oldest moved into a college dorm today, help

[Tiggeroo]

I am having a really hard time with this. We live 20 minutes from the state college and dd lived at home for the first year and a half. But it was getting hard to participate in clubs and sports and drive home. So she decided to take an apartment on campus. We just found out a week ago that there was a room, and boom she is gone.
Now we only live 20 minutes from the school and she will be home at least on Sundays on the weekend. DH and I can stop up and visit her, or she will meet me at the mall to shop or something. But I am practically hyperventilating. I spent this past week trying to give her every safety tip I can think of. Imagine what it will be like in another year and a half when the twins go to college. I'm too young to be thinking about empty nest.

 

[FOJMO]

I'll be in your situation in July/August, except our DD18 is planning on living off-campus, in a one-bedroom apt. by herself. She's an only child and is very accustomed to living without siblings and thinks she will have a hard time adjusting to living with others her age.

She's also said that she will be able to concentrate on her studies and work more if she can come and go on her own. We visited several apts. two weeks ago and found one that she put in an application for and was put on a waiting list for July/August. It's really nice and is a gated community after 6PM. People have to call her before they can come in. Plus her apt. has an instrusion alarm.

I know she will do well living on her own -- she's very independent. She'll also learn a lot about finances, rent, security deposits, etc. She is planning on paying the rent as well as her utilities. She will get her Certified Nursing Asst. certificate and hopes to get a job at one of three hospitals right near campus (USF). She's hard working and self-sufficient.

So, I am REALLY facing empty nest because she is our ONLY child. USF is about 30 minutes from home, so she will also be home (if only to see her kitty cats - LOL).

Good luck and try to remember that she is a young adult now. I would also not visit her unless I called first. That will show that you respect her privacy.

 

[Lewski709]

Wow....FOJMO, sounds like the apts I used to work at in Winter Park (Seabrook). The gate is nice, but it didn't work a lot of the time and people could get in even when it did work. The better feature is the intrusion alarm. For peace of mind, we didn't have ANY major problems there....but where there is a will there is a way and crime has no address.

Both of you should feel PROUD of your kids. While I am not there yet, I know this has to be a difficult time.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I feel the opposite as you. I want my kids to move out. I want them to be free from me!
College is such a great time in your life to develop yourself away from your parents but still have some attachment.
I guess look on the positives for your dd when you start to freak out.

 

[MScott1851]

I was in the same situation when I was in college.. and trust me...SHE WILL STILL CALL AND SEE YOU! In many ways, the relationship between me and my mother got better when I moved out. I could leave towels on the floor without her yelling, and she would get to impart wisdom and feel all useful when I would call home and ask how to make cornbread, or what kind of fabric softener was best. It also helped that I was close to home if I needed her, but had somewhere else to go home to when I wanted to choke her.. "I've got to get back to school and study" really saved us from staying together and fighting MANY times...We could share our good times together and still have our own space.

I promise it will be okay... You should call my mother and commiserate...

 

[Tiggeroo]

MysteryMachine - I agree. What I say here is completely different then what I tell my dd. I am the one who encouraged her to get the dorm room. I wanted her to have a more normal college experience. I trust her and am proud of her. It's just hard. I can't picture myself just driving to her apt. and knocking on the door. I would assume I would give her some kind of notice. Just a new thing for me, and trying to figure out boundaries. For the past year and a half while she was in college but living at home I treated her like an adult. But I did know where she was (to some extent) and knew enough to know if she didn't get home when she should (had a car problem or something). She had no curfew and could come and go as she pleased, had her own checking account and credit card, own car, etc. I help with her expenses and college but she is fairly independent. It's the thought that she could go out late at night and not get home safely and nobody would know. It's very strange that I would not know where she is, or be able to ask her how her day was.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok, I get it. Kind of like "seperation anxiety" for adults, eh? Sounds like you have done a great job and you have given her some good wings. Just give it time.

 

[Lynn CC]

{HUGS} to you
Let us know how you cope, I need all the help I can get!