are very literal sometimes, but all I meant was that you're fine as you are.

That sounds like a personal jab at a particular person

 

[BrianL]

That sounds like a personal jab at a particular person

Hi, Heigh-Ho - please don't read into it. It wasn't meant to mean anything other than that sometimes on a message board - yes, even this message board, that people sometimes don't interpret a casual, conversational tone the way it is intended. There is a tendency to seize on certain words and the spirit of what is being said is lost. It happens, and while I am somewhat puzzled by it, I also recognize that my communication style can contribute to the confusion. Everything I have said on this thread was meant to be encouraging to a few others who come at this topic from what is obviously a different perspective. It was never intended to attack those who have the opposite perspective - only to say being different isn't necessarily bad.

That's all I ever meant to say and I apologize if anyone has taken that as a slight toward them. You're all my friends here - I never meant to cause any strife. ☹

 

[Heigh-Ho]

Hi, Heigh-Ho - please don't read into it. It wasn't meant to mean anything other than that sometimes on a message board - yes, even this message board, that people sometimes don't interpret a casual, conversational tone the way it is intended. There is a tendency to seize on certain words and the spirit of what is being said is lost. It happens, and while I am somewhat puzzled by it, I also recognize that my communication style can contribute to the confusion. Everything I have said on this thread was meant to be encouraging to a few others who come at this topic from what is obviously a different perspective. It was never intended to attack those who have the opposite perspective - only to say being different isn't necessarily bad.

That's all I ever meant to say and I apologize if anyone has taken that as a slight toward them. You're all my friends here - I never meant to cause any strife. ☹

Thank you for clearing that up! I'm sorry if I sounded harsh I just saw you make a comment to someone about taking your comment very literal and then you made a later comment that people are very literal sometimes so I apologize if I made that connection in error and jumped to a wrong conclusion

I don't think you meant to cause strife either!!

 

[BrianL]

Thank you for clearing that up! I'm sorry if I sounded harsh I just saw you make a comment to someone about taking your comment very literal and then you made a later comment that people are very literal sometimes so I apologize if I made that connection in error and jumped to a wrong conclusion

I don't think you meant to cause strife either!!

I get it. I think it's just that my tone is being lost. I am trying to be a bit playful, but it's not coming through in typed responses. I either have to be that way when it comes to the subject of dating or face the crushing reality of it all. I don't mean it to be acerbic or depricating - excepting possibly toward myself.

 

[Scouter]

No secrets here: I admit that 75% of the reason I wanted to address your post was just to make a Michael Myers joke!

I'm so awful at keeping secrets! I cannot become a serial killer, I would tell everyone!

 

[La Tomate]

I've been lurking and following along, nomming on my popcorn...

... I am Gen X, and tried online dating for a few years following my very long marriage ending - it was a huge eyeopener. I learned may red flags etc. and I'm now mostly jaded and disappointed in what passes for single 'men' in my area.

One thing I can add is this:

Smart! But no I hadn't. Maybe I will next time.

ALWAYS GOOGLE, and check them on LinkedIn, and Facebook etc. Always do it. Fact check. Some people said I was "spoiling the magic" - no, I was finding out if they were a lying son of a biscuit before we went on that date, and that I was going to be safe.
And if you find he's married on Facebook? Consider contacting the wife. I've also contacted the wife if he claims to be poly, to find out - no - he's not - he's just a cheating d!ckb@g.

Homework: learn terms like "ghosted", "benched", "breadcrumbing", "negging", and "submarining"
it's a whole new world and lingo.

 

[disneychrista]

ALWAYS GOOGLE, and check them on LinkedIn, and Facebook etc. Always do it. Fact check. Some people said I was "spoiling the magic" - no, I was finding out if they were a lying son of a biscuit before we went on that date, and that I was going to be safe.

I actually did this with one guy I was planning on meeting up with. I found out that he was just as he was presenting himself. The only “skeletons” were things he had already told me about. He also knows/knew someone I worked and he told me to ask her about him but she left a few months ago.

 

[Scouter]

And if you find he's married on Facebook? Consider contacting the wife. I've also contacted the wife if he claims to be poly, to find out - no - he's not - he's just a cheating d!ckb@g.

 

[Nick6300]

My wife and I met online. And her besty interrogated me for a bit on her laptop, during a chat. It was pretty coincidental when the 2 of us were about an hour a part, but our folks had homes under 3 miles from each other in a little, no traffic lights, 1 diner town. We're headed up there to visit both parents next weekend (from out of state).

 

[fla4fun]

ALWAYS GOOGLE, and check them on LinkedIn, and Facebook etc. Always do it. Fact check. Some people said I was "spoiling the magic" - no, I was finding out if they were a lying son of a biscuit before we went on that date, and that I was going to be safe.

I do not have a presence online. The only thing that comes up if I Google myself (which is something everyone should do now and then) are the obituaries for my parents. Nothing else (and I wish those didn’t). Perhaps that’s why I don’t go out much. But then I see things like the recent giant LinkedIn hack that compromised most of their users, and I am OK with that decision.

I do look up potential dates, as much as I can since I don’t use much social media.

 

[Mysterian]

I've been lurking and following along, nomming on my popcorn...

... I am Gen X, and tried online dating for a few years following my very long marriage ending - it was a huge eyeopener. I learned may red flags etc. and I'm now mostly jaded and disappointed in what passes for single 'men' in my area.

One thing I can add is this:



ALWAYS GOOGLE, and check them on LinkedIn, and Facebook etc. Always do it. Fact check. Some people said I was "spoiling the magic" - no, I was finding out if they were a lying son of a biscuit before we went on that date, and that I was going to be safe.
And if you find he's married on Facebook? Consider contacting the wife. I've also contacted the wife if he claims to be poly, to find out - no - he's not - he's just a cheating d!ckb@g.

Homework: learn terms like "ghosted", "benched", "breadcrumbing", "negging", and "submarining"
it's a whole new world and lingo.

I agree overall, so long as the sources of this info seem legitimate enough. Facebook and Twitter are ripe for drama so I wouldn’t put it past some people to start false rumors. Verifying marital status is pretty straightforward though.

I’m sure there are some folks out there who work in fast food yet they have a profile photo of themselves posing in front of a Ferrari, as numerous claims about their life don’t hold up to scrutiny. Worse if they photoshop themselves in various vacation destinations and it’s painfully obvious (indoor shot of themself pasted onto a nighttime shot of the Eiffel Tower with a stock photo watermark in the corner. “Oo-la-la, having such a blast in Frenchland!”)

To amend to my post about background checks: I’m curious if some dating sites don’t already do this, or provide some sort of filtering. (“Uncheck this box if you prefer not to date sex offenders in your area!”). I mean if sex offenders have to notify the neighbors, do similar rules apply to certain social media and dating sites? Unless authorities actually prohibit or monitor internet activity for these offenders.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I mean if sex offenders have to notify the neighbors, do similar rules apply to certain social media and dating sites? Unless authorities actually prohibit or monitor internet activity for these offenders.

Do they have to notify neighbors? Interesting tangent for this thread but still. I know in my state you can look up those registered within a certain radius but to my knowledge they don't have to notify the people living next to them. When we had our house built they gave the information about being able to look up.

This made me actually go look (thanks for that lol) and my state also provides drug, violent, multiple, and general offender categories.

 

[Mysterian]

Do they have to notify neighbors? Interesting tangent for this thread but still. I know in my state you can look up those registered within a certain radius but to my knowledge they don't have to notify the people living next to them. When we had our house built they gave the information about being able to look up.

Might depend on the state or circumstances, I don’t know. Any sex offenders here care to speak up? Ha!

This made me actually go look (thanks for that lol) and my state also provides drug, violent, multiple, and general offender categories.

Sounds like a naughty Angie’s List of names to cross reference against those dating site search results. That’s one way of doing one’s dating homework!