Omg...my friend's dad hit on me

[car55]

Trust your gut feeling . Be careful. I know this may be hard, but if he is constantaly bothering you, and a polite approach is not working. Other people and agency's may have to get involved. Good Luck.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this guy. Some guys love the chase and believe that they can "catch" anyone.

My first piece of advice to you: don't ever let anyone intimidate you whether personal or professional. You are going to encounter tons of people that are going to try to bully you with this make believe power or even some that do have some strings to pull. Don't ever cower or think that they can run your life because they can't.

Second, get used to having unappropriate guys hit on you and put you in awkward positions. It's more about power than about sex. They love a challenge and a chase. You are going to have to get some spine and quit trying to play the victim card. I'm not trying to say this in an ugly manner but it's true.

Avoiding the calls and changing the number could possibly work if there weren't so many people in this equation. You could tell your parents but you also need to learn to deal with these situations. You'll have people's husbands from work hitting on you or possibly your boy friends buds and even the occasional girfriends man. It happens and this is a challenge to learn to deal and get some assertiveness. Good luck, it's not always easy but you have to learn and sounds like your first encounter is a biggie.

The first time it happened to me, I was 23 and it was my college prof's husband. I was completely in shock when it happened but when he tried to touch me again at a different time I let it be known in no uncertain terms that if he ever talked to me, looked at me or put his hands on me that he would wish he hadn't.

The last time it happened was during this past deployment and it was my boss's husband. He was hinting around at how lonely he was sure I was and how it's a shame that I'm always alone at such a "ripe" age. Again, I told him in some ugly words that are unlady like but understandable that I would make his life a nightmare if he ever came to my office again.

 

[JerseyBallerina]

I just got off the phone with him. I was as assertive and upfront as I could be but it didn't seem to phase him. I told him to stop calling me, that I didn't want to have any type of relationship with him - professional or personal. He basically laughed and said I was overreacting.

He kinda apologized for the comments he made at dinner. He said he was sorry if he offended me, which doesn't really mean that he was sorry he said it. I told him it didn't matter because he already said it. Then he said that he thought I was interested in him! He said I always flirt with him and now that he acted, I'm a tease. I asked for an example of when I flirted with him and of course he couldn't come up with one because it never happened. All he said was, "You know, you were there."

The conversation was ended abruptly because he had another call to take but I think he's seeing that I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You have explained yourself already now you are playing "games" with him.
Do not take anymore calls from him.

 

[XOoOoVEEoOoOX]

I just got off the phone with him. I was as assertive and upfront as I could be but it didn't seem to phase him. I told him to stop calling me, that I didn't want to have any type of relationship with him - professional or personal. He basically laughed and said I was overreacting.

He kinda apologized for the comments he made at dinner. He said he was sorry if he offended me, which doesn't really mean that he was sorry he said it. I told him it didn't matter because he already said it. Then he said that he thought I was interested in him! He said I always flirt with him and now that he acted, I'm a tease. I asked for an example of when I flirted with him and of course he couldn't come up with one because it never happened. All he said was, "You know, you were there."

The conversation was ended abruptly because he had another call to take but I think he's seeing that I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

This statement scares me....sounds like a little boy who had his hopes up for a new toy if you ask me.....

As far as advice I agree with what other people have said about telling your parents..(at least your mom) ..I know if I were in your position my parents would be pressuring me to take the job,(i am also 22) and wouldnt understand my refusal. Also I wouldnt want my parents planning any social gatherings with this man. Too bad he doesnt realize that he has probably ruined your friendship with his daughter, I know that if something like that appened to meI would probably distance myself from her, just to avoid being invited over to her house or anything.

 

[Puffy2]

Jersey, I haven't read all this thread, just the first page.

Look, if all this is true (the inappropriate talk, and offer of "internship") then it's time to stop screwing around and handle this one like a grown up.

Tell your mom exactly what happened (don't care if it gets "blabbed all over town" - that's the risk HE took.) and if you are ever in his presence again (or anyone else that you don't want advances from) when he makes inappropriate remarks or actions you MUST be assertive, loud and direct. "Mr. X, you are completely out of line - back off!" and give him the "bad eyes".

If you are still a minor, this might even be a crime depending on the laws in your state (and if he is an attorney, he knows it).

Young women usually don't know how to handle these situations, that's why the creeps prey on them in the first place, duh! What they aren't expecting is for the young lady to stand up for themselves like a 30 something would. Show him you can do it!

 

[Kath2003]

Then he said that he thought I was interested in him! He said I always flirt with him and now that he acted, I'm a tease. I asked for an example of when I flirted with him and of course he couldn't come up with one because it never happened. All he said was, "You know, you were there."

He's just trying to shift the blame onto you.

But you know what - even IF you stripped butt naked and pole danced for him, he is an adult who is responsible for his own actions. And his responsibility is to his wife and children, regardless of who looks at him, flirts with him or literally throws themselves at him.

He knows exactly what he's doing so ignore the BS.

 

[Robinrs]

I just got off the phone with him. I was as assertive and upfront as I could be but it didn't seem to phase him. I told him to stop calling me, that I didn't want to have any type of relationship with him - professional or personal. He basically laughed and said I was overreacting.

He kinda apologized for the comments he made at dinner. He said he was sorry if he offended me, which doesn't really mean that he was sorry he said it. I told him it didn't matter because he already said it. Then he said that he thought I was interested in him! He said I always flirt with him and now that he acted, I'm a tease. I asked for an example of when I flirted with him and of course he couldn't come up with one because it never happened. All he said was, "You know, you were there."

The conversation was ended abruptly because he had another call to take but I think he's seeing that I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

Why are you still listening to this fool?? Do you REALIZE that all of these conversations are part of his ploy???

Don't try to overthink this... do not talk to him anymore. Everytime you take one of his calls he's put another check mark on his conquest. Unless it's what you want...???

 

[Serena]

Do NOT talk with him. Do not argue with him, do not defend yourself, do not speak to him at all.

Do not take his calls. If he happens to get ahold of you again, tell him not to call again and hang up. Do not wait for an answer. If he calls again, do not answer, do not speak, hang up.
If he sees you in public, Walk away, do not wait until he has a chance to speak with you.

He is a slimy worm in all aspects. You do not owe him anything, you do not have to be nice for your friend's sake either.
QUIT BEING NICE. I know, I've had to fight it myself on occassion.

 

[agnes!]

I just got off the phone with him. I was as assertive and upfront as I could be but it didn't seem to phase him. I told him to stop calling me, that I didn't want to have any type of relationship with him - professional or personal. He basically laughed and said I was overreacting.

He kinda apologized for the comments he made at dinner. He said he was sorry if he offended me, which doesn't really mean that he was sorry he said it. I told him it didn't matter because he already said it. Then he said that he thought I was interested in him! He said I always flirt with him and now that he acted, I'm a tease. I asked for an example of when I flirted with him and of course he couldn't come up with one because it never happened. All he said was, "You know, you were there."

The conversation was ended abruptly because he had another call to take but I think he's seeing that I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

(BOLDING of quoted post mine.)

I'm with other posters...

DO NOT TAKE HIS CALLS.

Also, what he said? His "defense" & shifting the blame to you? That is the classic defense of an abuser. "You made me do it."

Again...DO NOT TAKE HIS CALLS.

Also, when you become a lawyer, you will be entering a world where there are a lot of men. This instance of inappropriate behavior won't be the first, you need to learn how to deal with a guy(or woman) who doesn't want to take No for an answer.

agnes!
PS - I just have to say this again...ewwwwwwww.

 

[mickeyboat]

O.k. I think you have handled it as well as you could by telling him you are not interested. As far as you are concerned, it is over. So stop taking his calls, stop getting into positions where you will meet socially or professionally, and let it go. The more you worry and let it fester, the worse it will be for you.

Yes what he is doing is creepy, yes he is a slimeball, but I don't think it rises to the level where you need to alert your parents or his wife.

Good luck with the rest of college and law school!

Denae

 

[JerseyBallerina]

He literally called me five times in the past ten minutes. I have to keep my phone on because I'm expecting a call from a friend. My seventeen year old brother has been more mature when a girl blows him off.

 

[Serena]

He literally called me five times in the past ten minutes. I have to keep my phone on because I'm expecting a call from a friend. My seventeen year old brother has been more mature when a girl blows him off.

Are you anywhere where you can find out how to block his calls?

 

[JerseyBallerina]

My phone is so old it doesn't have that feature. That's what I get for not willing to spend money on a new, cool phone.

 

[Serena]

When you get a chance, call the phone company and see if they can do it. Or maybe someone knows how you can get it done.

Just make sure you don't answer.

 

[Chicago526]

He literally called me five times in the past ten minutes. I have to keep my phone on because I'm expecting a call from a friend. My seventeen year old brother has been more mature when a girl blows him off.

This is starting to sound like stalking behavior.

Definatly don't talk to him again, period. If he keeps calling or trying to contact you, you may need to consider getting a restraining order.

I feel you should tell your parents at this point, he may try to get to you through them, like inviting himself over for a visit or something. Plus you don't want them giving info about you out to him.

 

[kaybracon]

I think at this point if you do answer his call, it should only be if you have your mom/dad listening in. If you don't trust their reaction, maybe it should be your friend.

Unfortunately, by his comment that you have been flirting with him, unless you get a reliable witness to hear him talking candidly to you, he is going to turn it all around and make you look like the baddy. No, you haven't flirted with him, but he's a dirty old man and probably has a lot of experience in manipulating women (like his wife) and twisting things to get what he wants.

Or.... have you ever seen the Seinfeld episode where a girl lures George to a hotel room, has him take off his clothes, playfully handcuffs him to the bed, and then takes his clothes and leaves?

 

[harleyquinn]

Does your phone that he called 5 times in 10 minutes? That's powerful information right there. There is no sane reason for him to do this, so I think you would have proof of his behavior if the phone shows how much he is calling.

I would also save every message he leaves just in case.

I can't believe he's still doing this after the last conversation you had.

I think you should hang out with your friend sometime soon and show her how often her dad is calling you...but then you'd have to tell her what's going on and I don't know if you should do that.

Good luck! at least you have us and your BF to vent to!

 

[JerseyBallerina]

Or.... have you ever seen the Seinfeld episode where a girl lures George to a hotel room, has him take off his clothes, playfully handcuffs him to the bed, and then takes his clothes and leaves?

I wish. That should teach him.

Like you said, he's already turning this around so it's my fault so I have no doubt he'll blame me when he has to explain himself to everyone.

 

[GolfCrazy]

You are very foolish if you don't tell your parents at this point. If he's not willing to let this go, you might just need their support. Why don't you just let your Mom read this thread?